Fantasy Baseball Advice

Stop the press. Who is that?  Vicki Vale?  Nope.  Ricky Romero, Ricky Romero.  Yesterday, Romero went 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks with 8 baserunners.  Let’s go in the Wayback Machine… Cue dream sequence music, activate wavy screen… Here we are back on April 20th, “(Romero’s) walks are very low (for him), and he’s left a lot of guys on base, so he will see a correction in his future (SMACK!), but his FIP is only 3.86 (now at 4.20).  …Might want to try a little R & R. (POW!) Oh, and get Ben Zobrist right now even though he only has 3 homers.”  And that’s me quoting me and making up a false quote about Zobrist!  Pretty much all that holds true from back in April.  Ricky Romero continues to get lucky with men he’s leaving on base, so that could turn around and bite him at any moment.  But you really should own him at this point, though I wouldn’t start him in The Jetstream next time out.  Slide, slide, slippity slide… The Jetstream!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Elijah Dukes – Frequent commenter, Doc said, “Dukes sent to AAA on Wednesday. Nats host Domestic Violence Awareness Day at Nationals Park on Friday.” Nats seem like they’re going from 5-tool outfielders to 1-tool — Dunn, Willingham… Maybe they can get Jack Cust to play center.

Sean Burnett – Gave up the game-tying homer to Cody Ross.  Welcome to the Washington Nationals organization.  If you wish to excel, you’ve come to the wrong place.  Here you will either fail or be ignored when you succeed.  Don’t bother with the life preservers.  On his way out of town, Dukes punctured them all.

Kelly Johnson – Cox says Prado’s has won the starting job over Kelly Johnson.  Bad year to be a Johnson or a Wang.

Alexei Ramirez – Hurt his middle finger and will have X-Rays.  I’m preparing to give him my middle finger if he’s out for an extended time.

Mike Aviles – Out for the season with Tommy John surgery.  As opposed to, out for the season with terrible stats as he had been.

Justin Morneau – Left yesterday’s game with a slight groin pull.  Isn’t that what they booked Pee Wee Herman on?  Word out of the Twin Cities is Morneau should be okay.

Brandon Webb – Here’s the good news, Webb doesn’t need season-ending surgery.  Here’s the bad news, he’s not scheduled to pick up a baseball any time soon.  Everyone’s talking about dropping Peavy, but I’d expect Peavy to return before Webb.

Josh Johnson – 3 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners and 1 debt of gratitude to Badenhop for bailing him out.  Not to be a nervous Nelly and start putting Band-Aids on my face, but I hope Johnson wasn’t lackluster because of any sort of injury.

Leo Nunez – Got the save, Meyer got the vulture win.  Who ya gonna call? Maroone!

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks.  Continues to pitch much better than his 4.52 ERA indicates.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 Ks.  Would’ve been too easy to take him out prior to the 8th inning when he had only given up two runs.  *shakes fist at sky*  Maddon!!!

Brad Bergesen – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 4 baserunners vs. the Sawx.  High GB %, Low K Rate. Like a featherweight, he doesn’t knock opponents out as much as outlast them and wins on points. That’s serviceable enough if he’s fighting against pushover opponents in friendly confines like the NL West (see Cook, Aaron) but the heavy punchers of the AL East….forget about it.

Koji Uehara – Out with a tear in his elbow.  Punt!

George Sherrill – 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  With the trade deadline less than a month away, Sherrill’s auditioning for the job of Nats closer.

Mike Pelfrey – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks.  Has been terrifically yawnstipating this year, averaging about 5 and two-thirds per start with a 4.26 ERA and 1.44 WHIP and no Ks.

Jason Hammel – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks, 5 baserunners.  Has a 2.13 ERA away from home.  I’ll say it again for the people in the back of the room, 2.13 away from Coors.  Unfortunately, he’s at home for his next three of four starts.

Clayton Kershaw – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit.  Hopefully Kershaw’s niche doesn’t remain these 5 inning affairs.  Don’t want no short stint man.

Juan Rivera – HR yesterday as picks up in July as he was hitting in June, a month that saw him hit 8 homers.  Yes, months can see.

Jered Weaver – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Ouch.  Wait, what?  Oh.  Ouch.

