Fantasy Baseball Advice

Derek Jeter left yesterday’s game with a Grade 1 strain of his calf as reported by ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN News, ESPN U., ESPN Deportes and on the ticker at the bottom of the screen while they aired Mr. 3000 on ABC.  Yes, I’m just as bad for even talking about it.  Hey, pot, what’s up?  Kettle, here.  You black?  Whatever, it was a slow day yesterday in fantasy baseball — shoot, Justin Ruggiano was almost the lead.  Member a few years ago when people were talking about how Jeter could get to 4,000 hits?  I’d be surprised now to see him get to 3,400.  Dorian Gray paint is starting to fade.  You read me?  Yeah, you do.  My guess is Jeter will avoid the DL and make us endure more 3,000 hit talk after he rests his veal for a few days.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Russell Martin – Scratched with back stiffness.  See, I’m usually scratched with back itchiness.

Carlos Carrasco – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  If you started him in The House They Built Next To The House That Ruth Built, you deserved this win.  Crazy thing is, Carrasco’s pitching better than his ERA is showing, but, outside of this game, the Ks have been pretty pedestrian.  You ride the lightning in AL-Only leagues; I’d avoid still in mixed leagues.

Justin Ruggiano – 2-for-3 and hitting near .500 in the last week.  Sam Fuld handed off his magic beans to a new past-prime prospect.  So is this on par, ma, for Ruggiano?  Will he melt under the hot lights?  Or will he be solid enough to great?  In Triple-A, Ruggiano had back-to-back years of 15 homers and 23+ steals.  The problem with anyone who’s seeing their first look in the bigs in three years when they’re 29 years old is why.  While why is a question that self help gurus teach to help you keep a conservation going, I don’t particularly want to talk about Ruggiano all that much more.  He’s currently hitting enough to pick up in all leagues, but I don’t think he’s going to keep it going.

Alex Cobb – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks.  This was a better-than-decent start, but right now it looks like Cobb’s headed to the minors after one more start.  Gary Glitter, “That don’t sound bad at all!”

Brandon Lyon – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Now has 8 earned runs since he returned.  Hey, he looks like his old self!  If someone prematurely dropped Melancon from their team, I’d go ahead and make the grab.

Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  The Wandwagon returned from the DL and got immediately back on the right track.

Brett Anderson – Set to rehab for six weeks but will be reevaluated in three weeks. So that puts his next setback around two weeks away.

Ricky Nolasco – 3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 3 Ks and he was pitchslapped by Zach Duke (who took a couple of right crosses too).  I said I wouldn’t touch Nolasco in any league this preseason and I didn’t.  He now sits at a 4.23 ERA and he always seems to push that over 5.  Amazing how much good will he got from one solid year out of five.

Justin Morneau – Time for a daily check-in on this sad robot.  “Tears make me rust!”  That’s Morneau.  He just had an MRI on his wrist.  The Vottomatic comes with titanium wrist joints.  Why’s Morneau having his wrist checked?  He needs to have his head checked.  He probably needs a new operating system.  On Morneau’s player card it says POS:  1B.  The POS is right.

Vicente Padilla – Will miss an extended period of time with neck surgery.  It doesn’t look like he has a neck in this picture of Padilla.

Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a 3.12 ERA, 1.14 WHIP and not the greatest Ks.  You say to me, “Hey, Grey sweet ‘stache, it’s like you have three eyebrows.  Pregunta:  Should I pick up Maholm?”  His ERA will end close to 4 and he has no Ks.  I own him in one H2H league but wouldn’t touch him in most roto leagues.  In H2H, the inevitable terrible start, which is coming, is erased in a week, but in roto you gotta live with your decisions a lot longer.  Wow, I sound like a guidance counselor.

Hunter Pence – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 9th home run.  Now has a 23-game hitting streak.  Or 23 more games than Morneau.

Randy Wolf – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Wolf’s coming in this afternoon’s post about pitchers who are getting lucky, but he was also in the same post last month, so what the FIP do I know?

Jordan Schafer – 2-for-5 with his first home run.  In the past week, he has 6 steals.  He’s an intriguing name in deep leagues.  Just don’t jump out the window until you see how real the fire is.

Vernon Wells – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  As frequent commenter, Terrance Mann, said, “Projections on any significant HRs the rest of the year from HGH Wells are pure science fiction.”

