Every off-season my phone prepares itself to get a lot less use; not checking it every five minutes to see stat updates  makes my wife happy.  For me, there’s a bittersweet feeling.  It almost seems like the baseball season isn’t six months long (wait, yes it does). In a week it’s bye-bye to Stat-tracker, Yahoo! and ESPN apps, MLB Network and MLB AtBat; now it’s time for just watching baseball.

I’m talking a whole nine-inning game, not just highlights and live look-ins or catching three innings of a game when I can; or hitting up a few games, getting a hot dog, complaining about parking and overpriced beer, never catching a foul ball, leaving early because it’s a blow out; I’m talking playoff baseball.  My Cubs are in it and I’m ready to see them get to that World Series.  Yes, this is the year.  No more curses, stupid goats or nerdy scapegoats.  This is the year!  And now that I’ve sufficiently jinxed the Cubbies, back to fantasy baseball.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can you imagine such a surprise thing in the delivery room? I can barely fathom the idea of fatherhood, let alone the extra money and work having two babies at one time can be. Thankfully, this isn’t a stay at home dad blog so of course, the title don’t mean shizz in terms of giving birth to two bundles of expensive joy at once. Nay, I’m talking about my favorite type of bundle of joy: cash. The kind of cash you get when starting someone against the Twins. Heck, you can look back just to my Friday post to see how I think of said Twinkies. Synopsis: they trash and I look to take advantage of that knowledge as often as possible. How do I plan to implement this info today, you ask? By starting Jason Vargas. Yes, I hate Minnesota that much…apologies to Prince #RIP. Vargas showed decently in his last outing but really, this is a two fold call. One, the Twins have been at or near the bottom all year in terms of offensive output and are currently streaking further down, dropping a wRC+ of 41 and a 31.3% K rate over their last 7 and a 62 and 27.9% over their last 14. Basically, Dozier stopped hitting a HR every day so their offense went south. Funny that. Anyhoo, we now get to look at that Vargas price tag of $4,600 and get to ask ourselves a very simple question: can he score around 15 points against such a bad opponent? Well if his 11.2 in Cleveland over just 4 innings in his last outing is any indication, the answer is yes. Due to pitch count concerns and because, well, he IS Jason Vargas, I wouldn’t play him outside of tourneys tonight but he’s a great price reliever if you wanna pay up for an SP2 or for big bats. So grab a couple of cigars and celebrate with me. Here’s my spank to make you cry taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday October 3rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You literally can’t find a middle infielder with less than 20 homers.  You can’t.  Try it.  See?  This year there are more players with 20 homers than any other season in the history of baseball.  Some conspiracy theorists have said the new commissioner, Our Manfred, is sticking Capri Sun straws into baseballs and juicing them, but this year is odder than that and deserves a better conspiracy theory.  No one is hitting 50+ homers like during the Steroid Era.  Only one guy is even close to 50 homers.  Instead of a few guys doing insane damage in the power department, everyone is doing better, moderately.  It’s the trickle down theory.  If you’re not familiar with that, I’ll explain it.  When Kim Kardashian first appeared on the scene, only she was smoking hot, but rather than Kim hogging the hotness to herself, it trickled down.  Khloe went from a 3 to a 5, Kourtney went from a 5 to a 7, Kris went from a 6 to a 8, the two Jenner girls came of age, going from untouchable to 8’s, and even Bruce went from a zero to a three, becoming a woman that you’d throw one if you were drunk enough.  This is also what’s happened in the majors.  Jean Segura, and all middle infielders, went from fours or fives to 20s.  Yesterday, Segura went 1-for-4 with his 20th homer, hitting .316, to go with his 30 steals.  It’s going to be hard in 2017 to know if these are legitimate gains in power, for Segura and a whole slew of other players, or if half the league is going to regress.  Kinda like Brody Jenner, who was so popular before Kim, ahem, came on the scene.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Never in a million years would I have fathomed that my final DraftKings article of the year would start off touching on the death of one of the best pitchers that this generation has ever seen. I can easily say that–even though Fernandez was 24 years old–because his talent was off the charts and he had the numbers to back it up. This season alone, he posted a 2.89 ERA with a whopping 253 strikeouts in 182.1 innings pitched. That gave him a league leading 12.5 K/9. It was a somber scene in Miami on Monday night, but in true baseball fashion, an unbelievable moment was created when Dee Gordon–who came into the game with eight career home runs in over 2,200 plate appearances–hit a lead off home run and was balling his eyes out as he crossed home plate. As fans, we didn’t know Jose Fernandez personally. The Jose Fernandez was knew was the elite pitcher that was on the mound every fifth day. His smile lit up the stadium and clearly his teammates thought the world of him. Baseball is unlike any other sport in the sense that these guys are with each other every single days for over seven months out of the year. Unlike other professional sports, there are games practically everyday. The tribute was touching and well deserved, but this is a tough one for every baseball fan on the planet. Time will pass and the wound of losing Fernandez will start to heal, but he will forever be etched in our memories. Rest in peace. Thanks, Jose.