Fantasy Baseball Advice

How is it that the more money you make, the more money is guaranteed? You don’t see anyone tying someone up with a contract to wait tables at The Cheesecake Factory for $10/hour for six months. Even if they go four weeks without spilling a tray and have what is deemed a “career month!” There’s no Olive Garden Out Clause. There’s no guaranteed Buffalo Chicken Salad Lunch Clause. There’s no free travel. Most times there’s no free parking. There’s no free translator for bus boys. Granted, the bus boys don’t conduct too many interviews where a translator might be need, but still. So why when someone has a career year are they then given $30 million? I’ve met Byrnes’s agent. He’s not that smooth. (Sorry, Mike!) I don’t think even the most novice fantasy baseball owner fell for Byrnes’s 2007. But the D-backs sure did. /rant BTW, Byrnes hit the DL yesterday.  Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday:

Jay Bruce - Not a bad… *pinkie to mouth* intro’brucing. Now if I may acronymize Bruce properly, JB looks better than JC, but not as good as JV. As long as DB continues to start him over CP, we’ll be OK.

Ian Stewart - It’s impossible to say Ian Stewart without using a Sean Connery accent. My name is Ee-yon Shtew-art. Well, Ee-yon Shtew-art started yesterday at 2nd Base. I’m pretty sure if he gets 2nd base eligibility he’s going to be better than your 2nd basemen or at least MI. Or not, but he’s definitely worth a look if he has 2nd base eligibility.

Johnny Cueto - This is the last update for JC until he pitches well again. Cueto and I are on a break. I see no reason to update everyone on his struggles. You think Kershaw’s going to be unhittable? Look at Parra, Cueto and Volquez. You got one out of three and Volquez has a WHIP and a history of wildness that says his success won’t continue. Grab Kershaw off of waivers then trade him immediately for a piece that you need.

Ian Snell - What the Snell! Snell, the Funky Homosapien wasn’t even (Snell) close on a lot of his pitches. I wouldn’t start him right now in a 32 deep NL-Only league. Snell ya later, Ian.

Sean Gallagher - Not only is he pitching better than Rich Hill (1 ER & 4H in 7 IP), but he’s a better guy in the clubhouse. Nothing loosens up a team like a mallet to a watermelon.

Tim Hudson - Rudy and I disagreed on Hudson’s worth. I say he’s a solid #2 with plus ERA, WHIP, Wins and minus Ks. Rudy calls Hudson a solid #3. Tomato-whatever, Hudson’s on a lot of my teams and he’s more valuable on my team than he is in a trade. So there.

Franklin Gutierrez - The Big FraGu hit a grand slam yesterday.

Ben Francisco - I mentioned him a bunch when he first got called up saying he could go 15/15. (And that’s me paraphrasing myself!) Now Francisco is batting third because he’s the only one consistently hitting on the Indians team. If he continues to hit and the Indians get hot, he could stay in the three hole for a while. These are all hypotheticals, of course. But you just never know. Full disclosure: I dropped Griffey from one team for Francisco.

Ryan Spilborghs - Batting fifth. Another home run. I guess you don’t need that.

Josh Hamilton - You sniff blow? Hell no, I got my whole season ahead of me, no time to be sniffin’. If Kinsler finds out, then he’ll start riffin’.

Jason Giambi - Up to ten home runs and .238. Jeremy Giambi up to no good. The Super Giambi Bros. are plumbers and they have to save the princess. And here’s Cousin Oliver Giambi playing the theme song.

Shawn Hill - Thank God (for me), Hill decided to give up nine runners in three innings against the Padres. I wouldn’t be surprised to find Hill on the DL by next week, but ya know I like him.

Daisuke Matsuzaka - Left after 4 innings (and no BB?!?!) with an injury to his side. Looks like someone skipped his pre-game calisthenics. No word yet on the severity of the injury. If Dice-K goes to the DL, Clay Buchholz will rejoin the rotation.

Matt Diaz - Die-as to the Dee-eL. Maybe he’ll return with a newfound vigor. He sure won’t be returning to my team.

AJ Burnett - Just like his mom Carol, he loves to put on a variety show. You like K’s. You got it. You like 2 out rallies started by the #9 hitter. Can do.

