Fantasy Baseball Advice

Scott Rolen went 2-for-4 as he hit his 3rd homer in the last week.  Now has 11 homers and 30 RBIs.  I’d say he’s in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he’s not.  He almost was then I thought about what I would write about him.  I didn’t want to write about how I wasn’t sure what to write about him.  I figured that was pointless.  Wait…  Oh.  Soooo, Rolen will hit 25 homers this year with a decent average and RBIs or he’ll get hurt and play only 100 games.  I’m thinking the latter happens, but I’d own him if I needed power for a chance at the former.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.   Could say his run of 6 straight solid starts has to do with his opponents, but he’s in the NL Central who’s he gonna face?  1985 Cards?  Ooh, Tommy Herr, I’m scared.

Brandon Phillips – I don’t own him anywhere but I get comments about trading him away or some shizz.  So I looked at his stats today.  He has 6 homers and 7 steals.  I’ll agree when you’re going along that’s fairly yawnstipating, but that’s also a 20/20 pace, exactly where he should be.  Phillips is who he is.  Like with boxers, you gotta your boys breath.

Nelson Cruz – Another day, another hamstring injury.  Wouldn’t be surprised to see him back on the DL within a few days.  The alternative is he plays through the hamstring injury for a few days then hurts himself worse.  If I could bottle a way to strengthen hamstrings, I’d misplace it then find it three years later wondering what it is.  Then I’d open it, smell it and think to myself, “Is this Drakkar?”

Curtis Granderson – To return today.  Isn’t it weird how it’s today?  Tomorrow makes sense.  It’s to morrow.  You’re going to morrow.  Going to day is redundant.  Should be just day.  Hmm, I sound like I’m on narcotics.

Joey Votto – Out for a second day with a stiff neck.  Maybe he has a Viagra lodged in his throat.  Thank you, Shecky Greene!

John Ely – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Loving Ely so far, even if I benched him in certain leagues yesterday.  Hey, can’t blame him that I need a cup check.  WHY DO YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH?  Thanks for asking, Mr. Caps.  He has 32 Ks against 6 walks and a 1.00 WHIP through 39 innings.  He is doing a better impersonation of Slowey than Slowey himself.

Ted Lilly – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has a 3.63 ERA on the year or exactly the same ERA you would think Ted Lilly would have for the last ten years if you didn’t actually look it up.

Geovany Soto – Has one hit since May 16th.  One way to have people stop saying how bad your sophomore slump is by making your junior slump even worse.

Casey McGehee – Kinda weird how it looks like his stat line:  24/9/41/.315/1 and Prince Fielder’s 29/7/19/.264/1 look like they’re in the movie, Vice Versa and Prince Fielder is Fred Savage.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners (8 Walks), 1 K.  You know it’s bad when you drop a guy before the game is even over and it doesn’t even feel liberating when you lose him.  I don’t know how I got bamboozled into starting Dice-BB in a league.  Such a bad judgment call.  I blame Alfredo Simon for going on the DL and giving me room on my roster.

P.J. Walters – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Guy sounds like he’s on an 80′s detective show where he solves all the cases in his pajamas.  P.J. Walters:  The Groggy Eye.  So, this start was vs. the Padres in Petco.  He’ll probably stick for now in the rotation with the lose of Lohse.  I’d look at him in NL-Only leagues, but no mixed leagues yet.

Josh Willingham – Now has 3 homers in the last week while he bats near .400.  Something’s cooking and it smells like ham.

Justin Maxwell – 0-for-3 as he bats .138 for the year.  He leadoff yesterday.  Nyjer Morgan’s sucking up a boba straw’s worth of crap this year.  He bats leadoff all the time.  Know how many times Desmond’s hit leadoff?  Not once.  Thanks, Nats, for my ulcer.

