Fantasy Baseball Advice

I hate guys that are injured before the season even starts.  I should’ve emphasized that more in the preseason.  I should’ve followed my gut on that with Stanton too.  At least Stanton can play through the nagging pain (hopefully), on the other hand, Mike Morse is shut down for 6 weeks and he has a history of injuries.  (Can you tell I’m still reeling a bit on the Stanton news?  It’s like a teenage love…Don’t…Don’t hurt me again…) As for Morse, he was a former roider (RIP, Lyle Alzado, I don’t know football, but I enjoyed your random guest spots on bad 80′s TV shows) and they say that tends to break down a player’s body.  It’s all very sad (actually, I’m still thinking about Stanton; don’t worry, I’ll move on by Monday).  I don’t think this moves up Bryce Harper’s ETA. (Doesn’t ETA always make you think of business-speak by people who do jobs that you don’t understand even after they explain them?  “I’m a marketing consultant for our foreign sales team.”  You’re making up a job and you hide in a cubicle.  Why don’t I have one of those jobs?)  I think you should lower your expectations for Morse to 17 homers and 90 games played.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Sike!  Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to say you should sign up for the Draft Day freeroll.  What’s a freeroll?  Honestly, I have no clue.  I think it’s, like, a season of fantasy baseball in one day.  “But I want players to annoy me for 162 games!”  I know, but it’s free and Rudy did it last week and had fun, so I guess there’s no harm in it.  You can win some cold hard cash and get yourself a $12 salad!  The cut off is Saturday at 1:05 PM EST.  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Mat Latos – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K.  He didn’t pitch incredibly well (1 K — belch), but he only had one bad inning, which was because Ryan Ludwick is playing the outfield instead of Heisey.  Ludwick barely moved over to get a Gio Gonzalez blooper that started the inning where Latos gave up two earned.  Get Ludwick out of there and play The Juice Box (Heisey — Hi-C — The Juice Box — what?).  Juice Box!  Juice Box!  Juice Box!

Ryan Ludwick – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs.  Why is he playing?  He’s batting .133.  We need to see more? Okay, .240 and 18 homers, that’s more if he plays the whole season.  Who cares?  Dusty, take the toothpick out of your mouth and bench him!  (I’m only slightly annoyed at him because he drove in the two runs that cost me my Gio win, which was a whole nutter shizz show.  Zimmerman should’ve had that Ludwick grounder.  Get off your heels and dive!  How do I not get the win from Gio…Wait, not even there yet…)

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 Hits, no walks, 7 Ks.  How do you not get this win?  Pick a closer — or just pick Henry Rodriguez — and let him close games!  Dive, Zimmerman!  Juice Box!  Juice Box!  Juice– Okay, Grey, breath… Being completely objective, the home plate ump had a nice strike zone and the Reds get pretty neutralized by lefties.  Gio still pitched a great game.  Though the no walks thing will be a rarity.

Anthony Rendon – Nats prospect fractured his left ankle and will miss a few months.  He was fitted for a walking boot, which Bryce Harper signed in pine tar, writing “wuz” instead of “was.”

David Wright – Was cleared to return to game action (if his finger doesn’t hurt him).  I put that second part in parentheses because that’s the part you leave off when you try to sell Wright to someone in your league.  It’s April.  If you’re the Mets, do you let your star 3rd baseman play with a broken finger or do you sit him for a month?  Okay, try and think about that again, but this time don’t pretend you’re the Mets.  Still same answer?  I had a different one.

Madison Bumgarner – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Great game from the Bum, but why was he brought back out for the 8th inning?  He was over 100 pitches and he hit 3rd the previous inning.  He needed to face Tyler Colvin for 13 foul tips?  Colvin — singer/songwriter/fouler.  You’d think if anyone would be a fouler on that team, it’d be Dexter.

Brian Wilson – 1 IP, 1 ER.  Was far uglier than that, and I’m not talking about the beard.  Wilson loaded the bases, walked in a run, needed the trainer to come out because it looked like his arm was bothering him (was hard to see around Bochy’s head) and could barely find the plate even when he was getting hitters out.  I grabbed Casilla while the trainer was still on the mound.  Romo is the better arm, but Bochy seems to favor Casilla for saves.  Looking for the next big closer to go down, here ya go.

