Fantasy Baseball Advice

Is there another pitcher that tantalizes more than Chad Billingsley? 13Ks in 7 IP against the Marlins to earn his 9th win. His 135 K’s are tied with Lincecum for the major league lead - a couple more than guys like Volquez and Sabathia. Why is someone so unhittable not an elite pitcher yet? Because he’s still hanging out too much with Motley Crue on the Sunset Strip - as in he likes to take a ride on the Wild Side w/ his 4+ BB per 9 IP. Yes, we’ve managed a hip-hop and hair band music references in one post. We’re well-rounded like that. (If we were celebrities, we’d so beat Reege on Celebrity Jeopardy! and give all the money to anyone who lives in a bubble. Cause really is there anything worse? You’re in a freakin’ bubble! How is this not the number one charity on every celebrity gameshow? BTW, if you live in a bubble, do you have to dust? We have to know!) While Rudy is still patting himself on the back for getting him a couple starts back for a still healthy Matt Capps, the window is near closed to pick up as good a dark horse for NL 2nd half Cy Young as you’re going to find. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Takashi Saito - Came out of Saturday’s game with elbow pain. Time for some math, ya’ll — Pitcher + elbow pain = Broxton closer for at least two weeks as Saito hits the DL.

Jhonny Peralta - He was so insulted by our lumping him in with fellow extraneous H Khalil Greene that he finishes the half with a flourish — 11-for-30 / 7R / 4 HR / 12 RBI in his last 7 games.

A.J. Burnett - The #1 crazy hot chick in baseball. Today against the Yanks, hot. Next start, pretending to be pregnant so you can’t watch football. Worth the gamble if you need K’s or agita.

Kevin Youlikis - Left the game after being hit by a Daniel Cabrera fastball. Youch. The tragic part. Cabrera was trying to throw a pitchout.

Hanley Ramirez/Carl Crawford - Sat because of a sore shoulder and a sore hamstring respectively. Don’t be too concerned; this is like Senior Day in the majors. I hear they’re all meeting at The Max then going to TP Mr. Beldings’.

Mike Gonzalez - Kazaam!

Jorge Campillo - On my cursed ‘pert team (Rich Hill, Harang and Wainwright), I had Campillo. He pitched well then fouled a ball off his foot in the sixth. Hopefully he’ll be all right. Otherwise, I’m going for Charlie Morton. You’ve been warned.

CC Sabathia - CG, 9Ks, 2 ER. Seems to be a good fit in Milwaukee. Schmiel, Schmazzle, Hossenfeffer Incorporated…ba pa ba pa ba ba pa…they’re gonna do it….CC and Prince sharing a carefree ride on a tandem bicycle, CC blowing a bubble with sausage casing at a bratwurst factory and sticking it on top of a brat….

Tim Lincecum - 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, now has a 11-2 record. Somehow the Giants are ahead of both the Padres and Rockies right now. Wow. I’m not sure if that’s more a compliment to Lincecum or a kick in the nuts to the Padres and Rockies. (BTW, Does a kick in the nuts hurt more or less when you’re a mile high?)

Justin Verlander - Since June 1, 8 starts, 5 Wins, 55 IP, 52 Ks, ERA/WHIP in the 2.70/1.10 area. When Rudy predicted him to win Cy Young, he assumed that Verlander was going to pitch like this and not take April off. Kudos to anyone who picked him up on the cheap.

Jeff Clement - HR yesterday. His .165 AVG shows that Seattle can get the same production from young players that they normally get from high-salaried guys like Sexson, Kenji, and Vidro. Clement’s got upside though…keep him around if you’re in a 2 catcher league. Otherwise, throw him back into the FA pool.

Daisuke Matsuzaka - Dice-K’s now 10-1. I say smoke. You say mirrors. I say smoke. You say mirrors. If you think a .257 BABIP and 5.68 BB/9 IP is unsustainable, say “Regression”….

Jerry Hairston Jr. - Left the game with a right hamstring pull. 1800 miles away, Scott Hairston yelped in pain.