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday October 3rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Sunday morning, I woke around 8 AM to read a text from Rudy saying, “Awful news, Jose Fernandez was killed in a boating accident.”  I put on my glasses, no time for contacts, and turned on the TV.  It was still on Fox Sports West because I was watching Vin Scully tributes all weekend.  Yesterday morning, Fox Sports was playing Anglers Chronicles, a fishing show, which is wrong in so many ways.  After switching the stations, groggy-eyed and still half asleep, I realized TV was not the place anymore to go for breaking news.  I shut it off and turned to the internet.  I’m still piecing together my thoughts.  He was 24 years old, even if he never played baseball this is a horrible loss of life.  I’m reminded of all the friends I lost to motorcycles in their twenties.  I’m struck by how inconsequential fantasy feels.  There’s a giant pit in my stomach.  Then, I think about how I never saw Jose Fernandez not smiling.  Not having fun.  I think about how on that boat, Saturday evening, you know Jose Fernandez was having a great time, because he was always having a great time.  That exuberance came through in everything he did.  I think about how he spent time in prison after one of his numerous failed attempts of escaping Cuba, and how, even then, he was likely making fellow inmates smile.  How the excellence he brought to the mound every fifth day was felt all the way back in Cuba to raise up even the darkest corners of Cuba’s prisons.  “That was us.  That is us,” the inmates, who are still incarcerated for trying to escape, likely said.  How baseball does that.  How special that is.  You see what you’re going to see in tragedy, but I see Jose Fernandez pitching, and baseball, and making himself and others smile.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well look who’s here…Yep, I’m talking to you. It’s Sunday and we’re both building daily baseball lineups while everyone else is in a fever pitch about the NFL. You know what? I’m more than okay with that. We can start our own support group on Sundays. You know, just the handful of us left that still care about the best game on Earth. We can also talk about how distressed we are about Brad and Angelina. Your choice, really. I’m open to discussing anything. I need friends actually. Like real friends, not the internet kind. At least that’s what my therapist (Mom) tells me every morning. So hit me up on Myspace and we can hangout sometime. Anyway, let’s get back on track. I’m going big with pitching today and by big I’m talking about the Astros 6’5″, 238 lb strapping right-hander – Joe Musgrove. At first glance you’re probably saying “Honcho…The Angels don’t strike out enough?!” True, they’re a high-contact team, but they’re below league average in just about every other category. Over the last 14 days, they’ve been impossibly inept. How bad you ask? Well, they’re hitting just .219 with a .296 OBP and they’ve produced a .323 slugging percentage. That’s bad. On top of that heaping mess Mike Sciosia’s bunch has put up a .274 wOBA and 73 wRC+. That’s gross. I’m not worried about the lack of Ks either – mainly due to the respectable 8.35 K/9 Musgrove’s produced thus far. Add in the fact that he’s allowed three or fewer runs in each of his past three starts and he owns a nifty 51:16 K:BB in 55 innings this year and we have the makings of a sneaky starter. Oh yeah, he’s only $7,100 today. So that helps. So there you have it, I’m with Musgrove. Here’s a look at the rest of my suggestions for Sunday’s slate:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday September 26th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mets outfielder Michael Conforto was 2-for-3 last night, scoring two runs with his 12th home run, and three RBI. Could this be the start of something big? Who’s Conforto, you ask? Lol, you pleb–Don’t you know anything? He’s just an uber prospect for the New York Mets.  *Sips cold brew coffee, adjust horn rimmed glasses, strokes beard* Sigh. You’ve probably never heard of him. Have I mentioned he’s the hipster’s favorite player? Do I really have to mention that? The man hit .365 with four homers, 11 doubles and 18 RBI in April, then completely fell of the planet. He was busy working on his documentary film/visual novel/app for dogs. Sitting in an abandoned warehouse turned secret speakeasy/corn hole arena/craft cider house/live-bluegrass music cafe, I sip my gluten-free organic cold brew coffee (cage-free beans, obv) and curl my finely waxed mustache, pondering what life would be like with a fantasy baseball championship. I put down my Gabriel García Márquez book (I only read South American novelists), let my hair free out of its man-bun, and realize that Michael Conforto could be the key to everything. All that magical realism is really paying off! Sure, he struggled mightily all year, and sure, Jay Bruce threatens to steal some of his playing time. But Bruce is also 2-for-31 (.065 BA) in the past two weeks, and Conforto’s got all the upside. If I were you, and I’m not, because I’m obviously way hipper than you, I’d grab Michael Conforto, who’s available in about 90% of fantasy leagues, before he gets hot. In fact, this could only make you cooler because when he does finally break out, that means you picked him up before he was cool. And there’s nothing cooler than that!