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Giving up 10 baserunners in 5 innings is bad enough, but the Liriano-Mauer battery ended up giving up 5 SBs in 5 innings to the Angels (whose team speed is not to be confused with the ’85 Cardinals).  In 134 IP last year, Liriano only was stolen on 9 times.  Is there any other part of his game that Liriano can regress for us — maybe bite his tongue when chewing on sunflower seeds?

Matt Capps – 1 IP, 2 ER and the save.  Almost had a Cappsizing.

Denard Span – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and a steal.  Here’s a fun thing for Topps baseball cards.  They should do one of those novelty dual cards with Span and Billy Butler.  Have it titled, “Spanning the Globes,” and Span stands behind Butler cupping his moobs.

Joe Mauer/Justin Morneau – The M&M boys both homered in yesterday’s game against the Angels in Target Field.  The odds on that exacta were so tiny that, if anyone bought it, Scott Downs would’ve been bankrupted.  Just in case Downs got any ideas, someone made sure he couldn’t walk off the field.

Josh Willingham – 3-for-5 with his 4th homer of the year.  The Other White Meat is red hot.  That is all.

Lance Berkman – Has a small tear in his left calf.  A small tear on a calf?  That sounds like a Guatemalan harbinger of doom.  Berkman says he can return on Tuesday.  Not sure how someone of his age is going to be playing in less than a week with a muscle tear in his calf, and I don’t mean that like, “Hey, he’s going to be playing next Tuesday at 100% and I’m gonna be surprised.”  No, I meant it like, “He’s going to be at 75% and then need the DL at some point.”

Dan Haren – 5 IP, 9 H, 1 BB, 3 ER, 7 Ks against the Twinkies in Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome with all the runs scoring on a 3-run HR by Mauer.  As Rudy mentioned on the Risky Pitcher post, Haren was heavily dependent on his cutter last year — wouldn’t be surprised if his April struggles (6.97 ERA) are a harbinger of Haren’s first non-borderline ace year in a long time.

Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 with a slam & legs.  He’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  It’s gonna be a doozie to end all doozies!

Carlos Pena - 2-for-3 with his 3rd homer.  Remember, he won’t stop hitting homers until around Monday, when he’ll go so ice cold you’ll be looking to chuck Pena.

Jeff Keppinger – 0-for-5 batting cleanup yet again for the Rays.  The Rays are so against giving Longoria any protection that they’ve disabled his home alarm system and are poking holes in his condoms.

Kyle Seager – 1-for-4, and a homer.  He’ll also be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  I told you it’s got doozie written all over it.

Matt Garza – 8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  It’s an ExtravaGarza!

Drew Smyly -  4 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He has very little experience as a professional, which doesn’t seem to stand in the way of the Tigers (see Porcello).  He looks like he has strikeout stuff, but as I tell my girlfriends, beware the small sample size.  I wouldn’t go near him outside of AL-Only leagues for the time being.  For now, Drew’s a consolation prize SP on his dad Guy’s game show.

Jed Lowrie – Should return from the DL on Friday.  Watch out rusty Astros lineup, here comes your booster shot!

Zack Greinke – 3.2 IP, 8 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  We love Greinke, but this gave us bad flashbacks to his infamous “Greink’d” moments prior to his Cy Young year.  Hopefully next outing he’ll be able to put away batters when he gets to 2 strikes.  If I were the type to calculate xFIP and not just read it at other sites, I’d say Greinke was hella unlucky yesterday.  Then I’d fist bump someone and explode my fist, or something equally douchey that is done by people that say hella.

Jamie Moyer – The last remaining Leftosaurus threw about as good a start as you can hope for him @COL (5.2 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners).  Pitching Moyer in the mile high air is like pitching Justin Verlander on the moon.

Welcome to our second FanDuel Freeroll of the season. And congrats to fyeabaseball who took 1st out of 337 entries and won a cool 75 toad hides. I came in 70th and am a disgrace to my family. This week’s freeroll is on Friday the 13th which means Peyton Hillis will jinx a Ricky Nolasco no-no.

Here are some possible plays for Friday’s games:

P: Ricky Nolasco: Ricky is 5-1 against the Astros with 2 complete games.

C: Ryan Hanigan: He is a pretty decent 5 for 5 against against Jordan Zimmerman. I think that is good. Let me get my calculator out.

1B: Justin Morneau: Morneau is 2 for 4 off Matt Harrison.

2B: Rickie Weeks: Jair Jurrjens has given up 3 hits in 7 at bats to Weeks.

