Welcome back for another star-studded event! Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself. The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos. We don’t judge. We will occasionally mock. Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto. Get over it! So, without further ado (cause I have to do a doo), here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The season is winding down, and honestly, there isn’t much that can be said to help improve your playoff chances at this point. Largely, the last few days of the season come down to grabbing the appropriate streamer options. This post will go up on Saturday, so this may not look wise, but guys like Wei-Yen Chen are typically smart plays. Anyone going up against a lineup that is being “rested,” such as the Yankees following their clenching of the Wild Card, is a smart gamble.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day I made the best purchase of my life (okay, of the last week). I bought a thermometer that has a laser beam on it. You shoot the laser on the object and it tells you its exact temperature. It’s meant–Actually, I don’t know what it’s meant for. I bought it because our oven seems to be about 100 degrees off. Though, I got it five days ago and I haven’t used it for the oven once, but have measured the temperature of about twelve hundred other things. The coldest drinking water I’ve had was 49 degrees at this pizzeria around the corner from my house. Oh, yeah, I’ve been taking this out with me. I’ll go up to people on the street, shoot their temperature and be like, “You have a fever, you might want to take an aspirin.” I like to put on my flip flops when they’re between 68 to 71 degrees. Any colder and it stiffens my toes, any warmer and it raises my body temperature a full .4 degrees. I know this because I have a thermometer with a frickin laser on it! So, how does this relate to fantasy baseball? I was watching Justin Bour slug his 23rd homer yesterday, his 2nd of two homers in the game, and I shot his temperature. A blistering 109 degrees! Doode’s fahrenhot! Doode is straight butter that a professional hibachi chef puts on a sizzling lobster tail! Doode’s Kurt Russell in Backdraft! Yes, you should own him. In fact (Grey’s gonna say more!), you should’ve owned him for the last few months. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Rich Hill pitched a complete game two-hit shutout last night against the Mighty Orioles walking just one batter and striking out 10 for his second win. Where the heck was this guy in April when Justin Masterson and Steven Wright were starting? Am I really asking that question about a 35-year-old southpaw journeyman who hasn’t started a big league game since 2009, and was out of baseball in July? Yeah I guess I am asking that because Hill has been an absolute monster since debuting with the Sawx two weeks ago in Tampa Bay. In just three starts, he’s pitched 23.0 IP, allowing just 10 hits and 3 ER, with a 30/2 K/BB rate. Yes, my friends, the Hill Has Ks. That was almost your headline. Also, not for nothing, the three earned runs were surrendered to the Blue Jays, and I mean, come on, it’s the Blue Jays. And just in case you thought this story couldn’t get any sweeter, Rich was pitching for the Independent League’s Long Island Ducks just months ago. He holds a 1.70 ERA and 0.52 WHIP through three starts and although I love what he’s doing, he’s scheduled to take on the Yankees in New York next week and I wouldn’t call it a slam dunk. If you’re feeling lucky, by all means ride the snake, but I’m not sure I’d risk my fantasy season on Rich Hill, despite how awesome he’s been. But cool story, bro!
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Thomas Pham is a 27-year old rookie who has made the most of his first month in the big leagues. Big Magoo wrote about him on Tuesday, saying “Enjoy the fling while it lasts, but be wary of a long-term commitment.” And I completely agree! I don’t think that Pham will be a viable option in shallow mixed leagues next year.
Can he do it? Yes, he pham! Remember those great Jorge Cantu chants? Jorge can’t hit a home run! Yes, he Cantu!
