When Ike Davis told reporters,”Gag me with a spoon,” red flags were raised. Why was he talking like he grew up in Reseda? It wasn’t the dreaded Valley Fever, was it? Like, oh my god, it might be. Valley Fever, from what I gathered from Google, WebMD and other non-reliable sources, could knock Davis out a week, two weeks, a month, a year or for his career. Yes, there’s a lot of space between best and worst case scenario. Maybe you remember Conor Jackson got Valley Fever and pulled a Kotchman for a year. The kicker for me is the Mets trainers scare the shizz out of me. They once diagnosed Casey Stengel with the flu and he had been dead for seven years. Right now, the Mets are saying it shouldn’t be more than a week for Ike. I’m not moving him down my rankings yet, but if you’re drafting right now, I’d be very cautious. Anyway, here’s some more news going on in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Corey Hart – Had knee swelling and went for an MRI. When the trainer told Ron Roenicke Hart’s issue, he said, “Corey swelling,” and Ron said, “Donna Martin graduates.” The MRI said (figuratively) Hart needs arthroscopic surgery and will miss the start of the season. I’d be surprised if we see him at full speed before the third week of April. Figure, four weeks to recoup and at least one week to go on assignment. It’s a pretty big blow for Corey Hart and everyone that likes to wear sunglasses at night. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings are just about in the bag, but first we look at the top 20 middle relievers for 2012 fantasy baseball. No, next we’re not going to do the Top 20 Guys Who Will Have The Most Balks. Chillax. The only people that seem to pay attention to middle relievers are those that play in a Holds league. That’s wrong, I tell ya. A great way to balance out your ratios is by carrying a few middle relievers on your staff. (BTW, Ron Jeremy can carry three middle relievers on his staff.) Say you had Francisco Liriano last year and he mistook your team’s ERA for his toilet, but you also had Jonny Venters. With just Liriano, you had the 5.09 ERA dump to clean up. With Venters and his brand new toilet brush, you had a 3.81 ERA. If you also carried Tyler Clippard, you had a combined 3.24 ERA. Not to mention, you had 5 vulture saves. 9 junky wins. 8 maids o’ milking. 7 Gary Matthews Jr.’s leaping. Oh, and your WHIP went from Liriano’s 1.49 to 1.19 and had an additional 200 Ks. Okay, school’s out, Alice Cooper. Now, with that said — yes, I pulled out the “with that said” — this middle men post is for 5×5 leagues where you want to handcuff your closer to potentially snag some saves and get good ratios. I projected Holds for these guys, but they are not the top 20 Holds guys. They are the most valuable when you consider vulture saves, Ks and ratios. Anyway, here’s the top 20 middle relievers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On the heels of the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball — or heals if you’re talking strictly about Huston Street and Andrew Bailey — comes every closer for 2012 fantasy baseball. This is the post you’ve all been waiting for since earlier this morning! Sorry to put you through that hour and a half of anguish/anticipation or anguishipation. You were a melancholy soul. But now you’re happy — yay. It’s still Monday funday! There were quite a few moves this offseason with closers relocating to greener pastures, or in some case, just different pastures. Maybe that’s best expressed through the cliché mash-up — the grass isn’t always greener pastures. Andrew Bailey moved, Mark Melancon moved, Ryan Madson moved, Huston Street moved, Heath Bell moved, Rafael Betancourt moved into the closer role, Sergio Santos moved and Joe Nathan moved. A regular ol’ closerousel that we haven’t see the likes of since Tony La Russa retired (technically, that’s correct; though not exactly that long ago). Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jonathan Broxton is out with elbow pain. Andre Ethier is out with an inflammed elbow. Since Casey Blake has a staph infection in his elbow, him, Broxton and Ethier must’ve rubbed elbows. It’s an idiomatic joke! Dodgers Fever. Take some penicillin! If this elbow thing was being passed around the Dodger clubhouse any quicker….Alyssa Milano would get royalties! Ah, you knew that was coming. That’s what Alyssa said! With regards to junk-in-his-trunk Broxton, I’d grab Padilla then Kuo. I think both should be rostered in every league for right now. Wouldn’t be surprised if this week it’s Padilla then Kuo takes over for two months. In deep leagues, I’d even grab Kenley. He should be back shortly. As for Andre the non-Giant, he should be fine, but he’s been known to take a 15-day stint at a Beverly spa now and again. BTW, yesterday, Jay Gibbons hit 3rd. He can’t even see! The Dodgers first three hitters were Gwynn Jr., Aaron Miles and Gibbons. I’d rather have Cincy’s Triple-AAA lineup with Sappelt, Frazier, Alonso and Mesoraco. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now at a 4.93 ERA on the year. Just as I drew it up when I drafted him to be my not-so-flashy-but-solid contributor to my fantasy teams. Maybe I spent too much time breathing in the air in Port-a-Johns when I was younger, but I think Lilly’s still gonna end the season with a 3.70 ERA. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zack Greinke fractured his rib while playing basketball. Word is he jumped from the free throw line and tried to dunk over the Brewers’ 2011 expectations. Prince Fielder would’ve missed the shot before looking bad. Since we just drafted Gallardo, I’m glad he doesn’t play hoops with Yovani. Greinke will miss 3 starts, so take him from 220 IP to 200 IP or the equivalent of 3 rounds, or $20 to $16 in 12 team mixed leagues. (BTW, Point Shares for AL-Only and NL-Only have been added.) In my top 20 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball post, I was already pretty realistic (read: not crazy optimistic) with Greinke so I’m not changing my projections or ranking. I.e., I do what I do, you do what you do and together we do what we do. Anyway, here’s some more news for fantasy baseball:
Corey Hart – Was already avoiding him in all leagues this year and now he has a sharp pain by his strained oblique. I wouldn’t touch him with your team. Hart’s hoping his trip to the doctor can figure out what ails him. Never surrender, Corey Hart! Please, blog, may I have some more?
For the first time in over two years, Jonathan Papelbon is no longer a $12 Salad. I know, call your Congressman. Pass Prop 12. There’s been signs for a long time that he wasn’t the same closer from 2007. I didn’t want to move him because he seemed like the epitome of a $12 Salad. Overpriced lettuce? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley was placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb and he might need surgery. This injury opens up a big gaping hole in his owners’ hearts that can only be filled with junk food and hardcore drugs. Utley may not have been playing his weight in pomade, but at least you had him out there. At night when you crawled into your Michelob-scented bedsheets, your head hit the pillow knowing that if nothing else Utley was healthy. Looks like you’re going to have to dust off the “Sounds of the Ocean” CD you used to help you sleep when your wife left you. Phillies will turn to Wilson Valdez, Juan Catastrophe and Brian Bocock, whose surname is bad enough without me altering it. Hopefully your options are better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Placido Polanco – Crapolanco also heads off to the DL. Too bad because he was leading David Wright in All-Star votes for 3rd base. Hold on, whaaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? If his vote tally goes up while he’s on the DL, I’m gonna suggest players can’t vote for themselves. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On May 23rd, Jason Heyward was scratched with a sore thumb. Seems harmless, right? As they say in Norway, “A-ha! (Best group ever.)” Turns out he has a strained ligament in his thumb and is headed to the DL. Member when I said I dropped him about a month or so ago? In your face fantasy baseball gods! (It was a shallow, no bench league, stop judging me for dropping Heyward. I can feel your stares.) Since May 23rd, Heyward has a line of 16/2/12/.210/2. If my math is right, that’s not a good month. No wonder he dodged the Strasburg bullet train last night. He’s scurred, Mystikal. Okay, I do really like Heyward, but this thumb injury could linger until the offseason. Not a great sign. He may not revisit his mollywhopping, pony stick ways until into The One-One. For those doing a bid in redraft leagues, DL him if you can and hope the rest helps his sucky thumb. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Has a poor xFIP, a terrible K-rate and a meh walk rate. It’s not a trick, it’s an illusion! Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Brain Freezes lived up to their names last month. With Jenks, Hoffman, Gregg, Dotel, Lidge, Funklin Morales, Qualls, Perez, Wood and Simon all putting dry ice on your fantasy baseball team and then shattering it. No one ever said owning Brain Freezes would be easy, but does it have to be this hard? Can’t I just Ron Popeil my Jenkses and Hoffmen and let them be? No, of course, I can’t. It would be too easy. I come from the school that if a guy has a chance to earn even one save, I’ll own them. Sometimes this yields 6 saves from Alfredo Simon, other times this yields 12 earned runs in a third of an inning from Will Ohman. Please, blog, may I have some more?
As I was thinking about Rudy going off and getting married, I needed a good cry, so I burned myself a sad song CD. Rather than try and find 15 songs that all had the same sentiment, I just put Why Can’t I? Please, blog, may I have some more?