Anthony Bass – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 1 K.  Outside of NL-Only leagues, I wouldn’t touch him yet.  Like Juba’s pizza dough on The Next Food Network Star, he’s too raw.

Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-4 and now has 3 steals in the last three games.  Maybe when he’s in the tunnel to the stadium, Eric Youg Jr. hands him a Pepsi.

Manny Ramirez – The Dodgers owe him $8.3 million in deferred payments.  In related news, the Dodger Dog prices were raised to $17,000 per hot dog.

Manny Ramirez was involved in a trade.  The drug trade!  Many people move to Florida to retire.  Manny just decided to do them in a slightly different order.  Manny said of the sudden retirement, “I’m at ease.  I’m now an officially retired baseball player.  I’ll be going away on a trip to Spain with my old man.”  First, he tests positive for estrogen, now he’s going to Spain with what sounds like a sugar daddy.  Manny’s a kept man!  The Rays suddenly have room for Desmond Jennings… Or Matt Joyce… Or Sam Fuld.  We grabbed Desmond Jennings in one league where we had room for a flyer.  Here’s some of what Grey said about Jennings in the preseason, “DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects.  He’s never had an OBP lower than .360 at any stop in the minor leagues, so I don’t think the bottom is going to fall out on that in 2011.  If he’s getting on base, he’ll be stealing bases and scoring runs, whether he’s slotted leadoff or ninth.  Is he much more than SAGNOF?  Yes and no.  He can be more than SAGNOF for 2011, but, worst comes to worst (or wurst comes to wurst, if you’re German), he’s going to steal bases.  There’s the possibility of him getting 5-8 homers and he has the power for 12.  If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford.  More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford.  Say a Carlford.  You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!”  And that’s us quoting Grey!  In the short term, if the Rays go with Joyce, he has decent pop, but his average will be po’.  Or poor if you’re a completist.  Or poo, if you’re a middlist.  Sam Fuld, who sounds like a cartoon character, can steal 25 bases this year with little power.  Sounds okay, until you break that down to one steal a week and little else.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jered Weaver - 7 2/3 IP with 1 ER, 8 base runners, and 15 Ks.  That’s a Weaver family record!  Even more impressive is that he did this with Bobby Wilson as the catcher – if Jeff Mathis was the catcher, it would’ve been a no-hitter with 25 Ks.

Josh Beckett - 8 shutout innings with 3 base runners and 10Ks….against the Yankees.  Take that Weaver!  It seems like Beckett owns the Yankees but they crushed him last year to the tune of a 10.04 ERA in 26 IP.  So does this mean 2011 Beckett is back to the dominant SP that you would want to actually own on your team?  Not I.  Or is it not me?  Or not we?

Matt Thornton – After Thornton blew his second save, Ozzie tweeted, “Thornton is throws gas like me after a plate of frijoles.”  On Saturday, Chris Sale grabbed the save.  Here’s the thing, and there’s always a thing, Ozzie has no loyalty to Thornton, but Thornton also is better than he’s shown so far.  Don’t think Thornton gets every save and he may get even less than that if he keeps blowing saves, but right now I’d want him then Sale.

Ryan Franklin – Blew his third save on Saturday.  Motte hasn’t been good.  Mitchell Boggs hasn’t been bad but his best attribute is that he’s got the best law firm-sounding name this side of BenJarvus Green-Ellis.  La Russa will probably stick with Franklin for a few more blow ups, but I’d own Motte and Boggs, in that order.

Jaime Garcia – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Another gem on Saturday in spite of everyone saying a regression was coming this year.  Baseball-Reference’s Database had to talk Fangraphs Database down from the roof of a twelve story building.  “It’s not just your FIP.  It’s everyone’s.”

Carlos Beltran – Hit 2 homers on Saturday.  One for each knee he has problems with.

Chris Narveson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Now has 13 straight scoreless innings.  Someone go grab Orel Hershiser off the beach in Jamaica!  Not because Narveson is going to break his scoreless inning streak, but Orel’s really pale, you don’t want him to burn.  Grab Narveson in every single league you have room, you never know where a crazy breakout is going to come from.

Justin Masterson – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks and now has only given up 2 earned in two starts.  Could I have been a year early when I told you to grab Masterson last year?  It’s possible.  Sometimes when I pop out of my DeLorean, I have no idea what year it is.  It’s worth a flyer to see if Masterson can continue his early success, but I have less faith in him, the Indians and AL pitcher flyers, in general.

