Fantasy Baseball Advice

How’s everyone holding up without baseball every day?  I don’t know what to do with myself!  Yesterday, I wandered into a Starbucks and told the coffeerista about Billy Butler for 2010.  She told me where to find Manic Panic hair dye so I could dye my roots blue (which is a great gospel group, but stick to My Roots Blue’s first two albums).  We’ve gone over the final 2009 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters and the top 20 starters.  Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

21. Jered Weaver – Is it me or does he look like a guy whose talent should be blowing snot rockets further than anyone else? Weaver struggled a bit vs. lefties last year (.276 BAA) and in the latter half of the year (Post-All-Star Break 4.47 ERA).  Preseason Rank #37, 2009 Projections:  14-9/3.75/1.25/160, Final Numbers:  16-8/3.75/1.24/174

22. Joel Pineiro – Unranked in 2009 and will probably be unranked again in 2010.  105 Ks; blech!  I’m sure I can think of at least 40 starters I’d prefer over a thirty-one year old pitcher with around a 4 K/9 who was entering their walk year.  He should donate a third of his next year’s salary to Dave Duncan’s favorite charity, Feed The Children, Namely Chris and Shelley.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  15-12/3.49/1.14/105

23. Clayton Kershaw – There’s nothing I love more than a pitcher who might be undervalued because of bad Win Karma.  He only won 8 games, bleh! Bleh, yourself.  Don’t worry about wins.  Almost as exciting as watching people avoid pitchers based on a low win total is watching people draft starters because they won a lot of games.  Pitfall, Harry!  Preseason Rank #47, 2009 Projections:  11-6/4.20/1.40/140, Final Numbers:  8-8/2.79/1.23/185

24. Johan Santana – Some may write it off as just one of those years for the Mets.  Saying they had the inverse Midas touch like anyone from a reality show in anything other than a reality show.  Unfortunately, Johan’s K/9 continued to fall in 2009, his walks rose, his BAA and WHIP went up.  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  18-6/2.95/1.12/210, Final Numbers:  13-9/3.13/1.21/146

25. Edwin Jackson – A 2.52 ERA before the All-Star Game vs. a 5.07 ERA after.  February Grey is going to have to put on his aluminum foil hat to figure out if Jackson was simply a fluke in the first half or if he finally reached his potential only to then lose it again.  Preseason Rank #70, 2009 Projections:  11-9/4.50/1.50/120, Final Numbers:  13-9/3.62/1.26/161

26. Yovani Gallardo – Here’s another guy that had some ugly first and 2nd half splits.  On July 30th, Gallardo had an ERA of 3.13.  That was followed by August and September ERAs of 5.24 and 5.51 respectively.  The Brewers tried to limit his innings towards the end of the year, obviously they should’ve shut him down on July 30th.  By the time they did shut him down, I think it might have been just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.  I’m pretty sure I’m avoiding him next year.  Preseason Rank #33, 2009 Projections:  12-6/3.50/1.25/150, Final Numbers:  13-12/3.73/1.31/204

27. J.A. Happ – Happ confounded me.  Confounded I tell ya!  He really didn’t seem like he should’ve been as good as he was.  Remember, Rudy said he dropped Happ in his NL-Only league?  That wasn’t just Rudy coming off an all night bender or reading misinformed tea leaves.  Happ just doesn’t seem like he should’ve been as good as he was.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  12-4/2.93/1.23/119

28. Scott Baker – Here’s someone who actually got their shizz together as the season progressed, dropping his ERA by over two full runs in the 2nd half.  He did get hit pretty soundly by righties, which, frankly, is not terrific.  Preseason Rank #52, 2009 Projections:  12-6/3.95/1.22/150, Final Numbers:  15-9/4.37/1.19/162

29. Bronson Arroyo – Talking about someone who got their act together in the 2nd half, Arroyo wasn’t ownable in the 1st half (5.38 ERA).  In the last three years, he now has a pre-All-Star Break ERA of 5.39 and a post-All-Star Break of 3.06.  Guess who’s going to be a buy on July 1st, 2010.  Preseason Rank #63, 2009 Projections:  12-10/4.25/1.40/150, Final Numbers:  15-13/3.84/1.27/127

