And the Tigerettes sang, “He was talked up as closer, but now he’s sent down… Da Bruce Rondon gone, Da Bruce Rondon… Somebody told me he made Leyland frown… Da Bruce Rondon gone, da Bruce Rondon… Yeah, he sucked in spring… Yes, his stats would sting… But now my team’s saves are boned… Da Bruce Rondon gone, Da Bruce Rondon…” As Randy Jackson would say, we got ourselves a pitchy competition, dawg! *sips from Pepsi cup, looks at Mariah for approval, fixes silver chain, sucks in gut under sweater that he’s wearing with no undershirt which makes it look really itchy, laughs at some Nicki Minaj nonsense, says to Seacrest, “I don’t know, we’ll have to see what America thinks” and smiles* So, Bruce Rondon was sent down and now the Tigers closer job is Hollywood Week. Auditions are down to Al Al’etc, Santa K, New Mexiclosero, Al Al, Coke Is It, Coke Is So 80′s Octavio Dotel Is It, Alquin Cokel, Octaquin BenCokel and Philquin Alburcoke. And that’s only four guys! Hang tight, guys and four girl readers, it’s a closerousel. Lots of possible outcomes here. All four guys could do well in a committee and Leyland utilizes it the whole year. Two guys do well and we get a portmanteau closer, let’s call it a SAGNOFtaur. Three guys could do well, let’s call that, The Three StoogeNOF. Another possibility: as we know from the past with Leyland’s ‘Set it and Forget It’ lineup card management, he likes to stick with one thing. So one guy takes the job by mid-April and holds it for the majority of the year. This is the best possibility for all involved. I think that’s also what happens. Leyland’s got cigarettes to smoke, he doesn’t have time to be walking to the mound to change pitchers! So who from Octavio Dotel, Al Alburquerque, Joaquin Benoit and Phil Coke does he go with? As the prude brothel’s sign announces, therein lies the rub. Al Al’etc is a monster for Ks, he’s my first option because he could provide solid value while the job is being decided. Then, I like Dotel. He reduced his walks last year and kept his Ks. He also has some closer experience. Next up: Joaquin Benoit. He was very successful last year in middle relief, but he can’t go on back-to-back days or stay healthy. Finally, Phil Coke. I wouldn’t grab him outside of AL-Only leagues. Big strike against him: he’s a lefty. In his favor: he closed games in the playoffs last year. It’s a shituation of epicloser proportions. Oh, and I wouldn’t grab more than one guy. I’d take a gamble on one guy, form a prayer rectangular and hope it works out. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Holy waiver wire! In a season full of devastating losses for the Boston Red Sox, Thursday’s 14-13 extra inning defeat ranks up there as 2012′s most devastatingest. After Alfredo Aceves blew the lead, giving up 5 ER on 6 hits including 2 home runs, the Sox star “slugger” Adrian Gonzalez struck out with a man on base to end the game.Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Heath Bell looked like garbage on Sunday, Frank Francisco returned serve with three of his own runs. It was like watching a tennis match between Jon Lovitz and that guy from Felicity. Rather than getting the hook by his manager, Frank-Frank was ejected for arguing balls and strikes. The ump should’ve told him, “With your stuff, I wouldn’t have the balls to throw strikes either.” Jon Rauch is next in line here, but, before the ink can dry on his neck, he could lose the job too. Though, I would grab him, in the non-sexual way. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ike Davis – Sat out yesterday with flu-like symptoms. Like. Oh. My. Gahd. I hopes it’s not Valley Fever.Please, blog, may I have some more?
My dinner with Andre is over as Andre Ethier has called it kaput on his season. It wasn’t from a lack of trying, I’ll tell ya that. “Hey, I just want to say how much it means to me to try to help this team win even though I shouldn’t be playing. This is my job, and I take my job very seriously, even if means I may never walk again because I’m playing when I shouldn’t be. I will not sit, no matter what! Unless someone asks me to sit because they realize I shouldn’t be playing.” Andre encapsulates today’s athlete perfectly. Team first, as long the player is okay putting team first. For whatever reason, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ethier overdrafted again next year. People just can’t get enough of his 20 homer, no steal fantasy value. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dee Gordon – 4-for-5 with his 17th steal. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. Seems like a no-brainer, which is my specialty.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Carp is hitting .350 since July 1st. (Thereabouts, I did the math in my head. At least I think it was my head. Hmm…) Carp only has 4 homers, but now has two homers in the last 4 games. He’s also hit in 11 straight games.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I always thought Bobby Parnell was the little black kid in the movie, Role Models, but I stand corrected. Now I think he’s the new closer for the Mets. At least that’s what I hope. On one hand, I feel like the Mets will want to see what Parnell can do in the closer role. Why would they audition Jason Isringhausen? He’s 50-something and was out of baseball already once in his career. On the other hand, the Mets may want to inflate Isringhausen’s value. “Hey, he could be a closer! See?” On the third lesser known hand that is actually just a lamb sock puppet, the Mets may just split the duties. Which way will they go, George, which way will they go? This is fun! I grabbed Parnell wherever I could, but didn’t grab Izzy cause I have just a little patience. As for Francisco Rodriguez, well, on the way out of the locker room, K-Rod saw his nickname in the mirror and sighed. He won’t be the closer in Milwaukee. That’s Axford’s job. I wouldn’t immediately drop K-Rod, but I’d ready my dropping finger. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Miguel Cabrera – After I said in my fantasy baseball top 100 for the 2nd half that Miggy would be number one unless he got injured, he goes and gets injured. How’s dem apples? Actually, a bit sour. It’s not apple season, though if an apple can grow in the fall why can’t it grow in the summer? Ah, questions, questions. The report out of Arizona is Miggy will be fine. He just left for precautionary reasons. Weird to see him leave before the last call.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jason Bay has a strained intercostal, which is the highway that runs along Florida’s coast. Specifically, by Palm Beach where people are old and this strained whatever-the-shizz-is happens. If you were counting on a bounce back from J-Bay, you might want to count to yourself so you don’t annoy your cubicle neighbor. (Neighboricle? Who might’ve also been the person who lived next to that nice black lady in The Matrix.) These injuries tend to linger — see Braun, Ryan for further reading — and Bay already had Metco and age to deal with. I’m not optimistic about him being at full strength until May and even then I have my doubts about how much we’re gonna see from him. Rudy and I are betting Scott Hairston sees time in our deep leagues, but Duda could, as well. Though I wouldn’t Camptown Race to pick him up. Anyway, here’s what else is going on in fantasy baseball:
Edwin Encarnacion – Will start at 3rd base with Bautista moving to the outfield. Encarnacion is a Latin 28, and I have little faith in him hitting over .260 but he could hit 25 homers with everyday ABs. The only problem he seems to ever have is staying healthy. The way randoms come out of the woodwork to hit bombs in Toronto every year, I wouldn’t be surprised if this year it’s Edwin’s turn. Not saying he’s going to hit 50 homers like some schmohawk, but if he hit 30 homers in 500 ABs it wouldn’t surprise me.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This year in the minors Domonic Brown had a line of 62/19/64/.323/14 and .385/.580/.965. Let’s recap, whoa/wow/nice/yum-yum/don’t mind if I do and yowsers/that’s lovely/yowsersthat’slovely. To break that down for the people who skimmed the first two sentences, he has 20/20 potential with plate discipline. It’s the fantasy baseball equivalent to: “I don’t think this glazed donut can get any better.” “How about we sprinkle bacon on it?” Drool. By my estimation (and Keith Law’s), he’s the number one prospect in the minors. (Desmond Jennings is a close 2nd in my book that was rejected by Simon & Schuster.) Either Werth will be shown the door or Philly fans will kidnap Raul Ibanez and toss him blindfolded into the newly-constructed Octagon in Citizens Flank’s parking lot. Is Domonic Brown more trouble than he’s Werth? No, I don’t think so. Unless we’re talking about spelling his name. I’d grab Brown in 12 team mixed leagues or deeper. In keepers, you should own him already. If you don’t, then now might be a good time. Or now. Or now. Or… You get the point. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Alex Gordon – Is this the Alex Gordon that was called up three years ago after tearing up the minors only to flame out? Or is this the Alex Gordon that is called up today that just got done ripping up the minors that will finally fulfill his promise? I don’t know. He crushed the minors this year — in 277 ABs, 14 homers, 8 steals, .310 average, .451 OBP and a 1.018 OPS. He can be a 20+ homer, 15 steal guy over the course of a full season if he doesn’t get in his own way and the Royals give him every day ABs. I would take a flyer on him for your corner infidel spot for the chance he finally makes good on the promise. If you’ve heard this story before about Gordon, it’s because you probably have, so don’t drop anyone too valuable.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pedro Alvarez went 3-for-5 with 2 homers. Had his 2nd two homer game in two days. Say that fast 117 times! LMFAO should be playing when Alvarez goes into the batter’s box, “Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!” (I wish I wrote that song.) Alvarez is 23 years old. For those who can’t read between the lines, he’s going to get better!!! (Second and third exclamation marks were for emphasis, not because my keyboard’s keys are sticking.) Who knew the only thing the Pirates offense needed was to lose their best hitter? Maybe the Mariners should lock Ichiro in a closet for a few games. This is Ichiro going into the closet, “Hey, Beltran, what are you doing here?” I keed. So what can we expect of Alvarez the rest of the season. Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Or 12 homers and a terrible average. He’s still K’ing too much. I’d absolutely pick him up in every league just for the chance he keeps hitting bombs. I would not drop anyone that I might regret. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ty Wigginton – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in two days. Casey McGehee’s Dad is historically a streaky hitter and a 2nd half hitter. Also, the Phillies, Rangers and Yankees are talking about acquiring Wiggy. Not all of those teams would be a boost to his value, but if I had to take a guess, I’d say Wigginton will be in Friday’s Buy/Sell.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I know most of you are champing/chomping at the bit for me to finish these facacta 2010 fantasy baseball rankings. Well, the pitchers are right around the corner. Some of these top 80 outfielders for 2010 fantasy baseball are long shots to make the club, but they might give you value if they do. Or they might just give you value when they’re called up in the summer. As Kanye West said, I’ll show you how I cook up summer in the win-turr. As with the other rankings, where I see tiers start and stop are mentioned with my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 80 outfielders for 2010 fantasy baseball:
61.Please, blog, may I have some more?