Ervin Santana - A gem of a game. 9 IP. 3 base runners. 7 Ks. Somehow the Angels managed to score a whooping 3 runs for the win. While his last 3 starts were ugly on the ERA, his K’s remained (19 in 3 games). I’ll take Santana over Saunders or Garland.

Tim Lincecum - Now 7-1. On the Giants. How awkward must it be between him and Zito? Barry, don’t worry about it. I’m lucky. They give me more run support. Yeah, that’s the reason. You’re so much better than me at making hitters put the ball in play.

Braden Looper - 7 ER in 4 1/3 IP. Think of a word that rhymes with Looper and it describes his performances. Betcha it isn’t super.

Julio Lugo - Was ejected arguing balls and strikes. As anyone who has ever dated a Catholic can tell you, you can’t argue your way to first.

Nick Blackburn - Not a lot of K’s (4.5/9 IP), not a lot of BB (1.5/9 IP). If you were Minnesota dreamin’ for Brad Radke, look no further.

Mariano Rivera - 22 IP, 1 W, 12 SV, 20 Ks, 1 Earned Run, 1 Walk. We’re speechless.

NY Mets - Yeah, it’s all Willie Randolph’s fault. Here’s the 5th to 8th hitters yesterday for the Mets: 1B Damion Easley, RF Fernando Tatis, C Ramon Castro, LF Nick Evans. Too bad they couldn’t work in Brian Schneider. Great GM-work Omar Minaya. Mets fans, stop riding the Yankee 2b of our childhood. Willie’s got a great ’stache! Oh, one more note. Minaya once traded Grady Sizemore, Brandon Phillips, and Cliff Lee for Bartolo Colon. Good thing Minaya wasn’t around a couple years ago. He would’ve traded Reyes and Wright to the Orioles for Sidney Ponson and a pulled pork sandwich from Boog’s BBQ in right field, which would’ve been promptly eaten by Sidney Ponson. Case closed!

Matt Holliday hits the 15-day DL with a strained hamstring. I wouldn’t be surprised if he just sat for a few days and pushed through it if the Rockies were in a better position team-wise. Well, ain’t that a kick in the pants? In one NL-Only league I have Holliday, I’m pretty much screwed. Some people who are out there in some leagues (this is the order I’d pick them up, but, as always, it depends on needs): Mike Cameron, Bill Hall, David Murphy, Jose Guillen, Gary Matthews Jr. or Joey Gathright. Then there’s Seth Smith, another stopgap replacement for Matt Holliday, is the rookie call-up that should be replacing him (at least against righties) while Holliday’s on the DL. Is he worth a flier? Sure, but he’s got two strikes against him. 1) The Rockies seem convinced he’s nothing more than a pinch-hitter and 2) The Rockies have options in the outfield. Hopefully you have some maneuverability so you can just pickup a hot hitter and not have to worry if he’s an outfielder. Holliday swears he’ll be back in two weeks on June 8th; he better not pull a Kotchman. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday:

Clayton Kershaw - The most hyped non-Mexican, non-Jew Dodgers lefty of all-time. He has the kind of stuff that can battle back from being behind on hitters. Pretty impressive debut. Of course, his ownership is contingent on the farkakteh Yahoo waiver process. I know they are reading this, because they’ve linked here before, so I’m going to explain something to them. Everyone else can skip ahead. Rudy covered this already in one post; I’m adding my two cents. Yahoo, take everyone that is sent down to the minors and pull them from waivers until they are called back up. So if they are not currently rostered and they are in the minors, then they are unavailable. Rich Hill? Yup. Homer Bailey? Yup. Sidney Pollack? Well, he’s a film director, so he should be unavailable too. I prefer everyone is available, but obviously you can’t figure out how to do that. CBS Sportsline and ESPN are doing a lot better job than you, so I’m assuming it’s a financial decision on your part. Well, financially it can’t take much programming (I’m pretty computer-stupid, so I’m not sure about this) for you to simply make everyone in the minors unavailable. This way at least there’s an even playing field. Right now, some minor leaguers are available and others are not. It feels completely willy-nilly and it causes unnecessary confusion. Why would Jay Bruce be available and Clayton Kershaw not be? There’s no reason other than a complete lack of regard for your customers. If this is not rectified by next year, I will do everything in my power to direct people to any site other than Yahoo. Okay, carry on. And thanks for reading!