Matt Joyce - 4 HR in 5 games for Detroit. Guess Marcus Thames gave him the HR conch shell. His minor league stats point to power with no speed or great average. Ride him while he’s high, drop him when he starts falling.

Mike Aviles - Three hit game yesterday. He’s at 21/4/21/.310/3 over 58 games. If I’m not wrong, aren’t these numbers pretty yawnstipating? I get more questions about this schmohawk. People got rookie nookie on the brain. Aviles is fine, but he’s not F-I-N-E or winning you any league, unless you’re playing in the “Most Mediocre SS League,” but then you’re probably going to lose to the team with Renteria anyway.

Pat Burrell - HR yesterday. Goes into the All-Star break with 23/57/.275. Is it me or does he run like he’s on a mop pony? It’s like he’s accompanying King Arthur to find the Holy Grail. The 1B coach should have to hit coconuts together when he runs. I’m sure Victorino can supply the coconuts.

Youuuuuuk hit two homers, Teix hit three home runs and, most importantly, Prince Fielder hit two home runs. Why do I say most importantly?  Well, with Youuuuuuuuk, I have him in one of my cash leagues, so I really hope he keeps hitting bombs because I know he has no trade value. With that said, I don’t think he keeps hitting bombs. So two home runs were nice, but they are what they are. As for Teix, he had three HRs, 4 RBIs. 6 of 13 home runs this month, which bodes well for a guy who doesn’t get hot until after the All-Star break. So the three homers are good, but no one was too worried. As for Prince Fielder aka the guy who now eats 16 Boca Burgers a day, he is a guy that you NEED home runs from. So it’s great to see fatty boombalatty finally hitting them. With 8 in June, he can still have 20-something home runs by the All-Star break and no one will remember why they hated him for two months. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Albert Pujols - Looks like he’s returning this Thursday. Yesterday, I traded Pujols (and Mike Cameron) away for Sizemore. Not a slam dunk, but Sizemore is keeping pace in home runs with Pujols and I could use the steals. Cameron was a waiver pickup and would’ve been a drop with Sizemore anyway. Feel free to weigh-in (and mock me) in the comments. (I’m sure you will anyway.)

Shaun Marcum - Marcum heads to the DL and tea with Dr. James Andrews. (If Dr. James Andrews plays fantasy baseball, I can’t imagine anyone trades with him. “Hey, Dr. James here. Was wondering if you wanted to trade me Soria for Marcum.” Other owner, “Is Marcum going to be out longer than expected?” Dr. Jim pauses for a moment then, “No.”)

Randy Wolf - Wolf in Petco 10 Ks, 2 ER. His Home/Road splits actually made me laugh. Home 4-1/2.46/44 IP — Road 1-4/5.84/44.2 IP

Justin Duchscherer - One-time great A’s middle reliever now becoming a great starter.  1.99 ERA now after going 7 2/3 IP of 1 ER ball.  How many Cy Youngs could Chad Bradford won?

Ian Snell - Today Snell is going to have an MRI. Izzy blows five saves in a row — goes to the DL. Victor Martinez goes two months without a home run, hits the DL. Snell has a 5.99 ERA through almost half a season? He’s headed to the DL too. But this is not the Disabled List; this is the Disgraceful List.

Kaz Matsui - Strained his hamstring.  Rumor is that he injured himself once in Japan during pregame calisthenics. When asked how this compared with his injury earlier this year, Kaz said through a translator, “This one is frustrating but the one earlier this year was a real pain in the ass.”

Manny Parra - Parra got the win, but didn’t look that great doing it. He’s walking too many. Oh, well. What do I mean, “Oh, well?” Parra’s a fifth fantasy starter. You can deal with inconsistency from a fifth fantasy starter. Jurrjens gets hit? No biggie. Cueto needs his eye cut so he can see? He gets cut. Carlos Silva gets knocked around– Wait, why is Carlos Silva on your team?!

Mike Gonzalez - Gave up 3 ER. Braves are probably pining for Kerry Ligtenberg. (Meanwhile, the KKK pines for John Rocker.)

