Howdy Razzballero! Razzballians? Did we ever come to a consensus on a term to identify the loyal followers of this great site? *checks glossary* Hmmm… don’t see one. I do see the term DLzebub though. That one isn’t used nearly enough. He pays me a visit at least a half a dozen times each season. I hate that guy! But it’s a great term and it probably should be used more often, just hopefully not when analyzing the roster that I recently assembled in an industry mock draft that took place on Wed., Feb. 3rd at Couchmanagers.com (smooth transition, eh?).

The format that was used for this draft was a standard 15 team NFBC format, with no bench spots being the only major difference. The starting positions used were 2 catchers, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, 5 outfielders, CI, MI, Util, and 9 pitchers (any combination of starters and relievers). You can check out the results of the entire draft here.

I drew the #11 pick, and my strategy from that position was simple:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is another ridunkly long post, I’m just going to cut to the chase, like the city of LA going after OJ.  Ah, whatever’s old is new again.  Except, oddly enough, the phrase “whatever’s old is new again” is just old.  The number one thing I’ve learned from watching the OJ TV show?  Marcia Clark perm’d her hair.  She chose to look like that!  Oh, 1990s, you were a glorious time of an irrational fear of STDs and women wearing large bulky sweaters.  All of my 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are there.  As with the other posts, my projections and tiers are noted for every player.  Anyway, here’s the top 60 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One of the great things about playing in a dynasty league is the active offseason. Since most of the players on a roster are kept, the draft is usually just a handful of rounds and consists of other teams’ trash and fresh signees. That means offseason trading can get pretty intense as owners attempt to improve their roster, whittle down their keepers, or accumulate higher draft picks. Razznasty has been no different, and there have been a ton of trades since our offseason opened in November. The league started last year. It’s a 16-team/keep 30 of 40 dynasty league made up exclusively of Razzball readers and writers. I won’t go into every trade in detail, but rather comment on a few of the bigger ones in this post. You can, however, view every trade made this offseason here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s only a few more roundups left on the season, then I’ll be recapping the rest of October, then rookies in November, then sleepers in December, then rankings in January, then I draft Arenado again in February and then March hits and my Cougar wife says to me, “I’ll see you again in October.”  So, as you can see, we don’t have a ton of time before next year.  So, Part II:  So So Again; I wanted to talk briefly about the insanely sexy, hump-taker, Marcus Stroman.  Yesterday, he pitched a fantastic little start — 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, to leave his ERA at 1.67 since his return, but I’m more concerned with Stroman for next year.  Or as I like to call it, Sixteen after Twenty, The Year of The Stroman.  If I call it that, it might give away the ending here, but I’m going to love Stroman in 2016.  Stroman, my pain with his fingers.  One time, one time.  Well, I loved him coming into this year prior to his injury.  An injury, mind you and mind the gap, that wasn’t on his arm.  What’s to like about Stroman?  How about this checklist:  solid ground ball rate, solid Ks and excellent control.  You know who that is?  Dallas Keuchel.  Stroman can be that dominant in 2016 too.  As for 2015, he’s done, so, yo, Grey, hit the segue!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All right all of you, hardcore, prematurely balding fantasy baseballers, who are battling in the trenches these final weeks.  You people.  And by “you people,” I mean middle-aged, middle class white men with their mothers on speed dial.  (What?  Google Analytics can tell a lot.)  Let’s do this like Brutus and Tommy Artootis.  (I went to middle school with Tommy Artootis; you probably didn’t know that.)  Yesterday, Kendrys Morales went 4-for-4, 5 runs and three solo home runs (19, 20, 21).  The Morales of the story?  He’s stepping up to help you win because we prayed for this.  Right after praying that Lay’s Gyro-flavored potato chips wins the new flavor contest.  Show of hands:  how many of you care who becomes the next president?  Okay, now how many of you care what flavor wins Lay’s potato chip contest?  Ya’ll bunch of liars if you didn’t vote for Lay’s.  Can we just make a Trump flavored potato chip to combine all my voting into one place?  Morales has done well for my Tout Wars team, but I’m gonna come up a little short like Altuve.  Here’s the current standings, as you can see power was my real bugaboo.  If Miggy had reached 30 homers like he did seemingly every other year, it could’ve made a huge difference.  For now, let’s bask in Rudy’s dominance and hope Lay’s Gyro flavor kicks ass.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t you know about Greg Bird?  Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy!  I, honestly, figured you would’ve heard.  Heard what, you ask.  Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy!  Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy!  Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy!  Well, everybody said about Greg Bird that Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy!  Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy!  Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy!  You know, I thought you’d heard.  Heard what?  About the Bird!  I was watching a TV show on cybercrime recently, and I have an idea on how to attack North Korea.  Just pump in the “Bird is the Word” song into their national Bose speakers.  (If North Korea has taken over the US by the time you read this, this cyber attack could be used in the reverse direction.  I’m yours, Kimchi Jong-il, however you want to use me.  I am very loyal.)  So, now that we know the word and that word is indeed Bird, what do we do with this info?  We pick him up in our leagues.  He has seven homers in only 29 games.  Sample size, she says.  Well, he had six homers in only 34 games in Triple-A, six homers in only 49 Double-A games, seven homers in only 27 games in Double-A last year…Do you see a pattern?  Bird’s got power.  Not really anything else, but there’s only two weeks left, grab him if you need homers.  Or had you not heard?  Bird Bird Bird, Bird– Okay, I’ll stop.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, I was watching the Twins game and I fell asleep and had a dream that Razzball’s Twitter account got one of those blue check marks.  I’m not sure what this says about my fantasies, but it says something about Tyler Duffey and the Twins.  They lack a certain je ne sais Michelle Kwan.  The Twins seem to do this on purpose.  Very workmanlike.  Like a Minnesota woman who would handily beat me in an arm wrestling match.  Pun noted.  I’ve never been to Minnesota, but I picture the women looking like Jesse Ventura when he used to wear feathers in his hair and leotards.  As with just about every Twins pitcher since Radke, minus Liriano and Johan, Duffey is yet another Twins hurler that has solid control and okay, not great strikeouts.  Yesterday, he went 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Tigers, and had a 2.53 ERA in Triple-A with a 7 K/9.  I don’t see any huge upside here and is better in real life, which apparently the Twins play in.  The Stream-o-Nator hates his next start, but I would start him if I needed to gamble.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With my oldest starting kindergarten last week, I was reminded of my days in grade school and the things I looked forward to the most. The first was the recess basketball game. Your level of happiness for the rest of the day depended upon which side of the ball you were on from Bennett School Playground legend Rufus Frazier. This kid could ball, he had the crazy hook shot that was impossible for the other kids to defend. He had the wicked first step and was one of like five kids that didn’t travel once every four dribbles. The second was cafeteria pizza on Friday’s, if you were lucky you got the french bread ones with the extra cheese. But you didn’t complain if you got the Elio’s because it was still better than anything your Mom gave you all week. Amirite? But the thing I looked forward to the most was the daily snack time around 10 o’clock. The quality of your snacks was a direct correlation to how much your parents loved you. Lucky for me my Mom was killing the snack game way back in 88′ and kept it real proper. So for this week’s edition of my never-ending quest to connect my childhood nostalgia with two start pitchers we’re going to be discussing snack foods of the late 80’s and early 90’s. Some of these staples of my childhood are still in stores, while others have gone the way of Kato Kaelin. Wait he’s still around? Ayo, it’s two start pitchers, Week 24….

