Luis Severino is set to lose his Cincinnati V-plates today. That’s cool kid slang for “virginity”. So I guess while we’re on the topic, what does a virgin and a virgin have in common? The more they get slammed, the looser they get. Hopefully the same isn’t true for Sev’ in his ninth home start against the Reds. I could make so much more sexually awkward Dad funnies, but it’s probably time to think outside the box (wink emoji). Back to beisbol, Sev is perhaps one of your better DFS plays on this fine Wednesday. He’s coming off a seven inning six kayyy shutout at Safeco last week, and even though he comes at a price of $9,600, he’s one of your better options. Here’s the rest of the hump day slate:

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week, we added Tommy Pham and his pal (unconfirmed) Marwin Gonzalez to the realm of the 100. This week, we’re feeling so good that we’re moving them on up the rankings. Pham has the second best PR15 (ESPN leagues) right now (13.01), behind only the respected Coors Field masher Nolan Arenado. Marwin, while he has a respectable 5.26 PR15 that is good for 34th overall, is moving up because he suddenly has an inside track to playing time.

Someone ask Grey if I get any bonus points for running it back on players in back-to-back weeks AND rolling with a double player reference headline. I was going to go with a Gregory Polanco reference but decided Matt Adams was both more ridiculous and had the added bonus of allowing me to use former teammates (kind of). More bonus points? Let me know what Grey says.

As for Carlos Correa, well, you guys know already, right? I’m dropping him from the Top 100 because he is going to miss most of the rest of the season. He could potentially return and help you for fantasy playoffs or the last couple weeks, but we won’t know for sure for a few more weeks. This IS good news for Marwin Gonzalez, who I focused on last week, as there is suddenly another opening in the lineup for him. Obviously, hold Correa for now, but I’m dropping him from the ranks of the beloved and pouring out some Coors Light for him.

I never thought there would be a week where I would be adding Matt Adams and removing Carlos Correa. 2017 is bumming me out, but I promise to make it one full article without mentioning Super Balls (this doesn’t count!). Screw it, let’s add Steven Souza, too. He’s got 20 home runs to go with a .272 average, .239 ISO, an increased Hard%, and what looks to be an increased approach at the plate. He has been on the fringe, but I managed to make room for him this week. I give up, 2017. You hear me? I give up! You win!

Anyway, here are some other notes on the additions and subtractions for this week…

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I have Michael Jackson’s autograph from his three distinct artistic periods — Jackson 5, breakout solo artist, fondler — and while they are priceless, I’m going to put them by this open window–NOOOOO!!!  Torenado!!!  I been pouring out some liquor for the fact that Arenado’s homers are gone, gone, gone.  And trying to help fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) if their Correa is gone.  And since Arenado starting to bubble like a tub full of Calgon.  Guess it’s only right that I should help you with how much Nolan Arenado hits are gone.  Sorry, that song was on my iTunes, and felt appropriate.  If my baby boo bae, Giancarlo, wasn’t metaphorically already all over my bedsheets, Arenado would be right there.  Yesterday, he went 5-for-6, 4 runs, 7 RBIs with three homers (19, 20, 21), and the summer is here in Coors.  Yippee, you mothertruckers!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 has been a weird season for baseball. Not only are baseballs leaving ballparks like super balls, but players like Justin Smoak and Logan Morrison are winning fantasy leagues for people. Before the season started, I never thought I would be writing those names on this website. Now, I write them every week (Okay, usually I just have to copy/paste).

While doing some research over the All-Star break, I found more than a dozen players who had already hit more home runs in the first half of 2017 than they ever had in any other full season. That wasn’t even really what I was looking for. I just kept finding more and more of them. One of those players, as you may have guessed because of the title of this article and the number of professional baseball players named Marwin, is Marwin Gonzalez.

Gonzalez is a player I have been keeping an eye on all year and is someone commenters have been asking about a lot lately. Until recently, he still wasn’t playing every day and was moving all over the field. When he did play, though, he was mashing. Son wrote about him in his Bear or Bull series last week, and I recommend going and giving that a read. I’ll wait here while you do.

