Hi everyone, I’m Sky the Razzball guy. You might remember me from such hits as ‘Duffy The Cam-Yard K’er‘…I mean it was just last Friday so if you read this site at all and the DK content, I’d hope you caught that. In that piece we looked under the hood at the Orioles and their offense, namely their poor numbers against lefty pitchers and guess what? A week hasn’t changed those numbers. In fact, after getting shut out for 7 innings by Matt Moore who K’d up 9 of them, I’d bet today’s numbers would tell you they’re even worse. That said, we should complete the thought process by taking that peek again and hold the phone cuz you’ll never guess this but…yeah, they still suck against lefties to the tune of a 23% K rate and a meager 85 wRC+. With that, in steps Drew Smyly who himself is coming off an 11 K performance against what was a surging Boston Red Sox offense. Cash? Check. GPP? Double check. I’m gonna have a hard time moving off Drew in any format today so while everyone talks chalk with you today, realize at $9,400 you could be getting the sweeter deal when talking about those 10K+ priced arms. So put a Smyly on your face and move on with me to for the coverage of the rest of this tilt…hrm, reference Zoolander in the title, put a Zoolander pic in the opening, and then don’t actually reference Zoolander? That’s ridiculous, I should be ashamed so let me make up for it. Here’s my Orange Mocha Frappuccino takes for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 15 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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Unfortunately when you watch a lot of baseball, there’s guys who at the eye-level look awesome (whoa, not like that though!) that turn out to just never put forth the numbers.  You get this big lumbering Canadian, with this long but smooth delivery, hitting high-90s at times, and you get all excited and…  It turns out to be James Paxton‘s bumpy start to his career.  A few nice stretches, but very inconsistent Ks, inconsistent control, AND THE INJURIES!!  Long-term lat strain last year, he sprains both his forearms tripping in Spring Training, then sprains a finger tendon which keeps him out almost this entire season.  Hey Pax, I have a finger with a sprained tendon for ya too!

Even with all these injuries, I still think I’ll rank Paxton favorably next year…  Eesh, I just know I will…  But I did want to see his final starts of 2015 before my off-season work…  So I decided to break down his return off the DL yesterday afternoon hosting the Rockies to see if he’s worth a spot start or two for the stretch run, or will be the worst ranked pitcher yet again in my 2016 ranks:

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Since last week’s Ambulance Report the Los Angeles Dodgers have suffered a pair of injuries. If there is a silver lining to them, it’s that the team went and called up Corey Seager. Given his lofty prospect pedigree — he’s unarguably a top-25 guy, mostly top-10 prospect — and the potential for playing time down the stretch as the Dodgers rest some of their other players, it’s time to pick up Seager if he’s still free in your league.

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Since the All-Star break, Joey Votto is hitting .399 with a .576 OBP.  His season line is 27 HRs, 70 RBIs, 81 runs, slashing .316/.457/.567.  Or as Reds manager, Bryan Price, would say, “I want to sew a sock puppet in Votto’s likeness, then put it on my c*** and–”  Okay, maybe we shouldn’t ask Bryan Price, he can’t keep things PG-13.  “PG-13 is for a man with a Cavapoo puppy.  Real men take their Votto-faced, sock puppet and pay an old stripper to suck its f****** yarn until those little f******** eye rolly glue-on things that you bought at Michaels Arts & Crafts store roll up into its f******* sock eye sockets.”  Yesterday, Votto had another big day in a 2nd half of lovely — 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 27th homer.  To recap, or just tell you for the first time, Rudy almost drafted Votto in the 2nd round of Tout Wars (it’s an OBP league).  Rudy ended up getting Donaldson and is in first place, so I’ll be sure to bid a penny on eBay for the world’s smallest violin for him.  But for 2016 fantasy, I have to think Votto is right there in the 2nd round again for all leagues, OBP or not.  Good for Joey, making pitchers ‘roo the day!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Drafting or trading for Troy Tulowitzki isn’t for the faint of heart. In fact, whenever I find myself on the clock on draft day and his name is staring back at me from the list of available players, this scene usually comes to mind. Just take a look at his games played totals over the past three years: 47, 126, 91. That’s 264 games out of 486 that he managed to stay healthy for. Yikes. That sounds about as reliable as day-old fast food that’s been sitting out on the kitchen counter. But oh the potential rewards that can come with taking that plunge (on Tulo, not the congealed burgers). Over that three year span from 2012-14, Tulo finished in the top 5 among all qualified MLB hitters in batting average, on-base percentage, and slugging percentage, as well as 3rd in OPS (.950) and wOBA (.408) behind only Miguel Cabrera and Mike Trout. Needless to say, he led all MLB shortstops in each of those categories by significant margins. Tulo could always be counted on to produce at an elite level when healthy. So what’s wrong with him this season? Have all of the injuries finally caught up to him?

