Fantasy Baseball Advice

Mike Jacobs hit two home runs yesterday. Baseball Tonight’s Chris Singleton said Jacobs could hit “a lot” of home runs if he stayed healthy. You know what? Singleton has “a lot” of insight. Funny thing happened on the way to June, Mike Jacobs has thirteen home runs. More than Fielder, Tex, Morneau, Pena and Miguel Cabrera. Now I’m not saying Jacobs will be more valuable than these guys, but Jacobs is way more affordable in a trade. He’s a lot like Carlos Pena in ‘07. Both showed power, but lacked consistency and health. Poor average — check. Clouds of doubt about what they’ll be worth at the end of the year — check, check. Both playing in front of near capacity crowds (for a WNBA game) — check. Pena’s last year owners can also attest that if you own him, you’re better off holding onto him, cause you’ll never get value for him. But if you don’t own him, he’ll cost a lot less than the big boys. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Homer Bailey - About to be called up. Remember when he was their most hyped prospect? Since then, Bruce and Votto have had great starts, they acquire Volquez, and Cueto has a spot in the rotation. Don’t expect much from Bailey. He doesn’t really deserve the call-up as he hasn’t corrected his biggest flaw - wildness. He walked 29 in 66 IP at Triple-A. For Bailey’s sake, we hope the expectations are set closer to Fogg than Volquez.

Mark Prior - Shoulder surgery for Prior causing him to miss the rest of the season. In other news, taco diarrhea burns.

Tim Hudson - I was watching the game when he left with his leg injury. It didn’t look that bad, but then again I get these rashes on my leg and I’ve diagnosed myself as having The African Gong-Gong Disease and prescribed myself a wet towelie and two Little Orphan Orange Otter Pops, so I may not be the best person to ask. Leg problems will probably shelve him for a week. Best case scenario, he misses two starts and returns fine. Worst case, he returns too soon and really messes things up by favoring his injured leg. This is some Trapper John, M.D. suspense!

Brain Bannister - One run in 7+ IP. He looks like a good guy to not pick up in mixed leagues.

Troy Glaus - Hit a HR yesterday. LaRussa says Glaus is going to start hitting more home runs now that the weather is heating up. What you need to ask yourself, is this sober LaRussa talking or drunk LaRussa? I think it’s sober LaRussa.

Ian Snell - If you have him still in your lineup, I’m assuming there was a death in the family and you haven’t check your team in a while. Or you’re just dopey. Either way, my condolences.

Nate McLouth - Ended May with a .279 average. That’s a better representation than April’s .330. Maybe Karabell’s intern misread his refrigerator magnets.

Chase Utley - 20th HR/6th steal. I picked him for NL MVP, so I obviously believe. He’s also one of the few guys that I don’t have on any team, but still can’t root against. Take that schadenfreude (Word of the Day)!

Shawn Hill - Gave up an ill-timed home run to… Who am I kidding? No one cares what Shawn Hill did yesterday.

Chad Tracy - Batting fourth, hitting his second home run three days. CoJack will be out at least a week with a quad strain.

JR Towles - Batting .145 with five hits in all of May.

Bartolo Colon - Now 3-0. I still wouldn’t go near him with a three foot churro. (Only partly because waving a three foot churro near Bartolo would be similar to going to a grizzly bear observatory wearing nothing but bikini briefs made of Marshmallow Fluff…. Talk about a Fluffernutter — oofa!)

Alexei Ramirez/Alexi Casilla - Both can provide some value if you’re weak at MI. Also, if one of them books two dates on the same night, they could pull the old switcheroo and send the other guy out on one of the dates, which is a lot easier than bringing both dates to the same place and then running back and forth switching outfits ala Alex P. Keaton.

Adrian Gonzalez - I’m not really surprised he’s still hitting bombs, but I’d like to see him hit them in July and August.

Carlos Beltran - HRs in 2 straight games to boost his season total to 7. If you invested a top pick in him, you’ve got to be hoping this is the start of one of his streaks.

Johnny Cueto - I said I wouldn’t write about him again until he proved himself. Well, 5 IP of no-hit ball pulled me back in, but he’s still giving up fly balls (10) and not making enough people miss (3). Love the upside, but don’t get too excited. Worth holding onto, but don’t be afraid to bench him if the matchup is bad.

JJ Putz - Another horrendous night. 4 runs in 2/3 of an inning. Who does he think he is - Carlos Silva?

Ryan Church - Hit a home run after returning from his concussion. Talking about the concussion, Church had this to say, “I really know how Snuka felt after that Piper’s Pit.”

