Fantasy Baseball Advice

David Wright was released from the hospital yesterday after tests showed that he was okay from Saturday’s beaning.  When he first went down, the Mets had some serious concerns when Wright couldn’t answer straightforward questions like, “Who’s our starting shortstop?” “Who plays 1st?”  “Who’s the shirtless guy hiding in Jerry Manual’s locker?”  Wright might be out for the season.  Probably be the best thing that could happen to his fantasy owners.  The wait for his power to return can finally end.  Though I wouldn’t drop him in one year leagues until it’s official he’s not returning, unless room on your DL is spare.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Nick Johnson – Left with a hamstring injury.  He seemed to be in good spirits after the game, smiling in locker room pictures.

Nate McLouth – McLousy’s out for a few days after aggravating his hamstring injury and his fantasy owners.

Luke Scott – HR yesterday.  He credits the homer to finally feeling better from the flu.  I guess he had the dreaded 1,700 Hour Flu.

Nick Markakis – Sparkakis!  He now has 14 homers on the year.  He needs ten more to get in my good graces.  Chucking in seven steals along the way wouldn’t hurt either.  Yes, it’s a pipe dream, but it’s my pipe dream.

Erick Aybar – 3-for-6, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs and 2 steals.  Since the All-Star Break, there’s been few MI schmohawks to fill a line like EA – get in the game!

Mike Napoli – The Angels scored 17 runs, Napoli went 1-for-6 with 1 RBI.  Ticker Tease!

Torii Hunter – Returned to the lineup and went 2-for-6 with 2 RBIs, while batting sixth.  Might take him a few days to a week before he’s moved back up the order.  Then again, we’re talking about Scioscia.

Chone Figgins – 4-for-7, 3 Runs, 3 RBIs and a steal.  Who is this Angels offense?  The 1985 Cardinals?

Carlos Gonzalez – 2 HRs yesterday.  How about you give me your password and I’ll pick him up?

Chris Coghlan – 5-for-10 in the doubleheader with a HR yesterday.  Yesterday was a good day for Friday’s Buy guys.

Aaron Cook – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER. About a week ago, turf toe sidelined him.  This start makes me think he’s not completely over it.  I wouldn’t start him anywhere until we see a decent game.  Then again, most of you probably don’t start him anywhere anyway.

Roy Oswalt – 6 IP, 5 ER.  Speaking of pitchers who just don’t seem right.

Hunter Pence – Homers now in back-to-back games.  Love to see him explode in the final month-plus like a Spinal Tap drummer.

Julio Borbon – 4 steals on Saturday, 2-for-3 on Sunday.  He’ll be leading off for the next week vs. righties until Cruz returns.  If you need steals, grab him now.  There’s no time for this Borbon to age.  Oofa!

Junichi Tazawa – 5 IP, 4 ER.  I told you my trepidation on Tazawa in Friday’s Buy/Sell.  And that’s me alluding to me!

Grady Sizemore – HR and steal yesterday as he went 2-for-4.  Since the All-Star Break, he has 4 homers and two steals.  I really wish the Indians would just shut him down so I have no reservations about drafting him next year.  (1 Pun Point for Grey.)

Taylor Teagarden/Kelly Shoppach – HR for each yesterday as The Catchers That Had Everyone Caca-Cuckoo In 2008 rise again.

Colby Rasmus – HR yesterday.  In his short time in the majors, Colby has shown himself to be hella streaky.  (Hella’s for the 18-35 males.)  Right now, Colby is hella hot.  If you need OF help, get’m while they’re hot.

Ryan Howard – 2 HRs yesterday.  For one of my teams, I hope he goes on one of his 10 homer month tears.  For a different team where I don’t own him, I hope he tanks.  Only Natalie Imbruglia knows how I feel.

Brad Lidge – When a manager brings a closer in for a one out save, it’s called kid gloves.

Rafael Soriano – Figured out a way to explain his recent gopher ball troubles, he says he’s dealing with shoulder problems.   I still maintain he’s going to lose save opps in the near future.

Clayton Richard – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, but 12 baserunners as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post.  But he’s a HodgePadre and shouldn’t have been started in this game anyway.  But II, The Return of But:  He threw so many walks and he gets the same team next time at Petco (Cards) that I probably won’t start him there in most leagues.

Joba Chamberlain – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners vs. the Mariners.  Potatoes to chips, I like the way the Yankees are babying him this year (skipping him and whatnot), but I like it for next year.  For this year, it’s not helping his value when he’s skipped then throws a bucket of fake puke over the movie theater balcony.

