Fantasy Baseball Advice

Holy hell, it’s July already, cue the fireworks. Roll the stock footage of Bill Pullman from Independence Day, except make it sound cool with a nice fantasy touch, “This week we celebrate our wins above replacement day!” This week’s list is littered with crafty lefties and dudes who wear pseudo-athletic glasses, which are also cool for squash. The season is getting interesting and I can’t wait for the first shoe to drop in the trade market. Why that expression makes any sense is beyond me, because shoes are supposed to be on the ground anyways so why would we wait for them to drop? Any the who! Good luck on this week’s fantasy endeavors, and don’t eat too many hot dogs. (Please keep in mind the pitchers and matchups change.)

One Start Options:

7/6
Jason Vargas @ Oak – Cahill
Dustin Moseley @SF – Bumgarner
Tyler Chatwood vs. Det – Penny

7/7
Derek Holland vs. Oak – Harden
Joe Saunders @ Stl – McClellan
Cory Luebke @ SF – Zito

7/8
R.A. Dickey @ SF – Vogelsong
John Lannan vs. Col – Hammel
Jordan Lyles @ Fla – Vazquez

Mike Pelfrey (@LAD vs. De La Rosa, @SF vs. Cain) Ugly ERA on the road. Mets are tattooing the ball right now and scoring a crapton of runs. Needs to avoid the dreaded big fly to have any success.

Vance Worley (@Fla vs. Nolasco, Atl vs. Lowe) It’s been years since a Vance had fantasy value, Law in ‘88 is the best I can think of. Before that it was Cousin Vance on the crappy Dukes of Hazzard years. Been effectively lucky, BB’s will be his only downfall.

Paul Maholm (Hou vs. Myers, CHC vs. Zambrano) Loves the perks at PNC, home ERA just over a deuce. Put the win/loss record aside and look deeper. I just wish the ‘Burgh had money to make a splash, because to me they are just on the cusp and need a big bat.

Chris Capuano (@LAD vs. Lilly, @SF vs. Lincecum) Another Met pitcher, another HR magnet. Pitched decent in May even better in June, it’s now July so I guess it’s either Vegas or bust.

Clayton Richard (@SF vs. Lincecum, @LAD vs. Lilly) It’s hodgepodge on opposite day. The epitome of a whiptard. Usually shows up every other week for a start that you shouldn’t have sonavabenched.

Charlie Furbush (@Ana vs. Pineiro, @KC vs. Hochevar) Top 5 all time names in sports. Detroit need to infuse some potential into there starting rotation. Averages over a K /inning in the minors. Dudley Dawson said it best, “We’ve got bush!”

Brian Duensing (TB vs. Price, @CHW vs. Buerhle) Pitches just well enough to keep himself on this post. Nothing that jumps out and says “Hey, you’re fantasy worthy,” and I’m here to say you’re correct. Typical low end 2 start worthy guy who flounders on wire.

Joel Pineiro (Det vs. Furbush, Sea vs. Hernandez) Look up. You see what I wrote for Duensing? Okay, do the same with Joel but read it right handed.

Chris Volstad (Phi vs. Hamels, Hou vs. Rodriquez) He’s a groundball wizard. Gets himself into trouble when he tries to K too many. ERA lower by a run a half at home, unfortunately the Marlins just plain stink.

Brett Cecil (@Bos vs. Lester, @Cle vs. Carrasco) Went to the minors to build up arm strength. Translation to fantasy:  he was awful and not hurt. Potential is there to be decent, better to get in on the bottom floor for free, just needs to build quality innings.

