You’re gonna find this utterly incredible, but, with these top 100 starters for 2014 fantasy baseball, I’ve put out all of my 2014 fantasy baseball rankings. Tomorrow will be the top 100 overall, then the top 400 overall, but that’s just putting everyone in perspective. I’m going to now soak my finger bunions in pickle juice and read a good book. Anyone read the Charles Nelson Reilly autobiography? I hear it’s a real eye grabber. Oh, guess I should finish this post first. As always, my projections are included and where tiers start and stop. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2014 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
R.A. Dickey put up another insane line yesterday — 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 3 walks, 13 Ks. I don’t own him anywhere (of course, I wish I owned him everywhere), but this is the kind of season that’s just fun to watch from a real baseball perspective.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We all need a little wonder, so let me pose a question to you after this clunky intro. Was Matt Cain‘s perfect game the best one game pitching performance in major league history? I pose that question to you, young prematurely balding man, not to answer. Remember, I can’t hear you, unless you scream louder than 200 decibels. I pose this to you to put awe in your heart. A piece of childhood shoved right into your aorta. I’m saying, remove your short-sleeved button down shirt, and let me touch your heart with my question. A 14 K perfect game is kinda hard to top. I mean, I liked Pedro Martinez body slamming Don Zimmer as much as the next man, but the only pitcher to have 14 Ks in a perfect game was Sandy Koufax and he was coming off a Shabbos. Yesterday, was pure shock and “Aw crap, why don’t I have him on one single team?! I love Matt Cain! Bumgarner, you better throw a 15 K perfecto next time out!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Belt – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer in as many games. There’s gonna be some hot schmotatos mentioned further down this post, even a hot thotato, but Belt is an immediate pick up. If he’s clicking, he could be a top twelve 1st baseman, like fo’ reals fo’ reals.Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Sveum told Rafael Dolis that they need him to fill in for Carlos Marmol, he took them way too literally. “So you don’t want me to walk everyone while blowing games? Totally mi mal!” That was Rafael Dolis talking through his translator who speaks Spanglish. “Can we get a translator who speaks English and Spanish…Separately!” That’s Sveum losing his shizz.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is the part of this story that is supposed to grab the reader. I don’t believe in all the handy hullabaloo. I will be too worried about doing it in a fashion that is in the form of an inverted W and having other people critique it and say I am an injury risk going forward.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Todd Frazier went deep twice yesterday. When asked the other day if Frazier would play, Dusty Baker said, “It could be (Miguel) Cairo. I’ve got an idea what guys’ strengths and weaknesses are… We’ll see. It’s up to Frazier. Okay, who switched out my mint toothpicks with splinters! You know my T-picks kill the skunk breath!” Todd Frazier is a damn fine specimen of underachieving-could-easily-be-achieving-if-he-starts-hitting prospect hitting nom-nom. In the minors last year, he had 15 homers and 17 steals, year before 17/14, year before he helped pen Richard Marx’s foray into romance novels, “Hold Onto The Knights.” What can’t he do!? Not sure if that’s rhetorical, but I’ll answer. I’m not sure he can hit for an average over .240 in the long run. There’s a chance Rolen gets Wally Pipp’d even if he returns healthy and that ‘if’ is the size of Hasselhoff’s ego. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks. ERA is at 0.00, WHIP is at 0.57. Dusty Baker said yesterday that the plan is for Aroldis to start someday. That reminds me of a sentence I read recently in Scientific American, “Because of natural evolution patterns, it’s conceivable that pigs will fly someday.”