2B: Robinson Cano: Cano has hit Ervin Santana very well in his career going 11 for 32 against him with 4 donkaruskis.

3B: Jack Hannahan: Your deep thought for today is that Hannahan is 6 for 11 off Luke Hochevar with 3 doubles, 2 home runs and 5 ribbies.

3B: Chone Figgins: Bartolo Colon has allowed 5 hits in 12 at bats to Figgy Cent.

SS: Derek Jeter: He’s been hitting well early and is 17 for 38 with 3 home runs against Ervin Santana.

SS: Asdrubal Cabrera: Luke Hochevar has not pitched well against the current Cleveland roster and Cabrera has hit 7 of 19 against him.

OF: Austin Jackson: Jackson is 3 for 6 against Jake Peavy and has been hot to start the season.

OF: Cameron Maybin: Maybin is 4 for 10 off Aaron Harang with a homer and has been playing wellish. Not Welsh.

OF: Shin-Soo Choo: Choo is 13 for 23 against Hochevar with 4 doubles, 2 homers and 10 RBIs.

Now let’s take a look at some of the early bargains at each position in FanDuel so far this season. There is a balance you have to make with value versus bad assness. You’ll see that Miguel Cabrera has been dominant so far AND has the most points per $1,000 spent (for non pitchers). So there is a win/win situation, but that’s not always the case. Jeff Samardzija is a risky player who really paid off last time but Felix Hernandez who costs a whole Yugo more is safer and put up 25 FanDuel Points in his first start. In hindsight you would choose Samardzija everyday, but we aren’t always going to be that lucky. That’s what makes the game fun I guess.

I’m not putting that title up there to brag.  That’s really the name of the league.  But within a few rounds of bidding I tittered like a little school girl when Troy Tulowitzki went for $42 and Miguel Cabrera went for only $40 as proof that even Gods don’t do everything right.  I mean, have you seen what a platypus looks like?  But I digress, the draft didn’t go as perfectly as I wanted but I don’t feel bad about the end result.  With it being a 14 team league with no bench positions except for two DL spots, having a strong hitting crew was important; so important I broke a bit from the 180/80 strategy posted here.  I overspent by about $20 on hitting and left $3 on the table when it was done.  In hindsight, looking over my pitching staff and that remainder on the table, I wish I’d thrown a couple more bucks at Jordan Zimmermann who went for $12, but that’s what auction drafts are for: 20/20 thoughts about a time when you weren’t as strapped for cash as you perceived.  For the list of the entire draft results, click here.  Fooled!  Sorry, they didn’t make the league public but you should still click on that link for random awkwardness.  Now without further ado or foofaraw, here were the experts:

Razzball – ONC

FP911.com – Rich Wilson

FP911.com – Paul Greco

RotoRob – Tim McLeod

CBS Sports – Scott White

Fantasy Alarm – Ryan Hallam

Fantasy Baseball Sherpa – Bob S and Scott Swanay

Fantasy Sports Empires – Jeff Boggis

FantasyBaseball.com – Chris McDonnell

FB Tonight – RC Rizza and Todd Farino

FB365 – Charlie Saponara

RotoExperts.com – Dave Gawron

The Fantasy Man – Mike Kuchera

TPFS Baseball – Mike Myers

Full disclaimer here: I was a little nervous at first.  I mean, I was drafting to represent Razzball here.  I had a quick ‘palms sweaty, mom’s spaghetti’ moment as I had two spreadsheets on the right screen, draft on the left screen with my two hands on the keyboard and my third hand reaching for a slice of pizza.  Well, at least that’s what I must’ve been thinking when I ordered one.  Barely got a bite when nominations were posted and were alotting 15 seconds to bid.  But more to the ‘stop whining ONC, we don’t care just bring us the goods’ point: my offense is stacked.  Like a game of Jenga where the blocks haven’t been moved stacked.  With there being no bench, that’s important.  I can stream pitchers if I need it, but it’s harder to stream hitters.  I will probably move a bat in the near future for at least one solid arm to go with my core staff of Anibal Sanchez, Brandon Beachy, Shaun Marcum, and Ubaldo Jimenez but the trade will be on my terms.  I wanted guys like Zack Greinke and Madison Bumgarner but couldn’t justify their respective $25 and $20 pricetags.  The lone regret of my crew was the dreaded click slip – an embarassment on par with Tara Reid’s nip slip if she hadn’t been too coked out to notice - as I went to nominate Max Scherzer and wound up with Neftali Feliz for a $1.  I quickly fixed this, grabbing Henry Rodriguez for K’s and saves potential but did curse at the screen for a bit afterwards.  Thankfully, everyone had left work by that time or I might have been visiting HR the next day.