Can we stop talking about how running into the catcher is “not” part of baseball? It’s getting really old and stupidity is bleeding from every multimedia channel. If Matt Treanor, or Misty May for that matter, got run over and injured this would be a blip on the radar for baseball. All I can say is I can’t wait until the Marlins and Giants play again and settle their differences with a good ol’ donnybrook. Baseball settles its differences between the lines, and all this talk about how one of the prodigal sons of baseball got hurt is a snooze fest. I am old school when watching this game.  If you don’t want to get hit, don’t stand on the tracks when the train is coming through. Okay, rant over. There seems to be lots of speculation going on in the game right now. Who will be buyers and who will be sellers. This has some rippling effects on fantasy as guys switch leagues and make AL/NL only leagues scramble for FAAB bucks. Should be a fun next month of real baseball and hope that it relates well to fake baseball. Good luck on this week’s fantasy endeavors. (Please keep in mind that match-ups and pitchers may change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

6/8
Danny Duffy vs. TOR – Villanueva
Paul Maholm vs. ARI – Duke
Josh Outman @BAL- Britton

6/9
Josh Collmenter @Pit – Karstens
Jonathon Niese @ Mil – Gallardo
Derek Holland @ Min – Blackburn

6/10
Dillon Gee @ PIT – Morton
Jason Marquis @ SD – Latos
Ryan Vogelsong vs. CIN – Wood

Rick Porcello (@Tex vs. Harrison, Sea vs. Hernandez) Has gotten numbers to look healthier against bad hitting teams, now re-read who he is playing this week. Strugglin’ against LH, but away ERA is a cozy 2.39.

Joel Pineiro (TB vs. Price, KC vs. O’Sullivan) Still gunning for that milestone win. K’s are nonexistent basically. Nothing cures offensive ills better than a good ol’ swig of O’Sullivans.

Freddy Garcia (Bos vs. Lester, Cle vs. Tomlin) Anyone remember Freddy from the old Yankee stadium who used to bang on his pot and have funny limericks on a sign? Yeah, this isn’t him. WHIP is still bad, but lineup chases all evil flying monkeys away.

Mike Leake (CHC vs. Lopez, @SF vs. Sanchez) Not for nothing, but wasn’t he Kelly Leake’s dad in the Bad News Bears? Cincy’s lineup makes him look better. Going to win a lot of 8-6 type ballgames.

Clayton Richard (Col vs. Mortensen, Was vs. Lannan) Low end 2 starts for the front man of the new “Petco Shop Boys.“ ERA at home is far superior. Rinse and repeat for next guy.

Tim Stauffer (Col vs. Jimenez, Was vs. Zimmermann) East end boys and west end girls. Sorry have that song stuck in my head now. Run support is awful. I like Richard’s 2 opposing pitchers better.

Javier Vazquez (Mil vs. Greinke, Ari vs. Kennedy) He is about as good at fantasy as Wilt Chamberlain was at monogamy. K potential is there….somewhere. Look closer it’s wearing a red striped wool hat, oh my bad I lost track of where we were.

Matt Harrison (Det vs. Porcello, @Min vs. Swarzak) Blisters be gone. Was good to start year, then had to change the sheets. Last 4 starts are back on the Matt Foley path. Away ERA at 2.53. Hope the medication he got from Washington isn’t habit forming.

Jon Garland (@Phi vs. Oswalt, @Col vs. Jimenez) Ugh and Yikes. Nice to see ya, Jon. See you in a week when you’re actually semi-rosterable. Bottom of barrel, bars closing, grab any girl situation here.

Felipe Paulino (Tor vs. Morrow, @Ana vs. Santana) My odd ball of the week. I had some preseason love for him in Colorado, fail. Change of scenery has so far has been mmm-ok. If your digging this deep you prolly need a shovel and some lime.

Week 7 brings us the beginning of the uselessness that is interleague play. Why? For the simple reason that teams like to keep it fresh for money purposes:  it’s some weird marketing technique to gain new revenue. I am not a fan of the unnatural geographical match-ups. This causes all types of lineup havoc for teams with a strict DH guy on American League teams. So enjoy some shuffleboard with Papi and Vlad — that should be a cruise line slogan. Even though both those teams are home…you get my point. So with that being said, lots of two start options this week as all 30 teams play 7 games. This is a good week to muscle up and grab as many two start guys as possible. Why you may ask? Patience, and don’t yell! There is no yelling in the dojo. The pitching has been dominating the hitting so far, so why wouldn’t it continue in games with opponents they don’t see very often? There, you’re welcome for the secrets. Good luck this week on all fantasy baseball undertakings. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and match-ups may change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

