Fantasy Baseball Advice

Gone over the catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen.  Guess what’s next!  The title might have gave it away.  With the top 20 outfielders a pattern emerges.  Steroids can be tested for, but Red Bull can’t.  It was the summer of speed and somewhere Ron LeFlore smiles.  Since outfield is a deep position, I think I’m going to turn this one to 40.  Those will be here on Thursday.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 outfielders for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Carl Crawford – For four years, Crawford was featured prominently in the top of the preseason rankings for outfielders, and, in 2009, he finally fulfilled that promise by ranking first overall at the end of the season.  Wouldn’t you know it, last year was not one of those top preseason ranking years.  After an abysmal 2008, Crawford’s stock did a Triple Lindy coming into 2009.  Then he exploded for 21 steals in May and he looked like he might surpass Lou Brock’s career total by August.  Unfortunately, he slowed down in the 2nd half.  Let’s hope it wasn’t his knee shouting expletives at the artificial turf.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  85/15/80/.300/45, Final Numbers:  96/15/68/.305/60

2. Jacoby Ellsbury – Hamilton-Burrishly, Ellsbury and Crawford dueled during the regular season to see who would steal more bases, Ellsbury won the battle, but Crawford the war.  On a sidenote, not such a great sign that the top two outfielders gave a majority of value with the steal.  Where’s the 40 homer outfielders?  There were none.  Not even Adam Dunn.  That’s something that will need to be addressed in its own post during the offseason.  Seems like something for December Grey.  Preseason Rank #16, 2009 Projections:  110/10/60/.285/40, Final Numbers:  94/8/60/.301/70

3. Ryan Braun – I said this the other day when talking about Evan Longoria, but it applies here, as well.  Braun may not have been a disappointment per se, but eff “per se” in its Frenchy-sounding goolie.  I wanted 40 homers from Braun!  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  100/40/110/.280/15, Final Numbers:  113/32/114/.320/20

4. Matt Kemp – Here’s what I said last January, “I not only bought into the Matt Kemp hype, I rolled it up in decorative sugar and began to sell it at a local bake sale.  You want someone in the fourth round in 2009 that could be a first or second rounder in 2010?  Matt Kemp’s your man, man.  He’s the future, kids.”  And that’s me quoting me!  And me was right.  Next year, I’m taking Kemp in the 1st round and I’m going to like it.  Preseason Rank #11, 2009 Projections:  95/24/80/.295/30, Final Numbers:  97/26/101/.297/34

5. Ichiro Suzuki – The average is great, the steals are okay, the homers are bleh.  Another Ichiro year.  Preseason Rank #12, 2009 Projections:  110/7/50/.315/35, Final Numbers:  88/11/46/.352/26

6. Matt Holliday – Did it help his RBIs to bat behind Pujols?  Probably.  Maybe a few more homers than if he stayed with the A’s?  Yup, but as you see from my preseason projections he was pretty much in line with what I thought he’d do.  He was scorching hot when he went from the A’s to the Cards.  I believe that he would’ve been hot in the 2nd half no matter where he played.  Next year when people are saying he’ll return to 30 homers, I’m going to say again he’s a 25 home run hitter.  Unless he signs with the Rockies or the Yankees.  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  90/22/105/.310/12, Final Numbers:  94/24/109/.313/14

7. Bobby Abreu – Who would’ve put three Angels in the top 20 in the beginning of the year?  Gene Autry’s Ghost, perhaps.  But not many people.  I thought Abreu would steal a bit more on the Angels, but I thought the years of 30 steals were long gone.  Preseason Rank #25, 2009 Projections:  110/17/100/.300/20, Final Numbers:  96/15/103/.293/30

8. Michael Bourn – Speed is definitely in a renaissance.  It’s like the go-go 80s with Rock Raines sniffing coke off of the dashboard of Keith Hernandez’s El Dorado.  All we need now is for Okrent to send out the standings in the mail.  Makes you wonder if speed would’ve ever left the scene if it wasn’t for steroids.  Preseason Rank #66, 2009 Projections:  70/4/30/.240/40, Final Numbers:  97/3/35/.285/61