Rajai Davis – Stole his third base in four games yesterday.  How is he owned in only 17.5% of ESPN leagues?  I know 75% of ESPN leagues are abandoned, but still.  He should be owned everywhere.

Adrian Gonzalez – 4-for-5, HR yesterday.  I wonder if Adrian calls up other teams pretending to be Kevin Towers and tries to trade himself.

Randy Wolf – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks.  And he hit a homer or as frequent commenter, Steve, said, “Wolfman jack!”

Josh Willingham – HR yesterday, 3 RBIs and offered all of his green M&M’s to sweeten the Nats deal for Strasburg.

Geoff Blum – Hit his ninth homer yesterday.  Here’s something to blow your mind.  Geoff Blum’s power > Vladimir Guerrero’s power.  Want more?  Geoff Blum’s power > David Wright’s power.

Travis Hafner pronk’d you like only he can.  Here’s you in the 17th round of your draft, “Well, Swisher’s staring at me like he wants my Jolly Ranchers, but his playing time is an issue.  Oh, wait, I know!  I’ll grab Hafner because he’s going to bounce back to in medias res HGH levels of production.” First off, it’s impressive you used in medias res in a sentence to yourself even if it was used wrong.  That kind of Latin isn’t often seen during internal monologues by anyone born after 78 AD.  Second, I told you to avoid Hafner!  What are you doing?  Thinking on your own? And in Latin?!  C’mon, man.  Carpe Diem!  Hafner’s off to see Dr. Freeze and the Indians are looking at a possible LaPorta promotion.  Mmm… Bop!  I still don’t think he comes up yet, but his chances just got better.  This Pronk’ing also just opened up more time for Shoppach.  Member how annoyed you were that you owned Shoppach and he wasn’t playing?  Well, he should be owned now.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Yovani Gallardo – 8 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks.  Also, provided the only scoring for the Brew Crew with his 2nd homer this year.  Choose your favorite commenter’s word play:  A) He went Ga-yardoed!  B) Gallardonk!

Edinson Volquez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit.  Only one walk.  Efficient, son.

Ryan Zimmerman – 18-game hitting streak.  Looks like Zimm’s sick of being the bridesmaid.

Adam Rosales – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs.  More importantly, Dusty played him.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-5, .329 on the season with 4 steals and one homer.  I haven’t mentioned AS-drubal much since the season started because I pushed him so much during the offseason.  Well, he’s doing what I thought he would.  Little of this, little of that.

Felipe Paulino – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks.  Now with a 2.55 ERA in three games.  Gets the Nats next.  Yes, please.

Julian Taverez – Got the save yesterday.  Then crane kicked himself in the head.  He’ll be okay.

Kelly Shoppach – HR yesterday in the DH spot.   Later, Pronky Loser.

Eric Stults – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  He didn’t look Some Kind of Wonderful last night.

Pablo Sandoval – Day-to-day with tightness in his left groin.  Sandoval has two groins?

Fausto Carmona – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Don’t matter to me cause I dropped his 6.28 ERA owning, no strikeout throwing ass.  I told Rudy something like this when I dropped Carmona for Gaudin, “Carmona’s got the kind of promise that can really hurt a team.”  What I mean, you can’t start him and you can’t bench him.  It’s the worst place to be.  I’m going to let some other schmohawk deal with this nonsense.

Jon Van Every – HR yesterday.  Wait, is that the lady from Knots Landing?

Brett Myers – 6 IP, 3 ER.  I have similar feelings about Myers as I do about Carmona.  Only Myers is in the NL so he’s slightly more attractive.

B.J. Ryan – Expected out until at least late-May as he was told he needed a week of “no-throw.”  Hmm… How about a month of “no-own?”

Carlos Marmol – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  This one’s hurting me because I don’t have patience for an MR who’s giving up runs.  No matter who he is.  Marmol might be hurting.  Maybe it was those 20,000 pitches he threw last year.

Kenshin Kawakami – Next start being pushed back two days because of a sore shoulder.  Not a good sign…

Javier Vazquez – 8 IP, 5 ER, 8 Ks.  I’m convinced Javy could have this line if he pitched in Petco or Coors.  Always seems to strikeout guys and give up some runs.  He’s not all or nothing as much as all and nothing.

Eric Patterson – Someone in our fantasy baseball forums mentioned him yesterday and I realized I failed to mention him when I talked about Ellis going down.  Anyway, Patterson — SAGNOF.

Nick Swisher – 2 HRs yesterday to bring his total to 7.  And these haven’t even been in The Jetstream.

Billy Butler – 4-for-5, 2 HRs.  He did it for all of you muffin tops out there.

