Fantasy baseball is a fickle beast. It will lure you in with chocolates and fine smelling perfume. Then leave you heartbroken, mad as hell and unable to watch regular baseball. Twelve after 20 is becoming the year of the Aflac for closers. It is just not safe to be a ninth inning pitcher. It’s like someone is hunting them down one by one, and systematically destroying everyone’s hopes at accumulating points in saves. Wait, is that a laser pointer on Huston Street? Watching guys that I usually opine about in my holds posts finally getting some burn in the limelight. It is a strong week for streaming low end two start pitchers. Lots of decent matchup type guys and some guys that are under the radar who should be rostered in most formats soon. So enjoy the week to come and have a very wobbly and not very up-right Cinco De Mayo. Here’s some two start starters for this week in fantasy baseball: (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)
ONE START OPTIONS:
5/9
Anthony Bass @ Col – Moscoso
Ross Detwiler @ Pit – Bedard
Drew Smyly @ Sea – Vargas
5/10
Henderson Alvarez @ Min – Marquis
Derek Lowe @ Bos – Beckett
5/11
Kyle Drabek @ Min – Blackburn
James McDonald vs Hou – Norris
5/12
R.A. Dickey @ Mia – Nolasco
TWO START OPTIONS:
J.A. Happ (Mia vs Zambrano, @Pit vs Morton) After watching him pitch against the Mets, I said to myself, “Self, we should keep an eye on him for future starts.” For a deeper league with fringe options, the stale fish and the sinking pirate ship seem tantalizing to me.
Bronson Arroyo (@Mil vs Marcum, Was vs Jackson) Because of rain you get him twice this week, ain’t that special? Likes to use the method of one good/one bad start. His last one was bad, so there is your heads up.
Josh Tomlin (CHW vs Humber, @Bos vs Doubront) ERA says 5, but the other numbers say something different. And if numbers talk we have a bigger problem. Like what else talks to you? Lunch meat?
Duane Below (@Sea vs Millwood, @Oak vs Parker) I don’t wanna jinx him, but he is unscored upon this year. I bet someone a shiny new quarter that no longer exists by the fourth inning Monday. Still all things considered, it is Seattle and that is Millwood, so it could be an easy W.
Joe Saunders (STL vs Lynn, SF vs Zito) I don’t know how he is doing it either, so don’t ask. Luck is the best thing I can think of, LOB rate of 84% and a FIP in the high 2′s makes him look more realistic and not like the boogieman sleeping in my closet.
Marco Estrada (Cin vs Arroyo, CHC vs Volstad) I see his name and the CHiPs theme song jumps in my head. Now that we are on the same page enjoy the classic fade out to that song. Without the Ks, I’d wanna watch TJ Hooker instead.
A.J. Burnett ( Was vs Jackson, Hou vs Happ) A dozen of anything sounds delicious. Oh… they were earned runs. Yikes. Anything worth doing, A.J does it.
Barry Zito (@LAD vs Lilly, @Ari vs Saunders) His matchup looks like a retread meeting of guys over 30 who no longer throw hard. 7 walks last start as he was in a hurry to get to the Perfect Strangers reunion show. Big Cousin Larry fan.
Jarrod Parker (Tor vs Romero, Det vs Below) Good job, youngin’,, now go do it again and make yourself completely fantasy useful. While you’re at it, give me your sandwich….I said give me your sandwich!
Jonathan Sanchez (Bos vs Doubront, @CHW vs Danks) Filthy, dirty. I don’t know what his nickname is anymore, but it should start with “in” and end with “consistent.” Throws away too many pitches to go deep in a game and, for that reason, he is just poo.
It’s a confusing week for me to grasp. Some formats are a short week, others role on until literally the middle (or end) of next week. So first things first, I will tackle the short 4 game week and give you some unbridled gems of the streaming variety. Stay tuned on Saturday for the following week’s two start thinga-ma-bobbers. If this is a short week for you, it’s prolly best to grab as many of these guys as possible, longer week not so much as you may want to call Laurel and tell him to take a breather. So enjoy the short week or long and I will give you an update later this week for week 15 ½ or 16. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)
7/14 Bruce Chen @ Min (Liriano) – 2.50 ERA since DL stint return. Is the definition of a streaky low end good/bad pitcher.
Jason Vargas vs. Tex (Holland) – Basically needs to go the distance to have a chance at a win. 1.70 ERA in last 4 starts.
Aaron Harang vs. SF (Bumgarner) – The primate in the zoo, Hodgepadre indeed.
7/15 Andrew Miller @ TB (Price) – 4 starts, 3 wins plays for the best lineup in baseball. That is all.