Today, I noticed my diploma from the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston was a bit dusty and hanging crooked. So, I removed it from the wall, gave it a spit shine, polished the wood frame and fixed the wire so it would hang straight. Before I returned it to its rightful place next to my framed TV Guide cover of Miss Piggy and Kermit, I took a hard look at that diploma. I thought back on of all my classes with Matthew Berry, who insistently hit on all of the undergrads, male or female. I reminisced about hanging in the CFB quad with Rudy as we hacky-sacked and discussed a classmate’s trade of Alfonso Soriano for Dustin Hermanson. I remember being young and free and unable to get laid. Now many years later, and still unable to get laid, I miss those days. I miss the carefree attitude. The excitement I felt when a player would get hot and I would think he can hit .800 for the year. Or the frustration when a first round pick went 1-for-5. “Why can’t they go 4-for-5 every day,” I would yell at Prof. Berry. Alas, the highs and lows are gone. But, thankfully, in its place is patience. So now I know Robinson Cano refuses to hit in the first half of the season. This season is no different. Last year, post All-Star Break he went 53/13/57/.343. Pre-All-Star break, in almost 50 more at-bats, he went 40/6/40/.274 and three of those home runs came in July. In ‘06, more of the same shizz. This would make him a prime Buy Low guy. Hmm… Maybe those fourteen years weren’t wasted getting my CFB diploma. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday:

Troy Percival - As mentioned in the comments yesterday, Percy hurt himself and Wheeler came in to finish out the game. If Wheeler’s gone, go for Reyes if you have room.

Melky Cabrera - Of course he goes 2-for-4 on my bench. I love your name, Melky, I hate what you do to me.

Joba Chamberlain - He’s going to make his first major league start next Tuesday. This is subject to verification because I heard it from the Orioles announcers, who also manage to find positives about Mora, Millar and Ramon/Luis Hernandez, so they’re not that reliable. Though I will say they are a lot better than the YES announcers. Seriously, when I was a kid we had Rizzuto calling a black guy White and talking about huckleberries. This is not nostalgia talking. Scooter got into the Hall of Fame because of that nonsense (not officially, but still). Where have all of the good announcers gone? YES, I’m talking to you, Michael Kay.

Andy Pettitte - Rudy swears by this guy in deep leagues. I think Rudy’s caca-cuckoo. You make the call!

Adam Wainwright - You know what Wednesday means, right? Top Chef and The Real World: Hollywood! It also means a bunch of my pitchers went today, but I guess that’s more of a coincidence than anything. Wainwright does no wrong! It’s kind of a pun. Now groan!

Jeremy Guthrie - Another Grey pitcher!  I like him more than most and less than his Mom. Go figure!

Zach Greinke - Rudy gave me this schmohawk for Melky. Rudy has since dropped Melky. Wow, who’s winning this trade? Rudy’s been Greinke’d! (Yes, it’s a verb now.)

Jermaine Dye - Hit a home run yesterday. Last month, I picked him off waivers in my ‘pert league. I thought it was a bit crazy at the time that he was dropped, but since then Granderson’s been traded for Johan, and Rios was dropped by a team that held onto David DeJesus, so you just never know.

Chase Utley - You want regrets? I have a few. One is not having Utley in any league. I think I only could’ve had him in one league because of where I drafted. Alas… Nothing.

Jose Reyes - He’s at 7/16 and .279. Weren’t people saying he’s having a bad year? I love Reyes. (BTW, wouldn’t it be great if someone drafted Jose A. Reyes with their first pick? “What do you mean he’s only elgibile at catcher? He’s 0-for-his last two seasons? No, there’s got to be some kind of mistake. Wait, I’ll take a Molina!” “Which one?” “Um…. Alfred?”)

Cody Ross - 2 home runs. I wonder if his last name used to be Rosenweig.

Jo-Jo Reyes - Another guy I’m fond of, but I don’t have him any leagues. Yet.

Jason Giambi - Here’s my theory: they tested Giambi for ‘roids in April.

Joe Saunders - 5 ER in 5 IP. There’s a correction to ease your trigger finger about picking him up.

Jake Peavy - Had a promising sideline throwing session and might be back as early as this weekend. Figure he’ll be out at least 10 more days but, nonetheless, this is best case news for Peavy owners. This might be the last time you can get Peavy at a discount.

Pitching - We’d rave more about Bedard, Halladay, Harden, and Zambrano if it weren’t for the fact that Lowe, Wakefield, and Suppan also pitched well. You know it’s an odd day when San Francisco scores more than both teams combined in the majority of games.

Travis Hafner - He’s shown nothing so far and is playing with a bum shoulder (2 cortisone shots and counting). Evidently sore shoulders are harder to play with than high-grade tears of the elbow. When you start your career as a 27-year old DH, the clock’s ticking and it’s already a quarter to 12. Like a comet with a really big head, Pronk appeared out of nowhere, shone brightly, and seems to be disappearing just as fast.

Rafael Soriano - Picture John Smoltz is Nic Cage. Now picture Soriano is a bird. Okay, now picture Manny Acosta is a brown jacket. Finally, Will Ohman is a grey shirt. Okay, here’s the Braves closing picture.

J.R. Towles - 109 AB hitting .147. No SB. Makes you long for the salad days of Brad Ausmus.

Bowden Fluffer (noun) - A young, nubile outfielder that gets one all excited about their 5 tools but never fulfills the promise. See Justin Upton (May=.203, 1 HR, 34 Ks), Adam Jones, Cameron Maybin, Felix Pie, et. al.

