The fantasy baseball roster you could make out of the current disabled list would easily be in first place in many rotisserie leagues. If you left your draft with all of these players healthy you would probably be pretty confident of your trophy chances. Granted, if you left your draft with these players I’d question the skills of your league mates.

Fun story, I once joined a friend’s new fantasy baseball league and one of the members had never done fantasy sports before. He drafted every offensive position in order starting with catcher in round 1. This was my actual reaction when I realized what was going on in about the 3rd or 4th round… Needless to say his pitching was a disaster.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hopefully we are as happy as Ray Liota was in the movie Goodfellas when he was screaming JIMMY in the shower after Jimmy Nelson ($15,200) is done taking the mound against the Padres. The San Diego Padres are a great matchup almost every night in DFS, they rank 28th in the MLB in Runs, have the worst team batting average in the league and they are in the Top 5 in Strikeouts. Nelson is coming off a start were he allowed 0 earned runs and struck out 8 Boston Red Sox hitters. He should have a chance to match those number tonight and have a chance at the win, with the way the Brewers are swinging the bat.

There are some nice arms taking the mound tonight with Zack Grienke ($21,300) going up against the banged up New York Mets, and Dallas Keuchel ($22,800) facing the struggling Miami Marlins. I don’t need to tell you to pick those two guys who are on fire right now, so lets take a look at some other plays that could be worth the pick…right after the editor hops in and provides you all with a linky clicks for the FantasyDraft Razzball Exclusive Listener’s League.  It’s $5 which is about the cost for 16 oz of freedom in my neighborhood.  I hate missing out on a beer, but I hate missing out on playing this game even more.  Join us, won’t you?

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

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What’s up amigos?! Let me first say that if you’re reading this, thanks. I really appreciate the support, especially when we’re all recovering from too many Mother’s Day Mimosas. What!? Surely I’m not the only one that enjoys a little champagne and citrus juice occasionally, right? I’ll let you in on another Honcho secret: I like mine fruity! No comments please. Anyway, I’m back for another week of streaming fun and I’ve vacuumed out the sidecar on my new, American made motorbike. Won’t you join me? I love adventures, especially the kind that make you feel like you’re living on the edge. Like the time I challenged a few skateboard Yolo teens to a dance off after they made fun of my favorite pair of white New Balance shoes and sweet fanny pack. I’m straight savage at times. Kind of like now, when I recommend using Alex Meyer on the road against the Mets. Look, his numbers are far from sexy, but he tossed an absolute gem Sunday vs the Tigers (3 H, ER & 7 Ks) and I’m in love with his 98 mph fastball. If we’re being honest, the Mets offense has been underrated all season, despite the injuries. This suggestion probably seems crazy, but who cares! The Stream-o-Nator loves him in this start and I’m standing by my man, I mean…… robot. Maybe it’s their .166 ISO vs RHP, which ranks 17th in the league that the SON loves? Or perhaps the .314 wOBA and .406 SLG% which rank 19th & 20th respectively are making the bot all hot and bothered. Who knows, but what we can conclude is that the Mets are slightly below average against right-handers this season and that’s good enough for me. Also, he’s available in 99% of standard ESPN leagues, so he’s waiting to be scooped off the wire. Remember friends, the arms and bats I’m suggesting below are all owned in less than 50% of standard ESPN leagues and more importantly – are supplied with the assistance from the Stream-o-Nator and the Hitter-Tron. If you like what you see, take a leap of faith and purchase a subscription to any of the Razzball tools. You’ll thank me later.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Francisco Rodriguez was removed from the closer job, because he was being sued by a dumpster fire for trademark infringement.  A portion of the deposition transcript follows:

“Is it true that you were passing an alleyway behind a Subway sandwich shop in late-March when you remarked to your friend, Nicholas Castellanos, that you thought it would be cool to also be a dumpster fire?”

“Leading the witness.”

“I’ll rephrase.  What did you say to Nicholas Castellanos when you saw a dumpster fire?”

“I could be that.”

That dumpster fire?”