Vladimir Guerrero – 3-for-4, 0 RBIs, has two homers on the year.  Maicer Izturis has 2 homers on the year.  Cust kayin’.

Yovani Gallardo/Adam Wainwright – Dozen Ks and one earned run a piece as they faced David Wright +8 and The Team That Let Bonds Break Aaron’s Record and Now Karma’s Repaying, respectively.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 0 ER.  Ah, it’s nice to be done with interleague.

Jay Bruce – 0-for-3, batting .212 on the year.  I see what he’s doing.  He’s setting himself up to be a sleeper next year.  Pretty sneaky, Bruce.

Randy Wells – 7 IP, 1 ER.  I thought he was done being productive a few starts ago.  Wells obviously thought different.  He has a solid K to Walk ratio and is worth taking a chance on in 10 team leagues and deeper.

Hank Blalock – 2 HRs, now has 16 on the year as he resumes the role of oft-injured 3rd baseman that has to play DH because he’s oft-injured.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Sure, this is about as much as a limb as John Cusack playing a misfit hipster with a strange job who girls like as a friend until he declares his love in some offbeat fashion, but Francisco’s not right.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see Wilson getting saves again.

Was talking to some friends the other day and one of them thought Ichiro Suzuki was the best all around player he had ever seen.  No, he wasn’t Asian or wearing a Buhner jersey.  He made his case — defense, cannon arm, can hit any pitch to any field, speed, etc.  I countered Rickey Henderson was better.  Then somehow it dissolved into how did Bud Selig let steroids ruin baseball.  But when he said Ichiro, it wasn’t a slam dunk, “We’re only on our second pitcher of Molson.  How are you already drunk?”  It was a point to consider.  I guess in fantasy baseball sometimes we forget about how great players were or are and only concern ourselves with the numbers.  Ah… Nostalgia, I remember you!  Well, the numbers say Ichiro is currently ranked 56th for Runs for all outfielders.  Behind some stalwarts as Fukudome, Teahen and Skip Schumaker.  He’s currently ranked 100th in RBIs just behind Joe Thurston.  Hey, he’s got speed though, right?  He has 12 steals.  The same as Vernon Wells.  Ichiro is terrific for average, but that’s only getting you so far.  He’s extremely valuable for average.  If you need a boost there, then by all means trade for him.  But if you’re fine on average or hurting elsewhere, I’d look to trade away Ichiro.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Chad Gaudin – NL West starter?  Oh, Grey must own him. I do, random italicized voice.  But get a load of this, he has an over 9 K/9.  Sure, he could flipping walk Alfonso Soriano and Chris Davis on four pitches.  But so what?  He’s a 5th to 6th fantasy starter.  You’re not relying on him to anchor your staff. (But if you do find your staff is anchored.  Try Viagra.)  Right now he has a 4.04 FIP and a 5.60 ERA, so he can and should be better going forward.  He’ll do you no favors on WHIP, but even if you’re only starting him at home — go for it!

Kevin Correia – I smell a theme coming on, son.  A theme coming on.  Honestly, if Livan Hernandez pitched for the Padres, I’d probably own him in one league.  Correia has a 2.90 ERA in June, about a 8 K/9 and an under 1.00 WHIP.

Joe Blanton – What, no Josh Geer?  Blanton was a 5 K/9 coming into this year.  He’s over 8 so far this year.  Don’t wait for answers, just take your chances.  Don’t ask me why.

Everth Cabrera – SAGNOF!

Scott Hairston – Really hasn’t earned all the pub I’ve been giving him, but he’s batting third yadda yadda yadda.  Okay, now I really have to abandon the Padres theme.

Pat Burrell – Member how hot Luke Scott was a month ago?  Burrell can do the same.

Mike Cuddyer – Could get 2nd base eligibility this weekend in some leagues that only need a few starts.

Leo Nunez – Should get the majority of the saves for the ‘lins.

Dan Meyer – SAGNOF, but he might be just a quality middle reliever.  So those in Holds leagues, HAGNOF!  Actually, Holds do have a face.  And they look like Tackleberry.

LaTroy Hawkins – Valgreen’s may get traded before the deadline, so this could give Hawkins a chance to further shake his Cuddle Boy label.  I’d grab him if you have room.

