Fantasy Baseball Advice

Brian Duensing went seven innings with no earned runs, 11 baserunners and 6 Ks.  I almost started him, but he was going vs. the A’s and they’ve hurt me so many times this year.  I think I owned the losing pitcher for every one of their wins.  The rest of the way, Duensing gets the Tigers twice and the Royals once.  Not terrible starts.  The Tigers hitting isn’t as good as their record and the Royals, well, ya know.  Duensing probably won’t provide you with a ton of Ks, but he has solid control and a last name that sounds like an Indonesian prison.  (BTW, his last name may only sound like that because of my new favorite TV show, Locked Up Abroad.  Next time I go abroad, I’m not even going to mule in any exotic fruit.  BTW II, instead of mule, shouldn’t they call these smugglers jackasses?  I apologize to any of our drug dealing readers.  You know who you are.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

B.J. Upton – Didn’t played for three games, then returned to go 0-for-3 in the 2nd game of yesterday’s doubleheader as the Rays fade from the playoff picture.  In September, the Rays have the 2nd worst Run total while batting .214.  Good to know for match ups.

Brad Lidge – You’re the manager of the Phils, let’s call you, Charlie Manuel.  So you’re “Charlie Manuel” and you have a 5-2 lead going into the ninth vs. one of the worst lineups.  Do you go to your ramshackle closer to try to build his confidence or do you go to ramshackle setup man-turned-closer or do you interrupt Brett Myers, who’s in the middle of boxing a kangaroo?  You go to Lidge, who nearly blows the save, and avoid Madson who blew the save on Saturday.

Ryan Madson – For the Phils nightcap, they decided to go with a less-aged scotch and gave Madson the save.

Pedro Martinez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, then he poured out an eyedropper for the dwarfs who weren’t there.

Kyle Davies – 6 IP, 7 baserunners (one hit).  He gets the White Sox next.  It’s not an ideal match-up, but Davies has now thrown four solid starts in a row and shut out the White Sox the last time he faced them in Chicago.

Pete Orr – HR yesterday.  He can cross that off his bucket list.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-5 yesterday, 4-for-4 on Saturday.  Tomorrow… lassoing the moon!

Paul Maholm – 8 IP, 0 ER.  It’s not a September run in the H2H playoffs unless you’re starting guys you don’t trust.  Maholm gets the Padres next.

Lance Berkman – HR yesterday and his third in the last four games.  Waco my airplane…

Tommy Hunter – 9 IP, 2 ER.  And the Rangers are in the top half of the league in pitching.  Zoinks!

Chris Carpenter – 6 IP, 7 ER.  Sorry to talk real baseball, but this start might’ve cost him the Cy Young.

Derrek Lee – Hit his 32nd homer yesterday.  After a terrible April and a yawnstipating May, he hit a random homer in June and I said, “Now has his average up to .253.  I know, big whoop!  But, and I might be alone on this island, I think he’s got a month or two hot streak in him.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Turned out he had about a four month hot streak in him.  Unfortunately, the steals have completely vanished from his game.

Torii Hunter – HR yesterday.  Since I’m looking down at my nuggets to offer up nuggets, when he was at 17/13 on July 3rd, I said, “My gratuity calculator is telling me if you own Hunter, you’ve gotten more production from him than you will if you continue to hold him.” He’s now at 21/16.  So he’s gone 4/3 since early July.  That’s like one week from Robot Jones.

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 2 ER.  After his rough stretch following his perfect game, he seems to be settling down.  He gets the Royals next.

Kendry Morales – 1-for-3, No reason to talk about him here, but this caught my eye.  He’s been caught stealing 7 times and he’s been successful one time.  Elias Sports Bureau said this is the most caught stealings for a guy who shouldn’t be running in the first place.  Actually, they didn’t say that, but something that was overheard this week in the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “For the first time ever, Natalie, in stats research, had a nervous breakdown when Jim, in Human Resources, refused her Mafia Wars invitation.”

Russell Martin – Back to back games now with homers.  Nice of Martin to show in mid-September.

Chad Billingsley – 4 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners vs. the Giants, who are just barely above the Padres as the worst offensive team in the league.  Oh, Billingsley.

Juan Uribe – HR yesterday.  If you need MI pop, he’s poppin’.

Jake Peavy – Thinks he can return by this weekend vs. the Royals.  He said yesterday, “The stamina was definitely better, the sharpness of everything (that can easily beat the Royals), the fastball command (that will strike out Royal hitters), the breaking ball (that the Royals hitters won’t be able to hit), so I’ll be ready to get in a game (versus the Royals) sometime soon.”

