Yasmani Grandal is starring in an off-off Broadway production of OBPwulf. Since everyone was supposed to read Beowulf, but no one has actually ever read it, the play starts with Grandal standing on first after a walk, and then he stands there and stands there and stands there, waiting for another Padre hitter to get him to 2nd base.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Kip Wells
In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss the value of middle relievers. I’m a big Mr. B. Depending on the team, I have various combinations of MRs. On one team, I have C.J. Wilson still. (Notched a Save and a Win in a doubleheader the other day — natch!) On another team, I’m rocking Dan Meyer. On another, Rafael Soriano. Besides having a guy that could take over the closing duties, middle relievers help lower your starters’ ratios. Mark DiFelice + James Shields = 7-4/3.01/1.15/74 or Jake Peavy, 5-5/3.67/1.13/84. That’s right, the Frankenpitcher of Jark DiShields is beating the pure breed Jake Peavy. So how’s dem apples? Delicious! Now in some cases, you just can’t hold a MR. Whether you’re besieged by injuries, need to handcuff one of your closers or need a bench hitter, sometimes it’s just not feasible. As much as I like MRs, they are invariably the first ones I drop on my teams when I need help somewhere else. Luckily, there’s always one available on waivers. If it’s not Jark DiShields, you can own Kiko Garzero or C.J.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Here’s what I said last year about Mat Gamel and his comparison to Ryan Braun, “Ryan Braun, The Hebrew Hammer, hits for average, power and butchered plays at 3rd base. Well, Gamel can slug with the best of them and plays 3rd like Jenny McCarthy in a celebrity softball game. Not to mention, his name is almost Gimel, which is the third letter of the Hebrew alphabet. The similarities are endless!” And that’s me quoting me! Wanna really blow your mind? I wrote a Mat Gamel fantasy baseball outlook post back in December of last year. Prescient ain’t just a word I can’t spell without Dictionary.com, it’s a state of mind! So what can we expect of him, he’s better than Nolan Reimold. Right now. He can hit. I could even see grabbing him in ten team leagues. He could be The Difference Maker (which would be a great name for a professional wrestler). The only thing holding Gamel back is he fields like he has two left feet — on the end of his arms. If the Brewers dare to play him every day over their blahtoon of Hall and Counsell, you should play him too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Ludwick – To the DL. “Hello, Rasmus.” “Hey, Duncan, you wanna play every day?” “Sure.”
Gerardo Parra – This one doesn’t walk people, he runs. He replaced Krispie last night and might spell Byrnes on some occasions. He’s a solid pickup for the speed deprived. Parra’s upside is what Maybin should’ve done — 5 homers, 25 steals. He shouldn’t be a liability on average. Obviously, picking him up depends on your league, but he should be grabbed in all NL-Only leagues and mixed leagues deeper than 12 teams.
Please, blog, may I have some more?In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss some closer trading strategy. As I mentioned the other day, I traded Street and some other closer for Haren. This might’ve put me at a disadvantage for saves. Now you’re probably thinking what the eff? This doode doesn’t even know who he traded or if it put his team at a disadvantage for saves. Well, that’s the whole point. Saves are the easiest commodity to acquire on waivers. Just last month, 10 closers lost their jobs, even if just temporarily. 10 out of 30 closers. So, frankly, I don’t care if I’m trading Qualls, Bell or schmohawk closer behind door number 3. Are some of these guys more reliable than others? Sure, but that doesn’t mean Jenks couldn’t have a meltdown tomorrow. They’re just closers. As for not knowing if I’m at a disadvantage, it’s real early and plenty more saves will come into the league. Not that many more Harens are coming into the league. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Royals prospect Luke Hochevar was called up yesterday to replace Sidney Ponson in the rotation. But he’s Aruba’s favorite son! You know who I feel bad for? The Royals caterer. With Ponson out of the rotation, who’s going to eat that side of cow he ordered? Hochevar has been lights out so far in the minors with a .90 ERA, .95 WHIP and 5-0. His 30 Ks in 40 innings is solid, not quite crazysexycool. He doesn’t seem like the kind of pitcher that is going to dominate like, say, a Volquez last year. Fortunately, he’s cut his walks this year. As I said with Cecil two weeks ago, you pickup Hochevar to see if dominates. Cause if he does dominate, people will start going gaga goo-goo for him and then you can flip him. Or you take the rookie pitcher’s thunder, slide it next to your lightning and make it rain. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joakim Soria – Went to the DL. Juan Cruz will fill-in mostly, with Jamey Wright maybe seeing the occasional chance. You’re thinking, I’m not bothering with Cruz, Soria will come back and be fine. Who cares if he comes back and he’s fine? Cruz may take the job and hold it for the next two months while accumulating 15 saves. Or maybe Soria returns fine in a week. All I know is Soria has said his sore shoulder dates back to WBC (Nice, Selig!) so maybe he doesn’t recover that quickly. Add Cruz, ask questions later.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you drafted Manny this year, then you better make a new plan, Stan because Man-Ram is getting time off for bad behavior. 50 games to be exact. The reason – he came up positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which can be used to boost testosterone levels. Manny seems to be claiming his doctor prescribed it for erectile dysfunction but the drug is most often prescribed for…women’s fertility. Huh? And here we thought Alyssa Milano was the only person in the LA Dodger clubhouse taking those. Maybe Manny got screwed by a bad boner doctor but our money is on Scott Boras. He probably gave those pills to Manny, told him they were Flintstone vitamins, and Manny hallucinated Flintstone faces onto the vitamins.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Some rejected titles, Will Bill Still Thrill on the Hill?, Illy Billy, Wagner’s Closed, You Can’t Spell Duaner Sanchez Without Nude Ranch and my personal favorite, Billy Wagner, Act Your Age. Billy Wagner, the Mets closer and guy with the first name Billy, reports tightness in his shoulder.
Please, blog, may I have some more?That’s right. It’s awful. Just as I wanted it. Why? Because this team is for the inaugural Fantasy Razzball League. The idea is to have a team that sucks. Draft the worst possible team and watch them flail/fail. Is it an exercise in futility?
Please, blog, may I have some more?