“Yes!  It was aglow like E.T.’s finger!  I am the Icarus of refuse!”  So, Francisco Rodriguez is out, and Justin Wilson is in as the Tigers’ closer.  I’d guess the Tigers will try to go back to K-Rod at some point, but I’d also think it won’t turn out any better, and Wilson will end up being a solid closer, maybe even a Donkeycorn.  I’d grab Wilson in all leagues.  Then, there’s the case of Mark Melancon, who was DL’d due to an injury near his forearm.  “But I just learned it’s not a Hard C!”  That’s a Giants fan.  This might be me overreacting, but an injury near a forearm for a closer sounds like trouble.  There’s been some disagreement about who will take over, and I grabbed Hunter Strickland and Derek Law where I could, but I’m also like Pookie for SAGNOF, fiending for saves.  *smacks veins*  Give me more setup men!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings my fellow dweebs.  I know, I know, my Staind fanatics…it’s been a while.  You think that reference is old?  I’m writing up Ariel Miranda with a nod to a 1989 Disney cartoon whilst simultaneously dropping a 2001 Zoolander on you.   The kicker to all of this?  You got all three references, which means we’re both a little closer to pushing daisies than either of us thought, though not that any of it matters as we’re all hurtling towards the end of days with an ever dying sun at the middle of our solar system.  Eat at Arby’s…Now that I’ve done my job of setting a jolly mood, let’s talk about Ariel!  Or better yet, let’s talk about the Phillies.  I’m not gonna lie and say this is a bottom five team like we’ve seen in recent history but really, they’re not spectacular either and their bats can be exploited.  The Phils tread water against lefties on the year, sitting middle of the pack in some key DFS categories such as 99 wRC+ and a 22.1% K percentage.  Miranda has been pitching a bit over his FIP for the year, but I don’t think these Phillies bats are gonna be the ones to set him straight and with a near 8 K per 9 and miniscule 2.18 BB/9, he’s doing plenty to help his cause as it is.  Is this a cash nod?  Nah, man, but as an SP2 in tourneys, I’m definitely willing to go with this banded, bulbous snarfblat.  Speaking of tourneys…we got ourselves some featured fun via FantasyDraft with a exclusive Razzball Listener’s league contest.  Why listener’s league?  Because you’ll have heard about it earlier today first on the Razzball Podcast.  So if you want in on the Razz family fun, hop on in.  But with that out of the way, let’s move on.  Here’s my hottah unduh dee watah taeks for this Tuesday DFS slate…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I apologize in advance for the rushed post this week, but due to natural circumstances, I’ve got about ten minutes to put this puppy together. That’s not including the hour or so it takes to calculate all the numbers I need to figure everything out. In week 4 Ryan Zimmerman scored a total of 51 points. Ryan Zimmerman? That’s right. Zimmerman hasn’t been fantasy relevant since 2013, but his best year was back in 2009. I wrote about him yesterday, and today I’m going to plagiarize myself.

“Among players with at least 40 plate appearances, Ryan Zimmerman has the best points per plate appearances (1.18). This number will vary from league to league based on its scoring system, but regardless, he’s up there. If I said I saw this coming I’d be lying. And even though I’m comfortable with lying, I still can’t say I saw this coming. If it were me I’d sell high. He’s bound to find his way onto the gloriously overused 10-day DL. But as Grey would say, I wouldn’t sell him for a used Squatty Potty and a pack of wet wipes, but I’d certainly explore my options.” -malamoney

Ten people picked Zimmerman, including the winner. After Zimmerman, Trea Turner posted 48 points. And then Daniel Murphy and Hernan Perez each scored 39. Seven people, including the winner, picked Turner. Twenty-one people, once again including the winner, picked Murphy. That means that the winner picked the top three players for the week. That’s a perfect score. There isn’t, but there should probably be a bonus for doing so. I guess winning will have to suffice. No one picked Perez.

The unanimous winner of week four was Denhusk with 138 points. Congratulations on an awesome week and welcome to the playoffs. Out of curiosity, did you happen to get your hands on a legit copy of Grays Sports Almanac?

Here are the top five finishers from Week 4:

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Something funky is going on in Denver. At the 2016 all-star break, Charlie Blackmon was a 30 year old OF sporting a career line of .292/.342/.446, good for a 99 wRC+. Since then, he’s been a .327/.375/.612 hitter, which has been good for a 140 wRC+. At the 2016 all-star break, Carlos Gonzalez was a 30 year old OF sporting a .297/.355/.541 line as a member of the Rockies, good for a 125 wRC+. Since then, he’s been a .252/.310/.403 “hitter”, which has been “good” for a 70 wRC+.