Doug Fister vs. Tex (Lewis) – Gets zero run support. I really feel bad for him because if you haven’t seen him pitch, he is very unheralded and unrewarded.
Jeff Karstens @ Hou (Myers) – Is he awesome, no. Effective lately yes. Regression will ensue.
Josh Tomlin @ Bal (Arrieta) – Sneaky 10 win pitcher, other numbers say he is pitching exactly the way he should be.
Vance Worley @ NYM (Dickey) – Awesome since mid-June. If he isn’t owned, your league is dull.
7/16 Paul Maholm @ Hou (Norris) – 4-2 with a 1.75 ERA in last 7 starts. For the soon to be first place Pirates.
Barry Zito @ SD (Luebke) – 3 wins, tiny ERA since DL return.
Edwin Jackson @ Det (Scherzer) – Huh, yeah I wanted to highlight that this will be his last start in Chi-town. That’s me predicting me!
Carlos Zambrano vs. Fla (Vazquez) – Fresh from the DL, seems like a trend for this post. Pitches just effectively enough to be added/dropped about 10 times a year. Ah, but look closer, he has RP elig, sneaky play for a Saturday.
7/17 Chris Volstad @CHC (Wells) – Stop trying to strike everyone out, you’re a groundball pitcher.
Matt Harrison @ Sea (Beavan) – Seattle O is good twice a week. Coincidentally, that’s how much my garbage is picked up.
Brian Duensing vs. KC (Paulino) – Sneaky good lately, here for the added eligibility.
Kevin Correia @ Hou (Rodriquez) – Is money on the road.
I read yesterday Brett Anderson might be headed for TJ surgery, which I believe is surgery done while a stray dog limps through the operating room… Wait, Googling TJ surgery. Oh, it’s Tommy John surgery, not Tijuana surgery. Silly me. “No, I don’t want any chiclets, I’m having a tumor removed!” That’s someone in Tijuana having surgery. Something’s wrong with Anderson, Tommy John surgery or not. He’s making a nice run to be included in the definition for Bennis Carpensheeter. I just have to add an ‘r’ and it’s Brennis; you follow, Anderson. I’m sure that’s his main concern. “You know, my career was going fine until I was included in the Razzball glossary.” That’s Brett Anderson talking to Bryant Gumbel’s head in a jar of formaldehyde on Real Sports in 40 years. I wouldn’t drop Anderson yet, but I get the sense it’s not too far away. Doesn’t anyone stay in one place anymore? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jemile Weeks – A’s are calling up their 2nd base prospect. Jemile, schlimazel… Hasenpfeffer Incorporated! Weeks has a brother in the major leagues. $5 says you can name him. Hint: His first name sounds a lot like Sickie. They’re similar players. 20/20 potential over a full season but should wear one of those old Asian lady masks while on a plane so they don’t catch anything. I’m slightly less excited about Weeks because he’s yet to show big power or health in the minor leagues. In AL-Only leagues, of course you take the flyer.
Scott Sizemore – Was recalled. For right now, I’d take a wait and see approach in mixed leagues, but at MI that could change quickly. BTW, MI Is A Name I Call My Middle Infielder was almost a Razzball t-shirt. Alas, for now, you have the Sparky Anklebiter and It’s Tough Being Part Of A Platoon. More to come. Or not. Depends on how these sell, I’m told by the little man with a top hat, cane and tuxedo.
Adam Rosales – Kirsten Drunkst’s co-star of Crazy/Beautiful hit his first home run. He’ll probably co-own the A’s 3rd base timeshare with Sizemore. Should help him save thousands on resort developer fees.
Dee Gordon – Was called up yesterday by the Dodgers. Gordon’s fast. And skinny. He’s 150 pounds. That’s how much my mustache weighs soaking wet. He’s like Juan Pierre at shortstop. Holy effin’ effholes, that’s a beautiful thing. Imagine 60 steals at shortstop. That’s like an 80′s sitcom dream where the wavy lines come in and Edna Garrett is making you a pot roast in a nightie. That’s like Alcides Escobar and Everth Cabrera wrapped up in a burrito of “These are terrible examples, but I’m trying to make a point by lowering expectations.” Gordon has decent enough on base skills to make the speed work, but he’s raw and only 23 years old. Nobody likes you when you’re 23! I’d take a flyer in every league where you need speed, just remember he could steal 35 bases from now until October or he could struggle and be replaced by Furcal in a few weeks. It’s rookie nookie and it could give you a nice adrenaline rush or make you itchy.
Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Phillies wasn’t a start I wanted to gamble on. Sonavabench!