9. Adam Lind – I’ve already talked a bit about my thoughts on Lind for 2010.  Right now, we’re talking about 2009, ya’ll.  He’ll be the magical 27 years old in 2010.  Shoot, we’re talking about 2009.  Um, he had a good year.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.  (There will be more to come!)  Preseason Rank #61, 2009 Projections:  65/22/85/.275/3, Final Numbers:  93/35/114/.305/1

10. Jayson Werth – Hopefully you didn’t abandon ship when he got off to a rocky April start (2 homers, 10 RBIs).  After that, Werth ended up having a very consistent season, hitting at least 6 homers every month.  Then he chucked in 5 steals in four games of October because he obviously owned himself in a H2H league.  Preseason Rank #41, 2009 Projections:  95/17/70/.270/17, Final Numbers:  98/36/99/.268/20

11. Jason Bay – Now for the inconsistent Jason.  He hit 19 of his homers in two months of the season (May and August).  In July, he hit 1 homer and drove in only 5 runs.  On the bright side, he must’ve realized he was starring in a donkey show with him being the donkey because he contributed 6 steals in July.  Preseason Rank #17, 2009 Projections:  100/32/110/.280/10, Final Numbers:  103/36/119/.267/13

12. Justin Upton – I see your love for B.J. and I raise you a 20/20/.300 season.  Preseason Rank #48, 2009 Projections:  70/20/70/.260/7, Final Numbers:  84/26/86/.300/20

13. Kendry Morales – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen post. Final Numbers:

14. Ben Zobrist – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post.  Final Numbers:

15. Shin-Soo Choo – I wonder if there’s a fantasy baseball blogger in Korea writing Torii Hunter is the American Shin-Soo Choo.  Things that make you say hmm…  Preseason Rank #51, 2009 Projections:  70/16/70/.280/11, Final Numbers:  87/20/86/.300/21

16. Denard Span – Did I underestimate Denard Dawg’s relevance in the beginning of the season?  I don’t think so, since my projections were pretty spot-on.  So why did I rank him 53rd?  Because I didn’t realize how few homers would come out of the outfield in 2009.  You could’ve found 27 guys who contributed 20 steals, but how many guys hit 30 homers?  11 guys.  To be continued… Preseason Rank #53, 2009 Projections:  90/8/60/.285/20, Final Numbers:  97/8/68/.311/23

17. Torii Hunter – On July 3rd, I told you to sell Hunter when he was at 17/13.  In the last three months, he went 5/5.  Cust kayin’.  Preseason Rank #30, 2009 Projections:  85/24/85/.275/17, Final Numbers:  74/22/90/.299/18

18. Nyjer Morgan – Let’s reenact the day Nyjer was traded from the Pirates.  “Nyjer, you’ve been traded.”  A five minute dance, followed by ten minutes of celebratory hoots and hollers as he lets everyone know how glad he is to be out of the Pirates organization.  “Nyjer, you’re going to the Nats.”  Nyjer cries.  Then he devotes himself to proving the Pirates wrong as he hits .351 with the Nats and steals 24 bases in 49 games.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  74/3/39/.307/42

19. Johnny Damon – The Yankees figured out a way to reverse the effects of all of their aging players.  Have them play in a Little League field.  Preseason Rank #26, 2009 Projections:  105/15/70/.285/20, Final Numbers:  107/24/82/.282/12

20. Shane Victorino – Wait, Denard Dawg was supposed to be emulating Victorino.  Teacher, student… Not student, teacher.  Not student, teacher!  Victorino’s season worries me a bit because he did much better last year in 50 less at-bats.  In 620 ABs in 2009, his stats should look better.  I’ve already had my love of Sparkakis desecrated this year.  Not you too, Victorino… Please.   Preseason Rank #15, 2009 Projections:  100/15/60/.285/35, Final Numbers:  102/10/62/.292/25

