Fantasy Baseball Advice

USA Today might no longer appreciate the insights shared by Larry King in his long-running column but we at Razzball were thrilled when he accepted our invitation to share his thoughts on Fantasy Baseball….

Hello, fantasy baseball fans, in America and abroad! Can you believe another season is over? Way to go, Philadelphia Phillies! One story of the World Series that was under reported is the size of Ben Zobrist’s hands. They’re tiny!…. Philly may be The City of Brotherly Love, but Tampa is definitely The City of the Classy Waitress. Not one sideways glance when you leave a 12% tip….If you only saw one game these playoffs, I hope it was the last third of the last game of the World Series….Feels like yesterday I was watching my beloved Brooklyn Dodgers beat the Yankees in the 1955 series and proposing to my then second wife. Or was it third?…. Thank you, Cliff Lee, for such a tremendous 2008 performance. You have the same name as the computer tech guy in my building that told me I don’t need to wear a baseball cap covered in aluminum foil for good television reception. Goodbye to my telly cap!…. Why don’t blueberries come in other colors? Redberries sound delicious!…. Yesterday I got into an elevator with all-time great, Jeff Reardon. He will make you laugh!….The more I think about it, the more I appreciate spoons….Tough break for the Brewers and their fans, but you can’t blame their skipper, Dale Sveum. Those last twelve games of the season that he managed were the most courageous managed games I’ve ever seen…. I love to eat at Popeye’s!…. With the Rays performance in 2008, I think the Pirates have to be early favorites in ‘09…. Why does wood get so dusty?…. Have you seen “Nights in Rodanthe?” Three words, Gere meet Oscar…. Where did I put my reading glasses? I think this keyboard’s written in Chinese!….

USA Today might no longer appreciate the insights shared by Larry King in his long-running column but we at Razzball were thrilled when he accepted our invitation to share his thoughts on Fantasy Baseball….

Hello, fantasy baseball fans in America and abroad! I can’t believe the season is almost half over. Or is it half-full?…. Aren’t the Rangers something? Milton Bradley should add “Fun For All Ages” at the end of his name…. Why can’t Josh Hamilton play every position and call himself a PitCatch1st2nd3rdShortOutman?…. I’m going to live in a bubble so I reach my 200s…. Willie Randolph’s tenure was short but dignified just like Mickey Rooney…. Was anyone else surprised Miguel Tejada made news for lying about his age? Maybe my third wife had a right to be mad…How come they don’t describe tall players like Chris Young as statuesque?…..Go see Sex In The City. Sarah Jessica Parker is enchanted and I like her nose!… Maybe the Middle East should have Jim Leyland coach it through bad times…. I’d like to make a Fearless Award and give it to Jim Eisenreich….I wonder how you say sprained foot in Taiwanese. I bet it sounds delicious…. Joe Torre just called and said L.A. fans are the greatest in the world…. I think there should be Mount Rushmore for Michael Bourn, Juan Pierre and Willy Taveras — they’re fast!…. Why can’t the cable company call me when I’m not home?…. No, I don’t want any additional stations…. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a post for Razzball.com…. I thought you were Torre calling back to say something else insightful…. I ran into Antonio Banderas the other day, he’s hilarious…. Acorns are my favorite part of trees…. Okay, I’m hanging up on the cable company now…. My fantasy baseball team’s name is Jews Dig The Long Ball and it’s led by Ryan Braun and Ryan Zimmerman…. Why isn’t every color blue?…. I’d love to get stuck in an elevator with Sean Casey and Carol Channing. What a hoot that would be!…. Don’t you think they should go back in time and change the name of marshmallows to yummy-yum-yums?…. Mad About You is the only show I’ll never tire of. If Paul Reiser were a baseball player, he’d be Jorge Cantu because of his inability to do anything wrong….Are grapes and olives related in any way?

USA Today might no longer appreciate the insights shared by Larry King in his long-running column but we at Razzball were thrilled when he accepted our invitation to share his thoughts on Fantasy Baseball….

Greetings fellow fantasy baseball enthusiasts! Let me fill you in on a little secret – I’ve been dominating my leagues since I spent a 10th round pick on a young Rogers Hornsby. Chase Utley might not hit .400 like Hornsby but he makes up for it in moxie….My favorite three nicknames in baseball are Boof, Pronk, and Melky…I wouldn’t trade Johan Santana for all the Little Leaguers in China….Talking about baseball fantasies, whatever happened to Morgana the Kissing Bandit?….I think some people are scared off of fantasy baseball because of terms like sabermetrics and WHIP…The most underrated Ray in Tampa Bay is my grade school chum and stickballer extraordinaire Ray Abbandando. Sandy Koufax avoided pitching to him like he was food on Yom Kippur…I nearly crapped my pants when I heard Albert Pujols had a high grade tear in his elbow but that doesn’t say much….I had Renteria once – nothing Penicillin and a trade couldn’t fix….If I was a scout in Latin America, I’d just sign every player named Cabrera or Ramirez….Look up ‘consistent’ in Baseball Prospectus and you’ll see a picture of Brad Ausmus….I don’t care what his middle initial is, there is no better nine-stat contributor than Chris Young…..Frank Thomas doesn’t look a day over 30….Say what you will but Miguel Tejada brought some class to the position of Oriole SS….If I could pick a coach for my fantasy team, it would be Clint Hurdle….The reason behind Eric Byrnes’s breakout season: suspenders….The best draft strategy is to go to the bathroom beforehand….I’ll say this about steroids. If baseball had the same-sized problem with asteroids, there would be a lot more domed stadiums…Best sleeper pick of all time was Nap Lajoie in 1901…