Marcus Thames – 0-for-4. Back in the lineup and batting third… The .247 career hitting Marcus Thames. Three ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 Los Angeles Dodgers!
Hanley Ramirez – Finally lands on the DL for the first time in his career. Check it off the bucket list.
Javier Vazquez – 4 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. After benching or dropping him before his previous solid starts, I figured the only way to get him to throw a terrible game was to stick him in my lineup. Worked like a charm. Slanted mouth emoticon.
Jake Peavy – To the DL with a strained right groin. “Hold on, honey, I’m just straining the fusilli… Wait, is this Jake Peavy’s right groin?” Talk about an awkward moment.
Alex Rios – He’s out for a mental break, which in the medical community is called “being out to lunch,” but I’m not a doctor, though I did fall asleep watching a Scrubs rerun last night. For those with questions on Rios, the girl who’s dating me for my fantasy baseball ‘pertise/mustache, dropped him yesterday. If she can do it, I bet you guys can too.
John Danks – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks and he tied Wilson Valdez with one win.
Matt Garza – 4 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Welcome back!…And bleh. It’s usually wise to sit a guy coming off the DL until he shows he’s healthy unless he has a good matchup. Against the Reds wasn’t a good matchup and his next start isn’t much better.
Dexter Fowler – I’ve said this a few times on this web log, but how do teams get away with DL’ing whomever they want? A few days ago the Rockies were talking about demoting Fowler, now he’s suddenly DL’d. Don’t have to wear a monocle to find that suspicious.
Charles Blackmon – He’s effectively replacing Fowler. His AAA stats look great .346/10 HRs/12 SBs but he plays in Colorado Springs which is like Coors sans humidor. (BTW, doesn’t this guy have a perfect Caribbean name? U. of Colorado isn’t too far away – could we call him the Buffalo Soldier?) He hasn’t shown great power or speed in the minors so he may turn out to be somewhere between Spilborghs and Seth Smith. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him platoon with Spilborghs since he’s a lefty. Worth a shot in daily leagues, but wouldn’t take a silver bullet for him.
Chris Nelson – 2-for-4 and he’s now started four days in a row. The Rockies really suffer from too much upside. All of their guys are intriguing if they’d just play every day.
Brian Matusz – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks and the win. This start was against an A’s lineup that is ranked 25th or lower in all major hitting categories. They only have 33 home runs as a team. That would be bad in the dead ball era. The Ghost of “Home Run” Baker, “Shut your non-wooden teeth mouth, you rapscallion!”
Anthony Rizzo – Padres are expected to call him up any day now, Annie Potts. You wait with bated breath. Or baited if you’re into misspellings.
Frank Francisco – 2/3 IP, 1 ER. He took the loss and blamed his inability to get major league hitters out. Wait, no, that was me that blamed that.
Felipe Paulino – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. He could throw a gem next time out or he could give up 7 earned in 3 innings. The mouth on the left side of the screen says “Risk” and the mouth on the right side says “Upside.”
Joakim Soria – Was renamed the closer as the manager said, “Who are we kidding? We got Alex Gordon leading off, a guy with C cups as our DH… Nothing on our team makes sense except our closer. Soria’s back in!”
Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-4, 2 RBI, 2 runs and his 12th home run. He prefers if you call him The Drubal. If you see him in public, lower your eyes. You don’t meet eyes with The Drubal.
Josh Tomlin – 6 IP, 6 ER. This was a solid start. Correction. No, it wasn’t.
Brennan Boesch – 5-for-6, 5 RBIs and 2 home runs. Now has 3 home runs in the last three games. Well, he looked good in April for a second, then he looked terrible in May. So it seems like you have another 23 days to own him.
Nelson Cruz – I’d mentioned he hit two home runs yesterday but I’m afraid I’m going to jinx him and he’s going to get hurt. Moving along…
Matt Tolbert – 7 for his last 15, and that’s The Tolbert Report.
Jimmy Rollins – Battling a sore knee. Going for an MRI. They should just put an MRI machine behind 2nd base in Philadelphia and Utley/Rollins will decide before each hitter who’ll get x-rayed. “Reyes is stealing. Throw to 2nd. Utley applies the tag….Reyes is out! And so is Utley for 15 days!”
Brad Lidge – Because of elbow soreness, he’s flying to Philly for exams. Seems like if someone has elbow soreness the last thing they should be doing is flapping their arms.