My initial reaction was: could this be a Charlie Blackmon scenario? Blackmon’s first full season came at the age of 27, when he batted .288/.335/.440 with 19 bombs. But, Blackmon had already had plenty of major league action to that point, and his skillset was generally superior to Pham’s. So, I slapped myself and recognized that Pham is a perfect playoff schmotato and nothing more. Given that information, Pham has absolutely crushed over the past two weeks, posting a 1.350 OPS with 4 homers and 12 RBI. At this point in the year, you need to grab onto these hot streaks. And, Pham’s hot streak is molten right now.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Cardinals never not produce prospects out of nowhere. Double negatives don’t not be damned. Or is that be damned? There’s likely hundreds if not thousands (maybe five or six) prospects that have come out of nowhere for the Cardinals. The big one I can think of is Albert Pujols. Pujols was originally signed as the 402nd pick overall and turned down an offer of $10,000 to play instead in the National Baseball Congress, against Dick Gephardt and Nancy Pelosi. Finally, he signed with the Cardinals when no one else wanted him. We know how that turned out. Jason Motte was a 19th round selection in 2003, and he was still closing games this year (though for the Cubs). In 2001, the Cards drafted a little known shortstop, Michael J. Fox, in the last round and he had a fine career in sitcoms and starring film roles. So, Thomas Pham was drafted in the 16th round of 2006 and came up with little fanfare. “Little fanfare?” No way, this is St. Louis baseball, we have the best fans yadda whatever! Pham was considered a fringe prospect at best and a Thai beef salad at worst. Could’ve Pham just got lost in the shuffle? In 2014, he had 10 HRs, 20 SBs, hitting .324 in Triple-A. Then, with no room to play in the majors, he went back to Triple-A this year and hit 6 HRs with 9 SBs and a .327 average in 48 games. He’s likely more interesting in fantasy than real baseball, but, guess what, you numbnuts, we’re talking about fantasy. For 2016 fantasy baseball, I could see him being a 14 HR, 25 SB, .280 hitter, who gets a huge boost if he stays at the top of the order as he’s been doing thus far. For right now, Pham’s hitting near-.400 in the last week, and taking this back to the beginning with Pujols, he’s in the two-hole with his Phamy jewels. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“All year. All. Year. I’ve been starting Jeff Samardzija in one 15 team league. It’s an NFBC league so I couldn’t drop him (there’s no waivers). It’s not a great league to bench starters. I had options like Colby Lewis and Adam Warren. Not great options. But, finally, yesterday, I decided enough was enough. If I was going to lose, at least I would lose with Samardzija out of my lineup. So, Samardnuts goes out and throws a one-hitter (9 IP, o ER, 1 Hit, Zero Walks, 6 Ks).” That was how I concluded the story to the doctor when I first ended up in the mental asylum. Samardzija is actually easier to type while wearing a straitjacket. Coincidence? Immediately following the story, I cackled myself to sleep in a puddle of my own bodily fluids. I’m not even sure what fluid it was. I’m guessing urine, but you got me on specifics. As we know, earlier this year Oxford Dictionary replaced &@*^&*@%! that connotes a curse word with Samardzija, and I can think of nothing more fitting than screaming SAMARDZIJA! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Every time I think of Brandon Finnegan, I envision a long-storied lineage of Irish pub purveyors. “Have a pint, laddie!”
A very big name prospect with the Royals, the Reds hit on the luck of the Irish by dealing a really awful-looking Johnny Cueto – whose numbers are getting walloped by an ugly stick – and picking up some nice prospects with Finnegan the centerpiece. Man, both the Reds and my Brewers got some nasty returns for vets that have been atrocious in the AL… The NL Central is going to be unreal in a few seasons…
Back to the point! Hell, I’m all over the place – I’m writing this open while watching football, and while taking a break from putting together basketball ranks in position tiers. Oh yeah! Play in an RCL Basketball League, it’s like Fantasy Baseball but without rainouts! Yikes, get me some Adderral…
Even with all the hype, and even though he’s made a few relief appearances, I don’t think I’ve ever watched Finnegan pitch. So I decided to break down Finnegan’s first career MLB start at the Brewers last Friday night to see if he’s worth an add over the final two weeks, and/or a buzzy sleeper pick in 2016:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brandon Finnegan pitched five innings allowing just three hits an earned run, two walks, while striking out four to notch his first win with the Cincinnati Reds last night. James Joyce would be so proud. Although his praise would be written in the form of a street ballad that would take years to completely analyze and understand. Finnegan was the big get in the Johnny Cueto deal with Kansas City and we are starting to see why. The 22-year old lefty showed good control with a low 90s fastball and nasty change up. Used primarily as a situational lefty with the Royals, the Reds are committed to stretching Finnegan out as a starter, and it looks like that decision could pay off in the long run. Brandon was sharp last night shutting down a strong Milwaukee offense and now holds a 2.38 ERA and 1.03 WHIP with a 29/16 K/BB rate. Finnegan is more of a name to keep in the back of your mind for your 2016 drafts but I could also see streaming him next week versus the Cardinals if you feel like gambling on some rookie nookie.
Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don’t you know about Greg Bird? Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! I, honestly, figured you would’ve heard. Heard what, you ask. Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Well, everybody said about Greg Bird that Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! You know, I thought you’d heard. Heard what? About the Bird! I was watching a TV show on cybercrime recently, and I have an idea on how to attack North Korea. Just pump in the “Bird is the Word” song into their national Bose speakers. (If North Korea has taken over the US by the time you read this, this cyber attack could be used in the reverse direction. I’m yours, Kimchi Jong-il, however you want to use me. I am very loyal.) So, now that we know the word and that word is indeed Bird, what do we do with this info? We pick him up in our leagues. He has seven homers in only 29 games. Sample size, she says. Well, he had six homers in only 34 games in Triple-A, six homers in only 49 Double-A games, seven homers in only 27 games in Double-A last year…Do you see a pattern? Bird’s got power. Not really anything else, but there’s only two weeks left, grab him if you need homers. Or had you not heard? Bird Bird Bird, Bird– Okay, I’ll stop. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?