Jorge Cantu – HR yesterday for his 6th.  He’s in a cheap power for a 1st baseman race with Swisher.

Rick Porcello – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Okay, but you shouldn’t have been starting him in this game anyway.  Save him for AL Central matchups or lose him forever. (<–Hey, that sounded like Meg Ryan’s line to Goose in Top Gun.)

Conor Jackson – Hitting only .200 with 1 HR.  Manage 2 RBIs and 1 Run just by walking twice with the bases loaded.  We’ve said it once counting this instance:  Conor Jackson is the best RBI guy in baseball if you discount all RBIs earned from official ABs.

Zach Greinke – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  I think he might be this year’s feel good story like Hamilton was last year, “Zach Greinke:  The Purpose Pitch.”

Frenchy’s back, Jordan Schafer’s going to hit 161 home runs (accounting for one rainout, of course) and McCann’s going to win the MVP.  Oh, and Lowe’s winning the Cy Young.  Unanimous.  Spring has sprung and baseball’s back.  It’s a good time to be alive.  Aren’t you glad you didn’t eat any peanuts in the last three months?  They’re poisonous, ya’ll.  (It’s a wonder Jimmy Carter’s still going strong.  He is a superhero.)  Right now, I feel like putting some tilapia on the grill, an Olde English in an oversized cozy and kicking back for the next six months while the sounds of baseball dance in my head.  Oh, and win all my fantasy baseball leagues; that would be nice too.  The number one thing you don’t want to do in the next few weeks is overrate anything you see.  You’re not winning your league in the first few weeks, but you can sure as heckfire lose them.  As inviting as Jordan Schafer seems right now, don’t drop Milton Bradley for him.  Even if Milton does the devil’s work.  Jordan Schafer’s an intriguing name in deep leagues.  Just don’t jump out the window until you see how real the fire is.  On the other hand, don’t ignore what goes on these first few weeks.  This is when The ‘08 Nadys (<–great band name) emerge.  Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend for fantasy baseball:

Joey Devine – Aching Joey Devine is out for 60 days.  Punt!  Not worth holding a “potential” closer who may not be back for a while.

Gary Sheffield – Omar Minaya must’ve heard Sheff was raised in a Latin district of Tampa.  Not worth looking at in anything but the deepest of leagues.

Ichiro Suzuki – Bleeding ulcer, out until April 15th.  Endy Chavez will be batting leadoff on opening day.  Good to see the Mariners have a Plan B.  See Razzpoll on the bottom right for possible reasons behind Ichiro’s ulcer.

Derek Lowe – 8 innings, 0 runs.  Had a 2.88 ERA last April and has started off this one on a good note.  Next start, Washington.  Yum.

Josh Anderson -  Will get the nod for the Tigers in the opening today.  Has little power, but speed to burn — SAGNOF.

Brandon Morrow – Will close from the onset of the year.  If you think you’re being cute with Aardsma or Mark Lowe or Batista, you’re not.

Elijah Dukes – 4th outfielder to start the season.  Was on the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell on Friday as a Sell.  I wonder if Dukes is angry.

David Freese – Just when you think you’ve got LaRussa figured out, he plays Brian Barden at third in the Cards first game.  It’s only against lefties… supposedly.

Jeff Francoeur – HR yesterday.  Could this be the start of something?  

Kelly Shoppach – Getting time behind the plate in the first game with Garko sitting.  Encouraging sign, except for Garko owners.

Brian Wilson – Boo-boo healed. Will get saves to open the season.

Matt Lindstrom – Ready to go for opening day.  Aren’t we all?

B.J. Ryan – No velocity, no cry.  He’s the closer to start the season.

Mark Reynolds/Justin Upton – Sitting tomorrow against the “tough” righty, Aaron Cook.  Let’s hope for a speedy collision between Chad Tracy and Eric Byrnes.

Brett Myers – This time on the other side of a beating.  Was on our risky pitcher post.  Am I worried?  Not really, but I didn’t go near him in any draft either.

Mike Gonzalez – Our first Kazaam! of the season.  It’s good to be back.

