A few days ago Zack Greinke hinted that he liked the Angels organization, and praise them, Anaheim made it happen, pulling off perhaps what will be the biggest trade of the season. They acquired the Greinkster for three prospects: shortstop Jean Segura and pitchers Johnny Hellweg and Ariel Pena.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Pirates announced the time is nigh for Starling Marte. The Pirates equipment manager, Buffalo Bill, has to start making a uniform made from Jose Tabata’s skin. Put the lotion in the basket, Tabata! Tabata, “I wanna go home!” You won’t go home, ever.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In 1992, the last time the Astros had a number one draft pick they skipped over Derek Jeter and drafted Phil Nevin. As they say, the rest is history. Or as an Astro fan says, “The rest never happened because I became a Texas Rangers fan. Go Hamilton!” This year the Astros weren’t letting it happen again. With their number one pick, they selected 17-year-old shortstop, Carlos Correa. To put this in fantasy perspective, the Astros took Ramon Castro 17th overall in 1994.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last night, Dan Haren took the naysayers and said you know nay. The line was 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, no walks and 14 strikeouts, and, note to Scherzer, he managed 13 other outs. Good thing Haren and Pujols started clicking before the trade deadline, Arte Moreno was seen buying some leftover Vegas hotel dynamite and about to give the big poof you to the Anaheim Angels Of A 40 Minute Commute From Los Angeles. Haren showed great command and movement last night even though his velocity’s been down. I’d still bet a season ERA above 3.50, unless Haren’s traded every fifth day to the team facing the Mariners. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Albert Pujols – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs. What, horsemeat? Al-Pu is made of 100% ground chuck, baby! 24 more days in a row like this, and we’re good.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the preseason, I said Adam Lind could contend for the MVP. Wow. It’s almost like Matthew Berry put that thought in my head. In a litany of dopey things I’ve said, that might take the cake, frost it and smush it into my face. The Berry feeds the Grey (bad advice), the Berry feeds the Grey (bad advice)… Hi-ho, the marry-o… What was I thinking?! In my defense, he didn’t have an ailing back when I said that flimflammery and I told you to drop him outright a few weeks ago. Oh, well, that’s what you get sometimes from crazy predictions. Just flat-out crazy. Like I should be walking into traffic in a burlap sack crazy. So the Jays added a third A to Lind’s first name, sending him to the minors. Since he was hitting like an infant, it makes sense. In his place, the Jays called up Yan Gomes. What’s with people and the last name Gomes unable to spell John? Yanny was hitting .359 with 5 dingers in Triple-A. Whatever, right? Well, he’s a catcher, so those are like MVP (dah!) numbers. In AL-Only leagues, I could see grabbing him. Right now, he’s behind J.P., Mathis, Lawrie and Encarnacion, but Lawrie’s got a suspension and Edwin just made an error and the Jays game doesn’t even start for 12 hours, so Yanny could see time all over the field. Yesterday, he played third and went 2-for-3. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brett Lawrie – Unable to decide on the shadow coat rack or just bad calls, he dropped his appeal. He is also practicing counting to ten before blowing his top. As soon as he figures out what comes after 6 it should be a breeze.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Todd Frazier went deep twice yesterday. When asked the other day if Frazier would play, Dusty Baker said, “It could be (Miguel) Cairo. I’ve got an idea what guys’ strengths and weaknesses are… We’ll see. It’s up to Frazier. Okay, who switched out my mint toothpicks with splinters! You know my T-picks kill the skunk breath!” Todd Frazier is a damn fine specimen of underachieving-could-easily-be-achieving-if-he-starts-hitting prospect hitting nom-nom. In the minors last year, he had 15 homers and 17 steals, year before 17/14, year before he helped pen Richard Marx’s foray into romance novels, “Hold Onto The Knights.” What can’t he do!? Not sure if that’s rhetorical, but I’ll answer. I’m not sure he can hit for an average over .240 in the long run. There’s a chance Rolen gets Wally Pipp’d even if he returns healthy and that ‘if’ is the size of Hasselhoff’s ego. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks. ERA is at 0.00, WHIP is at 0.57. Dusty Baker said yesterday that the plan is for Aroldis to start someday. That reminds me of a sentence I read recently in Scientific American, “Because of natural evolution patterns, it’s conceivable that pigs will fly someday.”