30. Tommy Hanson – For fear of a roofie, I didn’t own Hanson in any league.  Turned out Hanson was not only ready to make the jump t0 the big leagues, but he was ready to dominate.  He didn’t even tire as the season went on, putting up a great month of September and a solid final start of the season.  For Hanson, it was mmmbop, indeed.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  11-4/2.89/1.18/116

31. John Danks – At 41, I ranked Danks a lot higher in the preseason than most ‘perts because I saw something in Danks.  What I didn’t see was a pitcher whose homers, walks and luck would go up.  It was a mirage of a season in 2009. Preseason Rank #41, 2009 Projections:  14-10/3.90/1.28/160, Final Numbers:  13-11/3.77/1.28/149

32. Ryan Dempster – I just hate pitchers two years after they go from relieving to starting.  My rationale is they’re rested the year after relieving so they’ll pitch better than expected, while two years after they’ll pitch tired from being stretched out the previous year.  Didn’t seem to bother Dempster, but it still hasn’t swayed me otherwise.  Preseason Rank #45, 2009 Projections:  9-7/4.50/1.35/120, Final Numbers:  11-9/3.65/1.31/172

33. Randy Wells – Unlike what we saw with Hanson, here’s a rookie pitcher that did seem to tire as the season progressed.  Not to the point where he was unusable, but it was still there.  His WHIP (1.65 in September) started to move towards his minor league numbers with his BAA at .311.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  12-10/3.05/1.28/104

34. Gavin Floyd – Last year, I was wrong about Floyd as I said in the preseason, “Everything from last year points to him having more luck than stuff.  In fact, CHONE’s projections for 2009 has Floyd at a 5.05 ERA.”  And that’s me quoting me quoting CHONE!  Yeah, CHONE wasn’t the only one.  Wasn’t much to get excited about with Floyd.  His 2008 looked like an outlier.  In 2008, his FIP was 4.77 to a 3.84 ERA. Then, this year, his FIP was 3.77 to a 4.06 ERA.  What do you know, Floyd’s playing with us.  Preseason Rank #56, 2009 Projections:  12-11/4.50/1.32/140, Final Numbers:  11-11/4.06/1.23/163

35. Scott Feldman – There wasn’t any point this season when I would’ve picked up Feldman.  His value is coming mostly from great Win Karma.  Commenter, “Grey you said you needed wins in a few of your leagues, so shouldn’t you have picked up Feldman?”  Grey, “Um, yeah, I guess, technically, durrrrrrr.”  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  17-8/4.08/1.28/113

36. Matt Garza – I liked Garza in the preseason but didn’t end up with him on any team, because as is my wont — it’s my wont, ya’ll! — when choosing between two pitchers, I take the NL one first.  So Garza got passed up for the likes of Cain, Josh Johnson and/or The Wandwagon. Preseason Rank #38, 2009 Projections:  14-10/3.50/1.25/140, Final Numbers:  8-12/3.95/1.26/189

37. Chad Billingsley – Bust!  I saw a much better season coming from this schmohawk.  Guess this teaches us a very valuable lesson, don’t ignore Verducci.  I will love Billingsley again next year.  Major bounce back coming.  Preseason Rank #13, 2009 Projections:  16-6/3.35/1.33/200, Final Numbers:  12-11/4.03/1.32/179

38. Jorge de la Rosa – I may not have ranked him the preseason, but, as it turned out, you didn’t want to draft him in March anyway (5.21 ERA pre-All-Star Break).  I did plead with you like a bittie in the BK Lounge to pick him up in the middle of the season when you should’ve picked him up, so we’re good.   Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  16-9/4.38/1.38/193

39. Mark Buehrle – Hmm… Even the month he pitched his perfect game, he only had an ERA of 3.92.  Usual shizz with Buehrle, not great, not terrible.  Preseason Rank #82, 2009 Projections:  13-10/4.00/1.35/120, Final Numbers:  13-10/3.84/1.25/105

40. A.J. Burnett – I had serious doubts about Burnett putting together back-to-back seasons of 200 innings since he had never done it before in his career.  Congrats, Burnett, now go tug on your ear.  Preseason Rank #26, 2009 Projections:  13-9/4.15/1.30/140, Final Numbers:  13-9/4.04/1.40/195

Tim Hudson is on track to make a rehab start.  If all goes well, and that if is ginormous, then he can return to the Braves for their failed chase for the Wild Card.  Recovering from Tommy John is usually the same no matter what, shorty.  Pitchers usually return to three-quarters of their former selves or they can become seven-fifths of their former selves, which is to say they can be better.  Though they’re not usually better when they are first reactivated.  They usually return slightly less than three-quarters.  If you’re half as confused by those fractions as I am writing them, let me break it down to you, nice and simple like Minnie Pearl.  Tim Hudson’s worth stashing on your DL for matchups, but the upside is merely usable in 12 team leagues.  Don’t expect miracles.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Baker – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  He shows you some solid starts, then he shits your house.