Wladimir Balentien – With vampires being the zeitgeist right now, it’s only natural that Wlad the Lunchpailer would be a popular add.  Yum, a 4th outfielder and cheese sandwich.  (BTW, isn’t it odd how dated the word zeitgeist is?)

Jordan Zimmermann – You’re showing Jordan Zimmermann, the dealer’s showing John Lannan.  You win.

Homer Bailey – Picture this, Homer’s given up 3 runs, but he’s in line for the win.  You’re ecstatic.  You call your estranged Auntie Marie in Pensacola and tell her you want her at the family reunion.  Then Dusty runs Bailey out there for the sixth inning where he gives up 17 runs.  In archaic words, caveat emptor.

SELL

Grady Sizemore – With the Indians treading water in the AL Central, the smallest setback to Grady’s elbow could shut him down.  He just hit a homer and he looks to be back.  Terrific!  Last week, we said, “If you can trade him for 80 cents on the dollar (say, Alexis Rios, Granderson, Holliday, etc.), do it in a heartbeat…..Crazy that the most Grady player on the Indians might be Shin-Soo Choo.”  And that’s me quoting us!  Now don’t sell him for a can of Coke Zero and a pufferfish, no one said to do that.

Nick Blackburn – More of a hold than a Sell, but I just can’t get behind a pitcher who has 41 Ks in over 100 innings.  He could be great for the rest of the season, but I’m not buying into it.

Scott Rolen - Hitting .330 so maybe some of youse are thinking Rolen’s, um, rolling.  But he has 5 homers and 3 steals.  Who is he?  Crapolanco?  His career average is 50 points below where he is now.  Regression right ahead!

George Sherrill – But he’s practically a donkey-corn!  The Orioles may trade Sherrill and his new destination may not include saving games.

Johnny Cueto – Pimple-faced teenager runs in front of your car, “Watch out, Mister!  Johnny Cueto is falling back to earth!” You stop short and Johnny Cueto falls in front of your car.

Matt Palmer – Thud!  That was Matt Palmer falling on top of Cueto.

Given the plum matchup of the Nationals for his first Sawx start, John Smoltz turned the opportunity into prunes with a 4-run 1st inning. But then he started shaking off the rust and gave up only 1 ER and 3 hits in the next 4 innings. So what can be expect from Ol’ Smoltzy? His move to the AL is a blessing and a curse – a blessing in that many of the hitters haven’t faced him and a curse in that it’s the tougher league. His velocity was good given it was his first start (hitting 93+ MPH on the fastball) and his slider and split-finger had some bite. If he stays healthy, he’s definitely worth rolling the dice on. But you may want to sit him during bad matchups until he has a couple good starts under his belt.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw in fantasy baseball:

Geovany Soto – Was reported that he tested positive for marijuana in the WBC.  Going, Going, Ganja!  To be blunt, Soto had an awful start.  He stunk up the joint.  He left his owners hungry.  Now, he’s smoking like he’s hitting .420.

Russell Martin – If Soto was on pot, what has Russell Martin been on?

Jake Fox – HR yesterday.  Fox is worth owning while DH’ing.  He’s crazy like a fox, which is much better than crazy like a Milton Bradley.

Magglio Ordonez – HR yesterday after he shaved his head.  Hey, it worked for Bruce Willis.

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 6 ER.  Did show up on the list of pitchers who may be in for a correction.  I think he’ll be okay, but he’s not an under 4 ERA pitcher.  You knew that, I knew that.  Let’s move on, shall we?

Johan Santana – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Take that Rick Peterson!

Matt Kemp – 0-for-6 with 4 Ks as he batted 5th.  C’mon, Torre, bat him ninth!

Casey McGehee – HR yesterday as he bats .389 in the last week.  After the game, Zobrist tossed him his jersey as he cracked open a Coke.

Denard Span – Returned from the Dizzabled List with a 1-for-2 game and 3 runs scored.