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If I was drafting a season-long fantasy baseball team today, I would target Kolten Wong very early. I remember before the start of the 2014 season, a major media outlet had a debate as to who the best future middle infielder would be. I was hoping one of them was going to talk about Wong, and to my surprise, they did. I was surprised because there was so much focus on future star players like Javier Baez, Francisco Lindor, Addison Russell, and Carlos Correa. We all remember Kolten being picked-off first base to end Game 4 of the World Series against the Red Sox in 2013. Talk about a way for a young rookie’s career to start off! Wong came back in 2014 starting at second base for the Cardinals, only to be demoted to the minors after struggling to begin the season, and was then recalled and performed very well to end 2014. This season, Wong was the starting second baseman for the Cardinals, but batted at the bottom of the lineup. Now he’s batting at the top of the Cardinals’ lineup and has really displayed his talent. So far he’s batting over .300 with 5 home runs and 3 stolen bases. However, he has the potential to hit 20 homers and have 25 stolen bases. When it comes to DFS, I will continue to play Wong at every opportunity. Not too many second basemen have power and speed ability. Robinson Cano is no longer a viable DFS option. Brian Dozier is a power hitter. Ian Kinsler has been an on-base player this season while still looking for his first home run. Jason Kipnis is coming back to his potential self, and as for Jose Altuve, well, umm, all I can say is Wong isn’t there, yet. If there’s a second baseman that can potentially reach Altuve-type ability, I firmly believe Wong could be that guy.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was going to say Shelby Miller looks sensational, but then I Googled sensational to see its definition, even though I know it already. (Al Gore did originally invent the internet as a tool of procrastination.) So, the Oxford Dictionary defines sensational as: causing great public interest and excitement, example “a sensational murder trial.” Wow, even the Oxford Dictionary is trying to get in on the tabloid journalism of our day. Hey, Oxford, why not, “Kim Kardashian’s booty was sensational when she broke the internet that Al Gore had created and now needed to fix.” That gives me a great idea, a mash up of the Urban and Oxford Dictionary! Definition of a flake: A crazy or eccentric person. “Yo, that flake is three crumbs short of a Peek Frean.” Any the hoo! Shelby Miller did look sensational, murdering bats like The Riddler. Yesterday, he went 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks to lower his ERA to 1.33. Is he this good? Oh, c’mon. But how bad is he? His K/9 is 7.2, BB/9 is 2.7 and xFIP is 3.79. His BABIP is .203, LOB% is 88.8% and his ground ball rate is 50.4%. Essentially, Miller’s a 3.25-3.60 ERA pitcher with decent, but not great Ks, solid but not terrific control, and one great pitch that he’s figured out how to use, the cutter. He could easily have a month-long spasm of a 5.00 ERA just as easily as he’s done six weeks of a 1.33 ERA. Would I sell him high? Yes, indeed. Or as the Urban-Oxford Dictionary would say, “Does a corgi crap under the Queen’s bed and she calls it a soon-to-be truffle?” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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“As Bryce Harper passed home plate after his 2nd home run of the three he hit yesterday, Ian Desmond lifted Harper’s helmet and with a flick of the head, Harper’s hair fell back in place. If you get a base hit, you have to stand on base and the helmet weighs down your hair. That’s why Harper uses the home run.” This message was brought to you by Aqua Net. What? It’s better than the same stupid Major League Baseball highlights over and over again on MLB TV — we get it, Bo Jackson threw out a runner! Get a new highlight! It’s also better than a Hanz and Franz commercial — talk about a sad commentary on baseball fans’ demographic. “Hey, Bill, we have a commercial that appeals to 35 to 60-year-old white males. Any ideas where we should place it?” So, Harper hit three monster-sized badonkadonks like a night out as Gabourey Sidibe’s pants and I told you to draft Harper before just about every fantasy baseball ‘pert, so you’re welcome. Don’t mention it. No, no, it’s okay. Okay, fine, you can hug me. Stop trying to touch my mustache! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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As has been the theme since day one of this series, I’ve been stressing the fact that you shouldn’t panic. The fantasy season is still very young, (very fragile, like your mom, sure), but anything can happen in any amount of short time anywhere. SO META. For example, does anyone think they’d notice Evan Gattis going 12-for-73 in the month of June? Probably not, as the first month of the season shines an unfair spotlight on a player’s production (or lack thereof). Also, Evan Gattis isn’t really that good, which probably would have an affect on someone not noticing as well. While the majority of players (that aren’t suffering from an obvious injury or velocity loss specifically with pitchers) it’s been fairly easy for me to say, “It’s April”… well, that actually doesn’t ring true any more. Nope. Instead, I’ll just simply say “It’s May.” Now, if there are some players in a few more weeks that are wildly off their career norms, then we can talk. But until then, have patience, but here something you can do… and that’s start assessing your needs, wants, dreams and start gauging the market for those things you seek out. Excuse me while I go search the free agent wire for a date… Anyhow, follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week four AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

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Josh Hamilton was acquired by the Rangers as originally reported by Dan Pants on Saturday. Gammons, Dan Pants, Heyman, that’s the top three most quoted baseball reporters. Dan Pants is a bit more optimistic than me for Hamilton’s return to the Land of Spurs, Twinkie-frying and hats with gigantism. I wouldn’t own Hamilton unless I had a free DL spot and don’t expect much from him. I’ve chimed this triangle before, but have you recently seen Brett Butler? She looks like she’s 89 years old. She’s 57. Have you seen Lohan recently? She looks like she’s 50; she’s 28. Haley Joel Osment just looks awful, I don’t know if he was an addict. Addicts age poorly. Hamilton, 33, has the body of a 60-year-old. Breaking down left and right just getting out of bed. He says he’ll be back in a few weeks, but he’ll go down to another injury, and then when the doctor goes to prescribe something, Hamilton won’t be able to take it due to his addictions and he’ll be back on the DL. It’s a feel-good story (if the only other stories you’ve ever heard involve Amanda Bynes), but I wouldn’t bother. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?