Let’s all give Scott Sizemore a big “Welcome back.” Well… Let’s give him a medium-sized “Welcome back…” Screw it! Let’s give him a quick “Hey” and a head nod like you give to your sister’s boyfriend that you can’t stand. It’s not like he’s done all that much in his short time in the majors, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — who else are you rocking at your middle infidel spot? Sizemore was hitting in the minors (.408/.495/.605 and 2 homers in 92 PAs). It’s worth the flyer to see if he can translate minor league success to the majors. Who knows? Now that bin Laden’s listening to Gary Glitter’s Greatest Hits in hell, maybe Sizemore can get his bats through customs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Freese – He’s gonna miss nine to twelve weeks. Or the same amount of time it takes to get a 4-year degree from the University of Phoenix. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Around 7 AM on Sunday morning, my smoke detector started beeping every few minutes. Hungover, I rolled out of bed. I figured the battery was low, so I removed it and went back to sleep. An hour later, it started beeping again. So I removed the smoke detector from the wall and it stopped beeping. Then at 3 AM Monday night, it started beeping again. I pulled out my ladder and, like I was defusing a bomb but not caring if it blew up, I indiscriminately cut all the wires from the smoke detector and went back to sleep. About 5 hours later, it started beeping again. I pulled a hammer from my tool box and began smashing the smoke detector. Then I went into my office and did the same to that smoke detector just to make sure. Then I removed the one from my bedroom and did the same. No more beeping…. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Went over the top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball and top 10 for 2011 fantasy baseball. Now, friends, it’s time for the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball. The top 20 catchers are the glass of warm milk right before you go to sleep. Hey, I just drafted Jorge Posada! Snooze. I love Kurt Suzuki this year! Yawn. I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues. Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Chris Snyder? Belch.); some of you might want to know the top catchers. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Napoli. In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them. You can see other top 20 lists for 2011 fantasy baseball under 2011 Fantasy Baseball Rankings. Listed along with these catchers are my 2011 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Tulo!” and now you don’t have baseball or your girlfriend. C’mon, calender, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2010. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Virginia is renaming a city for Stephen Strasburg. An old Yankee reliever is renaming himself Myke Stanton so he shows up again in Google. It’s a brand new day, Sting. You stink POO-holes, however you spell your name. Hanley, don’t wanna run out a pop-up? Have a good life! Change came, nephew. The mollywhopping, pony stick carrying, Mike Stanton is in town. No homers though. Sad trombone. 3-for-5 and a rope to right in his fourth at-bat. He looked fast down the line and absolutely gigantic. Like Frank Thomas big. Maybe it was the 3-D glasses I was wearing. Rudy and I were speaking about Stanton. We agreed. He could hit 15-20 homers and .280. Or he could hit .220. It’s rookie nookie, you gotta decide if it’s worth the blisters. Now for Big Baby Jesus, Stephen Strasburg. He had his last tune up tonight against minor league hitters… Oh, wait, that was the Pirates. My bad. Strasburg was introduced, “Last name: Ever. First name: Greatest.” For a nifty trick, in the 2nd inning he threw a 98 MPH fastball and also caught it. He looked flat-out dominating at times. Towards the end of the game, he really started heating up — maybe he put his arm in the microwave for 15 seconds on both sides — and he looked unhittable. He did after all strikeout 14 hitters. And he homered three times. Once off himself. At other times, he looked like a rookie making mistakes. I mean, he did give up a homer to Delwyn “I Don’t Even Know How To Spell My First Name” Young. I think there’s going to be a bunch of 6 inning, 2-3 earned run, 8-10 K games and some wins. Fantastic, for sure. He could win the Rookie of the Year over Heyward. But you didn’t just back into owning 1999 Pedro. Not yet at least. Maybe next year. Yesterday, one of our three girl readers got Sabathia, Dunn and Ervin for Strasburg. That’s tremendous value for Big Baby Jesus. I’d explore how hyped he is in your league too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cameron Maybin – Will sit in favor of Stanton. That’s so Maybin! Oh, wait. No, it’s not. In NL-Only keeper leagues, I would hold onto Maybin. Elsewhere… Well, if you worried your team can’t continue without Maybin, you have bigger fish to fry. Marlin pun! Kinda! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Lindstrom threw 1 IP, 2 ER and his second blown save in two games and third in his last four. If you’re not reading this until Sunday, he probably blew another game. Oops, there goes another one. I grabbed Brandon Lyon in two leagues where he was available. If it was simply Lindstrom sucking, I’d say you can hold off, but Lindstrom said he has mechanical issues. You know what mechanical issues are code for, right? A breakdown. In the mean’s while, Lyon is just okay. If I said he was good, I’d be (Mad Lib in your own pun). But Lyon does have closing experience, so there’s that junebug on the duck’s back or some other yokelism. As for Matt Capps, his rope is a bit longer, but his shakes haven’t been great either. Yesterday, he went 2/3 IP, 3 unearned runs and the third time he was Cappsized this year. Ticker shock due to Cristian Guzman playing about fifty feet too far behind 2nd. It was Guzman’s third error of the game. [mind-boggling] I realize the Nats are the Nots without Guzman and all, but there really should’ve been a defensive replacement in this game. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the first act, some creepy kid runs into frame, mumbling, “I see blown saves.” I know Ryan Madson is a Cuddle Boy, but don’t drop him yet. Sorry to get Biblical on you, but hast thou forgotten the wrath Brad Lidge hast broust on ye past teams? Please. Give Lidge a week before abandoning Madson. Lidge is like a “1000 Dollar Car” as sung by the Bottle Rockets. Google the lyrics if you don’t know the song but in summation, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?” Let shizz shake out first before you act rash, talcum. There’s time to drop Madson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Evan Meek – Recorded the 3 up, 3 down save yesterday as Dotel was out sleeping with your sister. Don’t worry, Dotel’s days of ruining your ERA and WHIP aren’t over yet. Meek was only used because Dotel had pitched two innings the day before (beautifully, I might add). To recap, handcuffs across the Brewers, Pirates and Rangers: Frank-Frank, Meek, Villanueva and the guy at Subway who gives you the skeeves, in that order. Hoffman, Dotel and Feliz, in that order, should all still be owned. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We have now posted the 2009 Point Shares for 12-team MLB leagues.
For those unfamiliar, Point Shares are our home-grown methodology (inspired by Bill James’ Win Shares) for rating fantasy players. They represent the estimated difference in an average fantasy team’s points if they were to substitute a given player for the average player at his position. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Went over the top 20 and top 10 for 2010 fantasy baseball. Now, friends, it’s time for the top 20 catchers for 2010 fantasy baseball. The top 20 catchers are the glass of warm milk right before you go to sleep. Hey, I just drafted Jorge Posada! Snooze. I love Kurt Suzuki this year! Yawn. I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues. The fifth best catcher and the 15th best catcher are tomato, to-blah-to. Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Barajas? What’s Spanish for punt? Punta?); some of you might want to know the top catchers. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Napoli. In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them. You can see other top 20 lists for 2010 fantasy baseball under 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings. Listed along with these catchers are my 2010 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2010 fantasy baseball:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like yesterday that the baseball regular season started. We frolicked, hand in hand, through the season. You stopped to pick a flower and I said, “That dandelion looks like a French impressionist painting that you can see up close.” Then we giggled and blew the parachute off its stalk. Today, the parachute lands and I’m sad. The regular season is done. As an action movie sidekick once said right before he was about to be killed, “NOOOO!!!” There’s a cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. Please, blog, may I have some more?