Nothing like starting the week off with some Alice In Chains, amirite? Wait, what am I talking about, I’m the old fogey around here. So what do you want to hear, kids? The Billboard top 100 tells me you might want to hear some guy (band?) named OMI and his song about cheerleaders so lemme go listen…yeah, you can keep that at a comfortable 100 foot distance from me cuz I just filed a restraining order. Alright, checking the top 100 rock tunes…Walk The Moon with ‘Shut Up And Dance’ is a rock song? I mean, I get the guitarist things he’s The Edge but rock? You know, I was right, you wanted to hear some AIC and if you didn’t please leave and don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. Or do, really, I DGAF, that shizz is terrible. Wait, where’d you all go? Damn kids…ok, for those still here, I’m done with the nostalgia bomb and read to talk about Wood. Alex Wood, to be specific. Everyone is going to be scared off and for good reason. Pitcher going from the easiest division for pitchers to one of the best parks for hitters is very daunting but those splits, doe. Orioles don’t sit at the top end of K% against lefties on the year but 22% is no laughing matter when you consider the miniscule 5.5% BB rate. It’s definitely not a cash play call here as Alex has not performed up to expectation this year but if you’re looking for a tourney edge, no one will be on Wood at $7,100 today and there’s K upside here. So go enjoy your rock of choice (caveat: it can’t suck) and play some Wood, could you? Your wallet may thank you for it…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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Since I opened with an odd title, I figure I might as well open with an awkward fun fact! Carbonation in your beer comes from yeast digesting sugar. Think about that for a minute…or better yet, think about what happens after you consume a bean burrito and go swimming. Do you get the general gist, colonel confused? Yeah, I’m just gonna leave that dangling out there. Ponder on ponderers whilst I move on to talking some Patrick Corbin. This will be Corbin’s 4th start of the year as he’s coming back from Tommy John surgery and so far it’s been ‘baseball’ successful, ‘fantasy baseball’ so-so and ‘daily fantasy’ blech. I know, I totally just sold you on him. But the key to this suggestion really comes back to Brewers and their bats and how they seem to have holes in them when facing a left-handed pitcher. For the year, the Brewers have an 81 wRC+ and a healthy 20% K rate on the year against southpaws. Given his surgery, I’m not going to push him for cash but for your tourney lineups, he makes a lot of sense. There’s potential for 6 innings and perhaps 5 or 6 Ks to go along with minimal damage on the basepaths and the scoreboard. Given its a Coors night, that along with his pricetag of just $5,900 could go a long way in helping your LUs. So crack a cold one and put Corbin in your lineups tonight. Just remember that beer carbonation is actually just yeast farts. Sorry, it had to be said but you know beer is tasty and you DGAF. So enjoy those ‘bubbles’ and I’ll carry on with my steaming hot takes for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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At least, that’s what wise men say. Thankfully for both you and I, I’m not one of those…wait, I mean…dammit, nevermind, you know what I mean. I think? Not good to start a recommendation blog off with trepidation but what can I say as I’m going for the unreliable narrator thing. I mean, it worked for Chuck Palahniuk and who doesn’t love the anti-hero Tyler Durden? So while I splice some rated X films into your kids’ movie, lemme tell you a little bit about Chris Rusin. Or better, yet let me tell you about his opponent, the Texas Rangers. Or better than better yet, let me start by saying this: it’s a tourney only call. I know, I know, anything goes in tourneys but hear me out. The Rangers are an impressive offense overall so far this year, especially with how many projected them but there’s one thing they haven’t done well: hit left-handed pitching. For the year, the Rangers have K’d 22.9% of the time vs southpaws and just got sat down by Keuchel on Sunday as he went 7 and struck out 13 while only giving up 2 hits. Would I expect that from Rusin on Monday? Hells to the no, children, but I expect the opportunity for at least 5 to 6 innings and perhaps 7 punch outs. Given the low ownership he’ll garner and the minimal price tag of $4,800, Chris opens the doors to flood your lineup with all of the best bats in the prime spots…ya know, like Colorado, where he’s pitching. It’s a gamble but it’s not one without its merit and I’ll be sure to be the fool that’ll Rusin today. But enough about Elvis love songs, let’s get a little more country. Here’s my ring of fire hot takes for the Monday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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This is a unique time of the year as the All-Star break gives players some extra time off. Those who may have otherwise been placed on the 15-day disabled list will be able to catch a bit of a breather. Unfortunately there were several injuries that forced teams to place players on the shelf, some with six to eight week time frames. Consider this the triage version of the Ambulance Chasers as the lesser injury write ups will wait until next week. In addition to the players on the shelf, there are some replacement suggestions who should be available in most formats as well.