Evan Longoria went 0-for-4 yesterday.  He’s been kinda terrible for about three months now.  Man, third base is a minefield.  Now I’m not putting Longoria in the Wright Sucks Then Gets Conked On The Head box.  No, he hasn’t been nearly that bad.  But two separate months of an under .240 average and two months of zero steals and tw0 months of 1 steal and this sentence has nearly as many ands as, “In the saying, “Fish-and-Chips,” it’s necessary to have a hyphen between “fish” and “and,” and “and” and “chips.”  I’m not ready to proclaim where Longoria should be drafted next year.  I’m Grey and I make proclamations! But Longoria isn’t exactly setting the world afire with flames shooting out of his areolas.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Kazmir – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Sonavabench!  I can’t stand Rays pitchers this year.  They’re sucking the life out of me.  One day it’s Shields pitching terribly in my lineup, then it’s him pitching well on my bench. Then Kazmir follows suit.  I might need to take a sabbatical next year from the Rays pitchers.

J.P. Howell – 1 IP, 1 ER. This is the 2nd game in a row Thurston and Lovey’s son has blown.

Oliver Perez – Out for the season with surgery to his knee.  In September, I’m fully expecting the Mets to play their home games in candy stripper outfits.

Brad Penny – Wanted out of Boston and he got it.  He cited irreconcilable differences.  Sox just said he sucked.

Chad Qualls – Placed on waivers, but it’ll take a John Holmes-sized package to get him from the Diamondbacks.  If he’s shown the door, I’d expect Rauch to get the saves.  Oh, and he blew a save last night.  Yay.

Justin Upton – Back from his oblique strain.  Oh, and he went 1-for-3.  Non-sarcastic yay.

Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks.  Has been solid since his no-hitter.  Somewhere, Buehrle realizes he should’ve renegotiated his deal with the devil.

Brian Wilson – Medders got the save yesterday (quite easily actually), but I think it was just because Medders was warming up to enter a losing game, then one of The Flying Molina Brothers put the Giants into a save situation with 2 outs in the 8th.

David Ortiz – 2 HRs yesterday.  Has 22 homers on the year while batting .227.  Who are you, Dave Kingman?

Josh Johnson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks vs. the Mets.  Is it only me or do you, loyal Razzball reader, also expect a shutout from your pitcher when they face the Mets and are upset when all you get is a s0lid start?

Roy Oswalt – 6 IP, 3 ER.  Was outpitched by Pineiro.  What’s worse, I’m not surprised.  I wanna say to Oswalt, “You gonna let this punk get away with that?  What’s the matter with you?  What’s the world comin’ to?”

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4, but caught stealing again.  On the bright side, he’s at least attempting steals.  I’m farting in your general direction, Alcides Escobar.

Andre Ethier – 3-for-4, 2 HRs.  Mentioned so I don’t get hate mail from Andre Ethier’s Mom.

Jack Cust – HR yesterday.  Member two days ago how I said when he gets hot, he gets scorching?  He’s now batting near .600 for the last week.

Jose Lopez – HR yesterday.  Has 4 homers in the last week.  Cool, but I dropped him back in May and don’t regret it.

Trevor Hoffman – Placed on waivers.  These things usually don’t go through.  Keep that in mind.  But I’d expect Coffey to grab Brewers saves in September if The Hoff’s off.

Nick Johnson – Heads to the DL.  If you set your watch by Johnson’s DL trips, you were probably pretty tardy this year as it took him much longer than usual to hit the infirmary.

Brad Lidge – Before yesterday’s game, Manuel said Lidge will remain the Phillies closer.  So, of course, Madson came on for the save.  And blew it.  Give Scott Eyre the ball!  I keed.  Lidge had worked a few days in a row, so I think Lidge is still the guy… To blow saves.

Cole Hamels – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  I watched a good chunk of this game.  The Pirates had a lot of opportunities to score.  Love to sit here (and I am sitting) and tell you Hamels is gonna be just fine going forward, but I’d be lying.  He might be, but this game shouldn’t be used as an indication either way.

Matt LaPorta – 2-for-4 and a HR yesterday.  He now has at least one hit in every game since his recall.  Now Eric Wedge must think harder about ways to bench him.