These top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball will be yawnstipating compared to the top 20 1st basemen or even top 20 shortstops, but you have to start somewhere, right? (That was rhetorical.)  You can check out our other top 20 lists for 2009 fantasy baseball under 2009 Fantasy Baseball Rankings.  I usually don’t draft a top catcher, instead I hold off until the later rounds and grab one of the late rounders.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to start the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Varitek?  Oy vey.), cause some of youse like to gamble on a top catcher.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Chris Snyder.  Listed along with these catchers are my 2009 projections for each player.  Feel free to also look at our 2009 fantasy baseball player rater.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball:

1. Brian McCann – This is the first tier of catchers.  This tier goes from here to Doumit.  I call this tier, “I won’t own one, but I hear they’re good.”  This was the one top catcher I owned in 2008 and that was only because he seemed to be discounted compared to Joe Mauer and Victor Martinez.  So my fantasy team with McCann must’ve have been the top performing offensive team I had, right?  Nopers.  The top catcher, McCann, still only gave you 68/23/87/.301.  If he did that at 3rd base, you’d call him Melvin Mora.  Zoinks!  2009 Projections:  75/25/95/.295

2. Geovany Soto – I have a personal bias against Mauer, but I’ll get to him.  (9 HRs and 1 steal in 2008!?!  Are you effin’ kidding me?)  Seems to me that the current climate (outside of Chicago) about Soto is he was great in 2008, but that’s about all we can expect from him.  He’s going to be 26 on opening day.  He can’t get better?  Actually, he can.  2009 Projections:  70/26/100/.280

3. Joe Mauer – Somewhere someone once wrote, “9 HRs and 1 steal in 2008!?!  Are you effin’ kidding me?” I forget where I read that, but it’s eloquent, profound and other razzy words for eloquent and profound.  Why are people drafting this dooode so early?  For a .330 average?  Shoot, lay off the Mark Reynolds-trans fat and you don’t need the Joe Mauer tasting-like-dust protein shake.  2009 Projections:  95/12/80/.320/3

4. Victor Martinez - I’m not drafting Victor Martinez on any teams, unless… Once again, and in caps — UNLESS he falls really far in a draft.  He’s only going to be thirty-years-old during the 2009 season; I don’t think he’s done just yet.  2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300

5. Russell Martin – Martin is featured in our Razzball glossary for the term, “Teabagger,” but otherwise Razzball doesn’t have much love for The Backstop Who Plays Near Eagle Rock.  I don’t want to have anything to do with a catcher who gives you value because of some schmohawkian steals.  You’d be surprised at how fast a 13/18 catcher can become a 12/7 catcher. You really want to draft Placido Polanco in the fourth round as your catcher?  2009 Projections:  95/15/70/.285/10

6. Ryan Doumit – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Biggie Molina.  I call this tier, “The first catchers I could draft in any league.”  I originally had Iannetta at number six then put Doumit here, then Iannetta then Shoppach then… Well, you get the idea.  The next three catchers are all very close.  Doumit is injury-prone, but so what?  If he hits 17 home runs in 110 games and you can plug in someone else the other 50 games, you’re actually better off than having a subpar catcher for 160 games.  Doumit’s injury history is actually how he ended up in front of Iannetta and Shoppach.  It’s a plus in my mind.  2009 Projections:  60/17/70/.295/2

7. Chris Iannetta – Could easily finish 2009 in the top 3 of this top 20 list, which makes him so enticing.  He would’ve been ranked a bit higher on this list if not for Yorvit Torrealba’s deal with the devil to lessen Iannetta’s fantasy value.  2009 Projections:  55/19/70/.265

8. Kelly Shoppach – The Indians have to play Martinez at 1st or DH, right?  I think they do, but they might not.  Here’s a scenario, V-Mart starts off slow and says he needs to be behind the plate to get going offensively.  The Indians appease Martinez four times a week and Shoppach sits in 75% of the games.  This may sound like death for Shoppach’s value, but I still think he could put up 15 home runs in that scenario.  Remember, Shoppach was once a decent prospect.  Hopefully, he gets even more at-bats.  2009 Projections:  50/18/60/.260

9. Mike Napoli – Bill James has Napoli hitting 31 home runs if he gets 449 at-bats.  Well, that’s the catch, ain’t it? (Speaking of catch, has anyone ever seen Fishing with John?  It’s one of the best TV shows ever.  The episode where he goes ice fishing with Willem Dafoe is brilliant.  But I digress.)  Last year in 227 at-bats, Napoli’s numbers were 39/20/49/.273/7. With full-time catcher duties, he’s the number one catcher, right?  No.  His average isn’t going to be over .270 in 2009 and he’s not a full-time catcher.  Also, if he were a full-time catcher in 2009, his average would really suffer.  2009 Projections: 55/23/65/.245/7

10. Bengie Molina – And onto the next tier of catchers.  I like to call this tier, “Just punt and go with an upside pick like Salty, Teagarden or Flores.”  2009 Projections: 50/15/70/.275

