Bartolo Colon MLB Logo

The night slate is…hrm, how best to put this? Not good for pitching. Like uglier than the dude in the pic above this sentence ugly. If you’re in the eleven game grouping tonight, you’re gonna wonder where the safe arms are. Well, from what I see you ain’t got none and for that reasoning, I’m out here looking for something that feels safe. Plushy, soft, and supple. Something that makes me feel like I could curl up and fall asleep on it’s giant Buddha belly. Admittedly, I don’t like the idea of going to the well over and over against the Phillies because you know it’s eventually got to have a regression to the positive which would be negative for us, but here I am looking at Bartolo Colon for the night. Fluffy, stay puft marshmallow man that he is, Colon is 42 years young and rarely walks hitters. And why would you when your fastball sits at 89.8? All jokes aside, the reality is Colon throws strikes and spots his pitches well…except when he doesn’t. Then he looks like he’s pitching BP. Obvi I’m hoping for the good Bartolo and not the bad one tonight but with a slate full of nasty, his 5.5K price tag makes him appealing as a cash relief so you can pay up for big bats. You get peak Bartolo, you’re getting about 22 points which more than offsets the memory you rostered this. So on this night, realize you only live once and roster a guy who looks like he should’ve keeled over and died ten times at this point. But enough about that, let’s talk about this. Here’s my triple coronary bypass hot taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, that sucked.  It was extra sucky too because I had high hopes for Carlos Rodon‘s start vs. the lifeless Angels.  Like eating Chinese food by yourself and accidentally getting two fortune cookies, then you open them and they both say the same thing, “The highlight of your night will be getting two fortune cookies with the same fortune.”  Like going to the car wash and they give you a deal due to an impending rainstorm.  Only it never rains, false alarm.  But you did forget to put up your window.  Like your parents reconcile their differences, just to yell at you.  Rodon, it’s one thing to disappoint, but to raise expectations first?  Oh man, you are one evil doode with a heart as cold as Clint Hurdle who has a serious attraction to Freese.  Yesterday, Rodon went 1/3 IP, 5 ER with one strikeout.  On the bright side, he upped his K-rate.  “Don’t mock bright sides or I will burn you.”  That’s the vengeful sun.  Rodon had ten straight quality starts, and, unless he’s hurt, we should just treat this as an aberration.  A sick, twisted aberration.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When looking at 1st basemen based on 2015 statistics, it is easy to see this position is elite when it comes to Spread (again Spread= OBP minus AVG). In fact, the average Spread for all 1B who had over 400 ABs in 2015 was .081, which would be near elite at most other positions. Taking that figure into account, I will show you the risers, fallers, targets, and sleepers for this rather shallow position.

(Keep in mind, the format is 12-team 5×5 OBP)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Once, long ago, magic flowed through my brain, producing works of literary phenomena on my trusted and secure Mac Book Pro. These fingers worked more proficiently than Amber Rose’s as she brought Kanye West to orgasm through thorough butt-stuff. It’s been said I was the Vivaldi of fantasy sports writing, so what, you might ask yourself, caused me pull a Nicolas Cage and go from Oscar winner to Oscar Pistorious? Was it the drugs? I suppose that could have played a small role. Was it because my star has yet to rise amongst this plethora of d*ck-limping writers out in the fantasy sports universe? It gets to me, I cannot lie to you my goodmen (and women). But that never stopped me before… hmmmmm, what could it be? What else, but a woman! She told me I “sucked the soul out her butt”, but somehow I was the one who ended up empty and lifeless. What could I do but grovel on the jagged and frigid flooring of the cell she would lock me in at night after pleasuring her? Her juices were literally the only nutrients supplied to my once ripped body. Crippled and weak, I managed to escape one night while she was catching a Friends marathon on Netflix, breaking, nay, slithering out a fourth story window, where I began free-falling to what I believed to be my certain death, only to fall in the back of truck filled with black market Cialis packages. I snorted one, and immediately gained the strength to return to Beddict manor in order to regain my strength. Still, I lacked the motivation to write……

Oh wise and powerful Elder Gods, I am on my knees, begging you to remove these chains of bondage from all my appendages, for I am lost and the goodmen of Razzball desire the old Beddict. I’m no longer entertaining, creative, insanely handsome (okay, that’s a lie), or knowledgeable about fantasy sports. Wait! Hold on, I feel something! Even now, as I type these very words, I can feel the Elder blood beginning to pulsate within my veins, bubbling like Mt. Vesuvius, moments before it’s eruption! F*ck this, 2016 is mine, and I dare any mortal to step in my path!