Andy Pettitte – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  I don’t think I’ve owned a Yankee pitcher in five years.  Too many headaches with the division and now the ballpark.  Pettitte’s one of those I wouldn’t have owned (though used to when he was on the Astros).  But through it all, Pettitte has pitched well this year.  Nothing incredible (4.18 ERA, 1.40 WHIP, around 7 K/9), but solid.

Alfonso Soriano – May need knee surgery.  No word if he’ll have it sooner than later.  My guess is later, but if he does it sooner, then suddenly we have a some playing time for Jake Fox.  Yes, Soriano’s fallen far when I’m hoping for knee surgery and I own him in a league.

Milton Bradley – HR yesterday.  Before the game, he talked about how much he hates Chicago, “I’m talking about hatred, period. I’m talking about when I go to eat at a restaurant. I’ve got to listen to the waiters badmouthing me at another table, sitting in a restaurant.”  Milton needs to stop eating at Dick’s Last Resort.

Justin Upton heads to the DL with an oblique injury.  For those reading, who just got out of a time machine from the 80s, no one has any idea what an oblique is.  And stop wearing Cavariccis.  Upton will probably be out more than the required 15 days, because these oblique injuries that no one has ever heard of are tricky.  With the Baby Backs out of every race outside of The Greatest 3rd Baseman To Ever Grace the Human Race Race, they’re not going to rush Upton.  Does this hurt you to hear?  It’s not my intention.  But just don’t expect anything until September from Upton.  On the bright side, now you have room for Will Venable.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday then he was removed with a sore thumb.  It doesn’t seem to be anything to worry about.  Mini-donkeys get sore thumbs apparently.

Trent Oeltjen – 2-for-6, as he hit his first major league homer yesterday and got two steals for the depleted ‘Backs outfield.  He’s from Australia.  So I guess that makes him a *pinkie to mouth* Outback.  He’s a bit old for a prospect, but he has some mild pop and speed.  Think David Murphy as the best case scenario.  And, to impress your friends, Oeltjen is pronounced like Meltjen but with an O.

Alex Romero – 4-for-7, steal, 3 RBIs and batted 2nd.  He reminds me of Crapolanco.  Not a compliment.  He has a yawnstipating power and speed and a good average.

Lastings Milledge – 2-for-5, and a steal.  He’s worth a flier.  Between him and fellow transgressor, Dukes?  I’d take Dukes.

Billy Butler – Back-to-back games with homers.  Worth a look in 10 team leagues for your corner spot.

Adrian Beltre – 4-for-4, maybe it’s the start of something, but he hasn’t put together a decent month since 2007.  Not a crack, he really hasn’t.

Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-4, and .260 over the last 7 games.  Think it’s safe to put The Big FraGu back on waivers until next year.

Fausto Carmona – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 Ks.  Let’s see, he finally pitches well and now has a 6.66 ERA.  Can someone say Fausto-ian bargain?  I wouldn’t pick Carmona in any league, even a Cleveland Indians-Only league.  Damn you, damn you and your 6.66 ERA to hell!

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-4, and has been scorching hot over the last week.  He’ll also be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell to really drive the hitchhiking point home.

John Baker – HR yesterday.  Member when he was all the rage back in May and you understood exactly what I meant when I said punt catchers, then three weeks later you were cursing Baker and wishing you drafted a catcher?  Ah, yes.  Those were the days…

Hanley Ramirez – 3-for-5 and 2 steals, batting .344 on the year with 16 homers and 18 steals.  I don’t mention the top players too much unless there’s something wrong.  And that’s not with Hanley… Well, not directly, but, man, the Marlins have really put the brakes on his running game.  He doesn’t have more than 5 steals in any month.  25/25 from your shortstop is great, don’t get me wrong.  But you want more from Hanley, don’t you?

Vladimir Guerrero – Hit his 5th homer yesterday.  It’s a limb, but I think when you drafted Vlad you were counting on more than 10 homers.

J.A. Happ – The Phils say he will stay in the rotation.  Basically, take everything I say about Happ and inverse it.  He’s officially confounded me.  That could mean Jamie Moyer goes to the bullpen.  This makes absolutely no sense to me.  Happ has value coming into a close game in the middle innings.  I believe Moyer has no value being used that way.