In just under two months at Triple-A (45 games), Brett Lawrie hit 12 homers and stole 10 bases. To put that in context, Dave Winfield hitting against Queen Latifah in the 2003 All-Star Celebrity Softball Game never got past 2nd base, on the field. The Blue Jays GM Alex Snuffaluffagus said, “I’m more excited about (Lawrie) today than I was in April when he was hitting .430.” That makes two of us. Once he’s called up, his 2nd base eligibility makes him instantly startable in just about any league. If that doesn’t excite you, he’ll play 3rd base for Toronto. “Wait, what about playing time? Who’s playing 3rd base now in Toronto?” That’s you talking to yourself while you lick your Dorito-stained fingers. John McDonald, Jayson Nix and Edwin Encarnacion. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that. Sometimes John Farrell even has to call Jayne Nix, Jayson’s mom, before the game and ask to be reminded who his third baseman is. Seems like the easy answer there is yes, Lawrie will play. If he’s called up in the beginning of June, as I anticipate, I’d expect a 15/15 season. That’s pretty terrific for a middle infidel in three-quarters of a season. Now Lawrie’s on your radar, but is he on your team? Snap! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Brandon Belt – Just went over my Brandon Belt fantasy. I wrote it while sitting in the Statue of Liberty’s torch thinking about our forefathers.
Anthony Rizzo – The best part about Rizzo is his power. The worst part is he’ll be hitting in Petco. The moderately good part is the Padres are fools if they don’t call him up and play him every day. The moderately worst part is the Padres are fools.
Juan Miranda – Carmen’s son was hit by a pitch on Sunday and hasn’t played since. Sounds like someone you want on your team immediately, huh? Yeah, I seduce you with my lukewarm buys. I know I do. Now come here and scratch my back. Lower. Lower. Wait, where were we? Oh, yeah, Miranda. The D-Backs released Branyan and are giving Miranda room to sink or swim. He was swimming before he was hit by the pitch. He should be back in the pool soon.
Ryan Ludwick – Sorry, having a hard time finding something nice to say, but he’s been hitting recently.
Josh Reddick – I just went over him this morning. If you scroll with your right finger, your left will get jealous.
Nolan Reimold – I did used to love Reimold. Thanks for asking, long time reader of Razzball. Right now, I’m still smarting from how many times he’s burned me, but I’m willing to apply an ointment and try him one more time.
Mike Morse – Some of these waiver wire pick ups are, to misquote Wilco, “It’s a war on bore, it’s a war on bore, it’s a war on bore…” I mean, Ludwick? Really? But not Morse. He actually has the potential to break out and be a contributor for the rest of the season. I’d grab him across all leagues.
Mike Moustakas – Big voice, “I’ll tell you what, those Royals are gonna be incredible!” Small voice, “In, like, two years if everything breaks the right way.”
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – He’s due back in a week or two. When he first signed in the states, here’s what I said, “(He) hit .346 last year and the first player in the Pacific League to get 200 hits since Ichiro. He also hit 11 homers and stole 22 bases. Before last year though, he hit .260 with 14 homers and 26 steals. You’d take that at middle infield and like it. Only problem is sometimes things get lost in translation. Kaz Matsui hit .332 with 36 homers and 33 steals when he was a 26-year-old in Japan. We all know how well he turned out in the States. So will Nishioka be great in his first year or will he look like he’s fresh off the bloat?” And that’s me quoting me! Assuming his speed isn’t hurt by the injury, I’d stash him now.
Eric Young Jr. – The Rockies designated Jose Lopez for assignment. That assignment was to stop sucking. Good luck! The Rockies matched that ‘making sense’ move with another I’m fond of. The recall of Eric Young Jr. I tried to grab him in every league, but 9 out of ten fantasy baseball ‘perts beat me to it and I only got him in one league. I suggest you grab him everywhere, because at MI it’s kinda nice to have a guy that can steal 35 bases in three-quarters of the season.
Rubby de la Rosa – Could see some Dodger saves, and he sounds like a Venezuelan masseuse. I say buy and you say how much! Or you just say “No, I’m not in an NL-Only league or that desperate for saves.”
Jon Rauch/Octavio Dotel – SAGNOF!
Grant Balfour – Not only was he just terrific on Melrose Place, but he’s getting saves in Oakland. It’s called SAGNOF and it sounds just as it’s spelled.
Jonathan Lucroy – He used to play for the Ragin Cajuns and he’s striking out at a high rate. I will call him, The K’ing of Mardi Gras. Also, he’s getting lucky with balls in play and he doesn’t have big power, but he is currently hitting, so there’s that.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Has 4 homers in his last 6 starts. Unfortunately, that’s over 11 days because Tito’s playing Jason Varitek like he’s on a farewell tour. I’d call the tour, This Is Shit.
