Brian Duensing went seven innings with no earned runs, 11 baserunners and 6 Ks. I almost started him, but he was going vs. the A’s and they’ve hurt me so many times this year. I think I owned the losing pitcher for every one of their wins. The rest of the way, Duensing gets the Tigers twice and the Royals once. Not terrible starts. The Tigers hitting isn’t as good as their record and the Royals, well, ya know. Duensing probably won’t provide you with a ton of Ks, but he has solid control and a last name that sounds like an Indonesian prison. (BTW, his last name may only sound like that because of my new favorite TV show, Locked Up Abroad. Next time I go abroad, I’m not even going to mule in any exotic fruit. BTW II, instead of mule, shouldn’t they call these smugglers jackasses? I apologize to any of our drug dealing readers. You know who you are.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
B.J. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chad Qualls is probably done for the season. The closer shituation isn’t going to be pretty in Arizona, unfortunately. We’re looking at a closerousel. I’d list the candidates in this order: Juan Gutierrez, Clay Zavada, Esmerling Vasquez, Daniel Schlereth and Blaine Boyer. Reading those names again, I vomited into a trash bin and the ghost of Hoyt Wilhelm materialized and said in a British accent, “Be careful, Grey. Gutierrez is iffy at best and Zavada can’t see past his mustache when he pitches from the stretch.” Because times are lean for saves in a few of my leagues, I’ll cop to grabbing the first two guys. Careful about going with any of them if you don’t need saves. But really, who doesn’t need saves? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Krispie Young – In America, everyone gets a 2nd chance — John Travolta, Michael Vick and the police officer from The Village People. Maybe people get 2nd chances in Kathmandu. I don’t know. I’ve never heard anyone say, “Everyone gets a 2nd chance in Kathmandu.” Krispie returns to the majors and should be play nearly every day. What can we expect? Nothing. How’s that optimism? But what can he do? Well, he’s been hot in his recent Triple-A stint and he had a decent 2nd half last year. Absolute ceiling of expectations would be 4 homers and 4 steals in September. It’s not going to save your team, but it could help. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Julio Borbon has been running around like a chicken without its head or maybe Borbon is *pinkie to mouth* a Wild Turkey. Yesterday, he even hit a home run. The word out of the mean streets of Arlington was he’d sit once Cruz returned. Cruz returned. Borbon played. Natch! Will Borbon’s brilliance continue? Unfortunately, I don’t think so. He’s doing his best Mr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Our fearless leader has been crippled by some Kryptonic supermarket macaroni salad so I will be your tour guide through the daily baseball comings and goings.
So J.P. Ricciardi waved goodbye to Alex Rios and freed up some money so he can buy some tickets to Moneyball The Movie and to get one of them new-fangled Adam Dunn verification machines for his phone. Rios hasn’t been great outside of Toronto this year, but The Cell isn’t exactly Petco Central. He actually has picked it up a bit going 6-14 with 2 home runs in his last 4 games. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Corey Hart is out for up to a month with an appendectomy. My college roommate had an appendectomy and he returned from the hospital in 24 hours and back to drinking Olde E forties with me by Friday, which is what we called Tuesday. Bill Hall will be recalled (Score one for NL pitchers) and Frank Catalanotto will see time in right field (score one for the Catalanottos). Good thing the Brewers traded for Gerut. Who? Hey, you sound like Ken Macha! I expect the Hart will go on in September. If he gives you his biggest month of the season then, it’ll be about 4 homers and 4 steals for the month. Whoopie! If Hart’s still on your team, now’s as good a time as any to cut him, unless you have DL room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – Just hit the DL. Usually he doesn’t turn into a pumpkin for another twenty games. Kinsler was in Friday’s Buy/Sell. Betcha can guess which side of the slash he fell on. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Garko was traded to the Aints for Scott Barnes, no relation to Priscilla. Not sure why the Indians traded a cheap guy with 11 homers and a .285/.362/.464 line. Maybe the Giants offered some trinkets to the Indians. Besides his season line, Garko has been hot recently (.429 in his last seven games with two homers). Pac Bell/AT&T/The Fridge That Sandoval Raids is not a hitter’s haven, but Garko should hit in the heart of the order and see every day playing time. Definitely worth pursuing in NL-Only leagues and 12 team leagues, if you’re hurting at corner. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jason Bay has been terrible. Like Don Mattingly’s wife in a mugshot terrible. In June, J-Bay hit .230 and 4 homers, but he was hitting the cover off the ball in June compared to July. In July, he’s hitting .203 with 1 homer. This month Garrett Jones has hit more homers during REM sleep. The optimist in me says Bay will hit 15 homers and .300 the rest of the way with ten steals. The pessimist in me thinks he’ll be benched in favor of Chris Duncan. The realist looks at all of his splits and sees a guy that has been consistent throughout his career, minus a season (2007) when he was battling knee problems. The surrealist in me thinks Bay will hit a line drive up the middle that will ricochet off the pitcher and shoot to the 1st baseman who will smack the ball into center, then the ball will slowly roll back towards the infield until God tilts the field and the ball rolls towards the 3rd baseman, but God tilts too far and the field freezes causing the ball to roll back towards the catcher. In all likelihood, Bay’s 2nd half should be somewhere in the realist realm (though it would be cool if the surrealist was spot-on). I think Bay can give you 10+ homers, .280 average and a handful of steals. Right now, I’m actively trying to acquire him in one league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Erik Bedard – Back to the DL. In related news, George Sherrill was an All-Star in 2008, Adam Jones in 2009 and Chris Tillman is about to be called up. Please, blog, may I have some more?
You never owned Aubrey Huff before, but going into your draft you glanced at your cheatsheets and saw Huff’s 2008 numbers and thought you really found something purdy. You called your lady and said, “Baby, tonight we can watch any Kate Hudson movie you want, I got Aubrey Huff in my draft!” So you sat through Ten Things I Hate About Kate Hudson and Matthew I’m-Kinda-Gay and thought life’s okay, this movie will end and Huff will still be on my team. Now you’re thinking about how you wish you had Gordo Sandoval and those two hours of your life back. No fear, Flav loves reindeer. Aubrey Huff hit .231 last May and .337 in June. Then .332 in the 2nd half. In 2007, he hit .309 compared to .258 in the 1st half. Listen, I hate Huff. Seems like he leaves 20% in the locker room, but he’s repeatedly shown to be a 2nd half hitter. I wouldn’t buy him with Gallardo, but I think at this point, you don’t have to. You can probably get him for very cheap. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Mike MacDougal – I gave up on the Nats and their perpetually frustrating closerousel, but you, friend, you’re your own person. I’d grab some Tagamet if you’re going for Macky D’s. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Carlos Delgado might as well enjoy a Cocktail or two as he’s the latest member of the new hip injury (double entendre) – the torn labrum. It took A-Rod two months to come back from this and he’s younger, in better shape, and a bigger poser (not sure how the 3rd point is relevant, just felt like saying it). If you drafted Delgado, you’ve got to just let him go. No use clogging up a DL slot except if you’re in a real deep league. Forget the Mets replacements for now – Tatis, Murphy, Kranepool, etc – as none of them have 1B eligibility. Hopefully you have another player for the 1B slot and can just grab the best 1B/3B available for cornerman. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Rickie Weeks – Weeks’s out-for-the-seasony is epidemic, ya’ll. Hardy likes to hit 2nd and Hart or Counsell would make sense in the leadoff spot. If Gamel plays 3rd, Counsell or Hall would be play 2nd. Hall would get a nice boost in value if he gains 2nd base eligibility, which is to say he would go from no value to some value in deep leagues. This Weeks injury should be a wake up call for all Blalock owners. One day he’s hitting homers, the next day he has a root canal that sidelines him indefinitely. Okay, Weeks, Nomar and Baldelli offer you a ride, but the catch is you can’t wear your seatbelt, do you accept the ride? Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you drafted Manny this year, then you better make a new plan, Stan because Man-Ram is getting time off for bad behavior. 50 games to be exact. The reason – he came up positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which can be used to boost testosterone levels. Manny seems to be claiming his doctor prescribed it for erectile dysfunction but the drug is most often prescribed for…women’s fertility. Huh? And here we thought Alyssa Milano was the only person in the LA Dodger clubhouse taking those. Maybe Manny got screwed by a bad boner doctor but our money is on Scott Boras. He probably gave those pills to Manny, told him they were Flintstone vitamins, and Manny hallucinated Flintstone faces onto the vitamins. Please, blog, may I have some more?