Fantasy Baseball Advice

Jorge de la Rosa left the third inning because of elbow soreness.  I thought it sounded ominous at the time, but I also thought it might’ve been the older, Hispanic lady riding her bicycle passed my window chanting, “Flores para los muertos.”  It turned out it was a combination of both.  Jorge’s gonna be sleeping with the pisces for a while as he heads off to get Tommy John surgery.  Elsewhere, Rubby de la Rosa was promoted by the Dodgers.  Up and down day for the de la Rosas, apparently.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Gonzalez – Had a big day in the doubleheader at Coors.  Multiple home runs, RBIs and runs.  A ménage à trois of fantasy goodness.

Matt Garza – Heads to the DL as his elbow auditions for Kerrywood.  Elbow, “I have to bend that way for the part?”  “Yeah, this is Kerrywood, baby.  Nobody pays for ground outs and fly outs in Kerrywood.  If you ain’t striking out, you’d done struck out.”  That sounds like something Ricky Jay should be saying while shuffling cards.  With Garza’s elbow feelin’ kinda Wrigley and gumming up his season, I’d DL him but I wouldn’t try and buy low right now.  Elbow issues on pitchers aren’t — how do I say this? — good.

Brian Fuentes – After he lost another game on Monday, he laid into the A’s manager, saying, “There’s just no communication.  Two games, on the road, bring the closer in a tied game, with no previous discussions of doing so.  I don’t think anybody really knows which direction he’s headed.”  He went on to say more, and this is a Razzball exclusive!  Fuentes, “I suck, but you suck more for trusting me.  Furthermore, you didn’t TELL me I was supposed to not lose.  I thought maybe we were doing the whole ‘Major League’ thing.  So was it also wrong to sleep with Corbin Bernsen’s wife?  Now I look like the A’s-hole!”

Grant Balfour – Hey, it’s Jim Bouton’s favorite speculative closer.  Balfour will see some save chances as Fuentes figures out how to play The Blame Game.  Eff why hoo, Bailey is due back soon.

Matt Holliday – Half empty:  Could miss the series at Petco because of a tight quad.  Half full:  He’s a lifetime .203 hitter in Petco.

Andrew Oliver – Will get Coke’s start on Saturday vs. the Sawx.  When Stephen just went over him, he said, “(Oliver’s) statistics show a pitcher who is getting the job done… Baseball America, “projects [Oliver] as an impact arm.”  That can mean a solid middle rotation starter.  Finally, I’d like to see him throw his 93 to 95 MPH fastball at Grey’s big, stupid head.”  Hmm… Okay.  Like a dentist might say, “Sweet, but there’s a caveat.”  Oliver may only be a spot start and vs. the Sawx it isn’t worth the agita.  In AL-Only leagues, grab him.  Keep in mind, if he pitches well, he’ll be a hot add.

Ryan Madson – 1 IP, 3 ER.  He really couldn’t pick a worse time to revert to his old Cuddle Boy ways.  It’s like he’s on The Voice and Christina is telling him that he needs to step up his game because Contreras is coming back and then he burps during Stand By Me and loses to Frenchie.

Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Bit of an uncharacteristic start for Romero.  Usually he strikes out twice as many.  His name still drives me crazy though, bringing to mind Prince’s Batdance.  Stop the presses!  Who is that?  Ricky Romero!  Ricky Romero!

Frank Francisco – 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Now has a 6.23 ERA.  Frank² has now given up 5 runs in his last 2 innings.  Jon Rauch hasn’t been much better.  Dotel is also there for potential SAGNOF.  You can speculate if you like, but this shizz is ugly.

Jose Bautista – You know the world has gone crazy when you see the Blue Jays scored four runs and you’re like, “Damn, Bautista hit 4 solo homers.”

Brian Roberts – Was told to rest for at least three weeks.  Backdate that to last year.

Alfredo Simon – Threw a perfect inning and didn’t even have to use his AK.

Jair Jurrjens – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Is it too much to ask for some effin’ regression?

Joe Mather – Didn’t play yesterday, but is hitting over .500 in the last week.  For what it’s Wuertz, I grabbed him in one deep league.

Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  You know how when you have multiple teams that are different depths you get a guy that is performing well on a deep team and he slowly makes his way onto shallower teams?  That’s Morton for our teams.  Started on a 12 team NL-Only team and now he’s on a 13-team mixed league team.  And that was probably only interesting to Rudy and I.

Josh Beckett – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I gotta be honest, I might not like him simply because he seems like the guy at the front door of the frat party that tells you in order to get in you have to drop your pants and sing James Ingram’s Just Once, but still doesn’t let you in because you accidentally skip the “Make the magic last for more than just one night” line.  Though that might just be me.

Alex Gordon – Now has back-to-back games with a home run and a modest five game hitting streak.  If he was dropped in your league, it might be time to pick him up again.

Danny Duffy – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (3 BBs), 6 Ks.  In his short time in the majors, he’s throwing too many walks.  I’m watching him; you can watch him…Shoot, let’s watch him together!  But I’d hold off on picking him up in mixed leagues for right now.

Josh Collmenter – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K.  The line looks better because of an error.  He gave up 3 additional unearned runs.  He’s an iffy mixed league starter.  Choosy fantasy owners don’t choose iffy starters.  However, he gets the Astros next time out.  In case you forgot, Ed Wade’s Toupee put that lineup together.

Mike Leake – Instead of LeCure, Leake will take Friday’s start.  Dusty said he’s hoping this Leake doesn’t leave a burning sensation.

Jerry Sands – Hit a grand slam yesterday.  Went 4-for-4 the other day.  Suddenly, Sands is heating up.  Is probably on waivers in just about all mixed leagues.  He may not have everyday playing time when Ethier returns today, but I’d take a flyer in some leagues to see if he’s the latest hot schmotato.

Rafael Soriano – Shut down indefinitely.  Joe Torre, as played by Paul Sorvino, must be impressed.  He’d usually overwork them for a year before they broke down.

Curtis Granderson - 4-for-5, 2 Runs, 1 RBI and a partridge in a pear tree.

Derek Jeter – 0 for his last 10, now hitting .254.  Anyhoo!  So, I was at Kennedy Airport the other day and in front of me in line at Starbucks was Minka Kelly.  With my best heavy New York accent, I said, “You better not break Jeter’s heart like you did to Jason Street.”  She looked like she wanted to blow a rape whistle.

Jonathan Broxton blew his first save because of an error and he’s out as closer.  Hmph.  The Dodgers’ GM Colletti said the Dodgers would turn to Padilla and Broxton with Kuo joining the mix when he returns at the end of the week.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Mattingly then said last I checked Colletti doesn’t have a goatee and Broxton is still his closer, no committee.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Whatcha gonna do with all those hmphs?  All those hmphs up in your trunk?  Then Mattingly called Colletti a dwarf brain and shaved his goatee to reveal a cold sore.  Got all that?  Glad one of us does.  I’d own Broxton and Kuo.  Wouldn’t mess with this Padilla or this Padilla.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

James Loney – 4-for-4 with a steal.  I almost wrote the other day how there’s no way Loney stays hitting .200, but then I grew bored and fell asleep… Snooze…

Phil Hughes – Underwent four hours of tests on his arm.  Towards the end his arm just started answering C for everything.

Roger Bernadina – Recalled by the Nats.  I picked him up in every league he was available.  Yup, even that one.  Bernadina has 15/20 upside if he can stick with the club.  Chances he sticks aren’t great but aren’t quite slim to anorexic either, so there’s that.

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 home runs.  That’s a badonkadonk, for those from the Bronx.

Carlos Gonzalez – Held out Tuesday because he’s sucking on the ol’ suck wagon.  Well, I got this schmohawk right.  Now if only Jose Bautista would get mono from Casey Kotchman.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I don’t own dlR anywhere but I get a lot of questions about whether he’s ownable, so it makes me question him.  Doode has a 2.61 ERA.  What are people looking for?

Todd Helton – 2-for-5 with 2 homers.  Did the Rockies wear throwback unis yesterday?

Casey McGehee – Sprained his thumb on the last play of the game on Monday and was held out of the game on Tuesday, leaving him on the bench to twiddle his thumbs — sick, painful irony.  If that’s irony, I have no idea.