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Steven Matz is likely done for the year after hurting his shoulder again.  I’m not even joking.  I kinda wish I were.  NY Post writer, Joel Sherman’s headline, “How Terry Collins broke Matz news to Mets in stirring meeting.”  Unless everyone had coffee, creamers and were stirring, Joel, buddy, you’re overselling.  Quick aside, sportswriters assume their audience is a bunch of illiterate 8th graders.  *makes farting noise with hand under armpit*  That’s what I think of that.  Any hoo!  If I could toot my own horn, I’d never leave my house, but I told you Matz wasn’t going to start.  If I were a Mets fan, I’d be particularly worried about the Mets going deep into the playoffs, because, unlike Joel Sherman, I’d like to point out this will be more innings on Gsellman and Lugo’s arms.  Ya know, the same thing that got Matz, Harvey and deGrom in trouble this year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I blame Jonathan Villar, Dusty, Francisco Lindor and Rougned Odor, in no particular order.  Those players and Dusty are the reason why I owned Trea Turner and dropped him.  I mean, no one would be crazy enough to put Turner in at Utility when he was first called up.  Wasn’t gonna play him at outfield.  He’s a middle infielder, and I had no room.  *puts thumbtacks on desk, takes particular care to make sure the sharp ends are facing up, slams head onto desk*  If I owned him, Turner would solve so many of my problems.  He’d even fix my irregular bowels!  This weekend Turner had three homers (11), three steals (27) and is hitting .355 in only 60 games.  Trea magnifique!  I haven’t seen this kind of emergence since…Damn, I don’t know how long.  Maybe last year with Carlos Correa?  Ouch, that comparison means Turner could disappoint in 2017?  Don’t hate the player, hate the knowledge that the player possesses that makes him say things that are unlikable, which I guess could be lumped in with ‘hating the player,’ making it okay to hate the player.  About a month ago, I thought Turner was going to be drafted around top 100 in 2017, but that was prior to the power showing up.  With each homer, he’s moved up about a round, and now he’s breathing down the 2nd round for 2017.  Depends if you think you ain’t seen nothing yet with Baseman Turner Overdrive.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oakland rookie third baseman Ryon Healy continued to rake Friday night as he collected two hits and scored a run to extend his hitting streak to seven, with six multi-hit games in that span. Sometimes I get fantasy advice from good friend of mine and rapper 50 Cent, who is a much better fantasy baseballer than he is a real baseballer. In between freestyle seshs, Fitty says to me, “Yo D (he calls me D), you gotta get on Ryon Healy, if you been Patiently Waiting for a decent corner, dude is a P.I.M.P., get rich and buy Ryon, do-you-know-what-I-am-saying?” OK, thanks, Fitty. Not a bad headline either…also, funny, how you plugged a bunch of your songs there, but I guess these be tough times. He’s right though. Healy has been a certified G-Unit soldier in the month of September, batting .400, with 9 runs, 4 homers, 5 doubles and 12 RBI. If that ain’t a wanksta, I don’t know what is. Honestly, I really don’t. Is it bad or good? Regardless, in the past week the rookie has been very, very good. He’s hitting .517 with 8 runs, 3 homers and 9 RBI. That’s in seven days, people! How many more fantasy days left? Can’t be much more than seven, so sounds like Ryon Healy could be a nice player to own down the stretch. He was a BUY this week and I picked him up! 50 grabbed him too and he’s available in about 80% of leagues. Hate it or love it, pick him up if you want to win!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?