Michael Cuddyer – 4-for-5, 2 HRs and 19 homers on the year.  The quietest 19 homers anyone has in the majors.  Oh, wait.  Jason Kubel also has 19 homers.  Meanwhile, some schmohawk who’s batting .219 for the Sox is ESPN’s lead story.

Carl Pavano – 7 IP, 0 ER in his debut for the Twins on Saturday.  Still not a huge fan of 4th or 5th fantasy starters from the AL, but Pavano should be slightly better on the Twins.  I wouldn’t pick him up in most leagues, but there might be a situation where it makes sense.

Brian Matusz – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners as he roofied you. Remember that when you read about Derek Holland’s great start in about three minutes.

Marco Scutaro – HR yesterday as he went 4-for-5. Has 10 homers and 8 steals and a .300 average.  Somewhere Polanco says, “Hey, that’s my season!”

Trent Oeltjen – 3-for-4 and a HR yesterday.  Sometimes it takes a few weeks for pitchers to get the scouting reports on guys.  Worth grabbing The Outback while pitchers try to figure him out.  Keep in mind he looks like he’s sitting vs. lefties.

Yusmeiro Petit/Joel Pineiro – 4 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners and 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks and the Win.  Guess there’s only room for one -eiro.

Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday.  For those that don’t own the Mini-Donkey.  He now has 8 homers in the last 10 games.  He’s real and he’s spectacular.

Aaron Cook – Will miss his next start because of turf toe, which would’ve been avoided if God gave us all Nerf toes.

Carlos Gonzalez – 7 for his last 15 as he started every game this weekend for the Rox.  I doubt they start him vs. lefties, but in deep leagues he’s worth a flier.

Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  Solid start, just Johan outpitched him.  I just had a crazy idea, imagine Johan pitched his home games in a stadium as spacious as Petco… Oh, wait.

Eugenio Velez – 2-for-4, after hitting homers in back-to-back games on Friday on Saturday.  No idea how he hit those homers, I’m assuming 120 MPH winds were blowing out and they let Velez hit from 2nd base.  Either way, he’s batting .400 over the last seven games.  He’s really just steals, but while he’s hot he’s worth a flier.

David Weathers – Heads to the Brewers.  Now the Brewers have Tackleberry (Weathers), Guttenberg (Braun) and Hooks (Fielder).

Felipe Lopez – 1-for-3, batting .303 on the season with 6 homers and 6 steals.  Marco Scutaro just looked at those numbers and yawned.  Steal a base, Lopez!  Hit a homer!  Do something!

Russell Branyan – HR yesterday as I sat him because he was facing a lefty.  Sonavabench!

Matt Diaz – HR yesterday vs. a lefty and batting .350 on the year vs. lefties.  If you have the room, Diaz do what he do vs. lefties.

Derek Holland – Complete game shutout, 8 Ks.  Go back and look at Matusz’s line if you’ve forgotten.

Garrett Jones – 1-for-4, you have three games in Coors to hit a homer then we’re done-zo.

Jed Lowrie – Headed to the DL.  In other news, Julio Lugo’s batting .345 for the Cards.

Alexei Ramirez – HR yesterday.  Let’s put it this way, I’m not dropping Alexei (though I might in mid-September when anything goes), but Alexei has a long way to go before he falls into that category of guys I won’t draft on any team next year.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Honestly, even when I said everyone should draft him in February, I had no idea the Wandwagon could roll like this.

Scott Kazmir – What a fucker.

Rajai Davis – 2 steals yesterday.  If you need steals, SAGNOF!

Bobby Crosby – 2 HRs yesterday.  Elias Sports Bureau said these two homers by Bobby Crosby were the most by any player that you thought was no longer in the league.  Actually, they did not say that.  But overheard this week at the Elias Sports Bureau offices, “For the first time since last year, Ralph in Human Resources tried to fool Parking Enforcement with a homemade handicapped sign.”