Ryan Braun – Hit his 9th home run yesterday.  Yeah, his power is gone, Naysaying Preseason ‘Perts.

Jose Contreras – Has a strained elbow and will miss about a month, assuming he doesn’t have any setbacks.  But 67-year-olds tend to have setbacks getting out of bed.

Matt Harrison – 3 IP, 7 ER.  Don’t worry, Harrison, nothing can ever sully your Trapper John M.D. performance.

Carlos Carrasco – His MRI came back “perfect.”  Not to be that guy, but wouldn’t it be perfect if he didn’t have to go for an MRI?

Jack Hannahan – 3-for-4 with 2 homers.  If only Barbera could’ve been alive to see this.

Justin Masterson – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Rudy and I spot started him in, but since he has a 2.18 ERA on the year, we might not be returning him to waivers.  Stay tuned!  Or not.  Your choice.

Shin-Soo Choo – For an appetizer, I’d like the slam.  For the entree, I Choo-Choo-choose the legs.

Grady Sizemore – 3-for-4 and his 3rd homer, but was caught stealing.  No legs for you!

Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-4.  That’ll show ‘em!

Garrett Jones – Hit his 4th home run yesterday.  Robot is probably going to get the worst counting stat 20+ homer, 10 steal season in the history of baseball.

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Now has his ERA down to 3.00.  We should all be aboard with Morton by now, yah?  Yah.

Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 8 ER.  Did the Braves scare him by wearing Dusty Baker masks?

Brandon McCarthy – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER and 15 baserunners.  In San Diego, they call that a strong offensive homestand.

Coco Crisp – Left the game with quad tightness.  Doesn’t sound cerealious.

Ryan Roberts – 2-for-4 with his 5th home run, batting .333.  Pedro Alvarez has one homer and is batting .205.  Kill me.

Mitchell Boggs – 1/3 IP, 1 ER and his first blown save.  After the game, Ryan Franklin said, “See!”

Hanley Ramirez – Working on getting a hitch out of his swing by getting his foot down quicker.  I wonder where Hanley picked up a bad habit.  He seems like such a model of strong work ethic.

Jair Jurrjens – 9 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I don’t think it continues, but I have no problem riding Jar-Jar while he’s on a roll.

Billy Butler – 1-for-4 and a WTF (Warning Track Fly).  A Butler specialty.

Mike Leake – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. Turnabout is fair play as the Brewers stole the victory.

Sergio Santos – It’s now back to back saves but this last 2 out save should go to Brent Lillibridge who made two outstanding plays in RF.  Lillibridge fields like he’s nailing Sergio Santos’ sister.  Juan Pierre fields like Thornton is nailing Juan’s sister.

Gavin Floyd – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks vs. the Yankees.  If you had the balls (or lady stuff, for our three girl readers) to start him in The House They Built Next To The House That Ruth Built, you deserved this start.

Clay Buchholz – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 14 baserunners as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post.  Now has a 5.33 ERA.  Good news, he should be better.  The bad news, not that much better.  The neither good or bad just what it is news, if you listened to me you don’t own him.  The okay news that needs to be said because it is really big news news, there is no okay news that needs to be said because it is really big news news.

Adam Lind – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and 2 homers.  This is the kind of performance that makes me so hesitant to tell anyone to drop Carlos Pena too.  These guys just need three good days, and they have their counting stats.  Sure, it’ll be great to get this game from Lind without the previous 23 games of crizzap, but so it goes, so it goes.

Zach Britton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Fantasy-wise, Britton should be owned.  Real world-wise, when do the castmates find out Zito used to do gay porn?

Phil Coke – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Hope everyone is now done experimenting with Coke.  Shizz is bad for your nasal passages.

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Then David Lynch filmed Matt Cain’s post-game interview.

Carl Everett – Pulled a gun on his wife after she said she believed in dinosaurs and Darwin Barney was her favorite player.

