Josh Rutledge did not play for the third time since last Friday because Walt Weiss is crummy with crackers, then thinking he was a real Weiss guy, Rutledge was sent down to Triple-A. This is the same Rutledge that went into yesterday’s game hitting .259 with a homer, 3 runs and 3 RBIs in the last week. He’d be leading the entire Marlins team with those numbers! On our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, he was above Starlin Castro, Alcides, Alexei, Rollins, Asdrubal for the year… Seriously. He was doing better than all but 8 shortstops. Yes, I’m on the River Denial and my boat is called, “Dubya Tee Eff?!” and I’m stopping at the Sphinx to riddle him with, “What are the Rockies doing?” Are you seriously going with DJ LeMahieu because he had hits the last two days?! Why not just go with David Guetta? At least he’s had hits I’ve heard of! The problem seems to be that the Rockies are holding Rutledge’s fielding against him. Luckily, Weiss wasn’t managing the Yankees in 1996 or Jeter would’ve been sent down for Luis Sojo. I know, The Art of Fielding, I know Dan Fielding, I do not know of sending Rutledge down for fielding. Stop the madness and bring back Rutledge! I’ll admit when I’m wrong with drafting guys, but Rutledge was not a mistake. It’s stupid teams, playing for stupid things that don’t matter in 5×5 roto. STUPID! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yes, Matt Harvey was terrific, but I’d like to talk on a real baseball note for a second. If you’re a White Sox fan, you should be mad. No one on your team looks like they care. It’s like you have nine Alex Rioses (Rioii? Riii?). I don’t care how pumped Hawk Harrelson gets. You can put it on the board…This team is bored! Your ambition…It gone! The White Sox have more lackadaisical swingers than a Hedonism resort that only has decaf. “Okay, everyone grab the guy next to you, we’re gonna have a tug of war. C’mon, you guys have to stand for this.” That’s the emcee at decaf Hedonism. As for Harvey, he threw a gem even if he was facing the White Sux — 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, Zero Walks, 12 Ks. I still think you should sell him. It’s not a frantic sell like the roof is on fire and you’re having Sotheby’s over at your place tomorrow to walk through and see your Gregg Jefferies rookie card collection. I wouldn’t take anything less than a number one of something for Harvey, but I’d field offers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Krispie Young had a double side of slam and an order of legs. Sorry, I’m hungry. And Krispie’s making me hungrier! Krispie creams the balls and my eyes glaze. Hungry for what, Grey? Shut up, Random Italicized Voice. Outside of China, Krispie flies could only mean one thing — someone’s hot or stealing Salty’s signs. Why do I feel like my cholesterol is going up just writing this? You know, I’ve never had my cholesterol checked. I’d go if the cholesterol checking doctor gave out a stick of butter like dentists give Dum-Dum lollipops. You think anyone knows what the Mystery Dum-Dum flavor is? I mean, anyone at all or is it just some leftover guck from the lollipop machines that happens to fall on a stick? The thing is, and there is a thing, young prematurely balding man, when Krispie gets hot he could hit ten homers and steal ten bases in the matter of two weeks. If you don’t like that sorta thing, you got high standards. Me? I’m wearing sweatpants for the last 230 days straight and picking up Young. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Derek Jeter screams “Ankle!” Yanks scream “Uncle!” Well, you know you can’t spell “My ankle” without Minka Kelly. She couldn’t stop at just Jason Street, could she? Minka used to love his enlarged pro stats. Oh, well, let the haters hate, right, Minka? I hear ya, girl. A’la Clubber Lang, “Let me know if you want a real, mustachioed man!” On a funny somewhat related story, about a year ago I was at Kennedy Airport, right in front of me in line at Starbucks was Minka Kelly. I couldn’t care less about the Yankees, but I know what part to play in what situations to be the most obnoxious. So, with my best heavy New York accent, I said, “You better not break Jeter’s heart like you did to Jason Street.” She looked like she wanted to blow a rape whistle. So, it was announced Pasta Diving Jeter would not be returning until after the All-Star Break. If you draft guys based on the “I’d Do Him” scale, you just got screwed, so this is bittersweet. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Joaquin Andujar once said, “You can sum up in one word the game of baseball: ‘You never know.’”

