In the next few days, the Diamondbacks are bringing up their top pitching prospect, Jarrod Parker, to work relief. He’s a starter though, so it’ll be “Parker poseur” for all you indie kids out there with dark-rimmed glasses, smoking American Spirits. In 2009, Stephen wrote, “(His) elbow tightness, that caused him to be DL’d on August 5th leading to a visit to Dr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derek Jeter left yesterday’s game with a Grade 1 strain of his calf as reported by ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN News, ESPN U., ESPN Deportes and on the ticker at the bottom of the screen while they aired Mr. 3000 on ABC. Yes, I’m just as bad for even talking about it. Hey, pot, what’s up? Kettle, here. You black? Whatever, it was a slow day yesterday in fantasy baseball — shoot, Justin Ruggiano was almost the lead. Member a few years ago when people were talking about how Jeter could get to 4,000 hits? I’d be surprised now to see him get to 3,400. Dorian Gray paint is starting to fade. You read me? Yeah, you do. My guess is Jeter will avoid the DL and make us endure more 3,000 hit talk after he rests his veal for a few days. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Russell Martin – Scratched with back stiffness. See, I’m usually scratched with back itchiness.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Ramirez was involved in a trade. The drug trade! Many people move to Florida to retire. Manny just decided to do them in a slightly different order. Manny said of the sudden retirement, “I’m at ease. I’m now an officially retired baseball player. I’ll be going away on a trip to Spain with my old man.” First, he tests positive for estrogen, now he’s going to Spain with what sounds like a sugar daddy. Manny’s a kept man! The Rays suddenly have room for Desmond Jennings… Or Matt Joyce… Or Sam Fuld. We grabbed Desmond Jennings in one league where we had room for a flyer. Here’s some of what Grey said about Jennings in the preseason, “DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects. He’s never had an OBP lower than .360 at any stop in the minor leagues, so I don’t think the bottom is going to fall out on that in 2011. If he’s getting on base, he’ll be stealing bases and scoring runs, whether he’s slotted leadoff or ninth. Is he much more than SAGNOF? Yes and no. He can be more than SAGNOF for 2011, but, worst comes to worst (or wurst comes to wurst, if you’re German), he’s going to steal bases. There’s the possibility of him getting 5-8 homers and he has the power for 12. If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford. More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford. Say a Carlford. You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!” And that’s us quoting Grey! In the short term, if the Rays go with Joyce, he has decent pop, but his average will be po’. Or poor if you’re a completist. Or poo, if you’re a middlist. Sam Fuld, who sounds like a cartoon character, can steal 25 bases this year with little power. Sounds okay, until you break that down to one steal a week and little else. Anyway, here’s what else we saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jered Weaver - 7 2/3 IP with 1 ER, 8 base runners, and 15 Ks. That’s a Weaver family record! Even more impressive is that he did this with Bobby Wilson as the catcher – if Jeff Mathis was the catcher, it would’ve been a no-hitter with 25 Ks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Some rejected titles for this post were, “Adam’s Appendix Is Dunn,” “Dunn’s Appendix Chooses Worst Of Three Outcomes,” and “Dunn Develops Killer App.” First Holliday, now Adam Dunn with a busted appendix. I heard if the doctor gets cold during the surgery, he’s going to snuggle inside Dunn like Luke did with his tauntaun. Big Donkey only needs 5 days to heal because he already had an axe scar in that area they could re-use. The turnaround time is so quick now on these surgeries that you have to wonder why it took the Twins so many years to remove their appendix (Nick Punto). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Quentin – 4-for-6, 3 RBIs, 2 Runs and his 2nd homer. He’s now hitting .500 on the year. If he can stay healthy, he can have a huge year. Though that if is the size of Dunn’s appendix.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Okay, so it’s not the best 2011 fantasy baseball team, but, man, that title sings, right? This is the best 2011 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2011 fantasy baseball and top 300 for 2011 fantasy baseball. If I choose Miggy Cabrera at number one, I can’t take another player until the 24th pick, then two players, then 24 picks, then 2 players and so on until the end of the top 100. Just like a snake draft. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Halladay in the first round and I was able to take Longoria and Howard, but since they’re both in the first 12, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks, rather than every 24 picks. That’s to account for the wide margin between ADP and where players are drafted. Finally, because there is so much latitude amongst the last 100, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. It should still be my ideal team… Or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 Bench. Anyway, here’s the best 2011 fantasy baseball team:
C: Mike Napoli (10)
1B: Miggy Cabrera (1)
2B: Danny Espinosa (16)
3B: Adrian Beltre (4)
SS: Jose Reyes (3)
MI: Eric Young Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After the top 20 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball, guess what we have here? The top something-something’s? Cute, random italicized voice. We have the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball. That’s right, Wonderful just gave birth to Awesome. Wanna hear something even awesomier? I’m going to turn this to 60 then 80. Hopefully I don’t blow my amp. The hardest part about writing these 2011 fantasy baseball rankings posts is writing this opening. Trying to make the clerical stuff sound less clerical, ya know? Actually, when I point it out, it gets more clerical. As with other rankings, where I see tiers beginning and ending are mentioned along with my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball:
21.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I already put my feet on your coffee table while typing up my notes on the September call-up hitters and September call-up pitchers. Oh, and I didn’t use a coaster for my forty of Colt 45. Natch! Not too many surprises in the call-ups. The peasant Royals are dragging their feet on Mike Moustakas, not calling him up. What else is new? Carlos Carrasco was called up and got the start. Go Indians, it’s your birthday. I’ll get to Carrasco later on. I’ll fill in a Mad Libs blurb for Wilson Ramos’ call up. I’ll even go over J.P.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Raburn isn’t just some old fashioned name that sounds like a matinee idol from the 40′s. Grandpa, tell me again about the time you were working as an extra in Hollywood and you stole Angela Lansbury away from Ryan Raburn. Well, it all started late one night at Musso & Frank’s. We were all pickled pretty good on Cuba Libres, remember this was before the House Committee on Un-American Activities banned them… So, Raburn hit 2 homers yesterday and is now batting over .400 in the last week and 8 homers in the month of August. He’s starting every day since the Tigers were hit by injuries and the power is for real. In his last full year of ABs in the minors, he hit 20 homers. Last year, 16 homers in 113 games. The average could bottom out, but with 2nd base eligibility there’s no reason not to take a flier on him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. Has now given up only 4 hits in his last 14 innings. Okay, I don’t fully trust him, his Ks are just blahtastic. Neverthehoo! You can’t deny the type of groove he’s in right now and he gets the Royals next time out.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The first time Manny Ramirez went on waivers was before the 2004 season when the Sawx dared any team to accept his $20MM/year contract. No one did and he helped the Sawx win the World Series. Now it’s the Dodgers’ turn. Say goodbye to Mannywood? Could be. If no one dares take him, the McCourts will be fighting over custody of him during the divorce proceedings (You take him…No, you take him…No, you take him to Central Park and let him play on the jungle gym then, when he falls, carry him 20 blocks to the nearest ER). Hopefully for Manny’s sake, the Patron Saint of Bad Contracts (Kenny Williams of the ChiSox) claims him. If Manny goes to a new team, it could invigorate him like a healthy dose of estrogen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Octavio Dotel – In the closerousel in L.A., Dotel recorded the save. Broxton worked a perfect 8th, then Torre threw three relievers in the ninth with none of them being Kuo. Of course not, why would Kuo be used? He was only labeled the closer replacement while Broxton figures his shizz out. Assuming no meltdowns, Broxton will be the closer again soon.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Ramirez will miss at least three weeks with a significant strain of his calf. If he had four teats, he could be a cow. Manny’s been dealing with this calf problem since April. His “doctor” gave him some “fertility” medicine, but Selig and his “rules.” Now Manny has an aggravated calf and impotency. I hope you’re all happy. I’d DL Manny if I owned him. If you don’t have room, I’d just lose him. You guys will see each other again because you love Manny. Otherwise, I’m not sure why you owned him to begin with. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Broxton – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Returned to the role of closer only to get taken out mid-inning because Don Mattingly inadvertently went to the mound twice. A mustachioed Mattingly would’ve never made that mistake.Please, blog, may I have some more?