Sorry, but I’m going to open the vent for a millisecond.  Let’s go back to Stupid May Grey.  I was a point or two in front in one of my leagues, had a solid outfield of Adam Dunn, Carlos Quentin/Beltran and Rasmus.  I was within striking distance in steals and the news just came out that Jose Reyes would miss a few days, but avoid the DL.  I traded Dunn and Theriot for Reyes.  THE NEWS LIED!!!  I’ve filled in with Beckham for Theriot so no great loss there, but my outfield’s been shambles since — currently rocking Luke Scott, Fukudome, Teahan and the corpse of Carlos Quentin.  This is all thanks to Jose Reyes.  I know, this is the world’s smallest violin eating a burrito with a side of tears.  BTW, Jose Reyes is probably out for the season.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Luis Castillo – Injured himself walking into the Mets cemetery dugout.

Nelson Cruz – Was injured on the final play of the game on Monday.  Choose your own fantasy baseball report… One report says he’s day-to-two-days away from action.  Another report says he’s a day-to-two-days away from a 15 day vacation.

Bobby Jenks – To the hospital to have kidney stones removed.  Be cool if they removed a pet rock.  Thornton, Linebrink or Dotel, in that order, will probably fill-in for him.

Ryan Zimmerman – Day-to-day with a sore shoulder.  He should massage it with some coriander, cumin and a brine solution, Guy Fieri says that’ll cure any shoulder.

Geovany Soto – Due back today or tomorrow.  Oh, dubya-E-hockey sticks, guess The Jakie Foxx Experiment™ behind the plate isn’t happening.  A ‘pert can dream.

Vladimir Guerrero – If you saw him yesterday on crutches, that’s because he was activated from the DL.  The three stages of Vlad:  Wheelchair – DL, crutches – DH, pronounced limp – playing outfield.

Scott Baker – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks.  He’s been terrific in his last four starts. As terrific as this commercial?  No, but close.  (If you can watch that commercial less than 10 times, you have more willpower than me.

Yusmeiro Petit – 8 IP, 1 Hit, 4 Ks, if it wasn’t for Ronny Cedeno, he would’ve had a no-hitter.  See, those trades are already playing off.  Petit gets the Nationals next time out.  Must… stop… myself… from… picking…. him… up.

Ryan Roberts – 4-for-5, 2 HRs yesterday and a movie star name from the 1950s.  He has sneaky 10/10 potential, but probably not worth it outside of NL-Only leagues.

Krispie Young – HR yesterday, which was also his first hit in the last 7 games.  I miss you, Krispie.  Get well soon.

Garrett Jones – 0-for-4, Where’d you go, friend?  Is this about me putting you in the Sell category two weeks ago?  I’m sorry.  Come back, friend.

Brian Matusz – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Great debut, and he’ll be a great one as the Mariners root for him to do much better than Tillman.  I’d still look to move Matusz.  His (the Orioles’) schedule in September is terrible and he’s still a rookie who’s prone to big ups and downs.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, the same day he appeared in my FIP post.  Who’d a thunk it?  Well, I guess me kinda.

Dan Uggla – 1-for-1 with 4 walks.  Without looking it up, I’m going to say that’s a personal record.  And the Nats only gave up 2 other walks in the game.  Not really sure what any of that means, but I found it fascinating.  Oh my God, I’m turning into Jayson Stark.

Jason Hammel – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  A 2.67 Away ERA.  Even away games that you think you shouldn’t start Hammel in, he pitches well.  (Besides, of course, his Metco disaster last week.)

Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 0 ER.  They might not all be as gravy as this start, but I’d own him in all leagues at this point as it’s hard to argue with 107 Ks in 102 1/3IP.

Gordon Beckham – HR yesterday.  Batting over .400 in his past 7 games.  Entrenched in the 2 hole.  Give me your password and I’ll pick him up for you.

Derek Holland – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Ah, the tale of the rookie pitcher is told again.

Rajai Davis – Since he has full-time duty, he’s hitting over .400.  Yesterday, he stole 2 bases.  SAGNOF!

Will Venable – HR yesterday.  Get a load of Will.  He’s vying for Garrett Jones’s spot in the roundups.

Yovani Gallardo – 5 1/3 IP, 9 ER.  Ouch… Wait, what?  Ow.

