Yesterday, was the first time the Cubs have won 100 games since 1935.  Though, in 1994, the Cubs were so gonna win the final 49 games if the strike didn’t happen, giving them 98 wins, then two losses were going to go under review and get reversed.  What?  My crystal ball is very specific.  Why don’t you people believe me?  Kidding, I know you believe me because I can see you in my crystal ball.  Put on some pants that don’t have an elastic band, would you please!  Kyle Hendricks (6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (0 walks), 5 Ks, ERA down to 1.99) did his usual magic.  I say let him sit out his final start so he can end the year with a minus-2 ERA, and I bet the Cubs say the same thing as me.  Know why?  I have the best words.  People love my words.  No one has words like me.  Carrying them offensively was Javier Baez (2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 14th homer).  Whenever Hendricks grooves, Baez seems to play himself a little ditty, too.  Must be their Woodstock connection.  If Joan Baez didn’t perform at Woodstock, don’t tell me, for folk’s sake.  Baez is going to be a tough nut to peg (totally a saying) for 2017 fantasy.  He’s made great strides with his strikeouts.  Looks like an easy bet for a 17/17 season if he were to play every day, but 17/17 is just a tad boring compared to 20/20.  By the way, Tad Boring never gets any dates on Tinder.  Also, we’re not sure if Baez will have an everyday job.  Cubs’ playing time can be Maddon’ing.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Monday Night Football is kicking off tonight, so the smart money is going to be on the baseball side. I love the NFL, but for tonight let’s Fuhgeddaboudit and focus on the easy money. I know Mike Foltynewicz, $9,600 isn’t Italian, but if I was in a pinch and needed someone to whack a lineup, I’d feel confident I could call on Folty to get it done tonight. He’s at home facing the Marlins who have dropped 6 of their last 9 games and he looks like he solved the control issues that plagued him earlier this season, as he’s only walked 7 over his last 5 starts. Not only has he limited his walks, but he’s also missing bats with 31 Ks over the last 30 innings. Hotlanta has been pretty cold as of late, but I think they’ll turn things around against Andrew Cashner and help our boy Folty to a W. I’m going to be pairing Folty with my old pal Puke Soup aka, Jeff Samardzija, $10,600 vs our favorite Monday night opponent, the San Diego Padres. I know he’s been inconsistent all season, but I love the home matchup and there’s something about seeing all those jumbled letters in my lineup that makes sense tonight. It’s definitely a risky play, but he threw a gem in Colorado on Tuesday going 7 innings with 9 Ks and 1 ER. Now that we’ve rostered the best Scrabble duo ever in DraftKings history let’s take a look at who we can matchup on the offensive side.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Today’s nighttime DraftKings slate consists of a whopping three games. Three games times two starting pitchers per game gets you… I’ll wait while you type that into your phone calculator app. Ok, got it? Six! We have six starting pitchers to choose from in the main evening slate. Sure, there aren’t that many position players to choose from, but at least you only need one at every position but outfielder, and really, the pitchers are going to determine who has a successful day and who doesn’t. I will be suggesting my go-to starters, and of course you should follow my directions, but if you don’t want to follow me, at least think long and hard about your arms. They’ll determine whether you have a chance of swimming amidst high ownership, or if you’ll just sink.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Thursday September 5th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In my preseason Randal Grichuk sleeper post (hey, they’re not all Delino DeShields sleepers, which is to say God awful vs. just merely bad), I said, “How much Grichuk can Grichuk chuck if Grichuk strikes out 30% of the time?  Now, I’m no gypsy; I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl that was born in a manger in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  Let’s look at some comp hitters, shall we?  Not to answer, but to keep reading.  Last year, Grichuk struck out 31% of the time after striking out 23% of the time in Triple-A.  His minor league strike out rate makes me think he’ll be closer to a 27-28% strikeout guy.  Brandon Moss is also around a 27-28% strikeout guy, which Grichuk should be.  Grichuk won’t walk as much as Moss, but, okay, they’re close enough for me.  Grichuk is a young Moss.  I shall call him Pete Moss.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Maybe old fools die hard with a vengeance while Samuel Jackson screams at them, but Grichuk was just some bad luck with his BABIP away from being exactly what I thought he’d be.  His strikeout rate is 27.8% (vs. Moss’ 30%), and he’s only 25 years old.  I’m still jazzed on Grichuk like Coltrane with a needle in my vein.  Of course, none of this matters if he didn’t hit a bunch of homers this week, and was available in about 75% of leagues.  Plant Pete Moss on your team and watch the growth!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Ivan Nova threw a complete game with one earned run — 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks — ERA at 3.20 on the Pirates, after having a 4.90 ERA on the Yankees.  This Ray Searage guy can do miracles.  People should travel far and wide to go see him with their ailments, anguish and general malaise.  “So, I was standing in line for a frappuccino and I was thinking, ‘What’s the point?’  So, what is the point, Searage?”  “Sounds like you should use the change more.”  By the way, malaise is not the actress that plays Arya Stark.  Ray Searage is a modern-day miracle worker.  Move over, Anne Sullivan!  This is also exactly what they said about Searage in regards to Juan Nicasio before he flamed out about three weeks into the season, and Gerrit Cole has been pretty gross.  Searage seems totally competent, but to think he can fix all Pirates pitchers seems foolhardy.  No relation to Tom Hardy.  I could see grabbing Nova if the matchups are right, but I’m not running out to grab him in 12 team mixed leagues.  