Jose Reyes – 3-for-4 as he raised his average 39 points in the last 7 games.  In the beginning of the month, I said he’d be hitting .255 by the end of the month with 17 steals.  He needs to hit around .300 in his last three games with a handful of steals.  Even if it doesn’t happen what he’s done over the last week shows not only what he can do but what any struggling star can do.  Sure, Holliday looks lost.  But at some point he will turn it on and you’ll be glad you have him.  Nobody talks about the fantasy baseball championship they won on May 31st, still plenty of time left.  Over 4 months to be inexact.  Okay, school’s out, Alice Cooper.

Carlos Beltran – Mets say Beltran is unlikely to return before mid-July.  A report out of New York said a kid who was born the day Beltran went on the DL said his first words yesterday, “Beltran sucks.”

Seth Smith – Has now hit 3 homers in the last two days.  He should be in today’s Buy/Sell but he won’t be because I’m telling you to pick him up right now.

Jason Hammel – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Been a complete and utter mess this year, but he had a 3.13 ERA last year in Away games and his next start is in San Francisco.

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has two solid starts in a row.  His peripherals were saying he should be better and it looks like he’s been listening.

Jeff Niemann – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has a 2.37 ERA and a 1.05 WHIP.  I’m going to sound like an obstinate broken record here.  But I don’t buy into Neimann at all.  At all.  At–

B.J. Upton – Sat out his second straight day for a mental rest.  As frequent commenter, Steve, said, “Well, owning him is driving me mental so I guess it’s fair enough.”

Jason Kubel – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and 2 homers as someone popped the Kubel.  Now has 5 doubles and 5 homers on the year as he bats .233.  I didn’t think he’d only hit 3 homers and .200 the whole year, so he had to hit at some point.  This could be the point.  He’s really no different than Cody Ross or Luke Scott or a dozen other guys who could hit 25 homers this year.  Just depends whose outfield basket you want your eggs.

Javier Vazquez – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He left with a bruised finger.  His fantasy owners have a middle finger he can borrow.

Brad Lidge – Wants to return on Monday.  Philly fans, prepare your vomit.

Finally, Jacoby Ellsbury hits the DL.  This is probably a DL trip of less than a week.  At least the Sawx hope so.  Was also revealed Mike Cameron will miss a few weeks with a strained abdomen. (Shouldn’t it be a strained abdoman?)  If Cameron needs surgery, he could miss up to two months.  Darnell McDonald was called up.  Darnell McDonald is the answer to the question, “Who is Darnell McDonald?”  Other questions his name could’ve answered were, “Who’s the thirty-one year prospect in the outfield?” “This is the Red Sox depth?” and “Wait, what?”  Old McDonald has some speed…. ei, ei, ei, oh, no, you don’t want him.  Sure, he had the game-tying homer and the game-winning single off the wall, but he’s far from fantasy worthy at this point outside of very deep leagues.  Also called up, Josh Reddick.  Let’s cover him on the other side of the formality, shall we?  C’mon, follow me over this “anyway” sentence.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Reddick – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs.  Here’s what Stephen said last month in the Red Sox minor league review, “Reddick has the potential for more power, especially with a high fly ball rate (49.5%).  With the announcement of Mike Cameron going to be out for a month on April 20th at 11:47 AM EST, Reddick should get a chance.”  Okay, I just got chills.  How did Stephen know that last month?!  He practices voodoo!  Reddick hasn’t done anything special this year in Triple-A.  Hitting .179 and one homer.  The one homer did come in only seven hits.  If you need pop, I’d grab Reddick in deep leagues, especially AL-Only ones.  He could also chip in a few steals.  Right now, he should see time in center while Ellsbury mends, then he could split time with Hermida and/or Drew.  Or he could be the first man off the bench.  Grab now, ask questions later.

Jeremy Hermida – 2-for-3 and a homer.  He’ll also get a boost in playing time.  Hermida was a big favorite of mine before I started the blog.  My PIN number used to be 15628, which was Hermida’s home address where I used to stalk him.  Restraining order and 3 uneventful years later, Hermida’s got some esplaining to do with his bat.  After two homers in two days, he’s worth grabbing if you need some power/RBI help.