Vance Worley – Placed on the DL. Went from a match-ups pitcher who could get lit to having an inflamed elbow. Call the fire department!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Heath Bell is giving out two run innings like he’s Daryl Hannah giving out crazy vibes. Yesterday, was the fourth time in 8 appearances this year he’s allowed 2 runs. His WHIP (2.70) looks like an ERA, his ERA looks a perfect score from a corrupt figure skater judge (10.80) and the Red Sox are wondering if he can be their closer. At some point, Bell should be replaced as closer, and, with the way he’s been pitching, that point was about three weeks ago. Astute Razzball reader, “Is Cishek or Mujica the replacement?” I thought you were the astute one. Mujica looks to be the set-up man, but I think Cishek gets first crack. It’s called a hunch, like how Guy Fieri eats a sandwich. As of right now, I wouldn’t drop Bell, but I also wouldn’t put him in my active roster. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Juan Carlos Oviedo – MLB suspended Juan Carlos Ovideo (Leo Nunez) for eight weeks for using a fake identity. No plan to suspend Heath Bell for impersonating Kevin Gregg. In his time off, Leo the Lyin’ plans on snorkeling through Atlantis, talking to his giant rabbit Harvey and hunting Sasquatch.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Yankees got bested by the team that gave Adam Jones away in a chump trade. I mean, yikes with a side of damn. I could even see adding seven a’s into that damn for good measure. Michael Pineda is done for the year with a torn labrum, which only sounds like an injury that a female gymnast would get. Mariners threw him for 340 innings in 2011 and then traded him to the Yankees for their best prospect. Hey, Yankees, say hello to your mother for me! Pineda sounds like he’s done for the year. This is good for teams that drafted him, but had an “Only one Pineda per team” clause. For all other teams that drafted him this isn’t good news. Drop him like a hot Pineda. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Zimmerman – He’s gonna try to hit on Thursday. I kinda hope it goes badly, and I own him. Here’s the scenario I see happening if it goes well: He returns on Friday, reinjures himself and then really needs 15 days from Saturday. At least if his hitting session goes poorly, the Nats can backdate his DL stint. Yes, I’m hopeful for a DL stint. Yes, I’m Googling his address so I can have a “word” with him.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Another week in the books, my fellow pretend baseball heads. The chase for wins continues this week with a stellar group of entries comprised of 9 guys whose combined career starts don’t even equal the other person’s. I can’t even remember what I was doing in 1986 when Jamie Moyer started his first game.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brian Wilson is donzo. I called this one about 48 hours prior. You can put it on the beard…. Goodbye! The crizzappy thing for me is I told everyone to pick up Santiago Casilla to replace Wilson, and I picked him up too. I mean, I literally grabbed Casilla while the trainer was looking at Wilson’s arm on Thursday. So, of course, I dropped Casilla when Wilson was supposedly okay on Friday and Rudy grabbed him on Saturday before I could. *shakes fist* Rudy! No one really knows who’ll follow in Wilson’s non-conformist footsteps. He leaves a long shadow that smells of dirty socks. Sergio Romo has been a great MR for a couple years, while Casilla is rumored to be the favorite and Bochy brought him into the 8th in a tie game on Saturday. The mystery of ‘Who replaces Wilson?’ is trapped inside Bochy’s enormous head. To get the answer, you have move Bochy’s head like one of those wooden labyrinth marble mazes and hope the answer comes out his mouth and not one of the other holes. I’d grab Casilla and Romo, in that order. I actually even grabbed Affeldt for situational saves, but I realized I couldn’t speculate that deep — don’t have the bench room, yo — so I lost him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jacoby Ellsbury – That hard C you heard was the crunch of Brignac falling on a crapton of fantasy baseballers’ (<–my mom’s term!) number one outfielder. Doctors are saying Ellsbury has a subluxation, laymen are saying he has a dislocation of the shoulder, my Asian woman neighbor who’s always working on her lawn said, “Potato-potahto, you’re screwed.” For the next six to eight weeks, he’s D’Ellsburied. If he fails to respond to rest, there’s a chance he’ll need season-ending surgery. I say put a cone on his head and shove him in a dog crate. Gotta respond to that kind of rest. If you owned Ellsbury, you should be able to find steals — SAGNOF!Please, blog, may I have some more?