Jeff Clement - Hit a HR off Mike Gonzalez. If you’re struggling at catcher, there’s no reason to not take the Clement flier.

Chad Billingsley - My “I (heart) Billingsley” tattoo has people coming up to me saying, “You’ll shoot your eye out,” but Chad and I know who it’s for.

Ian Stewart - Optioned down to Triple-A. Now that all non-Kinsler Ians suck, when is baseball going to enter the age of Seamus?

Clint Barmes - He was the one that replaced Ian Stewart. Worth a grab for a MI spot if you’re hurting (like you just fell down stairs carrying a dead deer.)

Vicente Padilla - With 10 wins now, he is on pace for 20.   Improbable?  We’d say so.  The last Ranger to win 20 games in a season was Rick Helling in 1998.  Since then, only a couple Ranger pitchers have won 20 games combining seasons.  Only 15 more to go Brandon McCarthy!

Johnny Cueto - When a rookie starter gets called up, he goes through a cycle. First, he wows the league, can get everyone out because no one is familiar with his stuff. Then the league catches up with the pitcher and he hits an adjustment period and is knocked around by the league. Finally, the pitcher settles in and becomes what he is. So when Cueto pitches well against the Yanks, the natural thing is to assume he’s settled in and this is what he is. The problem is, the Yanks are in a different league so this outing may have been a blip. The good news, he’s only surrendered more than three runs once in the last eight starts. So is he or isn’t he out of the adjustment period? Um… Yeah. Maybe.

Jered Weaver - Beat Hamels, but didn’t outpitch him.  Seems at this point that his really hot start when he first came up is the anomaly and not the last year and a half.  That’s just the Weaver way.

Justin Verlander - After pitching at Petco, Verlander put on Chris Young’s jersey and tried to sneak into the Padres rotation. “I took Dramamine - I’m not dizzy anymore!” On a side note, Brian Giles called up Jim Edmonds and asked him to smuggle him out.

When James Shields swung and missed his haymaker yesterday during the Sawx/Rays brawl, Coco should’ve totally spun him around and gave him a springboard splash to the solar plexus. Then once Shields was down, Coco could’ve laid him on top of the Spanish Announcer’s table and dropped the big ‘bow. But, alas…it was Coco Crisp not Koko B. Ware.

Then three innings after the brawl, Manny tweaked a sore hammy and left the game. As he was limping through the dugout, Manny gave Youuuuuuuuk a solid shove. This was heard right before Manny shoved him. Youkilis, “You know with Big Papi on the DL…if you want to teach me the handshake you do with him, I could try to fill in…” Manny, “You’re not my real Papi! I hate you!” *shove* In the next inning, this transpired: Youk, “Sorry about that Manny. I have this extra Chupa Chup lollipop….” Manny, “Gimme! He he he… Thanks, Millar.” Youk, “We talked about this… My name is… Oh forget it.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Jacoby Ellsbury - Left the game with a strained wrist. No word if the injury was sustained during Chupa Chup Gate.

Jon Lester - One thing he didn’t have to fight was his control. He didn’t issue one walk. Was the first time this year he pulled off this pretty unremarkable feat.

Jair Jurrjens - The fairy Brave dust only lasts so long. Hey, whatever happened to Jaret Wright?

Ryan Franklin/Todd Wellemeyer - 7th save/7-1, respectively. Disrespectively, seriously? Coming into the year, these guys were a combined 62-73 with, like, a crappy ERA.

Brad Ausmus - The Astros are throwing in the Towles and reinstating Brad “I will be featured in a future Razzball Spotlight” Ausmus as their catcher. Razztastic.

Josh Banks - I said this yesterday in the comments, “He’s not a strikeout pitcher so your expectations should stay in line, but he could be worthwhile while the league takes time to catch up to him and he does pitch at Petco.” Wow, I’m brilliant. If they gave out virtual blogger awards I’d have a virtual mantle full in my virtual bathroom so I could pretend I virtually don’t care.