5/18
Tom Gorzelanny @ Nym – Gee
Bud Norris @ StL – Lohse
Bronson Arroyo vs. Pit – McDonald

5/19
Chris Narveson @ SD – Harang
Tyson Ross vs. Min – Blackburn
Philip Humber vs. Cle – White

5/20
Jason Marquis @ Bal – Arrieta
Travis Wood @ Cle – Tomlin

Ivan Nova (@TB vs. Shields, NYM vs. Niese) Got lambasted by KC.  That lineup glimmer I’ve previously mentioned with Yankee starters? Yeah, he has it and a special decoder ring given to him by Jetes.

Joel Pineiro (@Oak vs. Anderson, Atl vs. Hanson) Two quality opponents to see if Joel is for real. Tiny numbers not just this year, but click 2010 stats. Yeah, minus an injury he would be worth it. BAA is a meager .224. Some regression, but would you take a 3.70 ERA from a waiver wire add? Yeah, me too.

Rick Porcello (Tor vs. Drabek, @Pit vs. Maholm) Kid grew up like 5 mins from me, 20 if I walked on my hands. Hasn’t allowed more than 2 ER since before tax day (that’s 5 starts if anyone doesn’t have an abacus handy). ERA 2 runs better away.

Charlie Morton (@Was vs. Zimmermann, Det vs. Coke) Two Jersey guys in a row — it’s a Jersey thing… you wouldn’t understand. RH batting .161, unfortunately LH are hitting “Teddy Ballgame” off him. ERA drop at home to the tune of 2.5 runs.

Jon Garland (Mil vs. Wolf, @CHW vs. Danks) The fantasy baseball version of a Doozer, down in Fraggle Rock. 12 wins and ERA around 4. Seems like he has done that for oh, say a decade. 2.77 ERA away from Chavez.

Jason Vargas (Min vs. Duensing, @SD vs. Stauffer) More exciting time on Sunday in SD? Go to the zoo and flip off the monkeys or watch Seattle play the Friars? Yeah, I know it’s a trick question.

Jesse Litsch (@Det vs. Coke, Hou vs. W. Rodriguez) I thought Conan shaved his beard… What is he doing pitching for Toronto? The last Jesse that I swore by ran moonshine and his nephews drove a Charger with the doors cemented shut.

Homer Bailey (CHC vs. Garza, @Cle vs. Carrasco) Remember that girl from high school who used to tease you all the time with niceness? She teaches a class for that now and Bailey is the valedictorian. If you already picked him up, make sure you have a DL spot available.

Jonathon Niese (Fla vs. Nolasco , @NYY vs. Nova) Hey, I could have mentioned Pelfrey, but look at his match-ups and tell me who you would rather face. xFIP says he is getting hosed by a run.

Paul Maholm (@Was vs. Lannan, Det vs. Porcello) Gets zero point zero run support to help his 3.60 ERA. What did u expect…. he plays in Pitt. Home ERA at 2.76. Is a photo negative of Morton.

Week 6 is here, subtle rejoice. Some top minor league guys are getting the call, the closer situations on some teams are still an enigma wrapped in a TLR sandwich and some elite pitching has returned. Now is the time to start gambling on guys that have either underperformed or you have a hunch about. Hunches win fantasy leagues. After all, this is just like playing the lottery, although I have never seen the lotto girl pull an oblique calling the winning numbers. So good luck on all of this week’s endeavors.  Here are the pitching options for the week to come. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and match-ups change.)