Kevin Kouzmanoff - A Padres hitter besides A-Gonz that is hot. Weird! Kouzmanoff was a preseason favorite of mine because I figured he’d build on his strong ‘07 second half. Well, it didn’t work out fully like that early on, but he is getting hot now. Here’s hoping he stays hot.

Aaron Cook - Sure, he averages four Ks a game if you count the front and back of his jersey, but he can be useful.

John Maine - If I have a pitcher facing another pitcher on my team or pitching at Coors, I almost always start him. I figure there’s no reason to have a guy if you’re not going to start him. Maine went against Cook today on my ten team mixed league and it worked out fine.

Jon Lester - Make-A-Wish sends Lester back out to do battle on his own.

Ryan Zimmerman - Being outslugged by Aaron Boone. Awesome!

Corey Hart - Last year he didn’t get hot until June. Hopefully that doesn’t mean he’s going to get cold a month earlier this year.

Manny Parra - I think a minor league stint might be in his future. As he’s been pretty, um, sub-Parra.

Cole Hamels - I hate to the bearer of bad news, but knowing Hamels, a bad outing means he’s injured. I sure hope I’m wrong. In his defense, he had a ten minute delay because Carlos Lee bonked the ump with his bat.

John Smoltz - Experienced tightness in his shoulder. The Braves don’t consider it setback. Nah, why would tightness in a shoulder be a problem for a pitcher over the age of forty? I told you two weeks ago to try and trade him if you don’t need saves. At this point, I’m thinking I’d trade him for another closer if you do need saves.

Daniel Cabrera - If you have high blood pressure, you may want to consult with a doctor or Leo Mazzone before adding Daniel Cabrera to your fantasy baseball team.

Nomar Garciaparra/Andruw Jones/Rafael Furcal - When Torre was asked how he felt about the injuries hitting Garciaparra, Jones and Furcal, Torre said, “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

Justin Verlander/C.C. Sabathia - Both pitched well, neither got the win. It’s like their poor Aprils pissed off their teams and now they’re not speaking. Maybe in their next start they can get makeup sex.

Josh Hamilton - He was ejected yesterday. Let’s hope it doesn’t send him on misbehavior spiral. Hopefully he just gets another tattoo and calls it a day.

Fausto Carmona - He’s expected to miss about four weeks with a strain in his left hip. Carmona was seen muttering, “Why can’t I have hips like C.C.? He’s got them good girthing hips.” For his owners, don’t worry, get Laffey. Actually, worry.

J.J. Putz - He blew a save to give the Yanks a three-game sweep. The Mariners management is contemplating whether to outsource the team to Asia.

Jorge Cantu - He hit two more home runs yesterday. What does Florida have to do to suck? Their owner must feel like the female owner in Major League.

Evan Longoria - He gets another big late inning hit. If it weren’t for all those early and mid innings, he’d be hitting higher than .246. Longoria is going to be great. Odds are it won’t be this year. There are more Gordons than Brauns.

Carlos Quentin - While Carlos Quentin may have 14 HRs, Eric Byrnes still has better hair.

Aaron Harang - 9 Ks in 4IP. How hard do you think Dusty had to twist his arm to enter a game facing the Padres at Petco?

Corey Patterson - After going 0 for his first 8 ABs, Corey was successful in sacrificing a player to second. It’s fitting because when Red fans think of sacrificing a player, they think of Corey.

Jay Bruce - Red fans are calling for Bruce so much they sound like they’re from Jersey.

Edinson Volquez - He got Dustied today. No idea how Dusty throws a rookie pitcher out there two days after he threw more than 90 pitches. Somewhere, Mark Prior sheds a tear like a commercial Native American crying at environmental abuse.

Direct TV - I love how I watch a game for six hours and then it cuts out three minutes before Adrian Gonzalez hits a game-winning home run. Maybe Direct TV’s the mastermind behind Yahoo’s waiver process.

Jon Lester threw a no hitter against the Kansas City Royals yesterday (in case you were in a cave and didn’t hear). That goes to show you what getting rid of a locker room cancer can do for a team. Going forward, I see nothing remarkable from Lester. Just one of those things that happens. If you decide he needs to be on your team because you’re a sucker for feel-good stories, you should expect to take a hit on WHIP. It’s not just the walks, he gives up hits by the truckload, as well. Let someone else grab Lester and be the martyr. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Jake Peavy - Jake Peavy is going on the DL with a bad elbow. Padre fans moan, “Why couldn’t it have been ANY of our hitters….well, except A-Gonz.” Don’t panic on Peavy; he’s been on the DL before. You’re not going to get good value for him anyway.