Hanley Ramirez – It’s been a tough year for NL East shorstops and Hanley came out of the gates quite slow (9/2/12/3/.289).  After a typical Hanley May (21/6/11/5/.359), the first 20 games in June netted 0 HR and 1 SB (despite hitting for average and RBI).  So what’s he done in the past 4 games…just 3 HR, 13 RBI, and a SB!  Now at .335 and on pace for about 25/25, he’s back to his rightful place as the 2nd best fantasy hitter after Pujols.

Cody Ross - The one where Ross hits his 13th homer.

Wade LeBlanc – 1 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Seattle crushed Joey.  Bring in Schwimmer!

Wladimir Balentien – Welcome back to, “Who’s your -laddy!”  Vladimir has two homers, but Wladimir hit his third yesterday.  Right now, Wladdy is your -laddy!

Lance Berkman – 2 HRs, 4 RBIs and 1 steal.  With three hits yesterday, he equaled his total for the last week.  Hopefully he has a solid 2nd half.  The numbers say he should.

Derek Lowe – 3 IP, 6 ER.  Sure would’ve been easier to call this one if he was hit hard against the Red Sox last time out.  Since I said two weeks that he hadn’t given up more than 3 runs in over a month, he’s been rocked twice in three starts.  Lesson learned?  Keep big trap shut.

Jimmy Rollins – Benched for two games because of his .218 BABIP.  Funny that the Phillies are saying it’s a mental break when they’re the ones over thinking things.

Antonio Bastardo – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Fitting name.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I’m so done with NL pitchers in AL parks that I benched Cueto yesterday.  Missed a Win, but avoided a WHIPing.

Alex Rodriguez – After battling “fatigue” early in the week, he rested for two days.  Yesterday, he hit his tenth homer.  Now that’s what I call a power nap!

Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 1 ER.  You deserved this line if you had the cojones to start him against the Sawx.  For those playing at home, and I’m assuming besides our incarcerated readers that’s true of most of you, Zimmermann has 69 Ks and 69 2/3 IP.  Hello, beautiful.

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 2 ER.  Not my style to point out the positive with Lee, but all his Win Karma from last year as gone out the window somewhere on I-90.

Eric Byrnes – Out for two months with a fractured hand.  The hand must’ve felt guilty for signing those checks the past year and a half.

Mark Reynolds – 2 HRs yesterday.  Get on the donkey, donkey!

Joey Votto - 4-for-5, HR, 2 R. 3 RBI.  Nothing depressing about that line!

There’s a few people who are going to understand what FIP is.  The people who scored a 2400 on the SATs.  Or 1600 if you’re old school, literally.  The people who use a Bunsen Burner to light their pipe.  The people who know what is in a Twinkie.  You know, real smart people.  Me?  I just know that Twinkies are delicious.  Luckily, there’s people out there that figure out these highfalutin numbers like FIP and give ‘em to us plain and simple.  Okay, so let’s take a Exhibit A pitcher who has an ERA of 2.75 but his FIP is a 6.75.  A -4.00 difference.  That means he’s been very lucky and there’s a good chance his ERA is going to go way up.  So here’s a list of pitchers with the biggest difference between their actual ERAs and their FIPs. (If your guy’s on the list, it’s not a great sign.)

Kevin Millwood – -2.06 difference.  Surprise, surprise or no surprise, no surprise.  Either way, Millwood has been getting lucky on balls in play, leaving a ton of guys on base that should be scoring and, before yesterday, hadn’t been striking out anyone.  The summer months in Arlington + Millwood = Uh-oh.

Matt Cain – -1.72.  Seems like this guy’s been a sell high guy since his first start of the season.  Here’s the thing, stranding almost 90% of baserunners is SS Minnow-type numbers.  Hold him, and you may end up looking like Gilligan.

John Lannan – -1.71.  Few strikeouts, plenty of walks, Nats pitcher, lucky on balls in play… I think you’ve heard enough.

Johnny Cueto – -1.54. He’s cut his walks this year, which is a good sign, and his FIP is only 4.10 so that’s not terrible.  He’s young and will probably tire as the season goes on so he’s a decent sell candidate, but I wouldn’t move him for an Intellivision, unless old school video games are your thing.

Trevor Cahill – -1.18.  He’s in a similar boat as Lannan.  No Ks, plenty of walks, a team that doesn’t score many…  Blech.

