Now, if Clay wants to be called Buchholz, Imma call him Cassius. Clay Buchholz took a no-hitter into the 8th inning and ended with the line 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks vs. Tampa. The Jewish Journal’s headline read, “Clay Spins Rays Like A Dreidel.” You know why he’s pitching this well, right? Cause I had nothing positive to say about him in the preseason. That’s spiteful, Clay. Spite is one of the seven deadliest sins. Right after that soup the fat guy ate in Se7en and Paltrow’s career after she stopped sleeping with Harvey Weinstein. “Sleep with the gross, sweaty producer, win an Oscar. Sleep with that guy from Coldplay, do movies with Huey Lewis.” Okay, this is a big step for me, but I’m willing to buy into the new and improved Buchholz with his splitter that he learned at the tail-end of last year. I’m not going out and trading for him, but if you went against my wishes and drafted him, you did good. It looks like you might’ve stole a pitcher late that has number two fantasy starter upside. Though I can’t say that I won’t be rooting against him every step of the way, since I don’t own him. My will vs. your will in a steel cage. My will will rake your will’s eyes. My will fights dirty. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Kevin Gregg
Went over our NL-Only team already that was also hosted by Scott White of CBS. To refresh your memory, it was the post that you didn’t read and skipped to the comments to ask questions. No, not that one. The other one… Yeah, that one! If I had my druthers, and if I were using the word druthers correctly, I’d do an NL-Only league instead of an AL-Only league. You think NL-Only was shallow? NL-Only makes AL-Only look downright vapid, by comparison. To give you an idea, the best starter available on waivers right now is Vicente Padilla. That would be great if Ugly were a category. The best 3rd baseman available is Jayson Nix. I’m not sure if his mom, Jayne, would even draft him. The top five best shortstops had 5 homers combined last year. Democratically, divvying them up one each. If you lose a player, you’re basically done. With that said, I wrote this post right after I drafted the team and now we’re in first place (it’s still early; I know). Anyway, here’s our 2012 fantasy baseball team with thoughts on different draft picks:
For sake of clarity: 12 teams, AL-Only, Roto, 5 x 5 — C, C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, CI, MI, OF, OF, OF, OF, OF, Util, BN, BN, BN — P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, BN, BN, BN, BN, DL, DL
C – Jose Molina $3
C – Chris Iannetta $9
1B – Justin Morneau $7
2B – Alexi Casilla $9
3B – Evan Longoria $33
SS – Alexei Ramirez $21
MI – Brendan Ryan $7
CI – Mark Reynolds $19
OF – Nick Swisher $20
OF – Michael Brantley $13
OF – Eric Thames $8
OF – Nick Markakis $19
OF – Yoenis Cespedes $7 (guessing on $ amount, he wasn’t in CBS when we drafted)
U – Alberto Callaspo $4
Bench – Ryan Kalish $0 (free round)
Bench – Jarrod Dyson $0 (free round)
Bench – Jermaine Mitchell $0 (free round)
P – Justin Masterson $13
P – Brad Peacock $4
P – Aaron Crow $3
P – David Robertson $5
P – Jim Johnson $12
P – Ivan Nova $8
P – Chris Sale $12
P – Jake Peavy $8
P – Brian Fuentes $6
Bench – Kevin Gregg $0 (free round)
Bench – Matt Lindstrom $0 (free round)
Bench – Tyson Ross $0 (free round)
Bench – Dylan Axelford $0 (free round)
ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, OUR PITCHING’S TERRIBLE
By everyone, I mean Rudy and myself too. Our pitching staff has one ace… If the league only used Cleveland Indian players. Yeah, not so good. If Peavy surprises and Sale does what I think he’s capable of, then the staff won’t be the worst in the league. Maybe only 11th worst. Our saving grace is our hitting isn’t terrible… Only slightly bad. (BTW, to give you an idea of how early it is in the season. We’re in first place because of this pitching staff… HA!)
ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, OUR HITTING IS SLIGHTLY BAD
I don’t mind our outfield. Though I think it says a lot when Nick Swisher is your most expensive outfielder. I think, in fact, it says, “What the hell were you doing?” Our 2nd highest get on the whole team was Alexei Ramirez. Huh? That’s egregious with a side of vomit. We need about ten players to play over their head and then some luck on top of that.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Joakim Soria went from being a $12 Salad to a Donkeycorn to a Brain Freeze back to a Donkeycorn to off the list completely in 12 short months. And if this is the first post you’ve ever read at Razzball, I probably lost you by the eighth word. Later! In Soria’s wake is Broxton and Holland, who together can be called Hamsterdam. In other “Saves give me serious agita” news is Ryan Madson. He went from a donkeycorn to off the list. Donkeycorns are dropping like flies! Then there’s Drew Storen. He was touch ‘n go there for a day or two… Okay, for about a week or two, but it seems like he could be okay. Yet, he’s starting the year on the DL. Terrific. Since our last Closer Look, Beane told us Balfour got the closer job in Oakland and Chris Perez got the job back from Pestano, which has the Italian American Anti-Defamation League up in arms, but that’s the norm for them since they talk with their hands. Finally, Carlos Marmol had some nerve issues with his hand that many Razzball commenters opined was from too much internet porn surfing. Sounds like someone is empathizing. Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last time, on Nerd TV we looked at some SP whose actual Ks didn’t jive with their expected Ks from last season. That’s 2011, for those of you traveling through time while reading this. In case you can’t read minds or remember 70 random characters at a time, I’ve used this formula for the expected Ks:
eK%=(ClStr%*.9)+(Foul%*.5)+(InPly%*-.9)+(InZSwStr%*1.1)+(OZSwStr%*1.5)
Today, we’ll subjectively select some sandbaggin’ and overachievin’ RP for your fantasy baseball draft strategy.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Since our last Closer Look, we’ve had some comings and goings. One coming was Pestano, who last year said Eataly should give out free pizza toppings if you’re wearing Crocs. With Chris Perez going down for 4 to 6 weeks with the ever-mysterious oblique injury, Pestano should see some saves into the beginning of the year. Double negatives aside, I wouldn’t not draft Perez. He should resume the closer job once he returns because the Indians are committed to him, in the same way Courtney Love should be committed. Another coming was Brett Myers, who will take over the Astros closing job. If you grab Myers at a draft, you’re gonna get beat up. Not speaking metaphorically. If you draft Myers, you should be fine for 25ish saves. Another bit of closer news pertains to Brian Fuentes and Grant Balfour. The A’s are saying Fuentes and Balfour are both up for the closer job. Balfour is the better option, but clubs don’t always go with the best option. (Actually, the best option would be Faustino De Los Santos, but he’s not going to be the closer right out of the gate.) I’d draft Fuentes and Balfour (and FDLS in very deep leagues, an acronym that sounds like a dyslexic branch of Latter-Day Saints). Finally, Javy Guerra was announced the closer to start the season by Don Mattingly, who lost all common sense once he shaved his mustache, which is not a coincidence. Guerra could be the closer for the whole season while having one of the best middle men behind him, kind of how Marmol used to work that role. Or Guerra could blow three saves in April and Jansen will be the closer by April 20th. I think there’s a 50/50 chance either scenario happens. I’d draft both. If Jansen goes to the bullpen, maybe the free time will allow Kenley an opportunity to think about designing with something other than polka dots and prove she deserved to be a Project Runway All-Star (hey, four girl readers, who loves you?). Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?On the heels of the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball — or heals if you’re talking strictly about Huston Street and Andrew Bailey — comes every closer for 2012 fantasy baseball. This is the post you’ve all been waiting for since earlier this morning! Sorry to put you through that hour and a half of anguish/anticipation or anguishipation. You were a melancholy soul. But now you’re happy — yay. It’s still Monday funday! There were quite a few moves this offseason with closers relocating to greener pastures, or in some case, just different pastures. Maybe that’s best expressed through the cliché mash-up — the grass isn’t always greener pastures. Andrew Bailey moved, Mark Melancon moved, Ryan Madson moved, Huston Street moved, Heath Bell moved, Rafael Betancourt moved into the closer role, Sergio Santos moved and Joe Nathan moved. A regular ol’ closerousel that we haven’t see the likes of since Tony La Russa retired (technically, that’s correct; though not exactly that long ago). Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Turns out Leo Nunez isn’t exactly who he said he was. He’s been playing under an assumed name. His real name is Juan Carlos Oviedo, he’s a Latin 29 and he’s pen pals with Keyser Söze. He enjoys snorkeling through Atlantis, talking to his giant rabbit Harvey and hunting Sasquatch. With the Marlins’ discovery of Leo the Lyin’, he was put on the restricted list. One time I was put on a restricted list at a nightclub because I had a few too many tequila shots, danced with someone’s girlfriend, who I shouldn’t have, and bam!
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Remember the good ol’ days when the St. Louis Cardinals were relying on Ryan Franklin to close games for them? Then when he completely flopped, everyone they auditioned as a replacement couldn’t hack it. Then, as luck would have it, they finally found their man: Fernando Salas.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Friends, neighbors and Razzballians, this is the last Closer Look of the season. Sure, I’ll talk about closers during the roundups in the last month, but no more rankings that become dated usually about an hour after I post them. The sadness! The grief! The inconsequence of it all! Since our last look at all the closers, the loss of Brian Wilson — not The Beach Boy, we lost him 25 years ago to the purple pills — is the biggest news from last month to now that isn’t weather related. I’d say we also lost Jon Rauch, but I’m not sure he was ever the closer and he’s seven-three so you can’t really lose him. Just look up. Bobby Parnell finally took over for Izzy after his momentous 300th save that was reported all across the globe (in a small blurb under a classified ad for a used couch.) Jason Motte got a vote of confidence from his manager then a vote of no confidence, which I’m sure will flip-slop at least five more times in September. Jordan Walden fatigued, needs a nap. Huston Street got hurt — shocker! Leo Nunez did his usual late-season dive. Finally, Gregg gaggs yet aggain, but he’s been like that for years and it’s never changed his job security. He’s the Teflon Closer. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Kevin Gregg was handed his 6th blown save yesterday. He’s tizzerrible. I won’t defend him. Your honor, no questions at this time. I just don’t see the Orioles bothering to switch things up. They’re defeated. Look into their eyes and you see the shadow of Cal Ripken Jr.
Please, blog, may I have some more?