Shane Victorino – 0-for-4, The Flying Hawaiian looks like he’s really struggling with his knee.  I’m concerned.

Aaron Cook – 5 IP, 3 ER.  Left the game with a sore toe.  There goes the Rox pickup soccer game midfielder.  Cook’s probably day-to-day.

Elijah Dukes – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and a HR yesterday.  Somewhere Jim Bowden smiles.

Ryan Zimmerman – 4-for-4, and another homer.  Mentioned this the other day, but it bears repeating, because, frankly, it’s pretty amazing to me how streaky Zimmerman is.  Good to file away in the back of the ol’ medulla oblongata for H2H players.

Casey Kotchman – HR yesterday.  Is there anything more satisfying then when you pick up a guy for a short schedule day and then he hits a homer?  It’s like picking up a girl anywhere but a bar. (BTW, the girl can still be drunk for this to be satisfying.)

David Ortiz – 0-for-5, batting .222 on the year.  I have a sneak peek of his Saturday press conference, “I’m batting .222 on the year.  I used to hit 50 homers and bat over .300.   Yet, I had no idea what A-Rod’s cousin was shooting me up with.”  Borrr-ring.

Frank Francisco – Pitched a scoreless 8th inning. Any day now he should return to the closer’s role or the DL.

Brandon Lyon – Got the save because he entered the game in the 8th in a save situation.  No change of the guards here.

Erick Aybar – 3-for-4, HR and a steal yesterday.  I literally wrote his name in the Sell section of this afternoon’s post before this game.  Guess his blurb will go in the director’s cut.

Tommy Hunter – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners.  That’s nice, I wouldn’t pick him up.

Nelson Cruz – Sounds like he’s headed to a DL.  Why, you ask.  Because he can’t throw a ball or swing a bat.  That’ll usually do it.

Rafael Soriano – 3 earned runs, no outs as he blew the save.  Could’ve been worse, could’ve set fire to my house.

Chad Gaudin – What happens when a HodgePadre doesn’t pitch well at home?  He gets traded.  That’ll teach him!  Aaron Poreda may get the vacant rotation spot in San Diego, or Geer or Mujica.  Poreda would have value, the other two would not.

Clayton Richard – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks, 9 baserunners.  Wasn’t a brilliant start, but definitely worth holding onto for home games and he gets a bunch of decent matchups for the last 2 months.

Bobby Parnell – Added to the Mets rotation.  I believe Bobby Parnell is the little black kid from Role Models.  Not positive though.

J.A. Happ threw a complete game shutout yesterday with only 6 baserunners and 10 Ks vs.  Jorge de la Rosa’s 5 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks line.  I pretty much saw this matchup going almost exactly opposite.  Maybe I had my contacts in backwards.  dlR had won seven games in a row.  Happ was coming off two losses.  dlR’s a lefty, the Phils don’t hit lefties well.  Maybe I underestimated Happ’s desire to stay in the rotation with Pedro breathing down his neck.  This was a solid case for that, but if the Phils don’t pull Happ from the rotation they’re jeopardizing his 2010 (when people take flying cars to the ballpark).  Happ should be moved to the bullpen and Pedro should be put into the rotation.  Even if that means Pedro throws a bunch of 4 inning, 3 run games and Happ comes in in the 5th inning and throws three dominant innings.  It’s the right move for everyone and I think that’s the way the Phils should/will go.  To clarify, this is not an endorsement of Pedro.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David Wright – HR yesterday.  As I said yesterday in the comments, “(The Mets play-by-play man, Cohen, said) that was (Wright’s) first opposite field homer in the new park.  For a guy that goes that way, that’s not great.  After all, we’re in August.”  And that’s me quoting me quoting Gary Cohen!  Cohen also said the humidity may be helping the ball carry.  So now Metco is Yellowstone instead of the Grand Canyon.  Sah-weet.

Jon Niese – Out for the season.  Surprisingly, the Mets trainer had time to help him off the field.

Gary Sheffield – Left the game with an injury.  It’s The Curse of the Shirtless Bernazard.