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight! TAKE HEED!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Howdy Razzballero! Razzballians? Did we ever come to a consensus on a term to identify the loyal followers of this great site? *checks glossary* Hmmm… don’t see one. I do see the term DLzebub though. That one isn’t used nearly enough. He pays me a visit at least a half a dozen times each season. I hate that guy! But it’s a great term and it probably should be used more often, just hopefully not when analyzing the roster that I recently assembled in an industry mock draft that took place on Wed., Feb. 3rd at Couchmanagers.com (smooth transition, eh?).

The format that was used for this draft was a standard 15 team NFBC format, with no bench spots being the only major difference. The starting positions used were 2 catchers, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, 5 outfielders, CI, MI, Util, and 9 pitchers (any combination of starters and relievers). You can check out the results of the entire draft here.

I drew the #11 pick, and my strategy from that position was simple:

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Last week, we looked at Lucas Duda and determined that he might be a player who is being slightly undervalued by the fantasy baseball community entering the 2016 season. This week, I’d like to put Neil Walker under the microscope. You might be thinking, “Neil Walker? He’s as boring as a Ben Stein lecture. Are you a Mets fanboy or something?” That’s a fair question. Maybe that World Series run caused me to hop on the bandwagon. Or maybe all of the hip hop talk in the comments this offseason has me reminiscing about Rakim talking about his queens from Queens. I’m not really sure.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It was a year to remember for the Amazins in 2015. Jacob deGrom, Matt Harvey, and Noah Syndergaard fronted the best starting rotation in MLB. Yoenis Cespedes had a 2nd half for the ages after being acquired at the trade deadline. Curtis Granderson put his forgettable 2014 season behind him and played at an all-star level. Michael Conforto made quite an impact as a rookie following his July call-up. Jeurys Familia was one of the best closers in all of baseball. Daniel Murphy got white hot in October and helped propel his team to the World Series. Who am I forgetting? Oh yeah, there’s that Lucas Duda character. Does he even play there anymore?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After the top 20 catchers for 2016 fantasy baseball, it’s all downhill.  And by downhill, I mean it will pick up speed and start moving quickly.  That really should be what “it’s all downhill” means.  I fixed you, English language, you’re welcome.  The top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2016 fantasy baseball were done the other day too.  I think this is what they call getting you up to date.  I don’t mean that as in, “We have to shave his unibrow into two eyebrows, and maybe have him wear something other than a sports jersey, so he’s ‘up to date’ a girl.”  This top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball goes to about 60.  Every year it seems like it gets longer and more unwieldy like the story you tell people on why you didn’t finish college.  As always, for each player there’s my projections and where I see tiers starting and ending.  There’s the position eligibility chart for 2016 fantasy baseball, and all the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The season is winding down, and honestly, there isn’t much that can be said to help improve your playoff chances at this point. Largely, the last few days of the season come down to grabbing the appropriate streamer options. This post will go up on Saturday, so this may not look wise, but guys like Wei-Yen Chen are typically smart plays. Anyone going up against a lineup that is being “rested,” such as the Yankees following their clenching of the Wild Card, is a smart gamble.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s not a great year to be rooting for Milwaukee and it just got worse as the year progressed. GM fired? Check. Big name star traded? Double check. Big name stars hurt? Triple check. Your mama always taught you not to kick someone while they’re down, but your mama didn’t play DFS. What, were you expecting a ‘your mama’ joke? What is this, 1989? I’m sure your mama is nice, just don’t ask me why she wanted me as a job reference on her resume (subtle maternal insults are the best!). But back to beating on the bad teams…Brewers are bad. Since we started off with a beer analogy, let’s keep it rolling and say this is not Milwaukee’s Best. Or maybe it is? I’m a beer snob but haven’t had that beer so I’ll pretend it doesn’t taste like runny pig bile and give you MB lovers the benefit of the doubt. Whichever side makes me insult you less is the side I’m going for, though, let’s make that clear. Choose your own adventure here and let’s move on to why we talk of the Brew Crew being the pew crew: Andrew Cashner. Would I love to attack the Brewers with a safer option? You betcha. Am I ok with taking this chance at a low end price of $6,100? YUP. So tip a few back as you watch the DK points rack up. Or maybe as you tip a few back it just looks like you’re scoring a lot cuz you’re seeing double. Whatevs, just enjoy yourself. Here’s the rest of my PBR takes for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?