Well said Joaquin, well said.

You never know how the season will go and what stars will emerge and what stars will fade to black (someone please cue up Metallica here. I’m tired of boy bands). That’s part of the fun and frustration of fantasy sports. But even if you drafted well, with all your players off to a hot start and you are filled to the brim with confidence and trash talk, you just never know when you are going to hear that one word the game of baseball truly despises: The disabled list. *tips cap to Professor Andujar*

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Drafting is complete! The season has started! Hope you’re still in the running in your league. 64 leagues made 19,200 selections at the draft table in March. 456 different players were chosen, with 214 being selected in all leagues. Another 18 were drafted in 63 of the 64 leagues. 44 were taken in just 1 league. I tried to get Jaywrong to make me a GIF showing proper drafting technique, but he wouldn’t share that particular talent, so my draft recap will once again be GIF-free.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the first Deep Impact of the year. Did you miss me? Good, because I didn’t miss you. So there.

Remember, the Deep Impact series is aimed towards a different audience than your regular re-draft leagues. That’s because we do things deeper and harder, with special sauce. And while there are many different formats and scoring systems for deep leagues, there are elements we can create a context with. All deep leagues have some sort of dynasty mechanism, which favors younger and/or cost-controlled players. Along with that aspect, you’ll have a robust MiLB system, usually with multiple drafts (MLFAD, FYPD) and escalating long term contracts that attach to those players once activated. And last, but not least, you are most likely dealing with leagues that have anywhere from 15 to 30 teams, NL-only, AL-only, more advanced scoring categories (OBS, W+QS, TB, S*2+H, etc.) and you can even add simulation leagues like Strat-O-Matic or Scoresheet into the mix. We basically have to smash all those things into one sandwich, and then add your usual facets: 2013 production, lettuce, 2014+ potential production, tomatoes, injury risk, bacon, positional scarcity, etc.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Like the 2nd basemen to target post, this is necessary. You want to take flyers on late shortstops. You want to avoid taking high-priced shortstops. Position scarcity is a buzzword(s) that fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) like to throw around. It’s the same as someone using ten-dollar words in conversation they don’t really understand. I’m drafting Tulo because of position scarcity! That’s you after reading an ESPN analcyst. We talk about position scarcity on our first fantasy baseball podcast of the year, too. At least I think we do under some of the jazzy music. Our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater shows Jimmy Rollins was the top shortstop last year at 36 overall. Maybe what everyone means by position scarcity is that there’s scarcely anything good at that position. It seems like everyone understands to punt catcher, but shortstops get people all greedy like Scrooge McDuck. Let’s assume Tulo doesn’t get hurt and gives you my projected stats: 83/25/98/.288/7. To draft him, you had to skip, say, Fielder (they are back-to-back in ESPN’s rankings), so you missed out on 94/39/117/.291/1. Then you grab, Ryan Howard later for 79/30/98/.245. So you got 162/55/196/.265/7. Now if you got Fielder and Jed Lowrie, you would’ve had 146/56/179/.275/3. That’s essentially the same thing, and you tell me who you feel more confident about Tulo or Fielder? Also, Lowrie can be had about 100 picks after Ryan Howard. Finally, if you were to go by ESPN’s projections, they have J.J. Hardy projected for 92/27/79/.267. That’s obviously bonkers, but how different is that than Tulo? Then there’s the fact that the majority of shortstops get value from the steal. SAGNOF! What’s the difference here between ESPN’s projections: 73/6/53/.278/21 or 77/9/47/.275/24? Barely much at all, right? One is Andrelton and one is Aybar, but they give them about an eighty draft pick difference. There were only three shortstops that earned more than $20 (barely) last year. Don’t get caught up in position scarcity. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2013 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2013 projections. Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Psst! This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2013 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post. No, I can’t whisper louder. Then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING! Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm are guys I love later in drafts. Am I drafting any of these guys in the first 10 rounds? Probably not (except for Josh Rutledge — hello, beautiful! Come here, let Grey massage your balls…The balls of your feet, silly!). These are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 150. Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs. MI, a name I give my middle infielder. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Spanish-speaking-ones) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2013 projections. Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?