Albert Pujols - Pujols hit 2 HRs in Petco. Impressive. Ryan Ludwick hit a HR and a double. Impressive and a bit more surprising. Cesar Izturis hit a homerun in Petco. Did they build another shorter fence for the game like they did in the Astrodome for the Bad News Bears?

Aramis Ramirez - If you can somehow trade a hot starter (Volquez!) for him, do it. Aram’s the quietest .300/35/100 guy in recent memory.

Geovany Soto - Soto’s done everything else, why wouldn’t he get an inside the park in under 17 seconds? Why? No reason, so he did.

Josh Hamilton - Now Josh Hamilton lets his bat say crack.

Joe Borowski - How anxious are the Indians for Blowrowski to return? The Indians said they want him to only throw one inning in the minors. I’m sure Borowski’s fantasy owners are just anxious.

Adam Dunn - Dunn hit another home run. If he hits in 8 straight, the Reds owner promised he’ll let Dunn bring his pet blue ox, Babe, into the clubhouse.

Frank Thomas - Frank Thomas hit 2 HRs. More amazingly, he made it around the bases twice.

Alex Rodriguez - Looks ready to return on Tuesday. Looks like Eric Karabell’s sister, Stephania Bell’s prediction that Arod will be out until the All-Star break might be a bit wrong.

Brett Myers - In The Bank, Punchy would’ve gave up at least three more runs against the Nats. If Myerly were a word, it would mean struggling.

Shawn Hill - He’s going to be skipped because of elbow soreness. I said he’d be very usable when pitching, I never said he’d stay healthy.

Max Scherzer - If Doug Davis were returning from a suspension because he had drank a quart of Popov and urinated in the Chase Field pool, then I’d say Scherzer might hold his rotation spot, but Davis is returning from cancer. I mean, c’mon, it’s The Big C. That’s some feel-good shizz. BTW, Big week for cancer survivors.

Howie Kendrick - Word on the Streets of Bobby Grichville, Kendrick is going to need at least another week.  I’m not a huge fan of him when he’s healthy and it’s beginning to seem like he may never be healthy.

Cliff Lee threw nine innings of shutout ball to lower his ERA to 0.67. Seriously, he’s not Bob Gibson. He wasn’t even the best pitcher in his game last night. Shaun Marcum got him there. If someone’s buying into Lee’s early season performance, can you command a high offensive guy in a trade? You can try. His brother from another mother, Carlos Lee? Maybe. Markakis? Rios? Tex? Possibilities. This is why you have to send out feelers. Cliff Lee will be untradeable at the first sign of trouble. He doesn’t have a track record to instill much confidence. If you can’t get someone to trade Lee to right now, you have to hope he has a career year and doesn’t regress to his career norms. His peripherals all look solid, but history tells us he’s not what he’s been thus far. I would not trade for Cliff Lee (unless the owner is worried the correction is coming and wants to undersell him). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Erik Bedard - Gave up 6 ER in 2 IP. Blowing a 5 run cushion after the top half of the 1st inning. In fairness, Texas has a really deep lineup: Kinsler, Young, Hamilton, Bradley…. Um… Toby Harrah, a guy named Murphy, a Boggs that only plays like he drank 70 beers and Chuck Norris.

Eric Gagne - He pronounced himself fit to close. Other fifteen NL teams agree with him.

Alexis Rios - With Wells’s injury, he’s now batting third. But in one game yesterday, Wilkerson led off. Wilkerson was cut by a team that is starting Jose Vidro at DH.

Adam Wainwright - Co-Chief Officer of Razzball saw a blip on the radar.

Clay Buchholz - The argument over who’s better — Buchholz or Philip Hughes — rages on. Phil Hughes might take the lead soon buoyed by a stint on the DL for a fractured ERA.

John Van Benschoten - Rudy picked him up for his Razzball team. How could he not take a flier on a Pittsburgh starter with Bench in his last name? His 4 IP with 6 ER and 11 base runners were all he could’ve hoped for. Can’t wait for San Francisco to bring up their 1B prospect Bobby Easyout.