Pablo Sandoval – 3-for-4, .334 on the season.  I think the average comes down a bit by the end of the season (not much).  But Pablo’s been an absolute revelation this year — .374 on the season as a righty.  .314 as a lefty.  .382 in home games.  17 homers.  4 steals.  Catcher eligibility.  Same weight as Kyle Blanks and seven inches shorter.  In the beginning of the year, I mentioned that I thought Sandoval looked a lot like Edgar Martinez.  I still think it.  And he’s affectionately nicknamed Kung-Fu Panda because he’s athletic and fat.  (I would’ve went with the other athletic, fat person nickname — The Fabulous Moolah.)

Chad Gaudin – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  I should’ve made a bigger deal of this when I did it, but the other day I dropped Gaudin in all of my leagues.  He’s consistently been better in road games.  A HodgePadre who can’t pitch at Petco makes no sense to me.  I don’t know what to do with that.  Makes me feel like Rainman when he can’t watch Jeopardy.

Will Venable – Another HR.  Okay, sorta on topic, sorta not, but I’ve been meaning to address this.  There’s no reason to ask me something like, “Venable or Velez for the rest of the year?”  The rest of the season?  These guys may not be good by the middle of August.  The rest of the season only applies if you play in a league where you have a limited number of moves or you’re marrying a von Bülow.  Don’t get attached to anyone in your UTIL spot, MI or fifth outfield spot.  I have Kyle Blanks, Wigginton, David Murphy, Velez, Venable, Beckham, Robot Jones and Gomes on different teams (thankfully).  I can guarantee you I won’t have 90% of those guys in two weeks.  In fact, I just dropped Gomes.  Play the hot guy and move on.  Especially at this time of the year.  Okay, school’s out, Alice Cooper.

David Murphy – 2 HRs yesterday.  As mentioned above, I own him on a few teams.

Kevin Gregg – Returned from a tired arm.  Piniella was annoyed that Gregg didn’t mention he was suffering from a tired arm over the weekend when he blew two saves, saying, “I can’t just read somebody’s mind.  I can look at the stuff, but by the time I look at the stuff, it’s a little late.  The ball’s out of the ballpark and the mojito doesn’t taste as good.”  He sounds like LaRussa.

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 4 ER, 12 baserunners vs. a team that was selling at the trade deadline.  You’re really wasting your time with Liriano.

Aaron Laffey – 8 IP, 0 ER.  If you pick him up, you will be Sobby.

Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  As you can imagine, I don’t root for players I don’t own, but I’m kinda rooting for Edwin.  He’s been at the game ever since honeys been wearin’ Sassoons.  Nice that he’s finally making good.  Man, I really love prospects who fail at first.

John Lannan – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks.  He can just as easily get shelled in his next start out vs. the Braves.  I’m pessimistically cautious going forward.

Gerardo Parra – 2-for-5 and a steal, as he bats almost .400 over his last 7 games.  I’m picking him up in a few leagues, though his lack of legit speed bores me so he may not stay on any team too long.

Ryan Roberts – Now has 3 homers in the last two days.  I still don’t think this is going anywhere you wanna go, but if you’re hurting at MI, it won’t hurt to grab him.

Erik Bedard – His shoulder is still sore and he’s headed for an MRI.  Punt!

Justin Upton – Strained oblique (vague!).  Hopefully it’s not too bad, but unfortunately these are the sort of injuries that linger like poorly chewed jalapenos.

Adam Dunn – Hit his 29th homer yesterday.  Country strong.

Jim Thome – 2 HRs yesterday.  Country stronger.

Gavin Floyd – 8 IP, 1 ER.  Absolutely incredible the year he’s putting together in his home park.  Around a two and a half ERA at home, while over 5.50 ERA away.

Jason Bay – HR yesterday.  It was his first one since July 7th.  Good sign!  Reaggravated his hamstring injury.  Bad sign!

Marc Rzepczynski – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks.  Only one walk, which is a good sign for The RZE, but I still wouldn’t own him this year.

Justin Lehr – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Here’s what you do with Justin Lehr.  Photoshop Justin Lehr’s name onto Stephen Strasburg’s college stats page, then screenshot it and post the .jpg in your league messageboard.