Russell Martin – Hit two four-baggers on Saturday.  Speaking of a four-bagger, for those who read my e-book, my friend from college, Dirty, was visiting me this week.  So we’re headed to this bar on Friday and he starts telling me about this girl he hooked up with on Tuesday night.  He’s like, “I was hooking up with her and then she starts making out with this girl… Then me… Then this girl….It was so hot!”  Now, my one experience with the bar he was at was seeing a friend’s band perform and there were a lot of lesbians there, so his story sounded plausible.  So I tell him to invite his bisexual girl to the bar we’re going to.  He does, but she has no car or cash.  He’s like, “I’ll pay the forty dollar cab ride for you!”  He’s giddy with excitement.  I’m giddy just to meet her.  He’s built this girl up to the point where I’m expecting Vanessa Hudgens taking pictures of herself.  She texts him from the cab outside, “Come pay for the taxi, I’m here.”  So he walks out while I stay inside the bar.  Fifteen minutes later, he walks in with his tail between his legs and a girl that can be best described as Rosie O’Donnell from the days of Exit to Eden.  She was wearing a denim jacket, a silver chain hanging from her jeans’ pocket and had a shaved faux hawk.  She wasn’t bi-curious, she was a lesbian.  Yeah, he still went home with her.

J.J. Hardy – Sidelined for six weeks with an oblique injury.  I see your appendix and intercostal and raise you an oblique!

Zach Britton – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Another solid start on Saturday.  Because he induces groundballs, his downside isn’t as bad as some other rookie pitchers.  He also doesn’t K a lot of people.  I’d prefer my SP flyer from the NL, but you do what you do, I do what I do and we’ll meet somewhere in the middle like Monie and Malcolm.

Hanley Ramirez – With a deep contusion on his leg, he’s out until Tuesday.  A deep contusion for Hanley is also known as a charley horse.

Ryan Zimmerman – Abdominal strain has knocked him out for a few days.  Zimm loves himself some day-to-day injuries, huh?

Brett Cecil – 5 IP, 5 ER on Saturday.  Hey, you took the flyer, gave him a chance, he touched your naughty bits and left you high and dry.  I’d start to look elsewhere.

Bud Norris – See 1/8th of an inch above…i.e., grab Narveson.

Andres Torres – Strained Achilles – consider him out until Friday.  Now if he has a doctor that stutters, no one will know when he says, “Heal heel!  Heal heel!”  The big problem with Torres coming into this year and his career is he had a hard time staying healthy.  Achilles injuries can linger, says the guy without the medical degree.

Ryan Doumit – Hurdle said he won’t play Doumit in right field or at first when Snyder returns.  I did enjoy Clint Hurdle’s quote about it, “It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan.”  He’s making it sound like he’s doing Doumit a favor by benching him.  This is like when you do the ol’ “It’s not you, it’s me” breakup.

Dan Haren – Got the relief win on Saturday.  In the dugout, the Sciosciapath was seen reading Dusty Baker’s book on managing pitchers, “They Weren’t a High Pressure One Hundred and Eighty Pitches.”

Jose Tabata – Knock Knock.  Who’s there?  Tabata.  Tabata who?  Tabata the Rockies are leaving town because Jose hit 2 HRs and stole 3 SBs in 4 games against them.  It’s been only 10 games but Tabata is showing signs of improvement vs. his rookie year.  He’s walking more than twice as much as last year, flashing more power (only had 4 HR in 400+ AB last  year), and is stealing more (5 for 6 vs last year’s 19 for 26).  While it’s highly doubful he’ll keep up this Bondsian/Eric Davisian pace (32 HR / 80 SBs), a 15/40 season isn’t out of the question.

Rajai Davis – For the love of Rajai!  Davis re-irritated his right ankle on Sunday.  Don’t they have band aids in Toronto?  Damn socialized medicine.  He will likely miss a couple games, just in time for Corey Patterson to appear off the DL, look great for a week or two, and then morph back into Corey Patterson.  This has the potential for the best SAGNOF fight with only CarGo Lite and Nyjer standing in its way.  And if Podsednik ever gets his act together, he can team up with Mike McCoy and the Jays can have a SAGNOF tag team event.

Stephen Drew – 4-for-4 with 3 RBI.  Looks like he’s holding Bloomquist in contempt.