11. Ramon Hernandez – Every time I convince myself Ramon Hernandez has one more big season left in him, my common sense steps in and talks about what a bloody moron I am.  I’d consider grabbing Ramon Hernandez in some leagues, but the better move is grabbing a younger upside pick real late cough Clement cough 2009 Projections:  55/17/75/.260

12. Jorge Posada – Posada has the name attached to him that says 20 home runs and 85 runs.  But he has a shoulder (barely) attached to him that says 12 home runs and a DL stint.  Don’t get nostalgic. Posada’s not worth being drafted in ten team mixed leagues.  If you’re drafting a catcher this far down the list, do yourself a favor, grab Salty or even Laird. 2009 Projections: 55/12/65/.270

13. Pablo Sandoval -  And another tier begins.  Let’s call this tier, “Guys that I wouldn’t mind having on my team.  After all, it is just a catcher.  Take a flier.”  You get an extra catcher, because Sandoval might not be eligible at catcher in your league.  If he is, you’re in luck because there’s going to be a 2009 Fantasy Baseball sleeper post about Sandoval shortly.  2009 Projections: 60/14/65/.300

14. Chris Snyder – A poor man’s Napoli.  2009 Projections:  55/18/70/.245

15. Jeff Clement – Huge 2009 fantasy sleeper right here.  I may even devote a whole post to this guy.  Maybe a few posts.  Okay, maybe just this half of a paragraph.  Last year in Triple-A, he went 40/14/43/.335 in only 173 at-bats.  173 at-bats! Okay, so he was abysmal when he was called up to the majors, but so what?  He’s only 25 and he has catcher eligibility.  I need to say more?  2009 Projections:  60/17/70/.250

16. Jarrod Saltamacchia – May not have the starting job in 2009, and he could still see 350 at-bats.  He’ll probably be in a timeshare with Teagarden and he’ll steal at-bats from Blalock (or Blalock will pull a Kotchman and be out indefintely).  Salty only feels like a guy who is a perennial bust.  He’ll only be 24 for the majority of the 2009 season.  2009 Projections:  65/16/75/.265

17. Dioner Navarro – I think Navarro and Sandoval must workout together.  They have the softball build without the upper body strength to tap the keg.  2009 Projections: 50/10/60/.285

18. Jesus Flores – If Snyder was a poor man’s Napoli, Flores is a poor man’s Snyder.  What?  Not impressed with that comparison?  Okay, what if I called him a homeless man’s McCann?  2009 Projections:  50/14/65/.245

19. Yadier Molina – And here’s a new player tier made up of two schmohawks. This tier I call, “Guys who I would never have on my team.”  Maybe I’m drunk on stupid, but I don’t buy the .300 average from Molina last year.  Though he’s not quite the guy who hit .216 one year either.  He is the guy that can’t break double figures in home runs.  As The Count from Sesame Street would say, “Bleh!”  2009 Projections: 35/7/50/.270

20. A.J. Pierzynski -  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  If you’re drafting a catcher this late and you’re taking Pierzynski, you’re not trying hard enough.  2009 Projections:  Yuck/Blah/I Feel Sick/.280

After the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball, there’s a lot of names but three stand out:

Matt Wieters - Well, la di da.  If it isn’t the pre-preseason AL Rookie of the Year candidate, Matt Wieters, who’s now under the shadow of The Almighty Zaun.  I already went over Wieters 2009 fantasy outlook.  With the addition of Zaun, Wieters is only worth a look in deep AL-Only leagues and keepers.  In one year leagues, don’t bother or wait until Spring Training to see if Zaun is being used instead of Wieters or simply as a mentor.  If Zaun’s his mentor and Wieters is the starter, then Wieters moves back up this list.  Just don’t reach too far for him.  For every Geovany Soto, there’s six grande Salty-Mochachinos.  2009 Projections:  50/17/60/.290 or the Minors

Gerald Laird – He’s actually more valuable than Yadier Molina.  That’s right; I said it.  I placed him at the back end of the catcher tier though to highlight him and because, similarly to Teagarden, there’s more risk involved with Laird.  Yes, he’s the cream of the crap.  2009 Projections:  60/13/65/.270

Taylor Teagarden – I already went over a 2009 Teagarden fantasy outlook.  Before you write off Teagarden for being behind Salty, remember these three things. 1) Salty could move to 1st, when Davis is filling in for a DL’d DH.  2) Teagarden has already impressed Rangers’ management, unlike Salty.  3)  There’s no number three.  If Teagarden leaves spring with the job, he moves up this list.  So stay tuned!  Or not!  It’s your call really.  2009 Projections:  50/18/65/.265