Victor Martinez – 3-for-4 as he combined with Tim Wakefield to allow 9 steals.  Two by Vlad, who hasn’t been able to bend his knee since ‘Nam.  That’s just the Red Sox investing in defense.

Nelson Cruz – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and 3 steals.  Left with leg cramping, must be that time of the month.  No word yet on the severity.

Elvis Andrus – 0-for-2, 3 steals as he continues to leadoff.  On one of the steals, Andrus slide into second, realized he forgot his wallet, went back to first and still got into second under the tag.  Oh, and it was a pitch out.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Salty should be back in about a week, barring a setback.  Or setbacchia.  Salty should take over for Teagarden and could save you some of your rotisserie catcher issues.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 1 ER and the loss as Frank-Frank continues to suck-suck.

Edinson Volquez – Tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs.  As frequent commenter Clyde Prompto said, “I can’t believe I was combing the internet all day to find out who the suspended player was and it turned out to be Edinson Volquez.  I was intrigued by the initial story, found some exciting possibilities during my research, and was ultimately extremely disappointed in the outcome.  I feel like I just lived through the fantasy baseball equivalent of an episode of Ghost Hunters.”  Volquez was on the DL until late-July anyway, so this really does nothing to his value.  If anything, I kinda like the gumption of an injured player PED’ing his way back from recovery since he can’t lose any additional time.  It’s similar to the prisoners beating up Madoff.  What, you’re going to punish me more?  Please, it’s shank time.

Drew Stubbs – 0-for-5 with no walks and one steal.  If I had to assign a line to Stubbs, that would be it.

Chad Billingsley – 3 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, no walks, no breaking ball and a fastball that wouldn’t even win an oversized SpongeBob at the county fair.  He might be headed for a visit soon to see Dr. Freeze.  He gets the Nats next, so, like a gambler who can’t leave the table even as he loses every hand, I’ll be rolling the dice on his next start.  And I’d fix that mixed metaphor, but I’m too old; I’m too tired; I’m too effin’ annoyed with Billingsley.

Matt Kemp – 2-for-5 as he hit his 6th homer.  He’s been caught stealing 4 times already.  Not sure if anyone’s going to put the brakes on him, but, assuming they don’t, I’m guessing he’s going for 30/30 this year.  And making it.

Rafael Furcal – 2-for-5, 2 steals.  Barring injuries, there’s no reason to think he’s not back.  So when you ask me if you should go with Schmohawk Shortstop Behind Door #3 or Furcal… I’m going Furcal.

Jorge Cantu – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer.  Cantu was terrific last April too, so it could be a guise.  Don’t fall for the perfume and makeup.  Cantu has an Adam’s Apple.

Lance Berkman – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs as the Astros scored more runs in this game than all of their other games combined.  Don’t worry, they still have 6 holes in their lineup.

Chris Coghlan – 2-for-4 and a steal.  I don’t like him at all, but he might be finally heating up.  He will hit better than his current .140.

Mike Pelfrey – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  His K-rate prior to 2010 was pretty poor.  Even this year, it’s only a little above his career mark.  His biggest adjustment so far seems to be his ability to avoid the homer ball and leave men on base.  He won’t continue to leave men on base, but he can maintain his small strikeout and homer gains. You’re not looking at a total breakout, but he can be usable as a 4th fantasy starter, especially in Metco.

Jose Reyes – 4-for-5 and a steal.  Thank God, the shipment of Red Bull finally arrived.

Nate McLouth – 1-for-3 as he hit the game winning homer.  McLousy’s always been a very streaky player and he was battling some health issues in training camp.  Might finally be feeling 100%.

Ryan Madson – 1 IP, 3 ER, blown save and has an ERA of 7.71 on the year.  Not sure why it took me so long to realize it, but I think Madson’s a Cuddle Boy.

David Aardsma – Recorded his 6th perfect save.  Member all the people in the preseason who were like, “Grey, your mustache has gone to your head, yo.  Aardsma is crizzap!”  Yeah, they’re off trolling the ESPN message boards now.