At some point during those 5 days right around the 2016 All-Star break, Charlie Blackmon tapped into some dark magic and cast a voodoo spell on Carlos Gonzalez, draining all of Cargo’s talent and keeping it for himself. Blackmon went from being an average-ish centerfielder with decent on-base skills to a legitimately good centerfielder who can hit for average and power. Poor Cargo went from a good power-hitting corner outfielder to a broken shell of a man who has been a liability since the 2016 All Star Break. Even Neifi Perez, the walking embodiment of an all-glove no-bat shortstop, managed to cobble together a .282/.313/.411 triple-slash line as a Rockie, and Cargo can’t even beat that right now! Poor Carlos Gonzalez. Meanwhile, Charlie Blackmon has become a legitimately great DFS hitting centerfielder who bats leadoff for a team playing half their games in Coors Field – mmmmm…tasty. As for how he’s done it, if my theory is correct (and this is a real, scientific theory), that means that Charlie Blackmon is a real life Shang Tsung, and I really don’t want to offend someone who can drain my soul, so please Mr. Blackmon, if you’re reading this, you’re my favorite player and your beard is awesome, although it’s not as good as this one, I still cannot lie.

On to the picks once Shang Tsung steals my soul…

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I can’t believe Aaron Judge was caught stealing yesterday.  I’d be afraid of tagging him.  He should have just put the MI in The Claw, Baron Von Judgeske-style.  You remember The Machines?  They were the most obvious masked wrestlers in the 80’s.  Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan put on a mask, but wore exactly everything else.  Here’s Hulk Machine:

It’s like the Clark Kent of disguises.  It’s like if I wore a Hamburglar disguise but you could see my mustache.  They should do Baseball Machines.   Right now, Judge Machine is my favorite Machine and moving in on my love for Giancarlo Machine, and where the hell is Odor Machine?  He needs to pop Bautista Machine in his big, fat mouth and get crazy like Charlie’s mom, Ma Sheen.  As for Judge Machine, yesterday he went 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his major league-leading 13th homer as he hits .330.  That last number is the real surprise.  Is he a .300+ hitter?  I’m gonna go unlikely with a side of nuh-uh.  Can he hit 40 HRs and .270?  That’s looking affirmative.  I’m sure he’ll cool off; they all do, but I wouldn’t be against buying him high either.  If someone doesn’t believe the 40-homer, 275-pound love muscle, get him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello and welcome to another wonderful Wednesday slate on FanDuel.  With so many options today, I struggled at first attempting to narrow it down for you beautiful people.  After thinking long and hard I finally decided my GPP stack of the day is going to be Oakland.  I’ll go into which guys to stack a little later, but I’m first going to start with the star of every lineup of mine today…drum roll please: Ryon Healy at $3,000 (yes thats how he spells Ryan…).  I love this guy today.  He should hit towards the middle of the lineup and is against a LHP I’ve watched quite a bit in Hector Santiago.  RHBs are hitting well over .300 against him and Healy is hitting almost .400 against LHP…this is a receipt for success.  He won’t be popular with Goldy and Rizzo having good match ups.  Throw in some Josh Phegley at $2,500 if he’s in there along with Khris Davis at $3,700 and you have a recipe for success.

Now onto the picks…

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, hey there. Glad you could find time to visit us here at Razzball, even though it seems like the rest of the world is dry humping the NFL draft. I mean yeah, sure, I like football as much as the next person, but how awful is the first round? Seriously guys, just MAKE THE PICK! Is it necessary to have fifteen minutes between selections? The front office’s of all 32 teams have had the entire year to break down the information. Surely the final few minutes are not life and death. Remember, the Bears had all of the required data, interviews and film and still found a way to draft Mitch Trubisky. That will definitely leave a mark. That’s why I love writing this post every week. The tools here at Razzball make it almost too easy to make the right decision. If you haven’t yet, check out the Stream-o-Nator and Hitter-Tron. After you delight yourself with their fantasy baseball prowess, make the right decision and subscribe to one of the many options offered. Consider it money well spent after you’re counting your winnings in October. Remember kids, just say no to bad decisions. Anyway, as always we’ll be assisted in our streaming journey by the suggestions of both the aforementioned Stream-o-Nator and Hitter-Tron. I’ll give you a few of the gems that both these sexy bots have to offer up, while spicing up the recommendations with a few numbers that may or may not get your engine running hot. Rawwrr! Before we get started, let me remind you that every player recommended in this post will be owned in less than 50% of standard ESPN leagues. Let’s go streaming:

Please, blog, may I have some more?