Jesus Montero was sent down and the Mariners called up Jesus Sucre. Jesus for Jesus was the original name of Jews for Jesus when it only had one member. The only thing that I pray is that my Brayan Pena don’t fail me now…Jesus sucks! And I don’t think there is nothing Montero can do now to right my wrongs…Jesus Sucks! I want to talk to Yan Gomes, but I’m afraid because we ain’t spoke in so long…Jesus Sucks! To the SAGNOF hustlers, worm burners, lefty murderers, HGH drug dealers especially A-Rod’s cousin… Jesus Sucks for them! To victims of Ron Popeil ‘Set it and Forget It’ catcher management style for we living in hell here hell yeah, Jesus Sucks for them! I.e., good riddance, Montero. With Easter passed, I have no idea when Jesus will be back, but I’d drop him in all leagues. Shoppach will take over full-time now, but this should put Mike Zunino firmly on your radars. On the most recent prospect power rankings, Zunino was honorably mentioned. Last time Scott, our prospect writer, really hooked his chompers into Zunino, he said this, “Zunino will likely surface in Seattle at some point in 2013, but his fantasy value, once up, is tough to gauge. His tools profile suggests he’ll eventually develop into a very nice big league catcher, and one you’ll want in fantasy leagues. But most people around baseball don’t see the Travis D’Arnaud/Jesus Montero/Devin Mesoraco-type ceiling with Zunino. Then again, he’s surpassed expectations at every stop thus far, and it’s within reason to think he could continue to do so at the highest level. A real overachiever, like our very own Grey.” Hey, thanks! A word about that quote. (Actually a few words.) Jesus Montero is mentioned in there, and that’s not a goof by Scott, this just shows you what catcher prospects look like when they come up. Catchers tend to take a while to develop because they’re learning defense as much as offense. They can’t just hit, they need to play defense. Well, except for Mike Piazza. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mitch Moreland, a notable imperialist, has been capturing the hearts and minds of fantasy owners while their villages are unsuspectingly pillaged. On the baseball field, he’s been hitting better than he has since 2009… when he was in high A ball. The boy’s a time bomb! So, will he be able to maintain anywhere near this level of production? Or will he turn it off like a light switch (just go click)? My fortune cookie says, “Signs point to yes.” Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with Exhibit A for why you shouldn’t ask your fortune cookie conflicting questions. For those of you who are familiar with Mitch, you’re probably pulling a Large Marge like me when you realized that he’s hitting over a 1.100 OPS in May. He’s doing everything a little bit better: lower strikeout rate, higher walk rate, and a higher home run to fly ball rate, which could be sustainable. Although the caveat is that he’s absolutely crushing the ball at home and against righties, so it’s hard to tell if he’s right side up or upside down. I’m thinking that he’ll likely produce closer to his numbers from last year, with slight improvement going forward. Mitch, I’ve got Moreland a feeling that you’ll still be solid the rest of the way. Anyway, here are some other players who have my attention in OPS leagues:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On a scale of one to ten for most surprising starters, Patrick Corbin is a one. One being the best. When you beat your high score in Mario Kart you never scream out, “I’m number ten,” do you? Okay, so don’t question my numbering. On a scale of one to ten for how likely it is Corbin keeps this up, it’s around a 5, the number made famous by Short Circuit. Didja know before Short Circuit people would count 1, 2, 3, 4, 6? It’s also why Marilyn Monroe left Joe DiMaggio. Corbin’s not a 1.44 ERA pitcher, but he’s not what he seemed like coming into the year either. His fastball has jumped in velocity, which has helped all of his pitches. I don’t own him, which butters my grr’s. I know most of you must’ve benched him in Coors yesterday for his 10 K, 9-inning, three-hitter gizzem, so I’ll say it for you, sonavabench! Luckily, you own him for the whole season and he looks like he can be a mid-3 ERA, 1.20 WHIP, 7 K-rate guy, i.e., a fantasy two to three. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Diamondbacks said J.J. Putz needs elbow surgery. Imagine the doctor misreads Putz’s chart and J.J. walks out with a new putz that is an arm, elbow to hand. Would that have him get to third base and home all with one swing of the bat? It would help him avoid that awkwardness when you try to hug and undo a girl’s pants. He could also towel himself down while opening a door. Actually, this sounds like a plus-plus, or rather, a putz-putz! I’m reinventing the knuckle shuffle! The Diamondbacks also officially announced yesterday what I announced the day before, Heath Bell would be the closer. Ya know this means he’s going to crap your face and call it Google Glass, right? You know this, right? I do, and I still grabbed him. I’d also grab David Hernandez in case the only thing Bell rings in are blown saves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Today is the first day of the next month in our lives without Giancarlo Stanton. If you want, I’m holding a candlelight vigil in the garbage can behind Stanton’s house. If you come, don’t make too much noise. We aren’t technically supposed to be there. The good news about his hamstring injury is when he’s limping away from us, it’ll be a lot easier to stay exactly 501 feet away. Before he’d backpedal and it was like we were doing the lambada with 501 feet between us. The bad news is I’m writing this post with tears. Hnfcsdcnnn. That was a big, stupid tear that got away from me. Short circuit my keyboard, tears. I plead with you, so I don’t have to continue. I wonder if I can seal envelopes with these tears. That would be turning lemons into lemonade, right? Ow, I just touched my eyes, and now these lemons are burning my eyes. This is the sourest injury news ever. Make the pain go away, alcohol! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Today, we go over the top 40 outfielders for 2013 fantasy baseball. Yesterday, we went over the top 20 outfielders for 2013 fantasy baseball. It will be a date which will live in…Well, it won’t live in infamy, so what’s the opposite of that? Famy? It will live in unfamy? That’s just ridiculous. What are you, the 7-Up guy? By the time you get to these outfielders, I’m sure you’ve drafted at least one outfielder. If you haven’t, wake from your slumber, Rip Van Schmucko, your draft is slipping away from you. There’s a lot of interesting names in this top 40. Alex Rios is one interesting name. It was even more interesting when it was Alexis Rios. All of the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are there. If you right click that and open it in a new tab, your car will get a free smog check (it won’t). Without further delay (there really wasn’t much delay, I mean, that was a short intro compared to most)… Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s time to start looking ahead to the 2013 fantasy baseball season. With that in mind, this column will hope to shine a light on players who are noticeably affected by OPS:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Hector Santiago went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks. Hey, it’s the White Sox closer from 6 months ago, with that gig lasting for a minute. Not an Urbandictionary minute, which is a long time. An actual minute.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Anibal Sanchez threw a complete game shutout with four baserunners and 10 Ks. I told you to draft him! (Then drop him.) Shut up, Parenthetical, you know-it-all. (That’s kinda harsh.) This is exactly what I expected from Anibal (in the NL).Please, blog, may I have some more?
That title is lifted from Jimmy Dickens’ A Tale of Three Cities, the younger brother’s blatant ripoff of the classic novel. For what Jimmy Dickens lacked in originality, he made up with his ability to avoid cholera and scurvy. His brother, Charles, used to say it was because Jimmy was the rat spreading the dreaded disease.Please, blog, may I have some more?