Evan Longoria – 2 HRs yesterday.  As David Wright impersonates Chone Figgins and Mark Reynolds impersonates a toasted sandwich bearing an image of Babe Ruth, Longoria will still be my top 3rd baseman next year barring unforeseen injuries, though I would like to see him steal a bit more.

B.J. Upton – 1-for-5, 4 Ks as he was dropped to 7th in the order.  Just get to 12/45 and you’ve done your job.

Johnny Cueto – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  I sat him yesterday.  Yay! (<–sarcasm)  I hate having pitchers I can’t start ever.  I might be dropping Cueto in a 16 team league, and, trust me, when I drop someone in a 16 team league, there is no one to pick up.  Dustin Nippert anyone?

Tom Gorzelanny – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  That’s nice.  I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.

Albert Pujols – 2 HRs, 5 RBIs.  Maybe he’s feeling Mini-Donkey breathing down his neck.

Joel Pineiro – 5 IP, 7 ER.  April came and went and you chalked Pineiro’s hot start up to a fluke.  May came and went and you figured any day now Pineiro would breakdown.  June came and you thought maybe April and May were real.  July flew past and you had it, enough was enough, you had to pick him up.  I mean, his next start was against the Mets, for deity sakes.  It was the most elaborate Punk’d ever.  And he got you.

Felipe Lopez was traded to the Brewers yesterday.  This further cements Casey McGehee’s backup/utility/schmohawk MI behind door number 3 role.  McGehee was a Sell on Friday and someone in the Milwaukee brass obviously read that.  Felipe Lopez will prolly bat leadoff and primarily play 2nd base.  He might get a few more Runs, but his value pretty much stays the same.  Right now, Lopez has a 6/6 line on the year.  This will put him in line for the middle infielder that everyone looks at late in next year’s drafts and thinks, “12/12 on the year?  I’ll take that at my MI spot.”  Then by June you’re thinking about how yawnstipating it is.  I was as guilty as anyone in the preseason thinking Lopez had a 20/20 season in him and, at the age of 29, maybe he does, but it sure doesn’t seem like it’s coming this year.  Going to the Diamondbacks were Cole Gillespie and Roque Mercedes, who were both featured prominently in Buena Vista Social Club.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Cla Meredith – The groundball pitcher, Meredith, went from the Padres to the Orioles for Oscar Salazar, the groundball hitter.  Let the trades begin!  Meredith now becomes the go-to Cla in Baltimore replacing Senator Clay Davis.  I have to get one guy out in the 8th inning? Shiiiiiiiiiiit!

Ramon Hernadez – Done for 4-6 weeks with knee surgery.  Luckily, you don’t need knee surgery so you can punt him.

Mark Grudzielanek – The Twins signed him in a textbook, “What were they thinking?” move.  Maybe the Twins GM lost a poker game.

Nelson Cruz – Has a small fracture in his ring finger.  Supposedly, he should be able to play through it.  Though Cruz’s longtime girlfriend is seeing it as an omen.

Jason Marquis – 8 IP, 1 ER.  Won his 12th game yesterday.  The Marquis de Shat leads the majors in Wins.  And you wonder why I say Wins are unpredictable.

Mat Latos – 4 IP, 2 ER.  Held to a conservative 75 pitches.  Not ideal scenario if the Padres are going to handle Latos with guantes de niños.  Still worth owning in NL-Only leagues and leagues deeper than 12 team. (Relevant of nothing, was watching the ESPYs while I wrote this roundup.  Was waiting for Samuel Jackson to say, “These are some tasty goddamn highlights.“)

Franklin Gutierrez – 2 HRs and 2 steals this weekend.  Even if you only start The Big FraGu against lefties, he really should be owned in all leagues at this point.

Johnny Cueto/Yovani Gallardo – Both threw 6 innings of 3 run baseball allowing 11 baserunners each.  Unfortunately, I considered these solid starts for both of them at this point.

Jonny Gomes – HR yesterday off a righty.  With Bruce suffering from Wristie No Attachie, Jonny Cat could see a healthy amount of ABs and have value.  In deep leagues, definitely worth owning for his starts vs. lefties, if nothing else.

J.A. Happ – 7 IP, 0 ER.  The J.A. stands for jackass, as in what I am for telling everyone to drop him two months ago.  Mea culpa, my brother.  But this start was away and I’m still not crazy about starting him at home.