SELL
Asdrubal Cabrera – Said a’la Duffman, “Not. The. Drubal.” Said a’la Cher from Clueless, “As…DRUBAL!” I have much love for Asdrubal. He’s so money that money borrows money from him. But, I mean, c’mon. He has 10 homers already and he’s the fifth best hitter for all of fantasy, according to ESPN’s Player Rater. There’s no way he comes anywhere near this pace. If he only got to 17 homers on the year, it wouldn’t surprise me. I’m not saying sell him for a pair of Champion shorts that lost their drawstring, but I’d explore options. His value will never be higher.
Josh Tomlin – Aw, man, no offense to the Indians, but Tomlin has a 4.53 K/9 and is leaving men on at a 85% rate. Those numbers don’t jive with his ERA.
Kyle Lohse – Looking at his photo, don’t you picture a minituare Fred Astaire standing on his lips, leaning against his upside down, umbrella-shaped facial hair like in Singin’ In The Rain? Okay, maybe it’s a mirage. Kinda like his insanely low ERA.
Week 6 is here, subtle rejoice. Some top minor league guys are getting the call, the closer situations on some teams are still an enigma wrapped in a TLR sandwich and some elite pitching has returned. Now is the time to start gambling on guys that have either underperformed or you have a hunch about. Hunches win fantasy leagues. After all, this is just like playing the lottery, although I have never seen the lotto girl pull an oblique calling the winning numbers. So good luck on all of this week’s endeavors. Here are the pitching options for the week to come. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and match-ups change.)
ONE START OPTIONS
5/10 Homer Bailey @Hou – Myers Rick Porcello @Min – Blackburn Joel Pineiro vs. CHW – Peavy
5/11 Scott Baker vs. Det – Coke Brandon Beachy vs. Was – Lannan
5/12 Jon Garland @ Pit – Morton Ivan Nova vs. KC – O’Sullivan
5/13 Gavin Floyd vs. Oak – McCarthy Wade Davis vs. Bal – Guthrie
Travis Wood (@Hou vs. A. Rodriguez, StL vs. Carpenter) Shows glimpses, then gets pummeled. Gets two starts unless Dusty out smarts us all and uses 6 starters. God forbid he gets out-crazyed by Ozzie.
Jason Marquis (@Atl vs. Hanson, Fla vs. Vazquez) Last start showed the worst case scenario. Is he as good as his first 5 starts? Hell to the no. When healthy he is an innings eater and those, from what I hear, are delicious.
Josh Tomlin (TB vs. Niemann, Sea vs. Pineda) I will lay it out for you nice and simple, he is 3-0 at home. I still think it’s a magic show getting it done. Pitching a run and a half better than his xFIP.
Kevin Correia (LA vs. Lilly, @Mil vs. Greinke) Anyone else notice that the Buccos are pushing .500? 17 wins all of last year on the road, 11 already this year, Oh, and guess what, Correia is 5-0 on the road.
Jake Arrieta (Sea vs. Pineda, @ TB vs. Price) ERA 1.50 lower on the road and lefties are hitting a robust .187, “It’s murda.” No, it isn’t. It is batting average against, but thanks for stopping by JA.
Vance Worley/Joe Blanton (@Fla vs. Vazquez, @Atl vs. Hanson) Mr. Blanton, that is the entrance; you are required to use the exit. Nothing from Worley’s minor league numbers say he should be this awesome. Maybe the four aces are rubbing off on him. Blanton is scheduled to throw a bullpen on Saturday so either starter may get the nod or each may get one, sharing is caring I guess.
Chris Capuano (@Col vs. Chacin, @Hou vs. A. Rodriguez) Watched entire start against SF, a better hitting team would have made it ugly. Seems very predictable. Decent lone star start, in the mountains not so much. Is a left handed Whippopotamus.
Freddy Garcia (KC vs. Davies, Bos vs. Beckett) Played Joe the policeman, on the “What’s goin’ down” episode of That’s My Mama. NY lineup gives anyone a little glimmer, hangs in the same “bloat” as Capuano.
Ted Lilly (@Pit vs. Correia, Ari vs. Collmenter) Lots of talk about him, being added/dropped. He is a 12 win 4 ERA 1.3 WHIP pitcher. To me that spells a perfect number 5 starter in any fantasy league. Ted Lilly rant over, return to your regular scheduled programming.
Jason Hammel (NYM vs. Pelfrey, SD vs. Latos) My secret inside voice tells me he is the best pitcher on the Rox right now, than Chacin’s inside voice texts mine and tells it like it really is. ERA is higher at home, lefties hitting around a deuce.