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Masahiro Tanaka went 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I took some guff in the preseason for being down on Tanaka, in the non-sexual way.  I projected him for the line of 10-4/3.49/1.15/150.  His line right now is 11-6/3.57/1.01/125.  Yeah, I was waaaaaaaaay off.  Multiple A’s to allow time for an eye roll.  Kids write me letters and say, “Unkie Grey, how did you know what Tanucky (sic) would do so mediocrely?”  My answer is always the same, I’m a witch.  Then I continue, “No, that’s just a broom.  Male witches ride around on Vespas.”  Tanaka was an easy person for me to avoid this year due to his elbow tendon.  For 2016, sadly, I don’t see my enthusiasm changing.  Or at any point for him until he has surgery, rehabs for 12-16 months and then returns.  I wish he would, because I would like to get excited about him, but it’s just not gonna happen, said like Dana Carvey impersonating George H. W. Bush.  Now, excuse me, I double-parked my Vespa on Sandoval’s foot.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Nah, this ain’t an episode of Maury, my friends. If you wanna watch trash tv, do it on your own time…by clicking here! Just realized this was handpicked just for your brain-rotting tastes in mind. In some small way, I’m just happy you’re not watching something Kardashian associated at this point. Bar just keeps lowering, I’ll take what I can get. Nah, I’m of course talking in that colloquially dirty way…which actually isn’t better but maybe a tad more clever? I don’t know, I’m just here to present the facts and the fact is, the Padres have struggled mightily against lefties all year. How bad, you didn’t ask but I’ll pretend you did? They’re bottom 10 in wRC+ at a meager 89 but the big grab is the K%. The Padres are 4th worst in the league with a 23.2% K clip vs southpaws and even with their recent upturn as an offense have not solved this issue. And with that, enter Cole Hamels. He’s not a cheap play but if someone out there is playing Clayton Kershaw, I can’t see how they squeeze in Hamels’ $10,800 salary. All this to say, much like my Danny Salazar call on Monday, sometimes you just need to play the room to find the upside and Cole has that in spades. On a day where you’re gonna be feeling like most pitchers are gonna have you in the fetal position, it’s nice to play daddy somewhere. But enough about my weird role playing fetishes, let’s carry on. Here’s my NSFW Benny Benassi hot takes for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?