I could probably draft a team of these starters, who are drafted after the 150 mark in mock drafts, and win your league’s pitching stats.  In this post last year was Jonathan Sanchez, Cueto, Colby Lewis, Tim Hudson, Jorge de la Rosa, Clay Buchholz, David Price, Gio Gonzalez, Mat Latos and Ian Kennedy.  I had those guys on multiple teams.  I don’t say this to brag, but I’m really good at targeting starters to, um, target.  Well, I’m good with hitters too, but starters I’m really good.  I’d like to say it’s because I’m smart, but since I’m sorta dumb I’m not sure what it is.  Maybe I’m an idiot savant, who I believe was Doug Savant’s cousin that had a walk-on part on Melrose Place, the Original.  And with all of that said, you should still draft a starter or two before you see any of these names on the top of your draft list.  Well, you know what to do from my top 20 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball.  It’s good to have a safe starter or two before you go upside.  In the immortal words of some drunk carny, “I don’t need the net under the trapeze but I want it there.”  There’s also a pitchers pairings post to help you along with your staff.  That’s what she said!  Wait, what?  Anyway, here’s some starters to target in your 2011 fantasy baseball drafts:

Ricky Romero -  Whenever I hear his name, I always want to sing The Batdance by Prince and replace Vicki Vale with Ricky Romero.  Never the hoo!  I love that Romero’s K-rate has been steadily climbing the past few years and think it continues to rise.  There’s going to be some moments during the season when you’re gonna get sonavabenched by him and other moments when you’re gonna wish you benched him vs. some AL East teams, but I still like him.  Stop the press!  Who’s that?  Ricky Romero!  Ricky Romero!

Brett Anderson – I’m not thrilled Rudy put Anderson his risky pitcher post.  I’m also not thrilled when I get along well with a girl that has angry brothers.  Just depends on how much risk you’re willing to take on.

Jeremy Hellickson – I think Hellickson is going to be in the rotation in June.  I’m not sure if he’ll be in it in April, no matter what is currently being reported.  I’m not a big fan of sitting on players for two months who are in the minors unless it’s a deep keeper.  Hellickson should be a good one though.  (<–Illuminating!)

Hiroki Kuroda -  He has a 3.60 career ERA in almost 500 IP, he pitches in a pitchers’ park and his walk rate is tidy.  Sure, he doesn’t strikeout a lot of batters, but his K-rate isn’t terrible.  Yet, he’s perennially underrated.  I guess real G’s move in silence like lasagna.

Gio Gonzalez – Another guy from Rudy’s risky pitcher post.  Do I not have enough stress in my life?  Va fongool, what are you going to do?  Even Rudy admits in the post for the right price, everyone’s ownable.  (Speaking of va fongool, as some of you know I’m half Italian (the good half).  So I was hanging with my Italian grandfather and his paisans and one of the guys was Tommy DeSimone’s cousin.  Pesci’s Goodfellas character is based on DeSimone.  The cousin told stories about DeSimone whacking people with such pride that it got me thinking.  Who else but the Italians are so proud of a murderous legacy?  Most convicted murderers families can’t even show their faces from shame.  I love that about the Italians.  And that’s Deep Thoughts with Grey Albright.)

Javier Vazquez – It’s interesting to me that people watched Vazquez go into the AL East and The Stadium They Built Next To The House That Ruth Built and they still drafted him aggressively last year.  Now this year, people are ignoring him.

Jorge de la Rosa – This list is starting to get unwieldy so I’m going to get to the point, if you want to read about dlr, click his name.

Jordan Zimmermann – In my pitchers pairing post (which I link to in the intro; scroll up, doode), I talk about how I’m going to have Zimmermann or Mike Minor as my sixth starter in every league.  So far, hasn’t worked out the way I drew it up, but it’s not from a lack of trying.  It’s those auctions, ya’ll.   Everyone can bid on everyone, which sounds like a Brand Nubian song.  BTW, I should write a sleeper post for Zimmermann.  That’s a note to myself.

Jonathon Niese – Has a nice K-rate, good walk rate, pitches in Metco and ESPN doesn’t even rank him in the top 300.  For a real crack up, ESPN ranks Niese 138th for all starters.  Just in front of Bobby Cramer, who I believe was the little black kid in the movie Role Models.