Negro League Draft - Dave Winfield helped organize a ceremonial draft where Negro League players were picked as honorary members of MLB teams. Very touching. It must be a special day for all these players as they approach their twilight years. The biggest applause was for Atlanta’s pick. A middle infielder known for his distinct batting stance and line drive power. His name is Julio Franco.

Jimmy Rollins - Was benched for not running out a popup. By that logic, Pat Burrell should’ve been benched for the last three years.

Homer Bailey - His 2008 debut was thwarted by a Cole Hamels 3 hit shutout. The game was billed as the best matchup of mulleted young pitchers since a young Randy Johnson faced off against Chuck Finley. Bailey’s control problems carried over from AAA (4 BB in 6.1 IP) and he only had 1 K and that was the pitcher. Stick with common sense and don’t add a pitcher with the name ‘Homer’ to your team…

Jay Bruce - Looks like he went oh-for-four yesterday, but we all know that is not possible, so I’m going to assume he was pulling one of those switcheroos like William Hurt does in that movie with the guy from Lost and the black guy with the droopy eye. (I would’ve said *SPOILER ALERT*, but no one would consider that movie something you could spoil and I never even saw the movie, I’m going on the spoiler from the trailer.)

As Sean Connery says, “Shituation: Dire.” Rios has been the pea under your mattress. The splinter in your paw. The tighty-whitey stain that your fourth grade classmates saw when you were changing for gym and have teased you about for the rest of your life (but maybe that was just me). Alexis Rios wasn’t a random stab in the dark when I pegged him for a terrific year in 2008. I wasn’t driving through the desert, high on peyote, when a random Native American said to me, “Rios will be good this year and make sure to hit the slots at Mohegan Sun.” So it’s disappointing when Rios’s slump looks amaranthine (Word of the Day, and I’m not even sure it’s used correctly, so try to use context clues), but there has to be an end in sight, doesn’t there? Yes, I believe there is an end to his struggles. But, for the record, Rudy and I disagree on this. Rudy says he should be sold. Well, whatever. Then I’m going down with the U.S.S. Rios. Rios’s gone through months like this before and he’s come out of it. Sure, his lineup looks like it should be in the AAGPBL, but I’m buying.  Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball hitters and pitchers to buy and sell:

BUY

Chris Perez - Isringhausen could be done done. To define those italics. Isringhausen is too old, too tired and Chris Perez is too heffin’ good. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Izzy hang up the cleats and retire (then return in two years as the Rays closer.) But can Ryan Franklin hold off Chris Perez? About as well as Britney Spears’s kids have of staving off rehab in twelve years. I think Perez could have fifteen saves this year and excellent peripherals. He’s not a starter that is biding his time in middle relief. He was a closer in the minors. A closer with terrific numbers.

Curtis Granderson - As most of you know, I think Curtis blows. But I’m starting to think, no one likes him, so whenever everyone starts zigging, you gotta look to zag. Now don’t zag for the sake of zagging — nobody likes a willy-nilly zagger! — but if you can move Pat Burrell and Joe Saunders or someone of their ilk for Granderson, you gotta consider it.

Corey Hart - Might be too late to buy because of his recent streak. As Alexis Rios and Corey Hart prove, invest in speedy OFs with girl first names!

Joey Devine - In a couple of leagues where I had Casilla, I’ve moved to Waking Joey Devine.

Matt Garza - 3 earned runs in almost 20 innings since coming off the DL. He’s a very capable pitcher with good K numbers in the minors. The only drawback is the Twins gave him to the Rays and the Twins know pitching. Damn you, Twinkies, what do you know that I don’t?!

Bobby Crosby - If he stays healthy, he could give you 20 home runs and a belch-worthy average.

Adam Wainwright - I’m still onboard the love train. He was a mess in the first half of ’07, but in the second half, he cut his runs allowed by almost half, his home runs allowed by more than half and he showed stamina. Don’t let his last two starts get you down.