Matt Kemp – That was 5 SBs for Kemp in the 3 game series at San Diego.  Maybe he just visualizes Chris ‘Tall’ Young on the mound.

Fernando Rodney – Just when you think that Scioscia has no respect for Rodney as a closer, he gives him another chance.  Even crazier, he throws a 1-2-3 inning.  Maybe it’s because Walden pitched on Saturday but Rodney had pitched on Friday and Saturday.  Go figure.  I still think Walden will get more saves this year but you’ve got to hold onto Rodney for now.  Sorry in advance.

Yovani Gallardo - 4 ER and 11 base runners in 5 IP.  And only 2 Ks – which makes it 8 Ks in three starts (20 IP).  That’s Buehrlesque.  That’s not good at all for someone who’s averaged over a K an inning for his career.  Maybe he’s saving them up to impress Zack.

Metco – The Mets and Nationals hitters somehow made the quartet of Capuano (8 Ks), Gorzelanny (8 Ks), Marquis (9 Ks), and Chris ‘Tall’ Young (7 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks) look like great pitchers.  If there’s anything to learn from this, it’s not to pick these guys up.  It’s to stream starters who face these two teams.

Jonny Gomes – Slam and legs!

Brandon Belt – Another 0-fer.  That’s 3 for 24 since the big HR in his 2nd game. We had a guy in one of our leagues spend his whole $100 waiver budget on Belt.  Ouch.  Obviously, Belt is better than this but it’s always a crapshoot with rookie hitters.  If you can bench him until he snaps out of this funk or gets demoted, do it.

Eric Bedard - That’s two bad starts in a row for Bedard.  The odds are low that he’ll pitch so poorly the rest of the year.  But that’s because there’s a 90% chance he gets injured and can’t pitch at all.

Some rejected titles for this post were, “Adam’s Appendix Is Dunn,” “Dunn’s Appendix Chooses Worst Of Three Outcomes,” and “Dunn Develops Killer App.”  First Holliday, now Adam Dunn with a busted appendix.  I heard if the doctor gets cold during the surgery, he’s going to snuggle inside Dunn like Luke did with his tauntaun.  Big Donkey only needs 5 days to heal because he already had an axe scar in that area they could re-use.  The turnaround time is so quick now on these surgeries that you have to wonder why it took the Twins so many years to remove their appendix (Nick Punto).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Quentin – 4-for-6, 3 RBIs, 2 Runs and his 2nd homer.  He’s now hitting .500 on the year.  If he can stay healthy, he can have a huge year.  Though that if is the size of Dunn’s appendix.

Juan Pierre – 3-for-6 and his 2nd steal as he was asked to fill-in Dunn’s shoes at DH.  Lucky he didn’t have to wear his pants.

Michael Bourn – Left with tightness in his groin.  Is he now dating Rihanna?

Ubaldo Jimenez – Looks like the pickle juice or whatever medieval cure he was prescribed didn’t work and Ubaldo is headed to the DL until the 17th.  Since he only has a cut on his cuticle, he should be back when scheduled.  If you felt he should’ve been the lead of this post, “Ubaldo’s Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow” is your title.  Maybe instead of pickle juice, he should’ve visited a *pinkie to mouth*  manicurist.

Chad Billingsley – 3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now has a 7+ ERA in Colorado over his career.  If you ever see Bills talking to your girl at a bar, order him a Coors and watch him fall apart.

Andrew Cashner – As reported here first after reading it somewhere else, Cashner is going to the DL with a rotator cuff strain.  Tough break strain since he looked good on Tuesday and I was ready to get on board.

Randy Wells – To the DL with a forearm strain.  That’s not good.  Guessing he’ll be out for all of April.  All these injuries made me think of the Cage The Elephant‘s Shake Me Down, “Not a lot of people left around…”  Mmm-mmm… That’s me humming the words I don’t know.  I love that song.

Alfonso Soriano – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  This is also the third time he’s shown up in five roundups.  If you’re gonna own him, right now is the time.

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  It took me a few years to fully trust Dempster after he moved to starting.  Now that I trust him, he’s going to employ his parachute as he watches me crash to the ground.

Brad Lidge – Charlie Manuel said Lidge should be back around the All-Star break.  His exact words were, “Lidge an ornery spitfire who wants to go piking by July.  Now where in my overalls did I put that straw I like to chew on.”