True to form from my catchers post, I treated my backstops like pole dancers, throwing singles at Josh Donaldson and Wilin Rosario at the end which oddly matched my keeper league catchers for the year.  I was saved from spending any money on Ryan Doumit when a mini-bidding war for his services came to pass, pushing his price up to $7 at the end of the draft.  I don’t have extremely high hopes for either of my guys but with how the rest of my offense came to be and how much Doumit went for – especially with the Justin Morneau as near full-time DH news – I don’t have to worry much about it.  My Evan Longoria steal left me feeling saucy.  So saucy, I actually dove right in on Hanley Ramirez when he came up and then shocked myself with a $17 Starlin Castro.  Auctions make for weird drafting patterns.  Its from SS I feel I have a good chance to grab myself a solid starter via trade if I need it.  I really wanted one of the top end first basemen but the prices were just too high to justify so I ended up with the savvy veteran – code word for ‘old as the hills’ – Paul Konerko for $17.  Not my most favorite pick, but even if he gets me 25 HRs and a .275 average, I don’t see a reason to complain.  With Eric Hosmer going for $30 and my Paul Goldschmidt and Mat Gamel pickups only costing me $11 in total, I’ve left myself plenty of trade space with Konerko as well.

Based on CBS projections and going off of this helpful Razzball post, we’re a little light in steals (148), almost in line with runs (1021), up on average (.274) & RBIs (1039) and flat out obliterating HRs (305) for a 14 team league.  As to be expected based off the draft, we’re behind on our pitching stats at the moment in wins (83), saves (66) and ERA (3.65) but are still far ahead in strikeouts (1226) and good in WHIP (1.24).  Considering there is no innings cap, we can stream for wins as needed and where appropriate.  As far as saves and steals well…SAGNOF suckas!  All and all, a bit off the beaten strategy path but still a team set to compete in a roto setting for 2012.

In the first real game of the season (it was real, right?  I looked for highlights, but ESPN was showing a Red Sox split-squad game instead).  From the box score, I heart Brandon McCarthy.  His line was 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners and 3 Ks.  Yeah, the Mariners aren’t very good at hitting, but a quality start is a quality start.  Brandon McCarthy celebrated by taking out a Tokyo girl with red streaks in her hair who lives on the other side of the tracks.  Sorry Peking Ducky!  I tried to get Rudy to draft McCarthy in one of our leagues on Tuesday night, and was disappointed to see he went to someone else for $9.  I have his projections down as 8-11/3.50/1.17/140.  Last year, his home ERA and WHIP was 2.65 and 1.11.  He may not strike out many hitters, but there’s not many pitchers late I’d trust to actually help my WHIP.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw in spring training (and real baseball) for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Justin Smoak – 0-for-5.  That two day pick up has worked out well so far!  While he’s at it, maybe he can hit a line drive into Florida and injure Anibal Sanchez.

Ichiro Suzuki – 5 ABs, 4 singles, 2 balls out of the infield.  That’s a .800 AVG in baseball and .400 AVG in sumo.

Dustin Ackley – Home run and steal for the first official slam & legs of the season.  Back in November, I went over my Dustin Ackley fantasy.  I wrote it while beating Steve Wiebe at Donkey Kong.

Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  With the week layoff between the second and third Mariners game, is he gonna start twice in the first four games of the Mariners season?  Cause that would be kinda awesome…If I owned him anywhere…which I don’t…  Sticking with the dot, dot, dot theme:

Michael Morse – His collagen injection paid wonders and was able to secure a sugar daddy may make it back for Opening Day.  If not, he shouldn’t miss much time.

Drew Storen – Expected to start the year on the DL.  Of course he is.  He’s only thrown 2 innings this spring.  As I mentioned in our fantasy baseball podcast, Henry Rodriguez is looking to me like one of those middle relievers that comes out of nowhere and Ks a shizzton and ends up being more valuable than your number three fantasy starter that you were crazy about in March and wanted to kill in May.  Think Venters instead of Liriano last year.  Actually, think of Venters instead of Liriano last year as long as you don’t have any sharp objects around.  No, a comparison to Venters isn’t completely apt.  Rodriguez’s WHIP might be more in line with a Marmol.  But he gets Ks, should get innings and may get saves.  Who’s standing in his way?  Lidge?  Oy.  If I wanted straight saves, I’d go Lidge first.  He will probably be the first guy to see ninth inning looks.  It doesn’t mean he will be the last guy to see saves in Storen’s stead.