Rick Porcello – -1.14.  He may have a correction in July and August, then, because of his age, he’ll probably get shutdown towards the end of August.  Or he’ll have starts skipped.

Zach Duke – -1.03. His FIP is only 4.21.  You’ll take that mark on the year from Duke and like it.

Joe Saunders – -1.02.  I’ve been saying not to buy this guy since the preseason, so I don’t need to say more, right?

Ted Lilly – -1.02, which is a 4.06 and he’s about a 4 ERA pitcher so that’s not surprising. With his Ks, he’s well worth owning.

Yovani Gallardo – -1.01.  It bummed me out to see him on this list.  He’s pitching closer to a 4 than a 3 ERA.  Luckily, he’s K’ing over 9 batters per nine.  I’d put that in my pipe and light it with my Bunsen Burner any day of the week.

James Lipton recently sat down with Stephen Strasburg and when he asked him what he thought of becoming a Nat, Stephen Strasburg said a’la Brando in On the Waterfront, “Actaaaaaa!!!”  Stephen Strasburg is THE BEST PITCHER EVER.  (Caps were provided by Scott Boras.)  The hype and superlatives of Strasburg have been spewed across the interwebs, so allow me to give you some perspective.  The last seven number one draft picks were Delmon Young, Matt Bush, Justin Upton, Luke Hochevar, David Price, Tim Beckham and Strasburg.  One guy in those seven is currently helping you.  One guy could help you.  One guy grabbed $3.15 million and opened a shaved ice stand in Acapulco.  In 1996, Kris Benson was presumably the best pitcher to ever toe the rubber coming out of college with a 204/27 K/BB ratio.  In 1999, Alfredo Amezaga was drafted one pick before Albert Pujols.  I think Strasburg will help your fantasy baseball team at some point.  I don’t think he’s helping you this year.  In deep keeper leagues, I’d grab Strasburg now.  He’ll be a Nat sooner versus later, but that’s only because the Nats number one pitcher is John Lannan.  In one year leagues, wait until he’s called up.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Lidge – Headed to the DL.  Man, who else strikes out more than a batter an inning, yet looks so vunerable to a meltdown?  I mean, this doode literally will strikeout the side around two home runs.  I don’t think this will necessarily be a lost season for Lidge.  He should come back in July and be ‘just okay.’  Hopefully, for Lidge owners, he gets the closing job back.  I think he will.  Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t own Madson.

Aaron Poreda – Called up by the White Sox.  In Double A, he struckout more than a batter per inning, but he also walked 32 guys in 58 1/3 innings.  Open the Victrola, blow the dust off the scratched record and listen to the B-side of, “Rookie Pitcher/Risky Pitcher.”  In AL-Only leagues, I’d grab him and expect nothing.  In mixed leagues, I’d prefer about 40 other pitchers.

Jordan Zimmermann – Scratched from start with a slightly sore elbow.  So instead of the Reds, he gets the Rays.  Bummer, mann.

David Wright – HR yesterday.  Wait, what? Home run by Wright. Come again? Home. Run. Wright.  Ah, yes.

Metco – 7 HRs were hit today in Bankrupt Bank Field b/w the Phillies and Mets.  While that would be fathomable with Moyer vs. Livan, this was Happ vs. Santana.  Even odder, no HRs were hit at Yankee Stadium.  (It helped that Josh Beckett pitched and that the game was in Fenway.)

J.A. Happ – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Well, the honeymoon’s over and now he heads home to face the Red Sox and the O’s, then he gets the Blue Jays in Toronto.  You gotta know when to hold ‘em… Know when to fold ‘em.  I’m folding.  (Actually sometime between screaming “Screw you” and “Hochevar,” I gave up on rookie pitchers for a few months, so I don’t own Happ anywhere.  But if I did…)

Nate McLouth – Has been batting leadoff for the Braves.  Against righties it makes sense and I could see Cox going to this lineup  more often than not.  It’ll affect McLouth’s ribbies.

Rafael Soriano – Got his fifth save as Mike Gonzalez worked a lefty-heavy eighth.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER.  James Shields, 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER. The answer is… Cueto and Shields.  Who are pitchers that Grey has on multiple teams, Alex?