ONE START OPTIONS

5/10
Homer Bailey @Hou – Myers
Rick Porcello @Min – Blackburn
Joel Pineiro vs. CHW – Peavy

5/11
Scott Baker vs. Det – Coke
Brandon Beachy vs. Was – Lannan

5/12
Jon Garland @ Pit – Morton
Ivan Nova vs. KC – O’Sullivan

5/13
Gavin Floyd vs. Oak – McCarthy
Wade Davis vs. Bal – Guthrie

Travis Wood (@Hou vs. A. Rodriguez, StL vs. Carpenter) Shows glimpses, then gets pummeled. Gets two starts unless Dusty out smarts us all and uses 6 starters. God forbid he gets out-crazyed by Ozzie.

Jason Marquis (@Atl vs. Hanson, Fla vs. Vazquez) Last start showed the worst case scenario. Is he as good as his first 5 starts? Hell to the no. When healthy he is an innings eater and those, from what I hear, are delicious.

Josh Tomlin (TB vs. Niemann, Sea vs. Pineda) I will lay it out for you nice and simple, he is 3-0 at home. I still think it’s a magic show getting it done. Pitching a run and a half better than his xFIP.

Kevin Correia (LA vs. Lilly, @Mil vs. Greinke) Anyone else notice that the Buccos are pushing .500? 17 wins all of last year on the road, 11 already this year, Oh, and guess what, Correia is 5-0 on the road.

Jake Arrieta (Sea vs. Pineda, @ TB vs. Price) ERA 1.50 lower on the road and lefties are hitting a robust .187, “It’s murda.” No, it isn’t. It is batting average against, but thanks for stopping by JA.

Vance Worley/Joe Blanton (@Fla vs. Vazquez, @Atl vs. Hanson) Mr. Blanton, that is the entrance; you are required to use the exit. Nothing from Worley’s minor league numbers say he should be this awesome. Maybe the four aces are rubbing off on him. Blanton is scheduled to throw a bullpen on Saturday so either starter may get the nod or each may get one, sharing is caring I guess.

Chris Capuano (@Col vs. Chacin, @Hou vs. A. Rodriguez) Watched entire start against SF, a better hitting team would have made it ugly. Seems very predictable. Decent lone star start, in the mountains not so much. Is a left handed Whippopotamus.

Freddy Garcia (KC vs. Davies, Bos vs. Beckett) Played Joe the policeman, on the “What’s goin’ down” episode of That’s My Mama. NY lineup gives anyone a little glimmer, hangs in the same “bloat” as Capuano.

Ted Lilly (@Pit vs. Correia, Ari vs. Collmenter) Lots of talk about him, being added/dropped. He is a 12 win 4 ERA 1.3 WHIP pitcher. To me that spells a perfect number 5 starter in any fantasy league. Ted Lilly rant over, return to your regular scheduled programming.

Jason Hammel (NYM vs. Pelfrey, SD vs. Latos) My secret inside voice tells me he is the best pitcher on the Rox right now, than Chacin’s inside voice texts mine and tells it like it really is. ERA is higher at home, lefties hitting around a deuce.

Scott Podsednik traded to the Dodgers.  Call ‘em The Podsgers!  Should be convenient for his wife — much closer to the Playboy mansion.  Or so I read in an article in Playboy about Playboy while not looking at the pictures.  So Pods comes to L.A. because Manny’s never coming back?  They really needed a pinch runner?  Not really sure what the playing time will be for Podsednik once Manny’s healthy, but I guess he could see three days a week.  He’s definitely going to see his time cut from his days on the peasant Royals.  That’ll give him more time to worry about what Lisa’s doing now that they’re in a city where the most eligible bachelor isn’t a barbecue rub salesman.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Roy Oswalt – Looks to be headed to the Phillies.  All the deal needs is his approval.  I think if the Phils throw in a tractor, Roy will be a go pitcher.  Hello Wins, Goodbye Houston.  I’ll go over this move further this afternoon if it does indeed clear and doesn’t become a Cliff Lee to the Yankees move.

Shane Victorino – As first reported here after being read elsewhere, Victorino did end up on the DL.  Which makes room for the one and only… The King of Swing… The Man Whose Upside Makes It Almost Worth Learning How To Spell His Name… The Bastard Child You Wish Your 17-year-Old Daughter Had…

Domonic Brown – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs as he was called up by the Phillies.  I just went over my Domonic Brown fantasy.  Click the link and it transports you there.  It’s magic!  Grab Brown now (how, cow?) for his upside.  Plus, you can change your team name to ‘Under Domonic Possession.’

