Fantasy Baseball Advice

Alexis Rios hit three balls hard and one to the base of the centerfield wall that is a home run if it’s hit anywhere else. Finally, he’s hot. Hopefully Alexis Rios’s slump is done and his hot streak goes straight through the All-Star break and into October. He owes me! The fact that he only has four home runs thus far is an injustice to mankind (not the WWE wrestler who writes the occasional book and wears flannel). Joe Inglett has two home runs! Are you kidding me? Alexis Rios is another two week slump away from me reenacting Celtic Pride and kidnapping him. Stay hot, Rios. You’ve been warned. (BTW, while watching the Rios game, I was eating dinner with my girlfriend–she made a Sloppy Faux, which is a Sloppy Joe with fake meat. Don’t worry, I’m not a vegetarian; she is. And when she cooks, I eat. But I digress within the digression. So Rios hits the ball to deep center and I get excited. Then she says, “So you have real enthusiasm for a guy you have on a fake team?” Hmm… Maybe I care too much.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rick Ankiel - Hit two HRs yesterday. (Am I the only one who wants the Cardinals to go into the 18th inning of a game and bring Ankiel in to pitch?)

Kyle Kendrick - He’s 7-3. Johan Santana called, he wants his win-loss record back. (Here’s my October prediction. The Phils make it to the playoffs and Kyle Kendrick is something like 15-10. Then in the third game of the 1st series, Kendrick is shelled and Joe Morgan says, “Kendrick had a great season, but just didn’t have it today.” Can you hear the vitriol (Word of The Day) in my voice?)

Shaun Marcum - Things went well with Dr. James Andrews. No surgery needed. Maybe I’m a pessimist but to me, visiting Dr. James Andrews is reason enough to be worried.

Jason Isringhausen - Blown save. I don’t think Ryan Franklin should be dropped just yet.

Gary Sheffield - Went 4-for-5. I don’t have any doubt that he wants to play and prove people wrong. Sheff is driven by proving people wrong. Much like Bonds was. However, I think nagging injuries catch up to Sheff before he can show everyone a thing or two. Is he worth a flier? Sure. Just don’t drop anyone you’ll regret. (Hey, that sounds like something I would say in the comments. So that’s me quoting future me!)

Luke Hochevar - Aka the guy whose last name you can’t pronounce went 8 innings and gave up 2 ER. He’s tamed his control problem in his last couple of starts, but I’m not picking him up in any league.

Shawn Chacon - I read the recap of how he attacked Ed Wade, the Astros GM. I also read about their conversation before it all went down. What I didn’t read was what Chacon did immediately after the altercation. Here’s what I think went down post-altercation. Chacon into his cellphone, “Hey, Milton Bradley, it’s Chacon. Did you hear–” “I’m watching Passions.” “The soap opera?” “What do you want, Chacon?” “Well, I just had an altercation and I was looking for some spiritual guidance. It seems–” “Did I mention I was watching Passions?” “Should I let you go?” At that point, Milton Bradley hung up on Shawn Chacon. If anyone knows where Chacon is now, let him know there are people that care about him and to keep hope alive.

Aaron Harang - I’m done making excuses for him. Okay, one excuse — he gave up an infield single then a home run to Joe Inglett(!) that barely got over the wall and hit the foul pole. What’s even more annoying (to me at least), Harang just doesn’t seem like he cares, but maybe that’s the creepy, Lurch-like deep sunken eyes. I hate you, Harang!

Eric Stults - I like Dodgers pitchers as much as the next guy, but I’m not picking up this schmohawk.

Jorge Campillo - Picked him up for this spot start, then I forgot to put him in (a drawback to having lots of teams). Anyway, I’m not necessarily dropping him just yet (though I’m not sure I’ll be starting him next time out against thePhils).

Russell Branyan - Mentioned this in the forums yesterday. Branyan looks like he’s turned the corner back onto K St.

Felix Hernandez - F-Her confirms what I thought all along. He’s not going to make his next start.

John Maine - Finally, someone makes the M’s look like the M’s.

Cristian Guzman - The Nats gave him a contract extension. After the announcement, Guzman said this, “Suckas!”

Carl Crawford - Carlin dead, Jared dead, Carl Crawford alive.  With two home runs yesterday, Crawford is hitting close to .500 in the last 7 games with three home runs. Why is he suddenly hitting? Because I just traded him away in one league. God hates me because I question him with things like, “Why are there more pigeons than pandas?”

Hank Blalock - Hurt his hand and doesn’t know when he’ll be able to return. Really sad stuff. I remember the good ‘ol days when he’d be able to return from a DL stint, play for a week or two then go back on the DL. Now it seems like he’s just going from DL stint to DL stint. *pours out some forty*

The first season of Razzball - a fantasy baseball game where you try to manage the worst team possible - has been quite the trip. Never have players such as Brian Bixler (backup Pittsburgh SS - 41 AB, 0 HR, 0 RBI, .195 AVG) and Kyle Kendrick (he of the 1.81 WHIP) been so celebrated. Never has unforeseen success like Cliff Lee and Chad Gaudin been so derided.

At about the 4 week point, our Razzball leader is baseball card blogger Cards in the Attic with 88 of a potential 120 points (standings here and at bottom, click thumbnail on right for rosters). The Aardvark Trading Company hasn’t been playing scared - he’s leading the league in At-Bats (one of 3 above the 752 pro-rated minimum) and 4th in innings pitched. It’s just that his team is playing like a whole bunch of Billy “Fuck Face” Ripkens. Led by staff aces Matt Morris (3 Losses, 9.15 ERA, 1.98 WHIP) and Matt Chico (4 Losses, 6.04 ERA, 1.55WHIP), the AardvarkTradingCo.Com is setting the pace (or is it trailing the pack?) with 50 out of a possible 60 pitching points.

Yours truly is in 2nd place as my team has cooled off (warmed up?) after a torrid (horrid?) start. Damn you John Denks and Pat Maholm! Rotoprofessor is in 3rd place and our teams are performing quite similarly. We’ve done a bit better in offense with 42.5 and 44 points, respectively, managing some rather low HR/RBI (8/63 and 7/71) and awful (awesome?) batting averages (.237 and .235). Hitting MVP’s include Mike Lamb (1B/3B, .182, 0 HR), Brian Bocock (SS, .172, 0 HR, 2 RBI, 22 Ks), Travis Buck (OF, .154, 0 HR, 6 RBI, 20 Ks), and Cody Ross (OF, .146, 41 AB, 1 R, 0 HR, 2 RBI).

Underdog entry Josh the Non-Blogger has been the overachiever (underachiever?) managing 4th place with a well-balanced squad. Greener On The Other Side and Sweet Lou’s Defunct Baseball Lab have struggled out of the gate with ABs - falling 100+ below the necessary pace (pro-rated 5200 team AB) and seeing their HR nearly double after the adjustments were made. Fantasy Baseball Generals has struggled with a pitching staff that doesn’t realize it is supposed to suck - don’t take my word for it, here is their commentary on it.

Should be interesting to see how the season progresses. It’s a lot tougher to maintain a lead when your best players are the most likely to be benched, demoted or released (see Matt Morris).

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