Did the Pirates trade for Brian or James McCann?  Because every time Tony Watson pitches, I feel butt sore and shake my head questioning, “Watson McCann?”  And then I soothe the irritation with some aloe Rivero.  Before yesterday’s 2nd meltdown by Watson in two games (1 IP, 2 ER, and yet another blown save), C**nt Hurdle said Watson will remain the closer.  This is like when you have pimples in high school and you go to your dad, and he’s like, “Everyone’s got pimples at your age, I’m not paying for you to get rid of them, you’ll be fine.”  Then you go into your closet and chew on your 4-year-old baseball card gum until your mom comes into the closet and tells you she’ll take you to the doctor, using her bingo winnings she’s saved.  I don’t want a vote of confidence for Watson, I want mom to talk to C**nt!  I’d continue to hold Felipe Rivero (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.58), it’s only a matter of time.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t look now, but the hottest dynasty baseball league in the game is back for another monthly update. We are the American Dream personified. A former colony of the REL, otherwise known as the Razzball Elite League, and the evil iron fist of King George JB. Much like our founding fathers, M@ and I, the league’s John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson worked hard to redraft our constitution, and bring prosperity to all those affected by King George JB’s extreme taxation. Through these wars waged by an army of rag tag farmers, a great general emerged. Who is this great general? Our George Washington, if you will. None other than the original smoothie himself, Captain of the clean gooch, one Nick The Dick. Under the courageous command of Nick, and his Captain Jaaaaaake, Razz30 has taken on all comers, and anyone looking to down our new found utopia. There is no 30 team league in the land where it’s citizen’s are better educated, better looking, or just plain better. Our gooches are hairless, but our faces are not. We trade like spice merchants in the ports of the Orient! We pillage the posts of our enemies! We chat like high school girls on social messaging apps. We’re the league you wish you played in. It’s the Razz30 Update for April in the year of our lord two thousand and seventeen. Claws Up for my Family!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Eric Thames went 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and hit two more homers (9, 10).  *does exaggerated yawn*  Justice Eric Ruth Thames is like, “Yeah, I had a harder time in Korea, ya’ll suck.”  Jer-Ru the Damaja is like, “The Sun Also Rises in the East, and sets in Milwaukee when I’m done hitting homers, goodnight.”  At this point, I’m surprised Justice didn’t hit, like, 80 homers a season in Korea.  Who got this guy out?  An NL team should sign that guy.  Or watch the Korean broadcasts of the games to see how they got him out, if for no other reason than the weird game show-like moments in-between innings when they’d have contestants try to find which part of the stadium is made of chocolate.  (I know this is Japanese, but it’s funny, so stop with your judging.  Leave that to the Justice!)

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Organizational Talent Rankings via Baseball America
2012 (13) | 2011 (19) | 2010 (15) | 2009 (18) | 2008 (26)

2012 Affiliate Records
MLB: [79-83] NL Central
AAA: [89-55] International League – Indianapolis
AA: [72-70] Eastern League – Altoona
A+: [60-77] Florida State League – Bradenton
A: [61-79] South Atlantic League – West Virginia
A(ss): [35-41] New York-Penn League — State College (Jamestown beginning 2013)

Arizona Fall League PlayersScottsdale Scorpions
Vic Black (RHP); Brandon Cumpton (RHP); Tyler Waldron (RHP); Matt Curry (1B); Gift Ngoepe (SS); Adalberto Santos (OF)

Graduated Prospects
Starling Marte (OF); Yamaico Navarro (INF); Jared Hughes (RHP); Jeff Locke (LHP)

The Run Down
There are systems out there that have more quality depth than Pittsburgh in the starting pitching department, but no other club boasts a one-two pitching punch that can match Pirates’. Gerrit Cole and Jameson Taillon are future front-line starters and they’ll both be knocking on the big league door this season. Pirates fans have lots to look forward to, as Cole and Taillon prepare to surface in the bigs alongside a solid and youthful core of offensive talent that includes Andrew McCutchen, Neil Walker, Starling Marte, and Pedro Alvarez. Given what they currently have and what’s set to arrive, it’s difficult to imagine this Pittsburgh team not contending for a NL Central division title within the next few years, but with the Reds and Cardinals set for long-term success, and the Cubs creeping back toward relevance, the competition will be supreme. But regardless of whether or not they’re playing postseason baseball in Pittsburgh, the Pirates organization figures to continue its recent trend of helping us fantasy owners.

Please, blog, may I have some more?