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Today is 7/11! Be sure to go to your local 7-Eleven for the famous thirst quenching Slurpee. Remember to buy an extra one for your enjoyment while watching baseball all day. Take the kiddos with you and you’ll be the coolest dad around. You can tell what my childhood memories consist of. Now that we got that important news out of the way, its time to focus on DraftKings. Over the past three games, the Phillies have faced Kershaw, Greinke, and Bumgarner. Over those three games, they’ve managed to crank out 2 runs. Today, they face Ryan Vogelsong. He’s not the caliber of pitcher as those three, but you have to think the Phillies are deflated today, and are already planning their All-Star break vacation. It’s not out of the question to stack those Giants’ hitters as high as you can as they scored double digits last night. Phillies’ starting pitcher Buchanan has a 0-5 record on the season with a near 9 ERA. But, I don’t know if I’m putting my eggs all in one basket. If I’m playing a big money ‘Guaranteed’ entry, this will definitely be my plan. Click on and check out my other picks for today.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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I saw an article the other day titled, “Brewers: Buyers or Sellers?” Admittedly, I only read the title. I figured I’d save myself some time because the Brewers are in last place, 19 games behind the Cardinals. Maybe the article was talking about the art of selling home brewed beer and had nothing to do with baseball. Buying or selling could be a conundrum for the home brewmaster along with, “What do you tell your wife about why she can’t go into the garage?” “Can you name your beer ‘HeineKEN’ if your name is Ken and other copyright laws?” And my favorite home brewer conundrum, “Skunked or urinated on by the family dog, how can I tell?” Yeah, I’m guessing the Milwaukee Brewers are sellers, which means Carlos Gomez, Gerardo Parra and others are headed somewhere. This will open everyday playing time for Khris Davis. It’s Khrismas in July! *ringing bell* Come Khristian boys and girls and Jewish boys and girls that want to pretend, it’s that special time of year! Why do we care about Davis? Because he has 30-homer power something baseball lost just after they started testing for those pesky PEDs. Right now, Davis is owned in less than 10% of leagues, but I could see that shooting up to 75% owned in the next month if he hits for power and gets everyday playing time as I imagine he will. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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Alex Gordon is out for eight weeks with a seriously strained groin. To add insult to injury, his strained groin was in the smallest colander they could find. Ouch! Sure, in deep leagues, this one hurts. I’m not doubting that. Okay, I am, but let’s stay on good footing today since it’s Friday, and say I’m not doubting it. However (Grey’s cranking the sail and turning this boat around!), Gordon getting hurt in shallower leagues is actually a blessing. Now you can grab hot waiver wire guys and stop relying on boring production from Gordon. Real Talk with Grey Albright. One such guy that I’d grab is Gordon’s teammate and all-around vacuuming chicken, Jarrod Dyson (2-for-4 and his 11th steal). There might not be a bigger value change for one player in the last week, let alone the last month than this one for Dyson. Maybe all year if I can be stupidly hyperbolic without getting called on it. Dyson had the biggest value change since 1925 when Wally Pipp had a tooth pulled and Gehrig got a start at 1st. Dyson had the biggest value change since big pox decided to downgrade to small pox. Dyson could steal 25 bases in eight weeks. No, I’m no longer exaggerating. I’d grab him everywhere I needed SAGNOF! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Yesterday, Carlos Gomez went 2-for-3 with 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homers. Only took until the 87th game of the year for a big game. Maybe I’m a goofy chicken. Maybe I’m a guy that puts feety pajamas on over his head. Maybe I walk into a Subway and ask a sandwich artist, “Do you smell onion?” Maybe I stare at people playing Jenga and try to move the pieces with telekinesis. Maybe I pronounce the D in Django. Maybe I call diner waitresses “Sweetheart” and old guys “Sonny.” Maybe I could be wrong, but — here it comes, Razzball nation — I wouldn’t be shocked by a huge 2nd half from Gomez. Can’t be much worse than his 1st half, could it? Don’t answer. Let’s hold hands and ruminate. Figuratively! Let go of my hand! Last year, his 2nd half was much worse than his 1st half and in 2013 it wasn’t that different, so there’s nothing here historically. What Gomez does have is a track record that had him drafted in the first round in most leagues, and showing next to nothing so far. His ground balls are up (not literally) and his fly balls are down (literally) and he’s making lousy contact. Again, there’s no reason to think he bounces back, but he was nursing injuries in the 1st half, and hopefully he stays healthy. If you have to take a hard way bet and can get him cheap enough, I could see it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Does this happen to people? You’re working on something, and listening to certain tunes and that informs the way you go about your work. I’ve never had a real job in my life, so I don’t know how this works for those. Does a toll collecting juggalo listen to Insane Clown Posse while working and violently throw change back at drivers? Is this why a building’s roof caves in because the construction crew was listening to Because I Got High by Afroman? Or if you were to suddenly change a hitter’s walk-up music from say Next Episode by Dr. Dre (which seems to be at least one hitter’s song on every team) to The Pina Colada Song would that change everything? I don’t know, but I’m a deep thinker, and I saw Johnny Cueto‘s start yesterday and thought he had to be listening to the Silver Jews, specifically this one section, because that gets me so jacked I could jackhammer a driveway with my foot. I took a hammer to it all! *banging foot on cement* Right?! Okay, maybe it’s me. That’s why we’re having this one-sided conversation, to better understand each other. Yesterday, Cueto threw a farkin sparkler — a farkler, if you will — 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA down to 2.61. Cueto’s the bomb dot gov. He’s almost exactly in line with what he was doing last year when he had a 2.25 ERA in 243 2/3 IP. And, if anything, he’s actually pitching better this year, lowering his walk rate from 2.4 to 1.7. For whatever reason, he seems to stay out of the conversation for the best pitchers in the major leagues, but yesterday he took on Max Scherzer (4 2/3 IP, 5 ER) and took a hammer to it all. A hammer to it all! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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The title of this post is more indicative of what the fantasy baseball season does to us than to what this player will do for you. How nutty was week 1? I’m loving drafting Adrian Gonzalez in the 4th round of the Razzball Pert’s league, and pissed at myself for not drafting J.D. Martinez anywhere. I really liked J.D. coming into the year and yet got sniped on him every time I was ready to draft him. Same goes for Matt Harvey. I heart you two and will look to trade for you at premium prices if I must. Wait! What? No I won’t. Yes you will. Okay, maybe I will, but sometimes you have to pay a price to get the toys you want. The bills on my Impala can attest to that. Before I move into this week’s creeper, I want to thank all the commenters that came out for the Easter Creeper. What a great kick off to the MLB season…thanks guys. It was a great opener for the baseball season.

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