Fantasy Baseball Advice

Here’s another 2009 Fantasy Baseball Keeper post so that could mean only one thing — it’s Friday! Before we get into today’s keeper post, page yourself to the front desk so your boss thinks you’re doing something. Nice. Okay, now that John Q. Walmart is out of your hair, let’s look at the Marlins centerfielder, Cameron Maybin. Is he Hanley Ramirez in the OF? That would turn your fantasy baseball team up a notch, wouldn’t it? What, you can’t get behind an Emeril reference? Whatevs. Maybin is an unrefined five-tool stud. Sorta like a young Burt Reynolds. You want speed? Yeah, Maybin’s got that. As Josh Hamilton may have once said at gunpoint, “I swear to you, he has speed!” Maybin could end up leading off for the Marlins, pushing Hanley to the three hole. This would be ideal for Maybin’s fantasy owners. Yo, G.A., Maybin have any power? Yup, but it’s still developing. In 2009, fifteen to twenty home runs may be (hehe) too much to ask from Maybin, but there’s a chance that he could be a 10/50 guy, much like Jacoby Ellsbury in 2008. Past 2009, Maybin could become a 25/50 guy or Hanley in the outfield. That makes Maybin one of the top keepers for 2009. Anyway, here’s some more keepers or players to not keep for your fantasy baseball team in 2009:

KEEP

Dallas McPherson – Hey, it’s Marlins Day! Hey, Marlins Day, say hi to your mother for me. When the Marlins GM was asked how they are going to make up for the power they lost with the Jacobs trade, you know what he said? Hire Canseco as their strength and conditioning coach? No, silly. He said, McPherson would see playing time at 3rd. He’s got piz-op.

Matt Holliday – This might seem obvious to some, but I’ve heard some people panicking over these swirling Holliday trade rumors.  If Holliday does leave Coors, his value takes a hit but there’s time to cross that bridge. With the Phils or Mets, he’ll still have solid lineups around him. We’ll figure out his fantasy worth if he is indeed traded, until then hold onto him.

DON’T KEEP

Rafael Furcal – I’m sure someone will overpay this offseason for Furcal’s services. (I’ve heard the A’s are interested. When did they come into money? Did Billy Beane’s rich Auntie die?) Furcal pulled a Kotchman in 2008 and I wouldn’t bank on him bouncing back in 2009. Maybe Beane just likes the idea of an injury-prone shortstops — See Crosby, Bobby.

You just lost the Word Series. Curl up into a ball and cry. Aw, baby’s crying. There’s no crying in fantasy baseball! Actually, there is. Prolly more than in real baseball. I carried a hanky around during every Harang start in 2008. Wait, this is about Longoria. Longoria a keeper? As they say in Fargo, you betcha. He missed two weeks in the beginning of the season because the Rays were dragging their feet, then he missed a month at the end with a broken wrist. I know where your hesitation might lie — the Derrek-Lee-broken-wrist-loss-of-all-power factor. Luckily, Longoria’s wrist injury came in a place that should heal fine and have no lingering effects, according to the Disabled List Informer. The power he displayed when he returned from injury and in the postseason backs this up.  Anyway, here’s some more keepers or players to not keep for your fantasy baseball team in 2009:

KEEP

Joey Devine – People thought Brian Dunkleman and Ryan Seacrest were both necessary. They weren’t. Watch as Devine Seacrests Ziegler. Or will it be Ziegler Dunklemaning Devine? Don’t you hate when your own shizz confuses you? Hmm… Maybe none of that makes sense. Well, as the Talking Heads said, Stop Making Sense. (BTW, this winter will be the winter of Devine. I’m going to push him hard — not literally that would be battery.)

Stephen Drew – Sorry, 2009 will be known as the Winter of Devine and Drew. Can you feel the excitement? I can’t hear you. No, really I can’t. You’re reading and I’m typing. What would I hear?

DON’T KEEP

Brad Ziegler – This shizz will become more clear when 2009 spring training starts, but I highly doubt Ziegler is the closer in 2009. So if you must make a decision right now, don’t keep him. He’s getting Dunkleman’d! Hmm… Still not making sense.

Miguel Tejada – Since I put a young potential SS keeper above, I figured I’d put Te-nada here, although no one’s really even considering keeping this schmohawk. I know that.

A commenter back in April or May or one of them spring months told us that Ryan Ludwick went by The Queen’s Assassin when he was down in the minors. The Queen’s Assassin was a nod to Ludwig from The Naked Gun — “I must kill the Queen…”  You know what having a Minor League nickname means? It means doooode was in the minors forever. Long enough to watch The Last Emperor. In 2008, Ludwick went from minor league journeyman to a late blooming flower.  Or some shizz romantic.  So what will Ludwick do in 2009? 80/32/95/.265. What, too direct? You were expecting me to beat around the bush? Nah, kid. That ain’t how Grey do. Bee-tee-dubya, Grey does talk about himself in the third person like Suede from Project Runway (he was robbed!). Ludwick’s average was a mirage, his power is for real. He can kill it like TJ Lavin. So if you want Andruw Jones circa 2002, The Queen’s Assassin would be a keeper for 2009. Unless! (Don’t you hate unlesses?) Unless Pujols is injured or elects for some sort offseason surgery, then we would need to reevaluate. Anyway, here’s some more keepers or players to not keep for your fantasy baseball team in 2009:

KEEP

Josh Hamilton – Yeah, he’s injury-prone. And anime is only understood by the stoned or schizophrenic. So what’s your point?

Carlos Lee – This wasn’t a career-ending injury. Doode’s pinkie was hurt. Chillax and keep him.