Like Son goes over in his piece, the biggest difference for Gonzalez this season has been his approach at the plate. His BB% is way up, his K% is way down, and his O-Swing% is down. That all indicates an improved approach at the plate. For proof, here’s a chart!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Matt Grace picked up his 2nd save in as many games on Saturday for the Nationals, and Ben Zobrist’s wife started to work on a song titled, “Saving Grace,” and requested Ben’s trade to Washington.  Then, first thing on Sunday, the Nats traded for Ryan Madson and Sean Doolittle, and Saving Grace became a B-side for “Halleberrylujah, A Catwoman Licks Herself (Rated PG).”  When asked if the trade makes his team better, the Nats’ GM said, “That’s right,” and, “I’m Mike Rizzo.”  Picture this:  Dusty and Rizzo looking at a book called, “Baseball Strategy.”  Rizzo looks at Dusty, and Dusty says, “I got the baseball part,” and Rizzo nods his head.  Finally, Rizzo chimes in, “I don’t know the 2nd word and I don’t think it’s worth investigating.”  Dusty agrees, and that’s the Nationals.  So, who will close between Madson and Doolittle?  Your guess = my guess.  I’d want to say Madson, but it could be either, both or neither as they trade for David Robertson or someone else.  By the time the calendar turns to August, the Nationals might have five closers from teams not in the pennant chase.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Aaron Judge baffles me. Is he a beefy version of early 2000s Richie Sexson, or he is something more legit? No offense to early 2000s Richie, of course. His (we’re back to Judge, now) numbers in the minors (albeit a relatively small sample size of) suggest more of the former, but his 2017 insists on the latter. Strikeouts aside, he seems to have combined a complete and nearly flawless approach at the plate with a compact swing and elite power. In March, we weren’t even sure if he was going to be the everyday right fielder for the Yankees. Now, he is a lock to win Rookie of the Year, the clear favorite to win MVP, and could very well win the Triple Crown.

He has 30 home runs to only 13 doubles (big boy has three triples, too), which means nothing except that when he connects he CONNECTS. Lifting power, my friends. The fly ball revolution is upon us, and only 50 years after Ted Williams told us all about it. And with Judge’s superhuman power, a willingness and ability to drive (and lift) the ball to the opposite field, a right field porch in Yankee Stadium that is a few feet behind first base (roughly), and juiced baseballs that are leaving parks like they’re golf balls, what is a popup behind second base for most batters is a home run to the upper deck in right field for Judge. That was a very long sentence. Let’s pause to catch our breath here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to prematurely balding men and decided if you can’t beat them, join them!  Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post.  Here, enjoy some coffee.  Oops, you just drank rat poison.  Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than owning Matt Harvey in the 1st half.  Oh, you owned him and that’s why you drank the poison!  Now, I’m following!   Hey, I’m supposed to be leading!  Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2017 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up!  But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest!  So, as with all of the other 2017 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt.  If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman.  Also, things change in fantasy baseball.  Daily.  I could put Bryce Harper number two on the top 100 list for the second half of 2017 and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with Bryce.  Why soil a good thing, ya know?  This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued.  It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache.  This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today.  So while Mike Trout did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, Mike Trout.  The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2017.  I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater.  That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do.  It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone.  Welcome to the future!  Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2017:

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R.A. Dickey held the Nats in check last night pitching seven innings of three-hit baseball, allowing one run, a walk and striking out seven. Hey, Atlanta, 2012 called, they want their Cy Young back. Might as well send them 2012 Matt Kemp as well. I think he was banging Rihanna at that time? Mmm. Wild wild wild thoughts. Unfortunately for Dickey, Jim Johnson failed to lock down his win allowing three runs on four hits and a walk for his seventh blown save of the year. Methinks Braves might be a team to watch if they could figure out their ugly bullpen. Arodys Vizcaino come back soon! Irregardless! Despite posting just two wins in the stretch, R.A. Dickey has been absolutely en fuego over his past four starts going at least six innings in each, while allowing just one run or less (27.0 IP, 17 hits, 3 ER, 23/6 K/BB ratio). Also with Dickey back to being fantasy relevant I have so many phallic jokes I have saved for you guys!  Let’s see now…oh no, I’m blanking! Nothing worse than a Dickey blog that fires blanks. Unless those blanks are shutouts! How about, Dickey got a rise in Washington? Wait. Pause. Am I actually suggesting you pick up a 42 year old knuckle baller who pitches for the Braves? Well, I’m just saying for a player available in over 80% of fantasy leagues, the 1.35 ERA and 0.95 WHIP over the past two weeks is worthy of your attention. Maybe he can recapture some of that 2012 magic. Okay I got it, last one–Dickey was standing at attention last night, but Johnson blew his happy ending. Boned! Cough. Ahem. I will see myself out.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First Mike Trout and now our beloved Trea Turner (and a bunch in between, but we’ll focus on baseball’s young heartthrobs for the time being). The baseball Gods are clearly punishing us all for the use of juiced baseballs this season. Major League Baseball has denied any kind of change in the balls despite some mounting evidence, but I bet it is something that gets looked at and adjusted in the offseason. Which leads me to wonder whether this will be something we will be talking about come March…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last night I was thinking about how Trea Turner was singlehandedly winning people fantasy leagues.  Today I’m thinking, can he singlehandedly play?  He was top six for fantasy value already this year on our Player Rater, and he might’ve been a 2nd half player!  He could’ve ended up in the top three overall for fantasy value.  Yeah, I said it!  Top three!  Now, a broken wrist.  Why can’t we have anything nice?  I’m addressing you, Fantasy Baseball Overlord!  I’m screaming at the heavens, standing in rain, hoo-ha’ing like I’m an out-of-work Al Pacino impersonator!  Why can we not have nice things?!  I want answers!  Alas, FBO’s out to lunch, or so says his answering machine.  This sounds like an injury where he could be out for six to eight weeks, but more will be known in the coming days.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?