Stephen Strasburg – Of course he was shutdown for a few days.  I’m surprised the Nats were even able to write the press release to announce this while wearing those kid gloves.  For those in H2H leagues, it could work out for you if he misses a few starts now then pitches in September.  And that’s how you look at the glass half full!

Andres Torres – 4-for-6 with his 10th homer.  Is it me or am I talking about this guy every day?  I think I am.  Know why?  Because he’s doing something every day.

Juan Uribe – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs.  He has 14 homers on the year.  Uribe’s one of those types that is fantasy relevant all year, but if you hold him all year you probably feel like you’re not trying hard enough so you pick him up and drop him a dozen times and his stats on your team look like crizzap.

Brian Wilson – 1 IP, 2 ER as he blew the save.  It must’ve been the shoes!

Brad Mills – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  For the low, low price of facing the O’s, you too can look like a major league pitcher!

Ben Zobrist – Left the game with lower back stiffness, which is less embarrassing than lower front stiffness.

Carlos Lee – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  Too bad Carlosly only modifies your team once every two weeks.

Bud Norris – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He has 85 Ks in 80 IP, which is purdy, but I can’t recommend him outside of NL-Only leagues.  His ratios look like the bathroom in Slumdog Millionaire.

Joey Votto – 3-for-5, 2 Runs, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer.  Domo arigato, Joey Votto.

Brandon Phillips – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer and 12th steal.  Is it me or do guys that get around 20/20 seem to move their homers and steals up together?

Travis Wood – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  His 0.96 WHIP and 33:10 K:BB in 37 2/3 IP isn’t too shabby at all.  Hard to grab him in too shallow of mixed leagues, but he gets the Pirates next.  Argh, that’s not bad.

Trevor Cahill – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  First dominating start against a tough offense all year.  His owners should hope that doesn’t mean he’ll now go to pieces vs. the Royals next time out.

Michael Wuertz – He came in for the save!  Then gave up a run and was removed for Breslow!  For those keeping score at home, I’m dropping Wuertz in all of my leagues.  Bailey should return in time for the A’s next game.

Jason Bay – Could still go to the DL for his concussion.  We just have to collectively think positive.  Please DL him.  Please.

Johan Santana – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 14 baserunners, 2 Ks as he let everyone beat him, including the first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Carlos Beltran – 2-for-5 with his first homer in, like, three years.  If anyone thinks this is a sign, you should trade him to that person.

Garrett Jones – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  Robot Jones came, Robot Jones saw and Robot Jones didn’t feel anything because he’s a robot.

Huston Street – Could return today to the closer role.  One guy who won’t be closing is Manny Corpas, who entered the game in the 3rd inning.  Unless the guy from Memento was managing.  Matt Belisle and Joe Beimel could see saves if Street can’t return, in that order.

Joel Pineiro – Out for 6-8 weeks with an oblique strain.  Maybe they can now trade him to the Diamondbacks for Justin Upton.

Will Rhymes – 2-for-5 as he played his fourth game in a row though that may change with the Peralta rental.  He still hasn’t run, but if Will’s playing he should be rhyming and stealing.

Jhonny Peralta – The Detroit Tigers were obviously embarrassed by the Matt Garza no-hitter.  So much so, that they traded for the man whose bat is almost as silent as the H in his first name.

Luis Valbuena – Was recalled with the trade of Peralta.  He was hitting in Triple-A (6 homers, .313 in 96 ABs) and could add some pop at MI.  Though I wouldn’t pick him up until I see something first.

Brian Duensing – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Last year in 72 1/3 post-All-Star break innings, he had a 3.36 ERA and 2.78 in September.  I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I talk about him.  He is a Duens… Duens… Duens… Duensing machine.

Chone Figgins – Hit his first home run of the year as they let him bat from 2nd base.