Justin Morneau – The 2nd best Canadian 1st baseman is starting to heat up as spring training comes to a close.  He’s hit 3 HRs in the past couple days.  Hopefully, he doesn’t rub it in to Brian Roberts at the next Concussion Anonymous meeting.

Brian Wilson – His beard must be itchy because the Giants scratched him from Wednesday’s game.  If you drafted him, hope you enjoy wild rides.  Follow his gimp’s lead and handcuff him with Sergio Romo and/or Santiago Casilla.  (For saves, I’d go Casilla first.)

B.J. Upton – Headed to the DL to start the year as B.J.’s back is still Upton-o-good after colliding with Desmond Jennings in the OF.  They are just too fast.  The Rays have to regulate them like NASCAR to avoid this stuff in the future.  Steals ain’t got no face, but they require a functioning back.  Upton said he could miss only a few games (three), and doesn’t expect to miss more than a few weeks.  Gulp.  Hopefully it’s the former if former means the first one.  Brandon Guyer should get some playing time in the mean’s while.  Take note those of you in 30-team MLB leagues.

Jed Lowrie – Jammed his thumb.  Thumb up the jam, thumb it up!  Sorry, that always gets me.  Lowrie said he should be back in a few days.  Sounds like a stereotypical Sparky Anklebiter injury.  So a player with too much can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness needs to put his finger on ice.

J.J. Hardy – Received a cortisone shot in his shoulder yesterday, which is a steroid (tomato-potato, I guess).  I didn’t like Hardy going into the spring, but the one thing he offered was power.  How you think the power’s gonna be with a sore shoulder?  Yup.

Chris Carpenter – Having a bone spur removed, will be sidelined a couple of months.  No, this is not the Cardinals’ Chris Carpenter, it’s the Red Sox’s Chris Carpenter.  What a jinxed name.  This is a warning to anyone underage getting a fake ID.  Don’t go with Leo Nunez or Fausto Carmona.  The authorities will be all over you.

Drew Storen had arm discomfort… About two weeks ago.  He hasn’t pitched in a game since March 7th and had soreness in his biceps playing catch yesterday.  Playing catch?  What, the Nats doing a video for Cat’s in the Cradle?  He should be pitching, not playing catch.  So that’s one red flag.  The bigger red flag with a skull and crossbones is obviously soreness from playing catch.  That’s awesome for a young reliever who was used a lot last year (75 1/3 IP).  Two days ago, Davey Johnson said Storen wasn’t throwing because he had strep throat.  So does he have strep arm now?  Johnson said he’s not worried about Storen.  Davey lies… Davey lies when he cries and implies Storen is still his prize…  In all but the shallowest leagues, I’d grab Tyler Clippard, who sounds like a captain in the America’s Cup.  For those in deeper leagues or feeling light on saves, I’d grab Lidge.  I think Storen will ultimately be fine, but better safe than sorry as they say in the Clichè Hall of Fame, which is located on Main Street in Capital City.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Joe Blanton – Report out of Philly is they aren’t motivated to trade Blanton.  Sounds like when your garbage piles up and you can’t motivate to throw it out.  Maybe we’ll see the Phillies on the new season of Hoarders.

Ryan Howard – Without a walking boot, he took grounders yesterday while sitting on a stool.  Maybe he’s hoping he can be the Bill Cosby of 1st baseman.  “I was taking ground balls with my manager, Man-yoo-el.  Man-yoo-el is great; he gave me chocolate cake!”

Ryan Madson – Threw twenty pitches in a simulated game, then left with pain in his elbow.  Wow, and Dusty hasn’t even managed him in a game yet.  He just points his toothpick at pitchers’ elbows and they go down.  This is starting to sound like Sean Marshall is gonna be the closer for the Reds on Opening Day.  Yes, he should be owned too.

Juan Pierre – Has been caught stealing three times in five attempts in the spring.  Is there anything sadder than a steals-only guy who can no longer steal?  That’s not rhetorical.  Really, is there?

Neftali Feliz – Rangers are reporting that Feliz threw with no issues.  To incorrectly paraphrase Modest Mouse, this is bad news for people who like bad news about starters they don’t want to own.

