So it’s not really the 2nd half mark in the fantasy baseball season, but it’s the All-Star Break so what else are we going to talk about? Hell’s Kitchen? Is it even believable that these people would one day be in charge of a kitchen? There’s Real World castmates who seem like they have their shizz together better than these schmohawks. I like the one guy who shaved his head to tell Gordon, “I’m now ready to get down to business.” I’m from Jersey with a beautiful head of hair. If I shaved my head, it wouldn’t mean I was ‘ready for bidness,’ it would mean I had completely lost my mind. The hair on the top of my head is my 2nd best attribute! Hair above my lip is number one. MasterChef, though, that show is the Sistine Chapel of reality shows. Okay, as with all of the other 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade the outfielder for the 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Miguel Cabrera number one on the top 100 list for the second half of 2013 and he could get in a fight with a bartender (not Tom Wilhelmsen) tomorrow, then he wouldn’t be number one. See how that works. This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half of their season. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Josh Hamilton did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because he’s healthy to start the 2nd half. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2013. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2013:Please, blog, may I have some more?
How many of us have them?
Ones we can depend on
So it dawned upon me that, in the Whodini song, “Friends”, can be replaced by any good word, from your favorite lady parts to my personal favorite, relievers. That’s the hard part, reliability. The reliability of a great conversation with say, and in this instance, a Bartender. Who just happens to be in the news again this week. Tom Wilhelmsen is back, as was inevitable. I mean, come on, Ollie Perez, really? Really? Eric the Wedge has seen the light and by hallelujah from up above realized the error of his ways. Now, he wasn’t laying blame on anyone, though I think it may have been Radames, at least that’s what my boy Bishop was sayin’. So, not if, but when he gets back, what has he learned, walks need to come down, K’s need to come up. Shot specials or a bucket special wouldn’t hurt either. Tom Will needs to forget that month long stretch where he was about as good as a 12-pack of Schafer light. I have some confidence, but the chances will be limited as the Marginers have only had 1, yes I said 1, save opportunity in the last 14 days. Hooray for stats. Stick around for some other tidbits and rankings. Oh and Enjoy the glorious celebration of our nation’s birth.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings! It is I, Tehol Beddict, back again with more H2H and points League advice. You might ask yourself, “How are these posts any different than the regular fantasy posts?” Well for one, I write them, so they have a different perspective for you. For two, I am known as one of the 5 greatest head to head fantasy baseball players in the United States so I have credentials that literally only 4 other men/women can say they have. And for 3, don’t you dare ever think to ask yourself that question again. Take heed, for you shall benefit fantasy wise and even more importantly, have an enjoyable reading experience with America’s one and only model/fantasy writer. Come now sirs, let me service you.Please, blog, may I have some more?
My fantasy career goes back further than LeBron’s hairline, it’s Beddict – I pack more nuts than Delta Airlines. Greetings! Tis I, Tehol, back again and ready to wreck shizz! Yea!!! This is going to be my greatest post of all time, I can just feel it inside my beautifully sculpted bones. Wait, hold on a second…….. I just received a 911 text on my pager. What’s this? “Boy Toy Troy” Tulowitzki has a broken rib? He’s gonna be out 6 weeks you say? Well that’s just swell! Oh and Sky already grabbed Rutledge off waivers? I will pay any of you readers the equivalent to 500 dollars in man thongs for information on his whereabouts. Sky that is, not Tulo. I know Tulo is in the waiting room at his gynecologist at this very moment, but Sky’s a tough man to locate. Can Sky sue me for threatening him on razzball? Sue me for what? Man thongs? That’s basically the only possession of value I own besides my chicken, an extremely rare breed.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So Donnie Baseball finally read all those free pamphlets that Mensa has been sending him. I mean it was written on the urinal wall next to that for a good time call, insert Nick Capozzi’s home phone number, message on your favorite swill factory you frequent.. Kenley Jansen takes over for the refuse dump, minus glasses, known as Brandon League. Jansen is elite in K’s, potential and arrhythmia.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Mariners don’t play no mess. That’s their motto, and not the oft-cited mottoes, “F-Her and pray for rain,” or “Put the fences on wheels, so we can move them in when we’re at-bat and out when the other team is,” or “If we trade Chris Tillman and Adam Jones for Erik Bedard, we’ll have more seats empty to fill the stadium with recliners.” With the “don’t play no mess” motto in full-mode, they brought up Mike Zunino. A catcher bat like Zunino only comes once in a lifetime (the lifetime is that of a guinea pig that is being cared for by a 12-year-old, so the lifespan is about 18 months. Remember, because age is rounded down to the last birthday, on average guinea pigs live a half year beyond their final birthday. They live as zombies. Zombie guinea pigs are all around us. Now, I’m scared.) Sure, the last once in a lifetime catcher bat after Buster Posey and Matt Wieters also played for the Mariners. You remember, it was the Jesus who couldn’t catch or hit but could walk on water with the best of them. So, after turning to Jesus twice (Montero, Sucre), the Mariners are now turning to Rookie Zuninookie. BTW, Sucre is sugar, and Zunino sounds like Mexican artificial sweetener. You might remember Mike Zunino from such Scott, our