Holy hell, what just happened? This week was supposed to be about all the pomp and circumstance of opening day. Then a closenado happened, a whirlwind of job loss and fake unemployment questions. I mean, before two games ended, two closers were replaced. That’s just silly stupid, like buying a pack of crayons without the built in sharpener. Useless. Roenicke and Ventura, I am putting a sfortuna and a pox on both your households. Moves like this usually lead to managerial unemployment, so maybe we aren’t so bad off, as both look well fixated on the Kohl’s managerial program. To make things worse, Bobby P fell down and ‘Papa Grande’ came tumbling after.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The closer news is kind of like that pond back in the woods by Me’ma’s house. You know the one where you and your first “girlfriend” from Canada used to meet up and read scripture. Stagnant is the term for all you wordsmith’s out there. Spring training games just literally got started this week and the battles that are going on for unnamed closer spots; Rangers, White Sox and Astros, are still a hmmm situation. So until someone actually gets hurt, assassinated, or decides that baseball is no longer fun for him… we are at a stand still. Updates are always good though, and fun. It’s like Sudoku or the aggravation of doodling little numbers next to each box, stupid little numbers. They make it look all messy like a 4-year-old is doing it and you get all self conscious and hide it form the guy sitting next to you on the plane. It’s okay, admitting it is the hard part. Just say it to yourself and give yourself a wink in the mirror. So here is the slightly adjusted list of closers, the addition of Fernando Rodney not only adds legitimacy and tilte to the lefty’s swagger. So have at the list for this week and hopefully we will have some more news or will make up some stuff that’s more interesting in the upcoming weeks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
To answer your first question, no, I am not dead. Secondly, sorry to disappoint you. As we count down the days to draft and when pitchers/catchers report, it’s a virtual ‘pins and needles’ fest for some of the closer battles that could be looming. Some of these battles are going to be very interesting, ’cause battles are awesome and make fools of everyone. Let’s dive into some of those battles, shall we? The Cubs and their smoke-show of a bullpen is first and foremost. Jose Veras looks to be the guy, until Pedro Strop‘s me-mah gets all free paella for every manager named Sveum. The Orioles still really don’t have a closer, and until free agency is kaput, Tommy Hunter is the guy. And the other one to keep an eye on is Colorado… I mean my name is Smokey… so I am firmly entrenched in the bumper crop going on there. LaTroy Hawkins has been called the “closer” for now. I have a feeling that the Rockies, at some point, get all nepotistic and gives it to Rex Brothers. The last situation I would monitor is the effectiveness and trust level that Pittsburgh has with Grilli, who is getting back into the saddle. Mark Melancon is arguably the first non-definite closer for me that is draft worthy over some guys who are low on this list that have the job. So stay tuned conclusionary fans, it’s early and things are always a changin’. Like last year, I will be doing an off-week Holds post to keep all things relievers up to date.Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the trade deadline in the bag and closers moving, we have a lot to talk about. Some of it refreshing like a glass of ice cold lemonade on a summer’s day. Some of it less so like being asked to write something for Lainie Kazan, wondering who Lainie Kazan is and Googling her to find Playboy pics from the 1970’s juxtaposed with her present-day pics. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s one way baseball could take cues from fantasy baseball. Yesterday, the Marlins announced that they’d be going to a closer-by-committee, which puts Steve Cishek in line for saves. If they had a fantasy baseballer (<–my mom’s term!) running their club, things would’ve been different down in South Florida. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
As if pitching in the NL West wasn’t advantageous enough, Troy Tulowitzki and Matt Kemp look destined for the DL. Tulo strained his groin – which is too low or too high for a strain depending on your preference (I prefer to strain a pun). Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
With games like this, who needs healthy elbows? Certainly not Chris Sale. Four score and two dozen ‘and that’s me quoting me’s ago, I posted our AL-Only team. I went on about what a shambles the pitching staff was and how our only bat was Evan Longoria. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Evan Longoria is out for 6 to 8 weeks. Let’s look on the bright side. According to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Longoria has been less valuable than Encarnacion and Aviles at 3rd base. On the less bright side, those guys have been really, really good. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them. Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks. Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess! I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Joakim Soria went from being a $12 Salad to a Donkeycorn to a Brain Freeze back to a Donkeycorn to off the list completely in 12 short months. And if this is the first post you’ve ever read at Razzball, I probably lost you by the eighth word. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?