Bryce Harper and Mike Trout were called up by their respective clubs this weekend.  When Bryce left Syracuse for his first major league game, the grand opening of the “Eye Black Isn’t Just For The Ultimate Warrior And Owls” store turned into a Going Out of Business sale.  When Mike Trout left Salt Lake for the Angels, Bobby Abreu’s three year Going Out of Business sale came to an abrupt end.  Bobby, “I still have some seven-pitch walks to sell!”  With Trout and Harper called up, the minor leagues were closed.   There’s no more minor leagues.  In his major league debut, Harper looked like all that and a bag of douche.  Who over the age of twelve flips their helmet off when they’re running?  Wait, is he over the age of twelve?  Definitely more auspicious of a debut than Trout’s (or is that inauspicious?).  (NSFWUYWAAPPH (Not Safe For Work Unless You Work At A Porn Production House):  In case you didn’t see it, Harper roped a double to deep center while someone behind home plate dropped their pants.  (Here’s Bryce Harper’s first major league hit in motion.)  I can’t wait to go to Cooperstown in 25 years and see Bryce Harper’s 1st major league hit.   The curator showing a group of middle school kids, “Here’s the film of Babe Ruth calling his shot and here’s Bryce Harper with a booty call.”  In 50 years, Bryce Harper showing his granddaughter, “There’s your PawPaw getting his first major league hit.”  “PawPaw, are you the one with your ass showing?”  “No, sweetheart, that’s how fans celebrated baseball players when I played.  A great time to be alive.”)  Mike Trout, nor the fans behind him, flashed anything.  Whatevs, I like him better for this year.