Mike Cameron - I see Krispie Young Sr. on waivers in a lot of leagues. In ESPN leagues, he’s only 20% owned. (Of course, I do believe five thousand 3rd graders draft ESPN teams then abandon them, but still.) I’m sporting Cameron on a ten team mixed league and I’m getting what I expect. For a fifth outfielder, you can do worse. On the team I have him, I’m balancing his shizzy average with Youk.

Vladimir Guerrero - So he’s as limber as Ron Kovic, this isn’t something new.

Jose Contreras - Okay, so he remembers when they called movies “talkies” — whatever, he’s solid when healthy and he’s been healthy.

Johnny Damon/Robinson Cano - I’ve beat these horses before, but I still believe.

SELL

Ben Sheets - I’ve said it before. Ben Sheets can win the Cy Young. Know what else? Hillary can win the nomination. Andy Milonakis can be funny. I can date Mila Kunis without incurring criminal charges. Now will is an entirely different matter. Will Hillary win the nomination? I suppose if whatever state Obama is in collapses into the core of the earth. Will fatty ever be funny? I suppose if he steals better jokes. Will I date Kunis? If I can get rid of Culkin, you better believe it. So will Sheets win the Cy Young? He hasn’t made it to 30 starts since ‘04. That year he had 264 Ks and 32 walks. Go ahead look at those numbers again. Yeah, they’re insane. That was coupled with a 2.70 ERA. He has pinpoint control and filthy stuff. Yeah, I’m a fan. Unfortunately, he could get injured in a pillow fight with your niece. So as much as I like him, I’m passing.

Edinson Volquez - In the comments recently someone asked about Edinson. Here’s what I said, “You see what’s happening with Cueto right now? Yeah, Volquez will be seeing him in the ‘kinda not startable’ category soon. Edinson’s a great pitcher but very, very rarely does a pitcher arrive in the majors and never hit a correction period. Could he avoid it? I suppose, but you don’t bet on the least likely thing to happen. You’re playing with house money right now and you need to cash out and move on.” Admit it, I take your breath away like Dr. Kevorkian.

Adrian Gonzalez - Don’t fall in love with his first half numbers. Let’s put it this way, he says to Teixeira, “You complete me.” Now don’t sell him for Luis Hernandez and a bottle of Valtrex and say, “Look, Grey, I did good!”

Jon Garland - Don’t make the same mistake The Town That Bobby Grich Built Angels made. He’s not a great pitcher.

Jon Lester/Doug Davis - As Hank said in the comments the other day, “Damn, cancer really is the new AIDS. Free plane tickets, no-hitters, and sympathy rotation spots. ‘What kind of cancer do you have? The All-Over kind.’” Meanwhile, Casey Kotchman writes in his journal, “Mono is not good enough!”

Kevin Youkilis - Youuuuuuuuuk is not a 2nd half hitter.

Joe Saunders - Rudy said this the other day in the comments, “Saunders is projected as a low K pitcher with around 5.00 ERA and 1.50 WHIP. His 3.6 K/9 IP and 1.6 K/BB ratios are AWFUL. The only real change from his performance last year is that he’s getting lucky with balls that are in play - it’s .240 instead of an expected .300.” And that’s me quoting Rudy!

Billy Butler - I’m gonna pull a Willie Randolph and say it’s racist if people still have Butler on their team. If he were black or Isiah Thomas or Herm Edwards, he would not be on your team. And that’s egregious! So let’s all get along and drop Butler. Now doesn’t that feel good?

Yes, Magic Johnson recovered from AIDS faster than Casey Kotchman beat the kissing disease. Yes, his name sounds like he should be some superhero’s little buddy. No, I don’t have him on any team. So why am I recommending you get him for your fantasy baseball team? Because he knows how to walk. Exciting, right? In six years of the minors his OBP was .407. Last year on the Angels, he had 53 walks against 43 strikeouts. He’s not going to hit 40 home runs. Probably won’t come close to 30 home runs. Back in January, I predicted Casey’s numbers would be 80/22/80/.300 for the season. I’d say those numbers still look about right. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell.

BUY

Robinson Cano - Supposedly the loss of Larry Bowa is what has been bothering him. Yeah, and Oswald acted alone. Bowa’s family doesn’t even miss him that much. Cano will be fine, go get him before he puts together a hot streak.