Derek Holland – Obviously his K-rate potential is enticing.  I like him real late in deeper mixed leagues, but he plays in an unforgiving park and he walks people.  It’s a’ight; I like him better in AL-Only leagues.

Mike Minor – Looking for a Latos from 2010 type breakout?  Here ya go.   Though, if Beachy is the fifth starter on the Braves, then Minor’s useless.  Though II, The Return of Though, I think the fifth starter job will go to Minor.

Jhoulys Chacin – Another guy that didn’t escape Rudy’s risky pitcher wrath.  Rudy can be such a buzzkill sometimes.

Johnny Cueto – How is he being drafted on average at the 254th spot?  Is Jason LaRue drafting multiple mock teams just to suppress Cueto’s ADP?

Carlos Zambrano – Can put him in the Kuroda camp.  Sure, when you draft Zambrano, girls aren’t going to flock to you and sit on your lap and shizz, but, let’s be honest, if you’re playing fantasy baseball those chances are low anyway.

Edinson Volquez – He’s going to have some games where you want to strangle someone.  It’s the nature of the beast with a guy that walks people.

James McDonald – He’s being drafted after Andy Pettitte.  Makes sense. /sarcasm

Tim Stauffer – Mark my words, prematurely balding man, by the end of April, you will be asking me if you should pick him up.  The answer is yes.

Brett Cecil – I did a “Find” for Cecil at Mock Draft Central’s ADP 300 and he wasn’t on it.  I then double and triple checked my spelling because I was sure he would be.  Nope, not there.  Then I did the same on ESPN’s top 300 and still no Cecil.  I did find him on my top 300.

Daniel Hudson – He’s at 145 at ESPN, so he misses the cutoff, but I’m doing as I do and ignoring my arbitrary cutoff.

Edwin Jackson – Potatoes to chips, I try to avoid reading other fantasy advice so I don’t inadvertently get influenced, but I have a pretty good idea who people are going to get crazy over with their sleeperitude.  Edwin Jackson is not one of those guys.  If I had to guess, no one else is telling you to draft Edwin Jackson.  Or at least no other sites that you read.  So this is a trust exercise, do you fall backwards into Grey’s advice?

In our 2011 fantasy baseball rankings, we’ve gone over so many flippin’ players I’ve lost track.  This is, I believe, the top 60 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball, but you’re best to check the title to be sure.   If it is indeed the top 60 starters, then you’re in luck.  Only a few more top 20 rankings posts.  What is it, February?  March?  Why don’t I have an app for this?  Or do I want a hashtag?  App ‘n Hashtag would be a good name for a 50s style diner with wifi.  As with the other rankings posts, tiers and my projections are mentioned.  Anyway, here’s the top 60 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball:

40. Jhoulys Chacin – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until de la Rosa.  I call this tier, “One of these guys is going to be my fourth fantasy starter.”  I already dazzled your retinas with a Jhoulys Chacin fantasy post.  Reading it is like the inside of your mouth right after you dump in a packet of Pop Rocks.  Go see for yourself.  2011 Projections:  12-8/3.60/1.24/180

41. Ian Kennedy – He ended up falling just below Daniel Hudson for a few reasons.  A) Hudson has more upside. B) Hudson’s less prone to gopher balls. C) There’s no C.  2011 Projections: 11-10/3.75/1.25/180

42. Johnny Cueto – Johnny Cueto sounds like an 80′s movie villain and he will kick you in the head if you get too close to him.  Believe that.  Hopefully, he doesn’t metaphorically kick you in the head with his ratios from time to time like he’s done in the past.  For instance, his 5+ ERA in April last year.  Also, I might be being stubborn here, but I think Cueto has an 8 K/9 in his arm like he showed in 2008 instead of the below 7 he threw the last two years.  It doesn’t hurt my optimism that he’s only going to be 25 in 2011.  2011 Projections:  12-8/3.65/1.26/160

43. Brandon Morrow – Are you an older man with ugly brown spots on your neck, face and hands?  Liver spots that make your grandkids cry?  Then read my Brandon Morrow sleeper post.  It won’t help your aging, but it might distract you.  2011 Projections:  12-9/3.80/1.38/195