Carlos Marmol – Will return on Monday.  Will close until July.  Will be traded to a contender to be an eighth inning set-up man.  It’s a feeling I have.

Mark Reynolds – The O’s are talking about trading him.  Looks like the O’s management got the letter in the bottle that was dropped in the Atlantic about thirteen years ago that read, “Go young, you have no chance of competing right now.”

Adam Dunn – Sticking with the newly established donkey theme, Dunn hit two homers yesterday.  In 1970, Boog Powell hit 35 homers and won the MVP at the age of 28.  The next year, he struggled to hit 22, then 21, 11 and 12 before having one final (Berkman-type resurgence) with 27 homers in 1975, then he was out of baseball at the age of 35.  Frank Howard hit 44 homers at 33, then 26 homers the next year and pretty much out of baseball at 35.  Greg Luzinski hit 35 homers at the age of 27.  At 28, he hit 18.  Then nothing for 4 years (had a Berkman resurgence year), then out of baseball at 33.  Mo Vaughn went from MVP contender to retired.  The history of the big-bellied isn’t great when they start to age.  Dunn is 32 years old.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he was out of baseball at the age of 35.  Can Dunn come back and hit 25 homers this year?  It’s possible.  It’s gonna come with a .240 or lower average.  We’re not going to see 40 homers from The Big Donkey again.

Desmond Jennings – Could be out until next week, but he should have plenty of time to be ready for Opening Day.  Or as they call it in the Albright household, O’Jennings Day.

Dustin Pedroia – Left the game after being hit on the forearm.  He didn’t want to leave, but Bobby Valentine insisted.  Then Pedroia nipped at his ankles and Bobby put a cone on his head.  Pedroia should be back in a few days.

Kendrys Morales – In his first action with the Angels since his limp-off home run, he got two hits.  Small victories are good.  They’re especially good for Morales who celebrates big victories like an idiot.

Tyler Greene – The Cards look like they’re going to start Greene at 2nd base and in the leadoff slot (with Furcal somewhere at the bottom of the order).  Greene feels like a guy that someone in an NL-Only league will either get lucky drafting or will want to drop by week two.

Tyler Colvin – Hitting near .400 in spring training.  That means nothing, as does Colvin in most leagues.  However, I wouldn’t be shocked if we get into the first week of the season and Blake is benched (or injured), Cuddyer goes to 3rd and Colvin is playing the outfield and becomes one of the hottest adds.  It’s a thought to stash next to your rolling papers.

Scott Baker – Yesterday, he threw in a minor league game.  So he pitched Twins batting practice?

Justin Morneau – 3-for-33 this spring.  Feels like old times!

Lorenzo Cain – Now has four homers and is batting .486 in the spring.  Cain…Sugar!’s not yet on any of my teams, but I think I might need to reach for him in one league.  Bourgeois, you’ve been Marx’d down!

Billy Butler – Hit his third homer of the spring as he has an insane 1.258 OPS over 39 at-bats.  They don’t call him Mr. Grapefruit for nothing.

Pedro Alvarez – Ah, my old heartthrob, is playing like there’s a reason why he’s not my new heartthrob.  It looks likely M.C. Gehee will be playing 3rd base.  The Pirates get the gas face.

Erik Bedard – Named Pirates Opening Day starter.  The Pirates then added, “If he’s healthy.”

David Wright – Took BP and said, “I feel about as good as I’d feel, I guess, picking up a bat for the first time in a few weeks.  Hopefully it gets better from here result-wise.  But just being out there and being able to go through a full day and a full round of batting practice and not feeling anything, that’s pretty good.”  I’ll read between the lines for you.  ”I was swinging at about 50% against a soft-tossing BP pitcher and I still didn’t really get good swings on the ball.  It was sure nice to see the fellas after going through three weeks of testing done by a Met doctor who had a degree from a med school in Guam.  I wonder if there’s bears in Guam and if they call them Guamy Bears.”

Jon Niese – Got an offseason nose job because Beltran used to make fun of him.  It’s not the first time that a Mets outfielder led to drugs being applied to a Mets pitcher’s nose.

Fausto Carmona – Or as his birth certificate says, Roberto Hernandez Heredia, is scheduled to throw 80 pitches at the Indians’ academy in the Dominican Republic.  Afterwards at the academy, Carmona will take classes like “Ethics In Nomenclature and Age” and “Nutrition:  It’s a Real Word.”