DON’T KEEP

Magglio Ordonez – He’s a soon-to-be 35-year-old, 20 home run, .300 average hitter. One could argue that Magglio Ordonez is a better bet than Ludwick to be productive, but one could also argue OJ’s innocence. Doesn’t make it right.

Ryan Garko – Okay, V-Mart’s hurt so we’re going to play you and see what you have.  14 home runs in almost 500 at-bats? Hmm… No, thanks. We’d call you Matt Stairs Jr. but, you sir, are no Matt Stairs.

Guess what, ya’ll? Carl Crawford is going to hit 40 home runs and steal, like, 60 bases and hit over .350. Carl Crawford will also win the Roberto Clemente Award and the Rolaids Relief Man of the Year Award for his relief work off and on the field. Or so went the many years of ‘pert predictions for Carl Crawford. Then each season came and went and Crawford’s respective home run tallies look like this: 11, 15, 18, 11 and 8. Not exactly the development of power that people expected. (Show you care, take ‘roids!) So can Crawford be relied on as a keeper? Definitely. (Of course, depending on the circumstances.) Will Crawford develop the power that has been lusted after for so long? Doesn’t look that way. 20 home runs might be his ceiling, but ten to fifteen home runs with forty steals gives him solid keeper value. Now for this week’s keeper post I’m going to look at some guys that are more or less Carl Crawford. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball keepers to keep and not keep for next season:

Psyche! Before we get into that, I wanted to point out a scheduling adjustment. Fridays used to be our weekly Buy/Sell. Well, that’s gone for the offseason and keepers will now be on Friday. As they say in Jamaica — carry on (your head)!

KEEP

Jacoby Ellsbury – Profiles as a Cheap Carl Crawford, which can also be expressed as, “No way, Longoria! You ate so much more than me. We’re not splitting the check evenly.”

Matt Kemp – Can be what the ‘perts always thought Carl Crawford would be, so Matt Kemp is a Best Case Scenario Carl Crawford — a number three hitter who hits twenty-five home runs and steals forty bases. Otherwise known as “Carl Crawford wearing his big boy pants.”

Alexis Rios – Rios performed almost exactly like an Underperforming Carl Crawford. Though next year, Rios could easily produce more home runs and less steals making him a candidate for the Looked Like an Underperforming Carl Crawford Last Year and This Year He Looks Like Corey Hart. (If you don’t have to read that last sentence more than once, then you’ve smoked too much pot in your life.)

DON’T KEEP

Ichiro Suzuki – A Japanese Carl Crawford. I don’t think Ichiro will be completely unusable, but he stole 9 bases in the 2nd half this year and hit 3 home runs. Imagine if he hits ten home runs, steals twenty-five and hits .320 next year, would that be something you’d be interested in?

Milton Bradley – An Angry, Injury-Prone Carl Crawford that will stick a hot poker into your eye if you say anything bad about him, then he will burn his little pinkie with that same poker and miss a month of the season without ever going on the DL.

Your man, Grey, loves a piece of cheap tail like Ice Cube loves a nappy dugout. (In fact, I might love cheap tail more. This is totally debatable between Ice Cube and I. Anytime you want to grab a podium, Cube, and go word for word. Bring. It.) If you’re in a keeper league (or any league for that matter), you probably got Shoppach for the price of a Capri Sun with a missing straw, but you’re probably thinking, “Well, this year was nice. How about I dunk him back into the free agent pool cause he’s a catcher and a fluky one at that?” Yo, check yo’self before ya wreck yo’self, fool.  “So you’re saying Shoppach’s a dream keeper?” Nah, this shizz is neither black nor white. It’s Grey, son. This year isn’t as fluky as you might think. In his last full year of Triple-A, Shoppach showed power hitting 26 home runs. His current .270 average is a bit fluky though. That will come down a bit and with Victor Martinez lurking on the team, Shoppach could be the recipient of a quick hook in ’09. All of this portends to less value for Shoppach. Not to mention, keeping catchers is a risky and not usually a fruitful exercise. So why keep Shoppach? Because a $1 catcher who could easily hit 20 HRs is a bargain, no matter how you slice your keeper pie. Anyway, here’s some more keepers to keep and not keep for next season:

KEEP

Nate McLouth – Was not a Hirame (that’s a whitefish in a sushi bar, usually fluke). McLouth is a solid bet next year for 20/20/.270. We shall call him, Lastings McHunter.

Chad Billingsley – (<–Early 2009 Cy Young pick. Then again I picked Bedard and Peavy for this year. Hmmm… Anyway!) Billingsley has about a K/IP, he’s cut his walks, he plays in a cavernous caverny cavern thing, he plays a majority of his games against the Padres, Giants and the Diamondhacks, his team should provide offense for wins, he’s going into his third year in ’09 which is usually the time starters come into their own and he’s only going to be 24 at the start of 2009. Holy heffin’ hey! I will be gushing further this offseason, but right now I have to change my sock.

DON’T KEEP

Jose Valverde – As with anything in fantasy baseball, there’s a time and a place for anything. Is there a time and a place to keep Valverde? Perhaps. I’m having a hard time deciding when that time and place would be. If your other choices are Willy Aybar and Freddy Sanchez? Then, yeah, I keep this schmohawk. If you think keeping a closer who could explode at any moment is a good move, then I got a $400 million dollar bridge to sell you.

James Loney – In the preseason, I was briefly excited about this schmohawk. Why? I haven’t the foggiest. Maybe when I go over my 2009 predictions in the offseason someone can say, “Hey, Grey, Mark Grace looks at Loney and says Loney looks a lot like me, but with less power. And that’s me reminding you!” (BTW, The Hardball Times took a look back at first basemen and used our rankings to compare and contrast. Color me awesome. We will also be taking a look back in the offseason to compare and contrast ourselves against ourselves. Will the mirror be kind? Stay tuned…)