Hideki Matsui – 3-for-5, HR, 5 RBIs yesterday.  When he got home, his wife congratulated him.  She’s very animated.

Derek Jeter – 3-for-5, 3 Runs.  Big weekend for Jeter as he passed Gehrig’s Yankee hit record.  Now he only has one hallowed Yankee record left, the Most Times He Has To Defend A-Rod Without Actually Defending Him Only To Later Write A Book Defaming Him.  Record currently held by Joe Torre.

Alcides Escobar, SAGNOF!  Do you need more?  Um, he’s good at defense.  Alcides Escobar stole 42 bases in 109 games in Triple-A this year.  I dropped Trent Aussie Dog for Escobar in a league, because I need steals more than a flier on power.  Have I mentioned Alcides Escobar steals bases?  Lots.  Of.  Bases.   You know who gets hurt here?  J.J. Hardy.  But enough about that schmohawk.  This is a celebration of the new Brewers shortstop.  Cuz who Hardy are, is dim in the light of Alcides Escobar…  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Delgado – Strained his oblique while rehabbing his hip.  Here’s what I do when I get about half way through a bowl of pho.  I wrap my napkin around my chopstick and stick it in the bowl.

Erik Bedard – To have exploratory surgery on his shoulder.  I think the Mariners are hoping to find a few prospects in there.

Jordan Zimmermann – Out for a year or two with Tommy John surgery.  The Lone Nats fan, “But you can’t spell Nationals without two N’s!”

Derek Jeter – Took a non-aptly titled breaking ball off his ankle.  X-Rays were negative.  Which is positive.  Weird!

Randy Ruiz – HR for his 2nd straight game.  When I say Randy Ruiz, you say Randy Ruiz…  Actually, don’t say that, it’s just so… I don’t know, repetitive.  (<–That last line sounds like Alton Brown.)

Howie Kendrick – 2-for-3 as he homered.  Frequent commenter, Simply Fred, correctly pointed out last week that Kendrick isn’t hitting much against righties, then he goes and hits a homer against one, but two of the runs were charged to a lefty, so natch!

Carlos Pena – 2 HRs yesterday, now with 31 on the year.  Over/under on homers for the rest of the season, 13.  Which one are you taking?

Pat Burrell – HR yesterday, has 3 in the last week.  Guess his Hooters VIP card finally came in the mail and he can concentrate on hitting homers again.

Rajai Davis – 2-for-5, with a steal yesterday.  Has a bazillion steals in the last month.  Seriously.  He has 22 steals on the year, but a bazillion in the last month.  Look it up.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs yesterday.   Sure, but Andy LaRoche has their mother’s love.

Trent Oeltjen – 0-for-5, Oh, no!  It’s The Curse of the Razzball Roundup!  I still own him in one league, but Oeltjen is nothing more than an outfield flier.  Remember, if you need to cut bait for someone hotter, lose The Outback.

Tim Lincecum – 8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  The uze there, but I wanted to mention the kind of year the Dodgers are having.  They patchwork together Jeff Weaver, James McDonald and Insert Middle Reliever Schmohawk for the game and they almost win.  Some years it just feels like a certain team’s year.  This year really feels like the Dodgers.  I’m not a Dodgers fan, but I’ve never lived in a city of a World Series (was in England during the Yankee dynasty), so it would be cool if it’s in LA.  Hey, it’s sharing time with Grey! Okay, random italicized voice, moving on.

Hunter Pence – 2 HRs and 6 RBIs yesterday.  Some would think this day was a good season.  Jose Reyes, for one.

Lance Berkman – 2-for-3 with 2 doubles.  Welcome back, Guy Who Looks Like the Host of Man vs. Food’s Father.

Bud Norris - 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks.  It’s the usual refrain.  He’s young and risky.  He was broken down in detail here.

Shane Victorino – 2-for-5 with a HR yesterday.  The best sign was actually the triple.  Good to see The Hawaiian still airborne.

Pedro Martinez – 5 IP, 3 ER.  I actually should’ve predicted this line, because it’s so obvious.  Five innings, three runs.  That’s the best you’re getting from Pedro.  It’s actually kinda of amazing the pub this start got.  He looked a’ight, really nothing great.  I’d prefer Kevin Correia.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  I imagine a lot of people were sonavabenched yesterday by Liriano.  I also imagine the next time out you’ll start him and you’ll be cursing his name.

Garrett Jones – 1-for-4 as he teeters on the edge of being dropped.  He has today in Colorado to do something, then it’s off to Carlos Gonzalez (who homered yesterday).