44. Edwin Jackson – As with a lot of guys in this tier, Edwin also got a sleeper post.  Only his sleeper post hasn’t been posted yet.  You’ll get it later today.  Prepare your jowls for smiling.  2011 Projections:  13-10/3.80/1.30/190

45. Jonathan Sanchez – In a moment of honesty, I’m going to tell you a little secret.  We got lucky as crap last year with Filthy Sanchez.  I knew he was capable of a great strikeout season, but the 3.07 ERA against a 4.11 xFIP and a 1.23 WHIP against a 4.47 BB/9 was us cashing in a winning lottery ticket without even remembering buying one.  Assuming our luck goes south, Sanchez will still be great for Ks but don’t expect the same ratios.  2011 Projections:  12-11/3.90/1.33/200

46. Madison Bumgarner – Really not a bad crop of starters this year, prolly cause hitting is so atrocious.  The only thing that stopped Bumgarner from being in the top 40 starters was his innings last year.  I’m willing to overlook it at the draft while preparing myself mentally that I may need to drop him by August.  But that’s no big deal, that’s why guys like Brian Duensing are made to fill in at the end of the season.  2011 Projections:  12-7/3.60/1.25/140

47. Jorge de la Rosa – dlR is either going to get lucky in 2011, strikeout 200 and have a terrific ERA or, more likely, he’s going to have a 4-something ERA with solid Ks.  His Ks have me being overly optimistic, but as long as you know I’m being overly optimistic you shouldn’t be too disappointed.  2011 Projections:  11-9/3.80/1.30/175

48. Colby Lewis – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Wilson.  I call this tier, “I really don’t want a Ranger pitcher, but will consider them if they fall far enough.”  When Lewis returned from the Far East, I turned my nose up at him and told him to talk to the ‘stache.  Turned out, I was dead wrong about Colby last year.  He’s a survivor!  Lewis’ ERA was actually better at home last year than away, but I’m still pretty hesitant.  The potential 200 Ks could be the only thing making me draft him.  Oh, who are we kidding?  Of course that would be the reason.  2011 Projections:  15-9/3.85/1.22/200

49. C.J. Wilson – For those of you worried about the drastic jump in innings from 2009 to 2010, that concern is for younger pitchers and I’m not even sure we’ve proved beyond a reasonable doubt that it’s a concern for anyone, no matter the age.  I think Wilson might have to wait another year until I draft him though, as Dempster had to wait a few years before I felt he was safe.  2011 Projections:  12-6/3.95/1.28/165

50. Brett Myers – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Pelfrey.  I call this tier, “It’s been a few tiers since I’ve done a tier that I’m avoiding so here we are again.”  Last year Myers’ men left on base was high, his homers allowed per fly ball was low, his K-rate was whatever and he’s on the Astros.  If you grab Myers at a draft, you’re going to get beat up.  Not metaphorically.  2011 Projections:  8-10/4.20/1.30/160

51. Ervin Santana – He might surprise this year (read:  get lucky), but he’s now had two years in a row that have been so yawnstipating that I’m not touching him in any leagues this year.  2011 Projections:  13-10/4.30/1.32/150

52. Bronson Arroyo – Eh, I have nothing against Arroyo once the calendar strikes July, but I’m not messing with a pre-All-Star Break Arroyo.  2011 Projections:  15-9/4.00/1.22/115

53. John Lackey – I’ll draft Lackey again…. If he’s traded to the NL.  Until then, someone else can enjoy him on their team.  2011 Projections:  14-12/4.35/1.32/145

54. Carl Pavano – His placement in this tier was almost offset by his full-as-shizz mustache.  Unfortunately, his stats last year were full-of-shizz.  2011 Projections:  13-10/4.20/1.25/110

55. Jaime Garcia – I’m not only worried about his innings last year, but also about the FIP Gods throwing fire and brimstone at his ERA in 2011 for defying them last year.  2011 Projections:  9-10/4.15/1.35/130

56. Mike Pelfrey – The FIP Gods are wrathful and the 5 K/9 Gods are spiteful.  Together they’re like watching a marathon of Storage Wars.  Actually, that’s terrific, who am I kidding?  Why doesn’t Jarrod listen to Brandi?  2011 Projections:  12-10/4.30/1.35/105