Carlos Quentin - I’ve told you three times to pick him up, but I don’t feel the love. Go get him then return to tell me about how you dropped Sheffield for him. I’ll smile. What, you don’t want me to smile?

Khalil Greene - He’s a lifetime .250 hitter so I’m not sure what you’re expecting. Oh, home runs! Yeah, he’ll start hitting them. Patience, as Axl Rose would say.

Travis Hafner - I’m a bit concerned about the lack of walks, and even more concerned about the sore shoulder, but I’d still trade for him. He’s had ten home run months before and can do it again.

Paul Konerko - As I recently told you, he was dropped in my ‘pert league. I put in a waiver claim, but came up empty. He was snagged by someone else. If he’s going to reach his career norms, which I think he will, that’s a lot of hitting he’s going to do the rest of the way.

Erick Aybar - You like cheap speed from your middle infielders? Oh, and he has four Ks in 60 at-bats. I likey.

Shane Victorino - Sure the injury is a concern, but he’s still capable of good numbers and he’s about to come back. He bumps Werth to right giving them two outfielders. (Pat the Bat fields as well as Dunn, which is to say they’re DHs in two years.)

Jose Guillen - This is not to say he’s going to have some sort of incredible rest of the season, but he won’t be as bad as he’s been.

Dioner Navarro - Okay, for all of you people still dealing with a hole at catcher, go grab Navarro. His numbers post-All-Star break last year were 30/8/31/.285/2. He’s only 24. Again, those are post-All-Star break numbers.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia - Melhouse was injured yesterday. I’ve picked Salty up in two leagues. He’ll still have Laird in front of him, but if you really need a catcher, stranger things have happened than Salty getting playing time — one stranger thing was him getting shipped to the minors. To give you an idea of who I’m dropping for him, Qualls in a 12 team and Brocail in a fifteen.

Matt Stairs - Rudy once called Stairs a Poor Man’s Giambi. That was true once, but now Giambi’s actually a Poor Man’s Stairs. Weird, right?

Felipe Lopez - Simply because he didn’t break camp with a starting job doesn’t mean he doesn’t have value now. He’ll need to continue to stay hot to stave off Belliard, but he can go it. It’s not like Belliard has that much going for him.

Clint Barmes - Speaking of shortstops who became 2nd basemen who were then written off, he’s not as good as his last week of starts, but batting high in the Rockies order can’t hurt. But, as we know, deer meat can hurt.

SELL

Brandon Phillips - See this morning’s post. Or not. I’ll sleep okay. I wear a sleep mask.

Gary Sheffield - He’s like the baseball equivalent of Rowdy Roddy Piper. You don’t want to like him, but you can’t help yourself. Personally, I love Sheff. He’s a jackass — an egotistical jackass — maniacal even. What’s not to love? Sheffield this year. I know it hurts, but you gotta let him go.

Francisco Liriano - In all but deep leagues and keepers, you’re not selling as much as dropping.

Jorge Cantu - If someone actually believes the resurgence in Florida, I’d sell.

Asdrubal Cabrera - As if having a first name that sounds like a leaky bum isn’t enough, he’s been sitting for Jamey Carroll. Watch to see if Josh Barfield gets the call at 2nd.

Eric Hinske - He goes and gets hot and the club grabs Dan Johnson and Gabe Gross. Here’s mud in your eye, Hinske.

Alfonso Soriano - Not selling sell him for Manny Acosta, but Soriano’s recurring injuries spell trouble. Not to mention, he’s probably older than Tejada.

Jose Lopez - He’s really not that good when he’s playing well, which he is right now.

Kevin Youkilis - He’s not really as good as his April numbers would suggest. If you have a Son of Sam Horn in your league, trade Yooooook.

Daniel Cabrera - Really I could’ve easily put him on the Buy list; that’s the problem with Cabrera. Every time he turns a corner, he turns another corner and he’s right back where he started. If he just turned a corner and stayed there, he’d be incredible.