Not simply because my computer’s at home and it makes no sense to run out anywhere.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re about two weeks from September call-ups, or as we call it in my house, “One more month and Cougs gets back the Fantasy Master Lothario,” or as they call it in Prospector Ralph’s house, “Let’s make another baby,” or as they call it in any Cubs fan’s house, “Start drinking heavily now so the heartbreak of October is a blurry haze.”  By the way, whatever team faces the Cubs in the World Series should pay Steve Bartman to throw out a first pitch of one of the games.  Bartman, “I won’t do it.”  “We’ll give you $50,000.”  “Do you want me to throw out the first pitch while riding on the back of a goat?”  So, that brings us to who will be the top September call-up, or at least for hype, Yoan Moncada.  About a week ago, Moncada injured his ankle, but he’s likely to be fine in a week.  In about 12 days, every fantasy baseball site will be telling you to grab Moncada, so it depends on how quick you need to react in your league on when you grab him, but I would in most leagues.  “Why, Unkie Grey, what does Moncada do?  Can he help me talk to girls?”  Yes!  If those girls live in Boston, have red hair and are named Francine.  Would you be interested if I told you Moncada went 13/44 in only 97 games with a .300 average?  How about if I told you he’s going to play in one of the best offensive parks with one of the best hitting teams?  What if I said he’d move your car on street cleaning day?  He will do all of that (minus the moving of the car, but it’s good if you get out of the house once in a while).  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I had an idea to make the Olympics more watchable.  You know how you watch it now and you’re like, “Damn, he just ran the length of two football fields in 20 seconds?  I mean, it looked like he was going fast, but the guy next to him ran it in 21 seconds, so it’s hard to tell exactly how fast he was running.”  Enter my idea:  in every event, there should one normal person competing so we get a better idea of how great the Olympians are next to average schmos.  Tell me you wouldn’t watch the platform diving if between the North Korean and Chinese diver, I was there trying to get the nerve up to jump from three floors up, then plunging awkwardly into the water on my back.  Or running next to Usain Bolt, doing an 85-second 200 meter dash.  So, this brings me to Kris Bryant, who right now is making other major leaguers look like ‘normal people.’  Yesterday, he went 5-for-5, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 29th and 30th homers.  On our Player Rater, he’s in the top five for the season.  Member in the preseason when people were saying Bryant was going to strike out too much to draft in the 1st round?  Those people are enjoying themselves some Jose Abreu!  For 2017, it’s gonna be hard to rank Bryant much later than the top five, as he enters only his age-25 season.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

True or false:  A) Dansby Swanson is famous for being Ted Knight’s caddy in Caddyshack. B) Starting a meme at his frat house in Arizona where he’d put his checkered pants on a cactus with the caption, “I’m thirsty, yo.”  C) There’s no C.  D) All the above.  E) Was drafted a second ago by the Diamondbacks 1st overall, then traded to the Braves for the fellow WASP, Shelby Miller, and all-around terrible pitcher.  If you answered D) All the above, how did you know what all the above was before reading E?  Also, it was a true or false quiz, what the hell is all of the above?!  So, Dansby Swanson is being called up by the Braves just in time, no lie, for their series against the Diamondbacks.  Dayum.  Hello, wounds, here’s your salt.  In Prospector Ralph’s midseason top 100 prospects, Dansby was 22nd overall, right by Willie Calhoun, who totally tanked Mike Dukakis’ campaign.  Swanson is a 22-year-old that was a’ight in Double-A (8 HRs, 6 SBs, .261 in 84 games).  That’s neither here nor there, he’s young; he should be owned in most mixed leagues; you’re not going to find his talent level on waivers in many leagues; semicolons; fun.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In 1972, a young Polish man by the name of Stanley “Stash” Petrosky burst on the scene with the Pirates organization and stole 87 bases while pinch-running for the Single-A Long John Silvers.  No matter how many times corrected, he continually held the bat backwards and never got past Single-A, but his speed was a delight to watch.  Since then, Poles have been considered some of the sneakiest fast players in the game.  Some social scientists have contended that this is due to the Polish ancestors standing in line for bread.  Never wanting to be standing in line ever again, they instead run and steal.  Some historians say the Poles have skis on their end of their names because thousands of years ago they would tie flat boards to their ankles rather than walking and they built up a taste for speed.  Others say this is ethnic profiling and it should be stopped.  Either way, one guy who can’t be stopped is Travis Jankowski.  Janky, as he’s not known anywhere, has 25 steals in 184 ABs.  Since 2000, Jankowski has the most steals in the fewest plate appearances besides Tony Campana (there’s a throwback name).  The King of SAGNOF, Rajai Davis, Jarrod Dyson, Emilio Bonifacio, Dee Gordon and Jordan Schafer are a few of the guys that have been close in the last 16 years, but what Jankowski is doing is historic SAGNOF.  Or as it’s known in some cultures SAGNOFski.  Oh, and Jankowski is also hitting north of .450 in the last week.  Grab him!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rough year to be a Prince.  Watch yourself William, Henry and the kid who played Fred in the atrocious Scooby-Doo movies.  Prince Fielder is done from baseball with 319 homers.  Of the tens of thousands of other baseball players that have played the game, the only other person retired with exactly 319 homers is Cecil Fielder.  They are also the only two members of the 300-300 club — 300 HR/LB.  This also leads me to believe we’re on an 18-year loop with 1998.  Wait until Hillary Clinton meets a young Jewish intern in the White House who is just back from Cuba with some cigars.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?