Adam Dunn - He has to be the worst RBI guy ever for a 40 HR player. Best case scenario with men in scoring position - sac fly. 5 for 29 with men in scoring position — 11Ks. Last 3 years (2005-2007), he’s hitting .236 with runners in scoring position. Someone tell Dusty that Dunn should be hitting 1st or 2nd. He’s great for OBP. Keep him out of the middle of the lineup.

Barry Zito - He got a victory against the Astros last night. A moral victory. Get the man some orange slices.

Adam LaRoche - He slumped in April like he does every year. 4 HR in last 9 games. He’s got to be available in some leagues.

Livan Hernandez - He’s 6-1. Johan Santana is 4-2. Silva and Lohse continue to get rocked. The Twins are geniuses! (It’s just a matter of time before Nick Punto explodes like Pat Neshek’s elbow.)

Dioner Navarro - Okay, I promised not to say his name again, but I keep getting questions about Johjima and Pudge. Those schmohawks should not be on a team, except in the deepest of leagues. DNV (<—-forced nickname) went three-for-three with 2 RBIs. He’s now batting .363 over 72 at-bats. Last year’s post-All-Star break numbers were 30/8/31/.285/2 in 179 at-bats. He’s only 24.

Wladimir Balentien - Mentioned two weeks ago how Rudy grabbed Wlady while I grabbed Lind, just to spread the Razzball love even though I liked Balentien more. Yeah, I should’ve just grabbed Wlad the Impaler.

Jair Jurrjens - With two outs, Freddy Sanchez got a double that scored three. It was a clutch hit, but Jurrjens looked just fine. I’m still buying.

Aaron Harang - He didn’t pitch that well, but won. See what I mean about wins. Yeah, he’s 70th and Webb’s 10th overall.

Rafael Furcal - Lands on the 15-day DL with a strained lower back. Hope Mia Hamm has a cute friend for him.

Fausto Carmona - Another guy I’m not sold on. His 18/35 K/BB is a disaster waiting to happen.

Mike Jacobs - He was supposed to be back in the lineup last Friday. Not according to me — according to the Marlins. Seriously, teams should be required to release accurate injury reports. I’m having trust issues!

Luis Castillo - Looks like he might be headed to the DL with a strained quad. Castillo has had strained quads for 6 years. That’s like putting Willie McGee on the DL for ugliness.

Josh Hamilton - He is the only player in the majors who has gotten better since he’s been off drugs.

Manny Acosta called into Razzball HQ yesterday. Here’s what he had to say, “Upon returnance, John Smoltz can have closer job back. Upon Soriano’s returnance, he can have setup role. Gonzalez wants eighth inning and lefty specialist role? He have it. I’m not a lefty anyway. I wish only good happenings to Mr. Cox, my family, my team and Jesus Cristo. I request Cox do closer by committee until Smoltz returns, because that is the most democratic. Now put me in the sixth inning, so I can avoid this mess. I wish to chillax. I have myself on one fantasy team, and let me say this, ‘I drop myself.’ Now vote Obama!” There you have it, folks. Razzball’s first big scoop. If that doesn’t make us hotter than baby stew, I don’t know what does. Not only has Acosta dropped himself, but he’s also voting Democrat. Anyway, here’s what else I saw:

Royce Ring - Relieved Acosta. I don’t think he’s going to have much value going forward. He’s a lefty specialist, ya’ll.

Jeff Bennett - Relieved Royce Ring retiring rast Radre (okay, a little forced on the alliteration). I have him on one team. The team I’m hoping sucks. Then again, I have Carlos Silva on that team and he only gave up one run against the Mariners. Then again, it was the Mariners.

Buddy Caryle - If The Kouz would’ve reached, Buddy would’ve joined the closer committee. Officially, the Bravos bullpen is filled with options, which makes the Acosta option weak at best. Wait, Acosta’s calling in again, “I told ya. Not interested in closing. Tooooo stressful. And put five ohs on ‘too.’”

Gavin Floyd - *SPOILER ALERT* He’s still not good. Let me put it this way, if he would’ve got a no-hitter, I still wouldn’t have picked him up in any leagues. He’s not a hidden gem that can replace Gallardo or Hill or Smoltz or any other starter you’ve recently lost.

