You smell that?  No, not your armpits.  That’s Opening Day.  The real thing this time!  I love you, you sick, twisted, little game run by an egomaniac with a bad toupee.   I love you!  I want to touch baseball’s boobies!  They are warm to my touch; those beautiful baseball boobies!  I am gushing over baseball’s boobies!  Grey, um, you’re writing this down; this isn’t your inner monologue.

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Okay, now picture you’re a Mets fan who was in a coma for three months and you just looked at the starting lineup.  You’d be like, “Jeremy who?  Cora what?  Tatis huh?  Why are the Mets playing a split squad game in June?”  Um, yeah.  Listen, Comatose Mets fan, you might want to sit down.  Carlos Beltran hit the DL yesterday with a sore knee.  The Mets are saying Beltran should be back in two weeks.  Yeah, and Reyes will be back three weeks ago.  At this point, you really can’t do anything but wait for Beltran to return.  Hopefully, there’s some decent outfielders on waivers for you to grab in the interim.  I grabbed David Murphy and Jonny “Hey, Khalil give me back my H” Gomes.  Gomes should be the Reds DH for interleague so he should get starts for a week, then I’ll need to look elsewhere.  Jake Fox is a decent play in interleague, as well.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ervin Santana – Went to the Disgraceful List.  No way!  Come on!  Really?  Shocker!

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With 2 HRs yesterday, Adam Lind now has 36/11/43/.313 on the year.  I know, Cody Ross has looked good for stretches.   Even Aaron Rowand has had a week or two here and there.  But why are people asking me if Adam Lind should be sold off or worse dropped?  You don’t want 85/27/100/.285?  I know he was as boring as dog balls for the month of May.  Well, he’s batting near-.500 in June.  He’s shoved into the middle of the Blue Jays lineup like a Jenga piece no one will touch.  Heart.

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Tommy Hanson was called up by the Braves yesterday.   His numbers:  66 1/3 IP, 90 Ks, 0.86 WHIP, 1.49 ERA in Triple A.  Hello, beautiful, may I interest you in this Sutter Home White Zinfandel?  It’ll go lovely with your 90/17 K/BB ratio.  How about some honey mustard pretzels to go with your 12.2 K/9 ratio?  Ah, yes, those were some great times when you dominated in the Arizona Fall League with a .63 ERA in just over 28 innings.  Chuckle, chuckle… Yes, those were the best prospects in baseball and you held them to 10 hits and 49 Ks.   But can he dominate in the majors?  Much has been made of rookie pitchers at this site.  More often than not, they drop a roofie in your box of wine and do unthinkable things to your Forbidden City.  Hanson seems like he can handle his own in the big leagues, but remember in Double A he was great, but not insane with a 3.03/1.13/114 and a 10.5 K/9 in 98 IP.  If Hanson comes out and dominates on Saturday, his value will go through the roof.  If he stumbles, you might get stuck with Cueto of ’08.  Rookie pitchers are very risky.  If you need a hitter, Hanson’s trade value might be at its peak.  Now if you need pitching and you can handle the risk, Hanson can provide the reward.  In a keeper, obviously you hold him tight like your Grandma holds her bucket of quarters in Atlantic City.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Nate McLouth – Traded to the Braves.  This doesn’t do much for his value.  Cox can’t even sit lefties against lefties anymore because the Braves lineup is basically all lefties.  McLouth’s a 25/25 guy with a so-so average.   However, this opens the door for… Wait for it… It’s coming… Okay, here it is…

Andrew McCutchen – The Pirates fleet-footed centerfielder (no, he doesn’t have ships for feet).  I picked him up in one 15 team league.  He was just dissected last week in our Scouting the Unknown.  Best case scenario is .280/25 steals with maybe 5 homers.  He’s Dexter Fowler, ya’ll!  I’d pick him up in 12 team leagues unless you’re bloated with steals, but, really, who ever has too many steals?  Remember though, if you pick him up, you might have to watch Pirates highlights.

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On Sunday, Akinori Iwamura was carted off the field. (No, it wasn’t some sorta Japanese custom when a player makes an out.)  So Reid Brignac may get some short-term value if the Rays play him.  Right now, they don’t seem committed to that plan.  And, frankly, I can see why.  He hasn’t exactly been tearing it up in Triple A.  The Rays should go to Ben Zobrist aka The Best Home Run Hitter In The World With The Last Name Zobrist.  With shortstop eligibility and potentially 2nd base, Zobrist will have value getting everyday at-bats.  Much has been made of Zobrist’s out-of-the-blue power surge.  The only explanation that seems to be out there is that he worked in the offseason with Jaime Cevallos, The Swing Mechanic.  (Turns out he helped Little Jake Current too!)  Honestly, I don’t think it matters much for Ben Zobrist since he already has shortstop eligibility.  It’s worth a flier to see if the power continues.  Just don’t cut anyone too worthwhile for that flier, including Little Jake Current — he’s got power to all fields!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Troy Percival – Hit the DL and made J.P.

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Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is, the Rangers could only get one hit against Willis.  That’s right, Dwyck.  Dontrelle Willis went six and one-third, allowing only three baserunners and K’ing five.  The Rangers came into the game hitting lefties extremely well (.291) with Kinsler at .460 and Michael Young at .372.  So let’s all get jazzamatazzed, right?  Well, I don’t hold the same excitement.  His story definitely has the Lubitsch touch, but his last start was four earned in four and two-thirds against the Twins.  Dontrelle’s opponents will be tough, his recent history has been extremely poor and a 5/4 K/BB is poor.  There’s got to be at least a half dozen guys better on your waivers to take a chance on.  Let someone else buy a ticket for the D-Train.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

James Shields – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, zero run support.  If only they batted Sonnanstine third…

Josh Outman – 6 IP, 4 baserunners, 0 ER, 6 Ks.   His Ks are solid, but he walks too many guys and right now he’s getting a bit lucky with how many guys he’s leaving on base.  Then throw in the fact that he pitches for the A’s and their A’nemic offense.  Outman shouldn’t be in, man, outside of AL-Only leagues.

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Between smoke breaks, Jim Leyland anointed Fernando Rodney the opening day closer. This sounds like when you were a kid and you tried to pulled something like, “Pops, you said not to put on my bathing suit until after lunch so I went into the pool in my dungarees.”  Leyland is saying Rodney is the opening day closer, then on April 7th he’ll call on Lyon to close a game.  In other words, this is still a coin flip.  I’m holding onto Brandon Lyon in every league I own him (which is a few actually).  I’m also picking up Rodney on the teams where I have room.  Later, Chad Cordero!  Don’t drop anyone that worthwhile for either of these schmohawks, but saves are saves and if someone’s getting them, they should be owned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Rick Porcello – Big day in Motown.  The Tigers named Porcello their number five starter.  Porcello is easily my favorite Tigers starter.  Let’s see how highly we should consider that a compliment… Galarraga?  Blah.  Verlander?  Bleh.  Miner?  Blech.  Robertson?  Belch.  Jackson, Bonderman and Willis?  Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Detroit Tigers pitching staff.

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