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Word is the Sawx are giving Salty until June to hit.  They’re obviously more patient than me, I’m giving him until next week.

Willie Bloomquist – 2-for-5 and his 5th steal.  Emilio Bonifacio called, he wants his crazy fast April start back.  Potatoes to chips, if Bloomquist was doing this in the middle of the season, you wouldn’t even know about it, unless you were Willie Bloomquist Jr. and your dad forced you to watch all his at-bats.

Stephen Drew – Plans to return to the starting lineup on Friday.  My anticipation level for Drew’s return is above my next visit to the dentist but way below when Dustin reveals on The Real World to his roomie/girlfriend that he used to do gay porn.

Yunel Escobar – 3-for-3 when he had to be lifted because of dizziness.  He was waving air into his face and jumping up down and I thought Travis Snider farted in his direction, but I think it happened on Yunel’s headfirst slide.  Not sure, I’m not a doctor.

Austin Jackson – 0-for-5.  I’ve been saying he’s not that good since last year and it looks like he’s finally coming around to my way of thinking.

Ryan Raburn – 1-for-2 as he snuck onto the field in Boesch’s jersey.  Geez, what did Raburn do?  Complain about Leyland smoking in the dugout?

Alex Avila – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with the very rare slam & legs from a catcher.  Despite having such a good night, Miguel Cabrera is hesitant to hang out with Alex Avila because of his initials.

Armando Galarraga – 7 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Eh, I’d give him a stiff-Armando off my team.

Joakim Soria – 1 IP, 4 ER.  In the offseason, he abandoned his nickname, The Mexicutioner.  He didn’t mention he was adopting the nickname, The Mexican’t.

Jeff Francis – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I’d wait to see 30 more starts from him before picking him up.

Alex Gordon – 2-for-5, 1 RBI including his 5th double.  Yes, you should pick him up.

Carl Crawford – 2 Hits, 2 steals and 2 for flinching when Francona threatened to bat him 7th again.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  If you’re new to the site, I don’t think Dice-BB should be owned in any league that, ya know, wanna win.

Kevin Correia – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now is 2-0 with a 1.38 ERA on the year.  Of course, he’s pitched better than most of the pitchers on my fantasy teams.   Why do you hurt me so much small sample sizes?  That’s what she said!  (Not really.)

Neil Walker – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer.  Then there’s the other side of the small sample size coin.  You wanna believe so bad early hitting stars will hit .400 and homers every other day, but you know it won’t last.  Or at least you should know, unless you suffer from delusional fantasies.

Alberto Callaspo – 2-for-4, 2nd homer and hitting .450 on the year.  I’m the first to think he’s Callaspoo, but he’s hitting, so, yeah, grab him for your MI spot.

Mark Trumbo – 3-for-4, hitting .286 so far.  He’s played in 5 of 6 games, but hasn’t hit for power yet.  But II, The Return of But, he could start hitting for power.

Erick Aybar – Strained oblique.  In your face, intercostal!

Tim Stauffer – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.  Hodgepadre:  Start in Petco, don’t get them wet and don’t, under any circumstances, feed them after midnight.  So who feed Stauffer after midnight?

Nick Hundley – 1-for-3, HR.  Not sure how much you need a catcher, but Hundley’s the Padres best hitter right now.  I know how sad that sounds.

Ryan Howard – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs, 2 Runs and his 2nd homer.  He’s now batting .524.  Yeah, he looks done.  Glad some ‘perts were ranking him in the 4th round.

Jose Contreras – Got his first save and received a 35% off discount at the movies.

Mike Pelfrey – 2 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K as he couldn’t keep the bats off the Pelfrey.  I wouldn’t own Pelfrey with your team.

Tim Lincecum – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 13 Ks.  He made the Padres hitters look even worse than they normally do!

Brian Wilson – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Returned and looked like he shouldn’t have.  Hopefully it’s just him brushing the cobwebs off the gimp outfit.

Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks and the conshellation prize.  Frequent commenter, Eddy, brought up an interesting stat, Volquez’s first inning ERA is 31.50, the rest of the way (8 IP) 2.25 ERA.

Ian Desmond – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs as he may have just cemented himself back in the leadoff spot.  This is why you don’t overrate 5 games of play.  Or a week.  Or a month.

John Buck – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a triple.  I’m guessing here but I feel like Buck gets more triples than any other catcher.  That Buck is a hustler!