Troy Tulowitzki – 2-for-4, now has a line of 69/22/61/.278/15.  Hanley’s at 71/17/79/.351/22.  Granted, the averages aren’t even close.  But I don’t look at averages (Guess that’s how I ended up with Mark Reynolds on all of my teams).  Now look at the rest of their lines.  They’re that different?  Cust kayin’.

Kevin Youkilis – He got five games to repent (hopefully he doesn’t have to starve himself), so Casey Kotchman and Mike Lowell will both benefit.  Lowell has three homers in the last two games and Casey has one game played.  But if you need cornerman help, there ya go.

John Smoltz – Said he didn’t want to pitch out of the Boston bullpen.  Immediately, Takashi Saito smelled his armpit.

Tommy Hunter – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Hey, you gotta manage your own teams after all, but I wouldn’t pick him up anywhere.

Ricky Nolasco – 3 1/3 IP, 10 ER.  It could’ve been worse.  Between innings he could’ve been having sex with your wife.

Nick Markakis – 3-for-4, 0 RBIs.  I might have to recant my love for Sparkakis.  He has 13 homers and 3 steals.  If Scott Hairston were a piñata and you hit him with a stick, Markakis plus a homer and 7 steals would fall out.

Yesterday, DeWayne Wise joined other historical footnotes, such as the guy who tried to tackle Hank Aaron as he rounded the bases on 715, Francisco Cabrera and the other 4 guys besides Crispus Attucks that were killed in the Boston Massacre, when he saved Mark Buehrle’s perfect game.  That’s the DeWayne Wise of this video.   I look forward to his next video, Stop Cheering Me!  Okay, so Buehrle is not just a difficult to spell last name.  No, sir.  He’s a perfect game pitcher, um, guy.   So what can we expect of him going forward?  After he threw the no-hitter in 2007, he went right back to being the just-below 4 ERA pitcher he was before and since.  I’d expect the same now.  This perfect game doesn’t do much for Buehrle’s value unless you can convince your leaguemates that he’s suddenly Nolan Ryan Jr.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lance Berkman – To the DL.  What is totally lame, besides me using the word lame, he just pinch-hit on Wednesday.  Why play him at all if he might go on the DL?  Especially when all reports are saying he could’ve played through it.  He could have been back earlier after sitting out the July 21st game too.  Very frustrating.   On the bright side, now everyone has room for Garrett Jones!  *Grey saddles up to a bar*  What’s your name?  Garrietta Jones?  Marry me!

Jordan Zimmermann – Heads to the DL with elbow tenderness.  Even when he returns, his innings will be limited.  You guys had a good run, now it’s time to look elsewhere.

Mark Rzepczynski – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 7 baserunners.  The RZE is really unreliable as a fantasy starter.

Alex Rios – 1-for-3, stole three bases yesterday.  I see what’s happening here.  Can’t give us fantasy value with power so you revert back to your speed.  Very sneaky.

Yunel Escobar – Hit another homer yesterday.  Doode’s out of his mind right now.  If only he didn’t have less speed than the three-hundred pound, Pablo Sandoval.

Jarrod Washburn – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners.  Who is this guy and what has he done with Jarrod Washburn?

Scott Kazmir – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I didn’t start him here and I won’t start him next time out.  At some point, I’m going to have to cut bait, but there’s too much upside for me to do it yet. (I did discuss it with Rudy though, so the time is near.)

Rafael Betancourt – Traded to the Rox as the Indians decide another season is in the books.  Sleep well, Comatose Indians Fan.

Dan Haren – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Hey, it’s after the All-Star break, it’s not like you weren’t forewarned.

Justin Upton – Yesterday, he hit his first homer since July 9th.  Good to see it, but he’s still hitting .167 in July so he has a bit to go before I say he’s fully back.

Phil Hughes – Getting saves now?  Zoinks!  Mariano had pitched in 5 of 6 games since the All-Star break.  Even (fill-in your deity) rested on (fill-in your Sabbath).

Alex Rodriguez – Might be the first time in two months I’ve mentioned him.  (I don’t talk much about the top players.)  Anyhoo, he has three steals in the last three games.  Great sign that his hip is feeling well.

Steve Pearce – 2-for-4 as he played 1st base.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  He’ll be just left of the forward slash.

Ryan Doumit – Third homer in two days.  I see your Miguel Montero and I raise you a Ryan Doumit.

Kyle Blanks – Rudy Jr. hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  Rudy was so proud, he called him up to congratulate him, but Kyle said, “You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu, but it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad… It’s been sure nice talking to you.”  And as Rudy hung up the phone, it occurred to him, he should go grab a beer with Cecil Fielder.