Milton Bradley – Left the game with an injury.  Or he left the game to beat the crap out of someone.  No word as of post time.

Vernon Wells – Hit his 7th homer yesterday.  I think he hits 17 and is out for a month with a random injury, but I give up.  He could hit 25 homers this year.

Justin Maxwell – 2-for-5, as he continues to platoon with Willie Harris.  Is Maxwell going to explode?  Get smart!  He does have sneaky 10/25 potential with an every day job.

Mike Gonzalez – To meet with Dr. Freeze.  Hope everyone has their hands on Johnson.  Hmm… Probably could’ve reworded that.

Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I’m pretty pissed I don’t own him in any leagues.  Oh, wait.  I own him across more teams than any other player.  Him and…

Chase Headley – 1-for-2 with 3 steals as he hits .358.  I don’t have the time or the energy, but there’s at least three dozen preseason comments of mine about how I refused to pay/reach for a 3rd baseman so I targeted Headley everywhere.

Mat Latos – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  As long as he keeps pitching like this, he can keep spelling his first name like he lost a Scrabble tile.

Ryan Ludwick – 3-for-4, 2 homers yesterday.  Could be the start of a hot streak.  If someone grew bored of him, grab him off waivers.

Mark Reynolds – 1-for-2, homer and a steal.  See that, Mini Donkey just needed some goading from me.

Kelly Johnson – 3-for-6 as he continues to hit leadoff.  That’s it.  I’m not talking about him again for at least two weeks.  Do what you do.

Chad Qualls – Worked a perfect inning for the save.  I’ve dropped Gutierrez everywhere for Fister. (Then I dropped Fister for Ryota Igarashi during the “It might be K-Rod who took PEDs!” fiasco of  April 20th.)

Justin Masterson – 4 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  You know what?  Against this team, it wasn’t the worst start.  His defense and some wildness let him down.

Kevin Slowey – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I own Slowey on a lot of teams too.  I nearly picked him for the Cy Young.  I don’t think he’s eating the hirame.

Gio Gonzalez – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 5 Ks, 8 baserunners, 5 BBs.  You kinda asked for this if you threw him against the Yankees.

Rick Porcello – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 5 Ks.  Porcello went mushaboom, Feist.  I own Porcello on one team, my Razzball team where I’m trying to accumulate the worst stats.

Scott Kazmir – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  You, “Kazmir is so nasty.  I’m so glad I have him.  He’s perhaps my favorite player ever.  I’ll trade you him for Jay Bruce.”  Or at least that’s the ideal you.

Jeff Mathis – To the DL with a fractured wrist, will miss at least 6 weeks.  You know whose time it is now to catch?  Bobby Wilson!  Or maybe that Napoli character.  Yesterday, Scioscia went with Napoli and was nice enough to bat him ninth.  True story, the Angels placed Napoli not Mathis on the All-Star Ballot.  Scioscia was the one that submitted him.  With the game playing at Anaheim this year, I can only assume Scioscia was trying to make the fans happy with Napoli’s inclusion on the ballot and exclusion from every game.

Ryan Madson finally took over for Brad Lidge.  This was only about three months in the making and after six separate endorsements by Manuel saying Lidge is their closer.  Ah fanabla, what a headache.  Ever since Brett Myers returned from his MMA training, fantasy baseballers (that’s you!) seem ready to put Myers in the closer role.  That would be too easy, right?  Right.  No, Madson’s the first guy to grab and maybe Myers sees time here and there.  I’d grab both of them, unless you have a bleeding ulcer, then I’d stay away.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Feldman – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks and leads the AL with 16 wins.  Shoot me now.  Seriously.  Shoot me and Randy Wolf while you’re at it.

Marlon Byrd – 9 for his last 14 with 2 homers and 7 RBIs.  He was having problems with kidney stones prior to this outburst, by I guess that problem passed.  (Pun point for Grey.)  Oh, and he’s single-handedly winning H2H leagues.

Francisco Liriano – Activated from the Disgraceful List and sent to the bullpen.  He still has no value.