Mike Minor – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Getting roofied by Minor and I feel like how Jeffrey Jones looks.  Oh, well.  He was probably only up for one start.  I’d lose him for now.

Jeremy Hellickson – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I try and stay away from AL rookie pitchers, but let’s remember some stuff I said in the preseason… You know, six days ago.  I said Hellickson would win the ROY and I dropped this Hellickson fantasy on ya.

Manny Ramirez – Maddon sat Manny because he was pressing.  Surprised no clouds formed when Manny’s warm air pockets of pressing met with his cool air pockets of indifference.

Okay, so it’s not the best 2011 fantasy baseball team, but, man, that title sings, right?  This is the best 2011 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2011 fantasy baseball and top 300 for 2011 fantasy baseball.  If I choose Miggy Cabrera at number one, I can’t take another player until the 24th pick, then two players, then 24 picks, then 2 players and so on until the end of the top 100.  Just like a snake draft.  It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Halladay in the first round and I was able to take Longoria and Howard, but since they’re both in the first 12, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both.  Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken.  People tend to look at team need over value.  So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks, rather than every 24 picks.  That’s to account for the wide margin between ADP and where players are drafted.  Finally, because there is so much latitude amongst the last 100, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team.  Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward.  It should still be my ideal team… Or not.  Let’s see, shall we?  Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 Bench.  Anyway, here’s the best 2011 fantasy baseball team:

C:  Mike Napoli (10)

1B:  Miggy Cabrera (1)

2B:  Danny Espinosa (16)

3B:  Adrian Beltre (4)

SS: Jose Reyes (3)

MI: Eric Young Jr. (23)

CI: Ian Stewart (24)

OF:  Andrew McCutchen (2)

OF: Jay Bruce (6)

OF: Colby Rasmus (7)

OF: Manny Ramirez (9)

OF: Adam Jones (11)

UTIL: Brandon Allen (25)

P:  Jon Lester (5)

P: Dan Haren (8)

P: John Axford (13)

P: Daniel Hudson (12)

P: Jhoulys Chacin (14)

P: Chris Perez (15)

P: Craig Kimbrel (17)

P: Mike Minor (18)

P: Jordan Zimmermann (19)

BENCH:

P:  Ryan Madson (20)

P: Jason Motte (21)

P: Rafael Soriano (22)

In fairness to me and you and our planet that Al Gore is desperately trying to protect, I’m not going to be able to get Haren and Lester in most drafts.  It happened here because of where I have Haren ranked.  That’s sorta the thing about doing this exercise.  It’s really just an exercise.  It’s fun though!  For me.  So what do you think of my fantasy fantasy team?  Don’t like it?  Go to the top 300 and make up your own fantasy fantasy team and post it in the comments.  Or not.  Decisions, decisions!

After the top 20 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball, guess what we have here?  The top something-something’s? Cute, random italicized voice.  We have the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball.  That’s right, Wonderful just gave birth to Awesome.  Wanna hear something even awesomier?  I’m going to turn this to 60 then 80.  Hopefully I don’t blow my amp.  The hardest part about writing these 2011 fantasy baseball rankings posts is writing this opening.  Trying to make the clerical stuff sound less clerical, ya know?  Actually, when I point it out, it gets more clerical.  As with other rankings, where I see tiers beginning and ending are mentioned along with my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball:

21. Jacoby Ellsbury – This is a continuation of the last tier in the top 20 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball.  This tier ends at Tabata.  Jacoby should put the nickname D’Ellsbury behind him and bounce back, but he also might be bouncing back from the bottom of the lineup.  As Rico Petrocelli might say, “That’s a not so nice.”  Be careful to not pay top dollar for SAGNOF.  2011 Projections:  90/7/70/.290/45

22. Brett Gardner – He’s that much worse than Ellsbury?  Rhetorical!  I’ve taken part in 2 1/2 mocks so far — really three, but I was kinda hungover during one, so we’ll say it’s half (actually, I am saying it and I’m not we but whatever)  and Gardner has gone near the end of the draft.  What gives?  Didn’t he have a much better year than Ellsbury?  Sure, Ellsbury can be better, but how much better than Gardner?  Oh, and Gardner don’t take no jive from no Western Union messengers.  2011 Projections:  105/7/55/.270/45