Ben Zobrist – Hit his 12th homer.  You can’t stop him, you can only hope he doesn’t have his corked bat taken from him.

Elijah Dukes – HR yesterday.  He’s so gangsta!

Pablo Sandoval – 4-for-5, HR and 3 RBIs. 22/5/27/.318 on the season.  I have him on one team where I’m in first.  Did I have him all year?  Yup.  He’s a catcher and I ignore them.  Trust me, catchers don’t matter.  Put someone there and let them be.  In February, I put his projections at 60/14/65/.300 and that’s about where he’ll be in September.

Matt Cain – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER. Obviously not a great start, but as I said in the preseason, he could easily get the run support this year that Lincecum got last year.  Cain’s leading the NL in wins with 8.  He’s still a sell though if anyone’s looking at the sub-3 ERA and thinking he’s been that good.  He hasn’t.

Stephen Drew – HR yesterday.  Batting .393 in June.  I hope everyone held tight on Drew, still a lot of season left.

Mark Reynolds – Hit his 15th homer and is batting .269 on the year.  I have him on every team.  Mini-donkey!

Willie Bloomquist – Citing precedence from the 1700s, Bloomquist ruled in favor of the Royals v. Indians as he went went 3-for-3 with 2 steals.  Then the decision was overturned in the 7th in favor of the Indians.  Rightfully so.

J.P. Howell – Pitched the ninth of a one run game… where the Rays were losing.  Maddon’s obviously using a committee.  Anyone could get the next save.

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-4 with 2 doubles and a steal.  I feel like I should make this a whole post, and maybe I will.  But if you pick up a guy, you hold him for at least a week unless your team situation gets drastically different.  I only say this because someone dropped CarGo in one of my leagues yesterday and I thought it was odd that they grabbed him the day he was called up only to drop him less than a week later.

Jason Hammel – 6 IP, 2 ER and the win.  I picked him up in a deep league for this week’s starts.  Brewers he beat, he gets the Mariners next.  Then I cash out my chips and dump him.

Mat Gamel – HR yesterday.  Interleague’s coming up.  Cust kayin’.

Jose Arredondo – Sent to the minors to figure his shizz out.  From “He’s gotta be the closer” to “He could be the closer on the Nats” in just over two months.

Matt Kemp – Undoubtedly the best 8th hitter right now in the NL.  How does a .310 hitter with 7 HRs and 13 SBs end up hitting 8th behind Russ “0 HR’ Martin and Rafael O-Furcal?  Maybe if Matt dated a nice Italian girl like Alyssa Milano, Joe Torre would hit him higher up in the lineup.

Scott Baker – The Mentalist followed up a 7 IP / 2 ER / 7 H+BB/ 10 K game against the Indians with 8 IP / 3 ER / 5 H+BB / 8 Ks against the A’s.  Doubt he’ll make it through the year without some time on the DL but it might be worth offering up an expendable closer or outfielder in the spare chance he can maintain this Verlander-like month worth of starts (if he keeps getting Indians and A’s matchups, it’ll only help…)

Adam Lind – Hit a homer as a thank you for writing a post about him yesterday.  You’re welcome, Adam.  Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars…

Brian Tallet – 7 IP, 0 ER.  He has too many walks in 74 innings.  It’s Tallet, not talent.

Andre Ethier – 2 HRs.  This came after Manny went into the clubhouse yesterday and let Ethier feel his stomach.  It kicked!

John Baker – Pujols hit him with his backstroke.  Hmm… what were they doing in a pool?  Nevertheless, Baker’s day-to-day.

Nolan Reimold – Another homer.  Yes, he’s better than the schmohawk behind door number 3.

Brad Bergesen – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks vs. the Mariners.  The Mariners lineup looks like an anorexic model with a pumpkin head.

Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 3 ER.  For those who missed the game, Johnson didn’t give up any runs.  The outfield defense for the Marlins is terrible.  Can they please trade Hermida?  He goes back on a ball like he’s wearing cement boots.

David Ortiz – HR yesterday.  Now that he has eyedrops to moisten his eyes, supposedly he doesn’t need to blink as much and can hit home runs. *cough* placebo *cough*  Big Papi’s lack of blinks will probably cost him the lead in the Broadway rendition of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.