Vance Worley – Placed on the DL. Went from a match-ups pitcher who could get lit to having an inflamed elbow. Call the fire department!Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Closer Look was only six days ago and we’ve already lost a $12 Salad (Mo), a Donkeycorn (Huston Street) and three Brain Freezes (Santiago/Thornton, Bell, Downs). If you think the Closepocalypse is something created by the media (me) to sell newspapers (no one buys newspapers), then continue to disbelieve. I’m just back from Costco with a keg of chicken broth, 400 count box of Mallomars and a 17 pound box of Wheat Thins to stock my Closepocalypse shelter. When the major leagues have run out of all pitchers to close and have exhausted all other athletes in all other sports trying to convert them to closers and they come knocking on my door, I’m going into my Closepocalypse shelter and you won’t see me again. Street is always a good nose blow away from getting hurt, so it’s no huge shocker. The Padres don’t think he’ll be back when his DL stint is up, and I’ll go as far to say he won’t be back for about a month and he’s a setback away from missing three months. For further reading on that see: His career. I grabbed Andrew Cashner in one league. I would’ve grabbed Luke Gregerson too if I had room, but, alas, I did not. Who could fit anything with this keg of broth?! And, because as soon as anyone becomes a closer, they get hot in the way a Dutch oven is hot, so Cashner followed every other closer this year and gave up a bunch of runs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Cory Luebke – Probably needs Tommy John surgery. He said his symptoms point to it. Now the only thing between him and Tommy John surgery is a visit to Dr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I watched Mat Latos yesterday. Now I want an eye transplant with someone that watched Jamie Moyer pitch (not when he was first called up because that eye transplant would have cataracts). I wish I could pinpoint what the problem is with Latos, besides looking terrible. He was hitting 95 MPH on the maybe-a-tad-Reds-friendly radar gun for three straight pitches to Beltran. Unfortunately, he threw all three friggin’ pitches in the exact same spot, so, of course, Beltran turned on one. Then he made the next hitter, Holliday, look terrible with offspeed stuff. Like a bachelorette order form, is there somewhere I can check for him to mix in the junk? Does Mesoraco only have one finger on his pitch-calling hand? Is Latos giving up early runs so Dusty can’t throw him into the 11th inning? How do you even give up 5 earned runs in the first two innings on only 6 baserunners? Is that even mathematically possible with only one two-run homer? Why are you making me wrack my brain? And why are you giving up a two out triples to the opposing pitcher?! Latos gets the Giants next. If he can’t make them look like a team that has only three hitters, and one of which they bench, then Latos is going to my bench for the foreseeable future. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Krispie Young – The MRI revealed a ligament tear and who wins this year’s Biggest Loser. Damn you, MRI, and your spoilers! Krispie’s headed to the 15-day DL and the Diamondbacks say he should be fine after a couple of weeks of rest. With a ligament tear in his shoulder? Sounds like they have a ligament tear in their silver lining. This sounds like something that won’t only sideline Krispie for longer than 15 days but also leave him at less than 100% for the rest of the season until an offseason of rest. It’s pretty terrible news. Rico Suave should see the majority of the time in the outfield while Krispie gets himself right. Parra’s pretty yawnstipating from a fantasy perspective for mixed leagues. In NL-Only leagues, he should get you some counting stats.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tim Lincecum went six innings and gave up a bongillion runs and has a 10.54 ERA on the year. He’s either sharing a UCL with Wilson or he’s about to make a turn around. No pitcher is going to throw a 10.54 ERA without the universe abandoning that whole gravity thing. And in that case, there would be bigger fish to fry, and we’d have to fry that fish in a Jiffy Pop container, otherwise the hot oil would float away. Or so I read in one of Ken Cosgrove’s stories. Will Lincecum have a 2.75 ERA this year? Well, that’s a different bag of flying fried fish. There’s talk that his velocity is down, which makes his change-up less effective. See, you need one to go fast and one to go deceptively less fast. It’s timing, y’all. Could Lincecum be nothing more than a 3.50 ERA pitcher? Yeah, it’s possible, but there’s still value in that. I wouldn’t give the farm in a trade for him, but I’d see if someone was interested in the tractor. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brian Wilson – There’s talk he could rehab and not get Tommy John surgery because he has a moderate UCL sprain. Oh! Is that all? Terrific. Spray some Windex on it and get out there!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I hate guys that are injured before the season even starts. I should’ve emphasized that more in the preseason. I should’ve followed my gut on that with Stanton too. At least Stanton can play through the nagging pain (hopefully), on the other hand, Mike Morse is shut down for 6 weeks and he has a history of injuries. (Can you tell I’m still reeling a bit on the Stanton news? It’s like a teenage love…Don’t…Don’t hurt me again…) As for Morse, he was a former roider (RIP, Lyle Alzado, I don’t know football, but I enjoyed your random guest spots on bad 80′s TV shows) and they say that tends to break down a player’s body. It’s all very sad (actually, I’m still thinking about Stanton; don’t worry, I’ll move on by Monday). I don’t think this moves up Bryce Harper’s ETA.Please, blog, may I have some more?