Torii Swelling was almost the title, but with a groin injury… Well, you get the problem.  So Torii Hunter got guillotined in the Sell post last week and now seems to be headed to the DL.  Let them eat cake!  So what to do with the blue state Hunter and his pesky groin?  DL him when the Angels do.  Can’t do much else now.  You shouldn’t sell him for 3 pairs of socks and a Megadeth vinyl record.  Hunter should return in a few weeks.  Luckily, with the All-Star Break, he’ll get a few extra days to recover where he’s not missing any games.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Geovany Soto – Should’ve mentioned this the other day, but I’m only half-cyborg so sometimes I miss things.  Soto’s bothered by an oblique injury (vague!).  Hill should get all the starts prior to the break, then Jake “I am the Fatman” Fox could get starts at catcher after the break, if Soto needs a DL stint.  Right now, it sounds like that will be in order.  (Speaking of which, whenever you see a broken vending machine, walk up to it and scream, “No, you’re out of order!”  People love that.)

Pedro Martinez – Sounds like he’s going to the Phillies.  In his last 48 starts, he has a 4.74 ERA and that was in a pitchers’ park.  On the other hand, he has been solid for Ks even as his career winds down.  On the third hand, he gave up 19 homers in 109 innings last year.  Oy.  I would grab him in an NL-Only league to see if there’s a spark left from the midget era, but I’d hold off in mixed leagues.

David Price – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  I was going to put him on the Buy/Sell for this afternoon, but I think that window has now officially closed.  Eh, maybe he’ll be in the Buy/Sell anyway.  Post time decision.

Roy Halladay – 7 IP, 3 ER.  Aw, poor Halladay owners, he only threw 119 pitches and K’d 8.  Please, I’ll take that every time out from my starters.  I’m looking at you, Shields!

Francisco Liriano – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners.  A commenter thanked me for telling them to sit Liriano yesterday.  And I said something to the effect, “Yeah, but it’s not great you can’t start him either.”  And that’s me potentially misquoting myself!  It’s really not a great place to be, damned if you start him, damned if you drop him.  He is the poison pill.

Joel Pineiro – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks, 3 baserunners.  This schmohawk is having an incredible year and he’s only owned in 10% of ESPN leagues (though 75% of ESPN leagues are abandoned).  I understand everyone’s hestitation, but at some point you just gotta say what the eff, right? Then again, he has 48 Ks in 115 1/3 innings.  As much as I sound like a madman right now, I’d grab Pineiro in mixed leagues.

Manny Parra – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks and only one walk.  Must… Stop… Self… From… Picking… Him… Up.

Rafael Furcal – 3-for-5 yesterday and over .400 in the last week.  About time he started getting hot.  Now hopefully he doesn’t get hurt in the midst of this streak.

Randy Wolf – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 earned runs of support to give Wolf his first Win since May 28th.  If only Michael Jackson could’ve seen it…

Everth Cabrera – 0-for-3, as EverCab committed his 4th error in 24 games.  I have an idea.  Maybe the Padres can trade for Gamel and they can kick the ball to each other.  (BTW, EverCab is the creation of frequent commenter, Tom.  When he said, “EverCab sounds like the name of a crappy band I should have started in Junior High.”)

Nelson Cruz – Sitting so Ron Washington can play the hot hand.  As another frequent commenter, Mr. Baseball said, “At least Torre would bat Cruz 8th.”

Freddy Sanchez – About a week ago, Rudy said to me Freddy Sanchez would probably get traded.  I shrugged, so?  Sure enough, Rudy was right.  Dirty Sanchez may get moved.  I’m still kinda bored by the storyline, but his value might change slightly.  My guess is Freddy Sanchez would not be a number three hitter on a contender.  Shoot, he may not even be a starter.  Though he could end up somewhere and bat 2nd.  Whatevs.

Lance Berkman – 2-for-4 with a homer.  Batting .400 in July after a solid June.  On May 1st, I said Berkman’s a great buy when he was hitting something like .160.  He’s now hitting .277.  Look at the names on that Buy/Sell.  Prescient, snitches!

Jayson Werth – Hit his 20th homer yesterday then tagged Chris Jericho.

Jorge Cantu – As the Marlins hit around Arizona’s Johnny Wholestaff, Cantu finally hit a homer. His first since June 3rd.  Welcome back from your slumpcation.

Edwin Encarnacion – HR yesterday.  And having the 2nd best year for an Edwin!  No, he’s not better than Stewart or Blalock, but he’s worth a spot if you’re hurting at corner.

