David Ortiz must not have fed the meter yesterday because he was fitted with a boot. Southie police officer, “You ahr naht above the lah! Now sign my badge for my boy, Tommy.” Turns out Big Papi has right heel bursitis, which is a fancy word that eHow has seven useless articles about that is essentially inflammation.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jason Heyward sat again yesterday in favor of Jose Constanza. I don’t want to shout fire in the theater of Razzball, but this isn’t good. Constanza is making Heyward look like the best seller at the jerk store. Actually, Heyward was kinda doing it to himself.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ed Wade’s Toupee has made it clear that he’s trying to move Hunter Pence in a trade. Why would the Astros want to hold onto their best player? He just gives his fans false hope. False hope is worst than no hope. See every movie John Singleton’s done since Boyz n the Hood for examples of what hope can do to you. Awesome, the guy who did Boyz n the Hood is gonna remake Shaft. No, not awesome. Terrible. Thanks a lot, false hope! Speculation has Pence going to Atlanta, Philly or the Red Sox. Speculation has me excited to own Pence. Shoot, speculation sounds like salvation for Pence. If Pence were a car, I’d put on him a bumper sticker, “Anywhere but Houston.” His RBIs haven’t suffered as much as you might think considering where he is, but it can only get better. And his runs, his lineup protection, potentially his ballpark. I like it. It’s a win-win-maybe win scenario. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kosuke Fukudome – The Indians acquired the Japanese OF to help fill the void left by Korean OF Shin-Soo Choo. Hopefully Fukudome doesn’t get hurt or else they may bring in a Taiwanese Little Leaguer.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Collin Cowgill sounds like a Texas radio personality or a DC Comic character, but is actually the Diamondbacks’ fifth round pick from 2008 that is killing the minor leagues. (That’s the urbandictionary killing, which is actually good. I’m hip, snitches!) In 97 games, 13 homers and 29 steals with a .354 average. It was in the PCL though, where they pump helium into their stadiums. And, now, guess what? Well, he’s getting called up, I mean that’s obvious, isn’t it? Why else am I talking about him? In deeper leagues, I’d grab Cowgill to see if he can translate his power and speed combo to the majors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer. Andrus went 3-for-6, 2 RBIs; Hamilton 2-for-4, 3 RBIs; Napoli 4-for-5; Cruz 4-for-6; Young hit a homer. Frankly, the Rangers scoring summary was denser than David Foster Wallace footnotes.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jeff Niemann has always been a sell in your eyes. The light, the heat… Your eyes. The low K-rate, the walks… Your eyes. The luck with homers per fly balls, the tough division… Your eyes. So why am I saying Niemann’s a buy? Am I sniffing the devil’s dandruff and just need to talk while I rub my gums? Am I going through my blue period filled with self-loathing and blueberries? Nay, horsey. Niemann’s cut his walks, hasn’t been getting lucky this year and his low K-rate is still low. Okay, so it’s not all peaches and cream. But the Rays are also about to go against the A’s, M’s (or the AM’s as in their bats are asleep) and peasant Royals for a few weeks. He might get the Blue Jays in the middle of that run, but you can pay that bridge toll when you get an E-Z Pass, or whatever that cliche is. I’m not Niemann’s biggest fan, but for the next month he should look good… In your eyes. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Phil Hughes – Actually pretty surprised all that Noo Yawk hype hasn’t raised Hughes over the 50% ownership mark. Ya’ll must be still basking in your dirty water dogs and Jeter’s 3,000 hit. “During Jeter’s tremendous accomplishment, when no one was looking, I chipped off a piece of the Pesci pole. Now it’s framed above the coke spoon I used with Dale Berra.”
James McDonald – Some smarter-than-thou commenter pointed out to me that McDonald has 23 Ks in his last 24 1/3 innings while lowering his ERA from 4.86 to 4.15 in the last month. We have the best commenters (except Lance Berkman; he only wants to talk about himself).Please, blog, may I have some more?
They tore down the Lebron ‘Witness’ billboards in Cleveland. If only they waited a year, they could’ve changed them to Kipnis. And pasted it in Kipnis’s face. And, um, covered up Lebron’s body, replaced the basketball with a baseball….okay, scratch all that. Who’s to even say this Kipnis kid is great enough for a billboard and a one-way ticket to Miami in 2019? Let’s see what we know about Jason Kipnis. In Triple-A this year, he had 12 homers, 12 steals in 89 games, a near .900 OPS and his last name sounds like something you’d find at the Passover Seder. Almost every fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term!) loved Chisenhall more than Kipnis. I did too. So far in the majors, the Chisen in the Hall has 2 homers, hitting .235. That’s big to the whoop. I only point this out because Kipnis is no sure thing. He’s young, i.e.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve ignored the Padres number 11 ranked prospect long enough, Jedd Gyorko (3B). Do keep in mind he’s playing in the California League (High-A), yet his numbers are still impressive. In 332 at-bats, he is slashing .367/.433/.642 with 53 XBH (18 Hr, 35 2B), 11 steals and a 60:38 K:BB ratio.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2011 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tommy Hanson‘s line yesterday was one and two-thirds innings and eight earned runs. Yes, you’ve been Pwnson’d. Hanson said he felt dizzy during the game, I’m sure his owners can sympathize. Hanson has an ERA of 4.18 on the year and back to back bad starts. Try and put a pine tree air freshener on that and it still stinks. Going into this year, I steered clear of Hanson. I was legitimately worried about his innings pitched jump from ’08 to ’09. So sell fast right now? Not so fast, Paulo. I’m going under the assumption that you don’t own him because you listened to me in the preseason. Hanson has a tremendous K-rate and his walks have been fine. Even yesterday it was an ill-timed homer to Votto that did him in. Do I think Hanson could still be a risk because of his innings last year? Yup, you betcha. But I’d buy him for 50 cents on the dollar. It depends how cheap you can swindle his dramatized owner. It takes alligator blood to check raise to the bed wetter. Anyway, here’s what else saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brooks Conrad – If you didn’t see the end of the Braves game, you should try to catch the Brooks Conrad homer. Unlike Nix.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In one article about Mike Stanton in The Miami Herald, a longtime season ticket holder, Fran, was asked if any player every matched Stanton’s sheer mollywhopping, pony sticking ability. The gist is no. Fran, at 85, had seen them all too. About Randy Johnson, Fran was quoted as saying, “Wild as any turkey ever got to be. He had that hair, and when he pitched and got sweaty, he had the nastiest head of hair you ever seen.” Now if I worked as a reporter for The Miami Herald, I’d make sure I had at least one quote from Fran in every article. If I could somehow find someone to match her quotey-ness, I’d say the quote was “frantastic.” If another reporter asked me to read their piece and they lacked a Fran quote, I’d say it’s not franny enough. Can we get a interview with Fran? Or should I just call up any retirement home in Miami-Dade County and interview anyone I get on the phone about the Marlins prospects? Mrs.Please, blog, may I have some more?