David Price – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks, 0 walks.  Nice showing vs. the Sawx.  Very nice to see him string back-to-back starts together.  Let’s hope his next start vs. the Angels is his third step forward.

Prince Fielder – Stole a base yesterday.  After the game, he said he pictured Mota’s face on the 2nd base bag.

Garrett Jones – HR yesterday.  You know how you love a guy for a week or two when he’s out of his mind, hitting homers every game, then he goes through a week slump and you’re ready to drop him.  Then the day you prepare to drop him, he hits a homer.  Now are you excited by this latest homer or annoyed?  I kinda get annoyed.  I just want him to fail one more day so I can drop him.  I gotta talk to my shrink about what that means.

Yesterday, DeWayne Wise joined other historical footnotes, such as the guy who tried to tackle Hank Aaron as he rounded the bases on 715, Francisco Cabrera and the other 4 guys besides Crispus Attucks that were killed in the Boston Massacre, when he saved Mark Buehrle’s perfect game.  That’s the DeWayne Wise of this video.   I look forward to his next video, Stop Cheering Me!  Okay, so Buehrle is not just a difficult to spell last name.  No, sir.  He’s a perfect game pitcher, um, guy.   So what can we expect of him going forward?  After he threw the no-hitter in 2007, he went right back to being the just-below 4 ERA pitcher he was before and since.  I’d expect the same now.  This perfect game doesn’t do much for Buehrle’s value unless you can convince your leaguemates that he’s suddenly Nolan Ryan Jr.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lance Berkman – To the DL.  What is totally lame, besides me using the word lame, he just pinch-hit on Wednesday.  Why play him at all if he might go on the DL?  Especially when all reports are saying he could’ve played through it.  He could have been back earlier after sitting out the July 21st game too.  Very frustrating.   On the bright side, now everyone has room for Garrett Jones!  *Grey saddles up to a bar*  What’s your name?  Garrietta Jones?  Marry me!

Jordan Zimmermann – Heads to the DL with elbow tenderness.  Even when he returns, his innings will be limited.  You guys had a good run, now it’s time to look elsewhere.

Mark Rzepczynski – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 7 baserunners.  The RZE is really unreliable as a fantasy starter.

Alex Rios – 1-for-3, stole three bases yesterday.  I see what’s happening here.  Can’t give us fantasy value with power so you revert back to your speed.  Very sneaky.

Yunel Escobar – Hit another homer yesterday.  Doode’s out of his mind right now.  If only he didn’t have less speed than the three-hundred pound, Pablo Sandoval.

Jarrod Washburn – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners.  Who is this guy and what has he done with Jarrod Washburn?

Scott Kazmir – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I didn’t start him here and I won’t start him next time out.  At some point, I’m going to have to cut bait, but there’s too much upside for me to do it yet. (I did discuss it with Rudy though, so the time is near.)

Rafael Betancourt – Traded to the Rox as the Indians decide another season is in the books.  Sleep well, Comatose Indians Fan.

Dan Haren – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Hey, it’s after the All-Star break, it’s not like you weren’t forewarned.

Justin Upton – Yesterday, he hit his first homer since July 9th.  Good to see it, but he’s still hitting .167 in July so he has a bit to go before I say he’s fully back.

Phil Hughes – Getting saves now?  Zoinks!  Mariano had pitched in 5 of 6 games since the All-Star break.  Even (fill-in your deity) rested on (fill-in your Sabbath).

Alex Rodriguez – Might be the first time in two months I’ve mentioned him.  (I don’t talk much about the top players.)  Anyhoo, he has three steals in the last three games.  Great sign that his hip is feeling well.

Steve Pearce – 2-for-4 as he played 1st base.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  He’ll be just left of the forward slash.

Ryan Doumit – Third homer in two days.  I see your Miguel Montero and I raise you a Ryan Doumit.

Kyle Blanks – Rudy Jr. hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  Rudy was so proud, he called him up to congratulate him, but Kyle said, “You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu, but it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad… It’s been sure nice talking to you.”  And as Rudy hung up the phone, it occurred to him, he should go grab a beer with Cecil Fielder.