57. John Danks – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Shields. I call this tier, “Not bad options, but I see no upside.”  Manages to put together very usable stretches of the season, but he’s only a 7 K/9 and 4.00 ERA pitcher.  Without luck, there’s no upside.  2011 Projections:  14-8/4.00/1.26/170

58. Carlos Zambrano – I might be the only one thinking this across all ‘perts and five continents, but I think Big Z can put together one more big season this year.  His big season is still only a 7 K/9 and just under a 4.00 ERA.  And you have to assume he’s going to miss at least 4 starts at some point for beating up an inanimate object.  2011 Projections:  14-9/3.85/1.35/155

59. James Shields – Shields’ K-rate was purty last year even as his luck was ugly.  Shields and I took a break last year, but could see giving him a go again this year.  He’s not a huge upside guy though.  Expect more than a 4.00 ERA and around a 7 K/9 and you’ll get burned.  2011 Projections:  12-8/3.95/1.30/170

60. Ricky Romero – This is a new tier.  This tier goes into the top 80 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball.  I call this tier, “Grey’s going upside your head.”  I felt people falling asleep towards the middle of that post and for that I apologize.  I needed to get some of those boring names out of the way.  Let’s count the ways we love Ricky Romero, shall we?  7 ways!  Okay, maybe I should count them out loud.  1) Will only be 26 years old.  2) Will be entering his third big league season, a time when pitchers tend to hit their stride.  3) His K-rate was 7 and half and can get better. 4) He cut his walks last year.  5) Golden rings.  6) Pitches in the AL East… Hmm… That’s not a positive.  7)  There was really only 4 reasons that I stretched out to 7.  2011 Projections:  13-6/3.65/1.30/180 (<–optimistic, but whatevs)

Some rejected titles were, “It’s A Not-So-Wonderful Elbow, Andrew Bailey,” “Old Man Potter Gets The Last Laugh” and “Won’t You Come Home, Andrew Bailey?  Won’t You Come Home?” but when presented with a Party of Five reference, I turn to mush.  If you can wash Po5 out of your hair, you’re a better man than me.  Andrew Bailey is heading off to see Dr. Freeze, and there’s the reason why Craig Breslow was closing on Monday.  Here I thought he won a game of “Whoever’s Name Sounds Most Like A Character From Family Matters Is The Closer.”  I’d grab Breslow in all leagues.  If you can, I’d grab Wuertz too.  That’s what she said!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before I get into the roundup, fantasy basketball leagues are signing up over at our sister (brother?) site.  Head over there if that’s your thing.  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Trevor Cahill – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks and his 17th win to go along with a 2.81 ERA on the year.  I will now fall on my sword.

Joe Mauer – MRI showed he has tissue inflammation.  That’s what my jeans had in the 8th grade.  Sometimes they had socks inflammation.  Wait, what?  So Mauer’s not coming back for at least 5 days.  Then he’s not going to play every day the week before the playoffs.  I’d look elsewhere.

Joey Votto – Member when I said Dusty would start sitting Votto?  Well, Votto came down with a mysterious sinus infection and missed yesterday’s game.  At least it’s not a concussion, Canadians can’t handle those.

Jair Jurrjens – Has a tear in his right knee, but he might be able to make his next start.  That’s nice, but Jar-Jar’s not a great start anyway.

Gaby Sanchez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 19th homer.  Behind the scenes at Razzball HQ, October Grey has started to compile the recap of all the top 20 lists that he’ll post when the season ends.  I mention this because Gaby’s ending up much higher than I would’ve thought.  Listen (or read, which is probably easier), Gaby hasn’t been terrible, but, really, he’s just been a prime-of-his-career Lyle Overbay.  It’s a’ight.  Emphasis on ight.

Hanley Ramirez – Returned and went 1-for-4.  In a pregame press conference, he said, “I’m sick of people saying I don’t want to play.  Speaking of which, how many friggin’ games are left?”

Mike Pelfrey – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Solid game from Pelfrey but he gets the Phils next at Citizens Flank.  As they say in Italy, thatta no good.