23. Jose Tabata – I kinda love Tabata.  I’m having a hard time separating him from Ellsbury and Gardner when you remove their names and just look at their stats.  Okay, all of their stats but their Runs.  But Ellsbury’s an injury risk and Gardner’s a “Are they playing him and where are they batting him in the order?” risk.  At least we know Tabata will play.  I mean, who else are they going to play?  The Pirates will run him out there every game at the top of the order assuming he’s healthy.  And the Pirates offense could surprise.  There, I said it!  2011 Projections:  90/6/40/.280/40

24. Colby Rasmus – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Stubbs.  I call this tier, “I’m enthused about these guys, but what happened to all of the outfielders that are a lock for big numbers?  Seriously, WTF?”  I enjoy a 25/15 outfielder like Rasmus just as much as the next man, woman or dwarf, but where’s the forty home run outfielders?  Where’s the guys that can go 30/30?  As mentioned before, I wish to implement a rule that allows one position each year to use steroids.  The fans won’t know which position it is and then they can have fun guessing.  This year, I’d let outfielders do the honors.  Oh, and not only is Rasmus iffy for 25/15 but there’s a good chance La Russa poisons his oatmeal.  2011 Projections:  95/25/80/.265/15

25. Jay Bruce – I kinda like how Jay Bruce continues to move up the fantasy rankings each year even though he’s still yet to put up a huge season.  People are just dying to make him a first round draft pick.  He hits 35 homers and steals 10 bases and he’ll be there.  The thing is, he can do it.  Oh, man, I’m just as guilty as anyone.  2011 Projections:  85/32/100/.270/7

26. Mike Stanton – Bill James has Stanton down for 38 homers.  You have to appreciate the crazy fanboy aspect to it.  I picture Bill James cutting articles of Stanton out of magazines while watching Big Love and squealing when Harry Dean Stanton appears.  Stanton IS (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) capable of 38 homers, which does make him exciting, but don’t put it in the bag until it’s paid for.  (Also, went over my 2011 Mike Stanton fantasy already.)  2011 Projections:  70/32/80/.250/7

27. Curtis Granderson – His splits aren’t making the first team cheer squad.  Probably my first ranking that I’m really not comfortable with but what are you gonna do with a potential 25+ homer, 15+ steal guy?  If you own him, you’re probably gonna need a bench outfielder to slot in when Grandy is either on the Yanks bench or just facing a lefty.  Even if you sit him vs. lefties, you’re going to get solid production from him.  2011 Projections:  70/25/80/.260/15

28. Adam Lind – I went over Lind in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball post.  (Note:  He only has 16 games in the outfield.)

29. Grady Sizemore – *Grey shrugs*  That’s me answering your pregunta about whether or not Sizemore will be healthy.  He’ll only be 28 years old for the majority of the 2011 season.  It’s not like he’s old like, say, Carlos Belchran.  Sizemore should have some left in the tank if his gams and mollywhoppers are at a 100%.  If I have one single question mark in the first few rounds of my draft, I wouldn’t touch Sizemore.  If I’m pretty confident with the guys I take up front, then I could see gambling on him.  2011 Projections:  90/18/65/.270/22

30. Drew Stubbs – I already sopped up my Stubbs fantasy with a ShamWow.  I almost put Stubbs up above Victorino in the top 20 outfielders.  Oh em gee, right?  I kinda love him, but like my Native American friends I have some reservations.  If Dusty Baker only gives Stubbs 250 ABs, it wouldn’t surprise me at all.  Why?  Because Dusty’s effin’ loco.  If Stubbs hits .210, it also wouldn’t surprise me.  If Baker’s crazy tendencies and Stubbs’ average break right, Stubbs could be a top ten outfielder.  2011 Projections:  95/18/65/.260/32

31. Corey Hart – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from Hart until Huff.  I call this tier, “You’re paying for a career year and you should avoid these guys unless they fall in drafts.”  Let’s see, Hart’s strikeouts went up, his walks went down and his HR/FB% was abnormal.  Sounds terrific.  Maybe you, Hart and Bautista can have a foursome with 1996 Brady Anderson.  You know you like sideburns.  2011 Projections:  70/21/80/.260/10

32. Vernon Wells – Wells’ year wasn’t exactly a career year.  He’s had better.  But that was a long time ago.  Also, his underlying stats aren’t screaming that he can’t repeat his year.  But II, The Return of But:  he’s way too fragile (hey, he’s Italian!).  I wouldn’t draft Wells with your team.  Ain’t worth the headache.  Oh, and the move to the Angels does nothing to his value.  2011 Projections:  60/21/70/.280/5

33. Ben Zobrist – Zobrist also didn’t have a career year last year.  You’re paying for his 2009 career year.  Zobrist’s projections can be found at the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  Go there, Google translate it to French and learn a new language.