Jake Peavy – Supposedly, he should be ready to go against the Mariners next week.  Was this whole elbow thing a ploy to face an NL-type offense?  BTW, the White Sox pulled the plug on this season already, why are they trying to get Peavy back in there?

John Maine – Will return for this Sunday’s game vs. the Phils.  He’ll be limited to around 70 pitches which will, uh, limit his value.

Ian Kinsler/Chris Davis/Nelson Cruz -  Because we all love a nice bit of schadenfreude, I present to you, frequent commenter, Zombie, “For those who revel in others’ misfortune, I present a Trifecta Ticker Tease as the Rangers wallop the Tribe today 10-0.  Those of us who own Kinsler, Davis, AND Cruz have returned from lunch, eagerly check the boxscore and see a combined 2 for 14,  0 RBI, 0 HR, 0 SB, and one goddamn Run…. The lone run only seems to punctuate the dearth of any additional production!  And for all you Esteban German owners out there, you deserve his 5 for 5 day, you bastards.”

Felipe Lopez – HR yesterday.  Now on pace for 10 homers and 7 steals.  Somewhere, Crapolanco smiles.

Bobby Scales – Ran head first into a wall, went down for a minute or two, then played a few more innings before being lifted for Sam Fuld.  Fuld, indeed.

Huston Street – Unable to return until early next week, according to Rockies pitching coach, Bob Apodaca.  I love that name.

Justin Maxwell – 3-for-5, 1 steal.  Could have some cheap speed for deep leagues, but he misses being a legitimate major leaguer by that much.

Carl Pavano – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Now has 4 starts in a row where he’s been completely digestible.  He gets the Indians next.

Rafael Soriano – 1/3 IP, 2 ER as he blew the save.  Member when his ERA was around 1.50, like, a month and a half ago?  Yeah, me too.  Now it’s near 3.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  And it rolls on.

Carlos Delgado/Jose Reyes – Both said they want to return in the last two weeks of the season.  The Mets will just need to win 25 of their remaining 12 games to clinch a playoff berth.

Randy Wolf – Had his start scratched with a tweaked elbow.  Sounds like an excuse to rest him as they head towards the playoffs.  Kuroda will take his start.

James Loney – HR yesterday.  Now has two in three games, while batting near .400 for the last week.

Scott Podsednik – 4-for-7 with a steal.  He’s been a top 30 outfielder this year and the most valuable White Sox hitter this year.  Cust kayin’.

Carlos Gonzalez – 1-for-5 with a steal.  Now has 11 homers and 12 steals in 211 at-bats.  Prepare for an offseason barrage of fantasy baseball ‘perts telling you you have to own him next year and causing his value to skyrocket.

Jose Lopez – 3-for-4, HR yesterday.  Now has 3 homers in 5 games while batting near .500.

Krispie Young – Hit another homer yesterday.  Now has five in 4 games.  I’m sure we’ll see him again in Friday’s Buy/Sell.

Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks with his 18th win.  He wins the Cy Young, right?  Not rhetorical.  Seriously, he does, right?

Matt Holliday – Left the game with a bruised knee.  He said he should be good by the Cards next game as long as he never has to play in Oakland again.

Albert Pujols – 2 HRs yesterday.  After the 2nd homer, Pujols’s BFF Lugo jumped around like Pujols called the shot beforehand in the dugout.  So this got me thinking, and maybe I’m just devious, but if you were a random baseball player in the playoffs, let’s say Casey Blake, wouldn’t you have your teammate pretend you called a homer?  Beforehand, Casey Blake and Orlando Hudson make a deal.  If Blake hits a homer, Hudson will jump around in the dugout screaming, “He called it!”  Like Fox Sports wouldn’t run with this story and suddenly Casey Blake would be the star of the World Series, get endorsements — Hi, I’m Casey Blake, this is a Sprint phone and I called it. — and he would get a huge contract.  Casey Blake would be synonymous with clutch.  Oh my God, I’m Scott Boras.