Fantasy Baseball Advice

Brandon Webb may miss the rest of the season.  Nothing good comes from drafting a top pitcher.  Nothing, I tell you.  I own Peavy in two leagues, so I’m right there with youse.  Remind next year to revert back to not drafting starters in the first five rounds.  Actually, next year you probably will be able to get Webb and Peavy after the fifth round.  Hmm, that’s a pickle.  Guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Webb was diagnosed with an “Ain’t Getting Better” problem.  Captain Obvious says, “When a guy misses three months, then goes for an MRI, it’s not a good sign.”  I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s shutdown for the year.  But you’ve held him this long, what’s another day or two to hear the full prognosis?  BTW, prognosis is doctor-talk for the 411.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Coco Crisp – Out for the season when his shoulder went snap, crackle, pop.

Carlos Beltran – Out on the 15-day DL.  Now, get this, the Mets say the best case scenario is he returns in 15 days.  Crazy, right?  I wonder what the best case scenario would’ve been if he was out on the 14-day DL.  Or 16-day DL.

Joel Pineiro – Two hit the Mets with one strikeout.  In other the news, Willie Randolph laughs.

Joey Votto – Returned to the lineup after being out for almost a month on the Dizzabled List.  I still think he can surpass Berkman’s numbers this season.  (Doesn’t hurt that Berkman’s having a season for the old ages.)  I’d buy into Votto picking up right where he left off.

Grady Sizemore – 2-for-5 in his return.  I’m not crazy about Grady going forward.  Elbow’s a tricky thing and Sizemore doesn’t seem to have a volume down button on his hustle.

Brandon Inge – Hit his 17th homer yesterday.  Matt Wieters hit his 2nd.

Magglio Ordonez – Liquid Paper, be damned.  Leyland returned Ordonez to the lineup in the 7th hole.  Mags repaid him with an 0-for-2 night, then Raburn eventually replaced him and hit a walkoff homer.  Now Raburn needs to play 2,130 consecutive games then Gary Cooper Jr. Jr. can play him in The Pride of the Tigers.

Kosuke Fukudome – Batted seventh yesterday.  Okay, he’s crizzap.  No argument here.  But he does have a .390 OBP.

Jake Fox – DNP as Hoffpauir DH’d.  The day before Fox hit third.  Piniella’s following the Leyland School of Filling Out a Lineup Card.  One day, they don’t play.  The next day, they hit third.  Following day, sit out again.  You figure it out.

Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-3, batting .297 on the season.  Wasn’t he just batting .415 and carrying Nats Nation on his shoulders?

David Huff – 8 IP, 0 ER.  Now he has a story to tell his grandkids when they ask about his career highlight.

Ian Snell – 2 2/3, 4 ER.  Member when this guy was good?  Think it was the autumn of ‘06.  A burial cave dating back to the 1st century BC was discovered, the Crocodile Hunter met his match with a stingray and Snell won a game.  Good times!

Jhonny Peralta – HR yesterday.  Someone wasn’t happy Khalil was taking all the weirdly placed H love.

Jason Frasor – Got the save.  Frasor and the ‘do split, and it’s now safe to drop everyone else from the Jays pen.

David Price – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER and nine baserunners.  From the comments Razzball received yesterday, I’d say Price’s owners aren’t too happy with him.  I’d look at buying him on the cheap.  They’re zigging?  Zag, friend, zag!

John Mayberry – HR yesterday.  All he does is hit home runs!  No, really, that’s all he does.

B.J. Upton – 2-for-5. .430 in the last week.  .330 in June.  If he hits 3 homers a month for the next three months and continues to steal near his current pace, he’ll go 15/50.

Matt Lindstrom – Mollywopped for three runs in 2/3 of an inning.  Leo Nunez left before that with a sprained ankle.  Those with sprained patience could grab Dan Meyer as he’d be next in line in Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Dolphins/Brought to you by Blockbuster Stadium.  Though I think Lindstrom has a few more closetastrophes in him before we get to Meyer.

Andrew Miller -7 IP, 1 ER.  Nice start, I’m still not buying.

Koji Uehara – 6 IP, 1 ER.  I like him, but would love to see him get out of the sixth inning in one of these games.

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 3 ER.  Even when the start’s good, he chucks in five walks.

Casey McGehee – 2-for-5.  No one else is going to hit for the Brewers?  Everyone’s favorite novel, “Picking Up Slack,” by McGehee.

Billy Butler – 2 homers in the last four games.  That’s one homer for each moob.

Miguel Tejada – 3-for-4, Tay-HA-duh’s still hitting an empty .337.  Say-Blah-duh.

Tommy Hanson – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER.  Sure, you’re annoyed you benched him, but five walks through just over five and nine baserunners isn’t a great start.  Benching him was the right move.

Jorge Posada – Donned the golden sombrero and is now hitting .230 in June.

Hiroki Kuroda – 8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks.  All those starters people DL in hopes of them returning with value and Kuroda will probably exceed them all.  Sure, he gets smacked oops upside his head sometimes, but he’s also lights out plenty of other times.  Grey hearts Kuroda.  Actually, Grey hearts 95% of NL West pitchers not named Jonathan Sanchez.  Fingers, why are you talking about me in third person?  My bad.

Felipe Lopez – 3-for-5 and has hit in 18 of 20 games this month.  But… Wait for it… Here it comes… Is batting .262 in June.  Hey, one-for-fours, say hello to your mother for me.

Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  Six innings and guess how many pitches.  119.  I feel an idea coming on for the All-Star game festivities that involves Scherzer and Kershaw facing off with no bullpens allowed.

Troy Tulowitzki – Two homers as Razzball’s favorite son is back.  Now to get going Razzball’s favorite uncle, Nick Markakis.

Chad Gaudin – 11 Ks.  Wait, huh?  Eleven strikeouts.  Ah, yes, that’s the stuff.

Scott Hairston – Returned from the DL and slid right back into the number three hole.  Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Beltran’s out.  That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie.  Different things.

Sammy Sosa – Claims are surfacing that he altered his jersey to make his arms look bigger.  It was only after team officials convinced him that he shouldn’t leave on the rubber tie-offs that he put on his arms pre-injection.  “But they make me look like The Ultimate Warrior!”

Right now betting on Jimmy Rollins to turn it around seems like a Horn Bet.  Unless Ben Zobrist is rolling the dice.  Rollins is too old, he’s too tired and he’s too… Wait, he’s not blind.  Though his average might make you think he could use some of Ortiz’s eyedrops.  His line on the year is 40/6/27/.225/10.  I just popped a zit onto a mirror and it spelled out, “Blech.”  Rollins’s K rate, ground balls and fly balls are about where they should be.  But, and it’s a J. Lo-sized but, his BABIP is sitting at .227.  That’s way below his career rate.  He’s been caught stealing five times which is a bit disconcerting, but he had 47 steals last year.  You telling me he lost that much of a step at 30-years-old?  Grey doesn’t think so, friend.  His average will pick itself up, his steals will come around and he has 15 homer power.  I don’t buy that he’s suddenly done, which is to say I do Buy him.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in Fantasy Baseball:

BUY

B.J. Frasordo – Grey unplugged, “This is for Cito Gaston.  Frasordo, why don’t you come to your senses?  You don’t let guys hit for the fences…“  Frasor, Ryan then Accardo is the way I’d grab them.  I would not own more than one, unless you’re really hurting for saves.  Get off the bullpen benches, open the gate…  You better let somebody close for you, before it’s too late…

Nate Schierholtz – For full disclosure, I secretly want him to fail so I don’t have to keep spelling his last name.  He’s worth grabbing in NL-Only leagues for some potential, but power doesn’t translate well to San Fran, except for the guys on ‘roids.

John Mayberry – While Raul Ibanez is out, Mayberry will get the majority of the starts.  He’s an all or nothing guy with some holes in his swing.  If you need some pop, give Mayberry a week and soon you’ll be whistling and fishing with Andy Taylor for a new outfielder.

Kyle Blanks – Now Chubb, stick em.  Kyle Blanks, was called up today and commenter, Corey, already gave him the nickname, The Pillsbury Fro Boy.  Ever wonder what Prince Fielder would look like playing outfield?  Check out the Padres.

David Murphy – He’s pretty much useless against lefties, but if you have the luxury of starting him only against righties, he has some decent value in deep leagues.  He’s not going to win you any leagues, but he could fill-in for a hurt outfielder.

Carlos Gomez – SAGNOF!

Casey McGehee – If the Brewers are batting him leadoff, he’s worth a flier in leagues 12 team or deeper to see how long he can stay hot.  Though his minor league numbers are pretty yawnstipating.

Brett Cecil – Worth grabbing just for his Saturday start vs. the Nats.  After that, we’ll need to see if and when he’ll start again.

Matt Downs – The Aints shipped Burriss off to the minors and gave the 2nd base job to Matt Downs.  Shame on you, Matt Downs, for having two T’s in your first name.  Don’t you know one T is all the rage?  This isn’t a Buy as much as a “Wait and See.”  Maybe Downs gets hot for a week or so, but he’s probably in over his head like Michael J. Fox in The Secret of My Success.  If Downs gets/has 2nd base eligibility in your NL-Only league, you can take a look, but I’d expect him to go back to the mailroom rather than sleep with Sabean’s wife and successfully run the Giants front office.

SELL

Brad Hawpe – His homers are down so far.  There’s a good chance he gets traded.  And if anyone thinks he’s going to hit .340 on the year, I have a can’t miss way to make millions from the comfort of your sofa for $19.95.  It will literally change your life!  Now don’t sell Hawpe for a used Hypercolor t-shirt, but I’d explore potential trades.

Nick Blackburn – Mr. Blackburn has a 6-2 record, a 3.09 ERA and a popular list of celebrity fashion don’ts, so why doesn’t anyone own him?  Cause he makes Aaron Cook seem like a strikeout pitcher.  He’s now under a 4 K/9.  That’s pretty terrible.  If you own him, you’re playing with fire, matchstick man.  So when I say Sell here, I’m more saying hold and proceed with caution.

Andrew McCutchen – Your window to trade The Dread Pirate could close at any time.  Ask someone who fielded offers on Bonifacio in the first week of the season.  Though ignore advice to sell him in keeper leagues.

Magglio Ordonez – When an old school manager tells an old player that they’re going to sit, the good ship lollipop is done sucked dry.

Nick Johnson – Averaging 2 homers a month.  Unfortunately, the season is not 20 months long.

Adam Kennedy – His June has been one big grassy knoll.

Jeff Francoeur – After last year’s travesty, you gave him another go and he gave you 28/4/30/.251/4 through two and a half months.  Might be time to say this is as good as it baguettes with Frenchy.