Jay Bruce – Dusty’s benching him to clear his head.  Citing how well it’s worked for Mags (it didn’t) and Rollins (it kinda worked).  Interesting how in May/June all the rage was to miss games because of dizziness.  Now everyone’s clearing their head.

Given the plum matchup of the Nationals for his first Sawx start, John Smoltz turned the opportunity into prunes with a 4-run 1st inning. But then he started shaking off the rust and gave up only 1 ER and 3 hits in the next 4 innings. So what can be expect from Ol’ Smoltzy? His move to the AL is a blessing and a curse – a blessing in that many of the hitters haven’t faced him and a curse in that it’s the tougher league. His velocity was good given it was his first start (hitting 93+ MPH on the fastball) and his slider and split-finger had some bite. If he stays healthy, he’s definitely worth rolling the dice on. But you may want to sit him during bad matchups until he has a couple good starts under his belt.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw in fantasy baseball:

Geovany Soto – Was reported that he tested positive for marijuana in the WBC.  Going, Going, Ganja!  To be blunt, Soto had an awful start.  He stunk up the joint.  He left his owners hungry.  Now, he’s smoking like he’s hitting .420.

Russell Martin – If Soto was on pot, what has Russell Martin been on?

Jake Fox – HR yesterday.  Fox is worth owning while DH’ing.  He’s crazy like a fox, which is much better than crazy like a Milton Bradley.

Magglio Ordonez – HR yesterday after he shaved his head.  Hey, it worked for Bruce Willis.

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 6 ER.  Did show up on the list of pitchers who may be in for a correction.  I think he’ll be okay, but he’s not an under 4 ERA pitcher.  You knew that, I knew that.  Let’s move on, shall we?

Johan Santana – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Take that Rick Peterson!

Matt Kemp – 0-for-6 with 4 Ks as he batted 5th.  C’mon, Torre, bat him ninth!

Casey McGehee – HR yesterday as he bats .389 in the last week.  After the game, Zobrist tossed him his jersey as he cracked open a Coke.

Denard Span – Returned from the Dizzabled List with a 1-for-2 game and 3 runs scored.

Hanley Ramirez – It’s been a tough year for NL East shorstops and Hanley came out of the gates quite slow (9/2/12/3/.289).  After a typical Hanley May (21/6/11/5/.359), the first 20 games in June netted 0 HR and 1 SB (despite hitting for average and RBI).  So what’s he done in the past 4 games…just 3 HR, 13 RBI, and a SB!  Now at .335 and on pace for about 25/25, he’s back to his rightful place as the 2nd best fantasy hitter after Pujols.

Cody Ross - The one where Ross hits his 13th homer.

Wade LeBlanc – 1 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Seattle crushed Joey.  Bring in Schwimmer!

Wladimir Balentien – Welcome back to, “Who’s your -laddy!”  Vladimir has two homers, but Wladimir hit his third yesterday.  Right now, Wladdy is your -laddy!

Lance Berkman – 2 HRs, 4 RBIs and 1 steal.  With three hits yesterday, he equaled his total for the last week.  Hopefully he has a solid 2nd half.  The numbers say he should.

Derek Lowe – 3 IP, 6 ER.  Sure would’ve been easier to call this one if he was hit hard against the Red Sox last time out.  Since I said two weeks that he hadn’t given up more than 3 runs in over a month, he’s been rocked twice in three starts.  Lesson learned?  Keep big trap shut.

Jimmy Rollins – Benched for two games because of his .218 BABIP.  Funny that the Phillies are saying it’s a mental break when they’re the ones over thinking things.

Antonio Bastardo – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Fitting name.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I’m so done with NL pitchers in AL parks that I benched Cueto yesterday.  Missed a Win, but avoided a WHIPing.

Alex Rodriguez – After battling “fatigue” early in the week, he rested for two days.  Yesterday, he hit his tenth homer.  Now that’s what I call a power nap!

Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 1 ER.  You deserved this line if you had the cojones to start him against the Sawx.  For those playing at home, and I’m assuming besides our incarcerated readers that’s true of most of you, Zimmermann has 69 Ks and 69 2/3 IP.  Hello, beautiful.

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 2 ER.  Not my style to point out the positive with Lee, but all his Win Karma from last year as gone out the window somewhere on I-90.

Eric Byrnes – Out for two months with a fractured hand.  The hand must’ve felt guilty for signing those checks the past year and a half.

Mark Reynolds – 2 HRs yesterday.  Get on the donkey, donkey!

Joey Votto - 4-for-5, HR, 2 R. 3 RBI.  Nothing depressing about that line!