34. Aubrey Huff – I’m guessing Huff’s projections are in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  WILD F**KING GUESS!!!  Sorry, lost my shizz there for a second.

35. Torii Hunter – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Lee. I call this tier, “Old is as old does.”  If you draft any of the guys in this tier, you might be over the age of fifty and started your draft prep an hour before your draft.  Hey, I’m not judging.  Cust kayin’.  For those who like word puzzles –> Are E: Double I: Eh.  Hunter’ll get you 18-22 homers and 8-12 steals.  Best thing you can hope for is a hot April and you flip him on May 1st for a slow starting Alexei Ramirez.  2011 Projections:  70/20/85/.280/10

36. Carlos Beltran – Some extra risk involved with this schmohawk but he’ll probably put up the same numbers as Torii Hunter.  That’s more an indictment of Hunter than anything.  Or maybe it’s indicting both on charges of name value meaning more than actual value.  2011 Projections:  75/20/85/.270/10

36 1/2. Vladimir Guerrero – He gets a half because he won’t have outfield eligibility in all leagues. (Only 19 games.  Just missing for ESPN, CBS and leagues that require players to have two knees.)  I think Vlad can be productive again when he’s healthy.  Just don’t know if I’d count on him playing in another 150+ games like last year.  DH, or no DH.  2011 Projections:  75/25/90/.295/5

37. Manny Ramirez – I don’t believe he has 30 homers left in his bat over the course of a full season.  He shouldn’t kill you in the other categories when he’s on the field.  Basically, Nick Swisher with a better average and more interesting hair.  The move to the Rays does nothing to his value, unless he hears where he has to play home games, tries to squeeze himself into an orange juice carton and hurts himself. 2011 Projections:  75/22/85/.300

38. Bobby Abreu – If you think this last tier and a half is boring as dog balls, the top 60 outfielders post is better.  You have my guarantee!  If not, I will refund your money!* (*Offer only good if you didn’t pay any money to me and I don’t have to refund you anything.)  2011 Projections:  80/15/70/.280/17

39. Nick Swisher – He was crazy lucky with his balls batted into play so he just started swinging at everything within ten inches of the plate.  The amount of balls he swung at outside the strike zone went from 17.3% in 2009 to 25.7% last year.  A really terrible sign, but assuming Swish finds his old plate discipline he should be fine.  If he doesn’t, he might hit .220.  2011 Projections:  80/27/90/.250

40. Carlos Lee – Went over Carlos Lee’s projections in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.

40 1/8. Juan Pierre – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the end of this post.  I call this tier, “SAGNOF!”  As for Pierre, see tier name for further explanation.  BTW, Juan Pierre promised to hit his one homer this year on your birthday.  2011 Projections:  85/1/35/.300/50

40 1/4. Peter Bourjos – I have a Bourjos sleeper post already written, but haven’t posted it yet.  See ya this afternoon!  2011 Projections:  70/10/55/.255/30

40 1/2. Michael Bourn – I had a dream where Michael Bourn was drafting a fantasy team and his outfield consisted of Nyjer Morgan, Juan Pierre and himself.  Oh, Michael.  2011 Projections:  80/3/40/.265/45

40 3/4. Nyjer Morgan – Nyjer Morgan had a similar dream but he drafted the girl from Precious, Oprah and Camryn Manheim.  Oh, Nyjer!  2011 Projections:  70/2/30/.260/40

40 7/8. Austin Jackson – Not exactly straight SAGNOF if that’s what you’re into sniffing, but Jackson’s also due for a regression on last year’s average and he doesn’t give that much more than steals.  You say tomato, I say the same but with a different emphasis.  2011 Projections:  85/5/40/.265/30

40 7/8 and a half. Rajai Davis – Um, steals?  2011 Projections:  70/4/35/.290/40

40 7/8 and seven-eighths. Scott Podsednik – If there’s a “Ballplayer’s Wife Is Hot” category in your league, you might want to reach for Podsednik.  2011 Projections:  60/3/25/.290/30