That’s right. It’s awful. Just as I wanted it. Why? Because this team is for the inaugural Fantasy Razzball League. The idea is to have a team that sucks. Draft the worst possible team and watch them flail/fail. Is it an exercise in futility? You bet. My co-conspirators in this were:

RotoProfessor.com
Greener on the Other Side
Mop Up Duty
Herb Urban
Cards in the Attic
Lou Poulas (Fantasy Insider Online, Sweet Lou’s Baseball Lab, Razzball.com)
Fantasy Baseball Generals
Josh, the Non-Blogger
Razzball.com (Rudy Gamble)
Razzball.com (Grey Albright)

Come with me as I take out the trash:

1. (10) Akinori Iwamura 3B
2. (11) José Vidro 1B,2B
3. (30) César Izturis 3B,SS
4. (31) Chone Figgins 2B,3B,OF
5. (50) Shawn Chacón P
6. (51) Rajai Davis OF
7. (70) Chris Denorfia OF
8. (71) Brian Giles OF
9. (90) Carlos Silva P
10. (91) Juan Pierre OF
11. (110) Miguel Olivo C
12. (111) Josh Fogg P
13. (130) Mark Redman P
14. (131) Kip Wells P
15. (150) Félix Pié OF
16. (151) Willy Aybar 3B
17. (170) Lenny DiNardo P
18. (171) Joel Piñeiro P
19. (190) Kyle Davies P
20. (191) Wily Mo Peña OF
21. (210) Willie Harris OF
22. (211) J.P. Howell P
23. (230) Mark Reynolds 3B
24. (231) Tony Gwynn OF
25. (250) Ronny Cedeño SS
26. (251) Geoff Blum 2B,3B,SS
27. (270) Jon Leicester P

Random thoughts about various rounds of the draft:

1. I picked tenth and grabbed Iwamura. He might have second base eligibility soon, but I’ll be playing him at the hot corner. A few picks that went before that I thought were dreadful, which is to say I liked, were Aurilla (who’ll inexplicably get at-bats at first) and Taveras (remember steals don’t count in this league). Best, which is to say worst, pick of the first round? Lou took Alex Rodriguez. I thought he heard something of an Arod/Wilson Betemit platoon, but it turned out Lou arrived three minutes late to the draft. Not the kind of league you want Y! autodrafting for you.

3. The Treanor/Rabelo blah-toon jumped off the board this round to two different teams. Sorta like when you draft Borowski then the next guy grabs Betancourt. It’s just not right, but it’s the smart move. Be interesting to see who gets to suck for the majority of the playing time behind the plate in Florida. I was happy to grab Cesar Izurtis at 30. LaRussa gave Aaron Miles, Eckstein and Adam Kennedy, like, 3000 at-bats last year. He’ll think he upgraded with Izurtis. Steal of the third round: Adam Everett; full-time job and he’ll make Twins fans miss Punto. (Interesting side note: Both Cesar and Maicer Izturis went in this round. They’re sorta like the Aaron brothers if Hank didn’t exist.)

4. I almost went Livan Hernandez, but I figured he’d last until the fifth round. I underestimated how hyped he was going into the draft and Herb scooped him at 32 right after I took Chone Figgins. Figgins’s at-bats/lack of HRs was too much to pass up, but I hope this doesn’t come back to haunt me. Who knows, maybe I can work out a deal to send Carlos Silva and Joel Pinero for Livan? We’ll see.

11. You’re probably wondering why I waited so long to grab a catcher. Simply, there’s a deep pool of crappy catchers. Lots of great names already jumped off the board: Kendall (1), Paulino (1), the blah-toon of Rabelo/Treanor (3) and Brian Schneider (8, great inverse value, btw). So I went with Miguel Olivo. Here’s hoping for a speedy (partial) recovery from his injury so he comes back with lingering pain and swinging at everything. (I think there’s a good chance he’s going to be even worse this year without Miguel Cabrera around to hug him every couple of innings.)

20. Wily Mo Pena was a bit of a reach on my part, but I’m hoping his oblique never fully recovers and he’s simply a K’ing machine. Another pick I love in this round, Mike Mussina. From potential HOF’er to Fantasy Razzball draft steal in two years. Don’t cha love baseball?

26. Geoff Blum will help serve my Fantasy Razzball strategy (Basically, punt runs, load up on top of the order/speedy types and then substitute Blum, Cedeno, Harris in when I can afford it with the at-bats limit.) In this round, loved Mop Up Duty’s (appropriate site name, don’t ya think?) Brad Ausmus pick. JR Towles might be billed as a future All-Star, but rarely do catchers succeed in their rookie year. Ausmus is just too lacking to pass up on. Also, great flier by Fantasy Baseball Generals with Brian Burress. Here’s hoping he snags that fifth spot in the Orioles rotation then proceeds to pitch a mediocre 150 innings, doing just enough to neither succeed or be demoted.

Overall thoughts: My team is designed how I hoped it would: high at-bats, low home runs, middling average. The juggling to lessen my runs will be the difficulty. But it’s only appropriate that I should be juggling with a team filled with clowns.