Mike Aviles – 3-for-6, 3 RBIs.  Where have I heard his name before?  Oh, I know!  I wrote it yesterday.

Billy Butler – 3-for-4 and, because he loves to be overrated, he’s hitting near .400 this month.  He loves it almost as much as he loves going to 2nd base on himself.

Jarrod Dyson – 3-for-4, 3 Runs and his 3rd steal in a week.  SAGNOF!

Eric Young Jr. – Speaking of SAGNOF, Young is out for the D-Backs series with a sore shin.  Noooooooooo, which in a cave would sound even more ominous.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He gets the Giants and Cards in his final two starts in games that should mean something for the Rockies.

Justin Upton – There’s talk he’ll be shutdown.  I say do it and stop giving his fantasy owners hope, but these aren’t decisions where I’m usually included.

Kelly Johnson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer.  Sure, he didn’t stay as crazy hot as he was in April, but what other site was even talking about this guy in January?

Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He gets the Astros next, a team he has a 1.99 ERA against in 22 2/3 IP this year.  He’ll probably be in Thursday’s borderline starters post with some serious caveats.

Travis Snider – Hit his 10th homer yesterday.  Would it surprise anyone if I said I’m going to be excited about Snider again next year?  It shouldn’t.  Especially not now.

Marc Rzepczynski – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He gets the O’s next, which could be a sneaky streamer.  Or strmrzynski.

Hunter Pence – Left yesterday’s game with hip discomfort, or as they call them in old age homes a “What else is new.”

Chris Johnson – 3-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games.  He’s also batting near-.400 in the last week.  Yup.

Tyler Clippard – Recorded his 10th win, i.e. except in Teixeira, that’s the same amount of wins as Dan Haren.  God, wins are stupid.

Freddie Freeman – Hit his first major league homer yesterday.  He’s not worth going near in redraft leagues, but I’m still excited about him for next year and in keepers.

Clayton Richard – 9 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Sonavabench!  He had a 4.85 road ERA going into yesterday’s game.  He wasn’t supposed to pitch a complete game shutout.  Dodgers can’t even suck at the right times.

Scott Baker – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Gets the Royals next, which seems like a good matchup on paper.  Too bad they’re not playing Strat-O-Matic.  Half of me wants to believe Baker wants to pitch well and beat the Royals so he secures his spot in the playoff rotation.  The top half of me thinks the Twins will be snoozing through the next week of games.

Fausto Carmona – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Has around a one and a half ERA in September and gets the Royals and White Sox to close out the year.  Nice and not bad, respectively.

Jonathan Papelbon – 1 IP, 4 ER.  Kazaam!

Adam Jones – 3-for-4, 2 Runs.  Hasn’t been a huge breakout season like some of us were expecting (me!), but he is hitting near-.400 in the month of September.

Edinson Volquez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  In September, his ERA has been below 2.  Guess who has two thumbs and is going to be on every ‘perts sleeper list of starters next year.  This guy!

Ervin Santana – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Somebody knew it was H2H playoff time.

Carlos Zambrano – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Should get the Cards and Astros in his final two starts.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but I’d put Big Z in my bonnet.

Jake Westbrook – 4 IP, 5 ER vs. the Pirates.  Madonna mia, the Cards are tanking.  Westbrook gets the Cubs and Rockies in his last two starts.  I wouldn’t trust him in most leagues unless you need to gamble on not being whammied.

Felipe Lopez – The Cards dropped him after he arrived late for Monday’s game.  As opposed to fellow MI Brendan Ryan who hustled to the ballpark 4 hours before the game for extra batting practice and to make Albert his plantain-flavored protein shake.

Josh Hamilton – Hamilton says he hopes to return next week (yeah, sure) even after the Rangers found two fractured ribs yesterday.  Okay, a few things come to mind.  Don’t you think right after Hamilton says he feels sore they’d send him for tests and find something like fractured ribs?  It’s not like this is the 1890′s and they’re using a cauterizing iron.  Is his doctor, Dr. Nick Riviera?  Or are there some arcane MLBPA rules that restricts doctors to 5 pokes a day?  And they didn’t find the fractured ribs until the 15th day of poking?