Aaron Harang - Can’t blame him, he pitched well enough to win. Imagine a world where Harang pitched for the Yankees. Now imagine the Yankees played in Petco. Harang’d win twenty-five and would have already dumped Alyssa Milano like three times. Alas, the Reds score no runs every fifth day.

Ben Francisco - He can do what I thought The Big FraGu could do, but he’s going to be doing it in the same crowded outfield so he may not get enough at-bats. If he does get at-bats, he could get to 15/15 and he’s actually already in Yahoo — woo-hoo! But you don’t necessarily want him just yet, except in the deepest of leagues.

Shawn Hill - *looking for positives* Bunch of rinky-dink hits. *looking at negatives* Needs to be more economical. It’s not like he’s striking people out and he’s barely getting through the fifth.

Jacques Jones - Word he might pop up on the Padres or the Marlins. As Chicago once sang, “Look away, baby, look away.” (BTW, I wish Jones pronounced his first name like that black dude from The Real World: San Diego. That’s it; just felt like saying that.)

Wilfredo Ledezma - He’s already gone in my NL-Only league. Why? Cause he’s now the Padres’ fifth starter. Any Padres starter has value because of their home park. He replaces Germano in the rotation. And he begins dating Alyssa Milano by July.

Brian Bannister - This is closer to the type of pitcher he is, not the April guy who everyone was picking up.

Manny Corpas - Struckout Pujols. Sure, it was in the seventh inning, but I wouldn’t count him out just yet.

Felipe Lopez - Oh-for-five with four strikeouts — that’s razztastic.

Orlando Hudson - O-Dog’s hamstring is barking. He didn’t look good on Monday when he was in the starting lineup so it’s not surprising that he was sitting out yesterday’s game.

Austin Kearns - You’re not roping me in this time, Kearns. No, sir. (But he does go on hot streaks and hits home runs in bunches and he just hit a home run and… Oh, he’s roping me in again. I need a support group. Austin’s Kids? The Kearns Trauma Unit? Second Degree Kearns? I don’t know. Rudy probably will come up with something.)

Jhonny Peralta - I like seeing someone batting .219 in May. They’re due. But he’s not exactly a .300 hitter.

Jason Giambi - I really like seeing someone bat .157. But he’s not exactly a .260 hitter.

Robinson Cano - Also batting .157 (weird!). But he’s not exactly Actually, he is better. So what, he bats .310 the rest of the way? .320?

Scott Olsen - I gotta be honest, I kinda wrote him off this year, but he’s always had talent. Opponents are batting .186 against him, but his K/BB is not good and BB/9 isn’t either. A correction could be coming.

Jonathan Sanchez - He gets the Phillies next. I say, no thank you.

Josh Hamilton - If he can steer clear of injuries and crack-cocaine, he could hit 35 in Texas. But, and this is simply hypothetical, if he were to smoke crack-cocaine, I think his power would remain, but he’d probably show flashes of speed. That’s right, Josh Hamilton’s a 35/20 player if he relapses. Downside, rehab group with Dwight Gooden. Upside, first round selection next year. That’s a coin flip if I’m his agent.

Andruw Jones - Batted second yesterday. All I have to say is, “Ha!”

Blake DeWitt - Now has two home runs in two days. Tonight’s was of the inside the park variety. He doesn’t have much upside.

Santiago Casilla - Now has a save to go with his perfect ERA. Huston Street loses a fibula or some shizz by the All-Star break and he’s closing.

Jeff Mathis - Now in a 3-for-28 slump. In the world of catchers who aren’t owned, I like Dioner Navarro.

Stephen Drew - Fourth home run, should be owned in all leagues. Well, not all leagues, cause there are some that only play with the American League guys.

Ryan Ludwick - Let’s assume LaRussa’s hitting the juice again, but even he has to see Ludwick deserves to be in the starting lineup.

AJ Burnett - How about this line: 6 IP, 10Ks, 9 hits, 5 earned runs. Looked like half the team couldn’t figure him out and the other half couldn’t wait to face him.

Carlos Pena - Almost forty strikeouts. Cust kayin’.

Nate McLouth - Nine home runs?! He’s like Andy Van Slyke’s kid brother. All he needs is a prima donna LF.