prospect writer, sentences as, “.360/.447/.689 between Low-A and Double-A,” “The third overall pick this past June has been simply incredible since signing,” and my favorite, “His tools profile suggests he’ll eventually develop into a very nice big league catcher, and one you’ll want in fantasy leagues, but most people around baseball don’t see the Travis D’Arnaud/Jesus Montero/Devin Mesoraco-type ceiling with Zunino,” which came when he ranked him 44th in the top 50 fantasy baseball prospects. Not to get all Chinese Calendary on you, but 2013 isn’t going to the Year of the Incoming Catcher. Zunino’s chances of making a huge impact seem slim to anorexic. The path to fantasy value for a catcher isn’t a Sunday drive down the Henry Hudson for Will Smith in the movie, Hancock. If Zunino blows away my projections, he gets 15 homers and a .260 average. More likely, he gets 7-10 homers and a .240 average. You can probably do better. Look at me having faith in you! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On June 3rd, 2013, a young Cuban, armed with 5 tool ability and a rockin bod, landed on the Southern Coast of California. He was called upon to save a sinking ship, filled with disgracefully overpaid former all-stars including Manager Don Mattingly, who doesn’t seem to be capable or running a little league team, let alone the Los Angeles Dodgers. Hoping to find support from this beautiful Cuban specimen, they intended to immediately plug him into their leadoff spot as they intended to rise out of the cellar and eventually take over first place in the standings. It became evident from the first few hours of playing, that this stunning specimen was quite possibly their savior. The aforementioned Mattingly was going to place spark plug Nick Punto in the leadoff spot, but wisely was overruled by upper management as Don is the perfect little puppet. Did I say spark plug? I meant butt plug. Consequently, the Dodgers have won 3 out of their last 4 games and the baseball world has been taken hostage by this awe-inspring young Cuban. His name: Yasiel Puig, and he’s now batting 438 with 3 dongs and 9 ribbies, adding up to 27.5 fantasy points in 4 days. I’ve got to admit that I’m a little upset with rotoworld for breaking the news that the Dodgers were calling up Joc Pederson, so I grabbed him instead. WHOOPS! Can I sue them for pain and emotional suffering? Get Cochran on this ASAP! What?! He’s dead? When did that happen? Are there any other African American legends I can get on the case? I need that Cochran swag and unfortunately white guys just come off as douche b@gs when they act that way.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jacob Turner took care of business last night and grabbed the win in his 2013 debut, snapping Miami’s nine game losing streak as well as ending the Mets own adorable little winning streak. Jacob pitched seven quality innings against the Mets and gave up just 5 hits, 1 walk, and struck out three, managing 12 ground ball outs. After the game he assured his fans, “You ain’t seen nothing yet!” I hope that’s true because his minor league stats were pretty underwhelming. You may remember Jacob as the primary get for the Marlins in the Tigers Anibal Sanchez/Omar Infante trade. Turner was initially expected to make the rotation to start the year but he struggled and continued to struggle in AAA in April, walking too many batters and just not pitching as consistently as the Marlins would have liked. Jacob improved, however, and posted a 3.00 ERA with a 20/6 K/BB ratio in five starts in May, and the injury to Alex Sanabia gave him a chance to start taking care of business in the bigs. Outside NL-Only and deeper mixed he’s just someone to watch for now. The former ninth overall pick is still just 22 years old and as he learns his way through the league he could prove himself streamer-worthy. He may be worth a flier versus the banged up Phillies next week, but temper your expectations as you would with any player who plays for the MIA Marlins.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day Don Mattingly said something like this, “When your closer can’t close, but you need games closed and you have a closer in name and a non-closer closer, who’s your closer? The guy who’s closing games? I don’t know. I’m seriously asking. I would think it’s the guy you call closer, but we call Brandon League the closer and he can’t close, so the closer must the guy we don’t call closer but can close games named, Kenley Jansen. Warmer… Warmer… No, now you’re getting colder. Go back the other way.” Kenley Jansen got the save. YAY!…But…BOO!…It was on the tail end of an 8 2/3 IP, 11 Ks, 6 baserunners stunning performance by Clayton Kershaw, so it wasn’t a stereotypical save. I would’ve preferred to see a standard “closer enters to start the 9th inning” save before telling people to drop League. I’d hold both for now, but a new era (not the hats) may be upon us. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, last week I said the Boston situation would go swimmingly, results so far have been 2 drowning victims and an all-Asian rescue team. First, Andrew Bailey went down with triceps injury, then Joel Hanrahan said, “anything you can do I can do better,” and has a forearm strain. Now, I’m no doctor, I pretend to play one at 2 AM and it’s last call, different story, but you get my point, but isn’t it only one arm, not fore? So to the rescue in their tight red water panties are the best combo since Chico found the man, Koji and Junichi. The eighth and ninth innings for all games on NESN now will be in full anime, and Rem-Dog will be eaten. I fully expect Tazawa to be the focal point of save situations until either Bailey or Hanrahan return. He was closing for a tick last year at Pawtucket, which is like me fishing and saying I’m Gordon’s fisherman. The numbers this year are pretty outstanding (18 K’s in 14 In) so he has momentum, his only flaw is he is a fly ball pitcher and that tends to bite ya in the oshiri…sometimes. Stay tuned to see what else I see/saw or foresee coming up in the world of conclusionary pitchers and the gents that set them up.Please, blog, may I have some more?