John Lackey – 9 IP, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Lackey hasn’t been a great 2nd half pitcher in the past, but since he’s only thrown 13 starts so far this year, maybe he’ll avoid the slump.  Then again, he only had 11 starts pre-All-Star break last year and still wasn’t great in the 2nd half.  Way to shoot holes in your own example, Grey.

Brett Anderson – 8 IP, 2 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Now has thrown 21 consecutive scoreless innings. Once again, when a pitcher’s hot, you own them.  When they’re cold, you discard them.  Hot — own, cold… You got it.

Matt Kemp – 3-for-3, HR and 4 Runs yesterday.  As Kemp, Ausmus and Kuroda show the Dodgers who the real 1-2-3 hitters are.

Alfonso Soriano – Homers in back-to-back games.  Could hit 15 homers in the 2nd half.  Take it to the bank!  But put it in one of those short-term, tax-free vehicles like a municipal bond.

Jake Fox – HR yesterday in his first start since the All-Star break.  Doesn’t figure to get regular ABs, but if you can afford to bench him when he doesn’t start and play him in daily leagues when he does, it could pay off.  If only Milton Bradley would get hurt already.

Gregg Zaun – HR yesterday, too bad he’s blocked by Matt Wieters.

Jeremy Guthrie – 8 IP, 2 ER.  Well, it took 3 months, but my favorite 6th fantasy starter might finally be coming around.  He could have a good month in the tank, though I wouldn’t start him next time out vs. the Sawx.

Jose Contreras – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  As I pointed last week, “In May of last year, Contreras had a 2.09 ERA in over 43 innings.  In June, he had a 6.83 ERA.  In his last 43 and 2/3 innings, he has a 2.06 ERA.  Beware of a correction in the road.”  And that’s me pointing out the uncanny!  Jose Contreras, The Best Random Forty-Three Innings Pitcher In Baseball.

Joba Chamberlain – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  Cool, now give me ten more starts exactly like this and I’ll stop cracking on your Moms.

Billy Butler – 4-for-5, no runs and no RBIs.  He’s batting .294 on the year with 8 homers.  By next year, he’s Youuuuk.  It’s called a hunch, people!

Joel Pineiro – 7 IP, 1 ER.  As I said a week or two ago in the Buy/Sell, Pineiro’s a must own at this point.  I know, up the down staircase, Sandy Duncan, but as my fifth grade teacher would say, don’t wonder why, just do or die.

Ian Snell – Lights out in Triple-A, but has said he doesn’t want to return to the Pirates.  If other Pirates hear they have the option of Triple-A, they might have a mutiny.

Ian Kinsler – Sticking with the newly-established Ian theme, 2 HRs yesterday for Kinsler.  Ron Washington says he’s going to give Kinsler more time off in the 2nd half to keep him fresh.  Too bad Ron Washington’s not the manager of my local Indian restaurant.  The Chicken Tikka Masala’s been off recently.  I think the chef needs a rest.

Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Sawx.  After the game, the Yanks reportedly offered their entire farm system for Halladay’s services.  The Mets inquired to see if he can play 1st base and bat third.

Yunel Escobar – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs with his ninth homer yesterday.  If he didn’t have a corner man’s speed (3 steals on the year), he’d actually be intriguing.

Angel Pagan/Luis Castillo/Daniel Murphy – The Mets 1-2-3 hitters.  The Comatose Mets Fan just OD’d on painkillers.

Fernando Nieve – Left yesterday’s game with a leg injury.  Jon Niese should take his place in the rotation.  Score one for the guy that stitches the last names on the jersey.

Taking his name from the Telemundo reruns of Kojak, Ubaldo Jimenez currently has a 3.86 ERA, a 3.33 FIP (Fielding Independent Pitching) and a 3.71 Away ERA.  Chuck in a 7.63 K/9 and a schedule right after the break of either away games or easy matchups.  In the 2nd half last year, Ubaldo had a 3.68 ERA and almost a K an inning.  I’d grab him (and not start him at home vs. the Braves or any other tough matchups at home).  Is Ubaldo going to win you a league?   Doode, I don’t even know your league.  Ubaldo is not just a cute name.  No, sir (or sire, if you’re a time traveler), he’s a matchups pitcher!  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Jorge de la Rosa – Hey, it’s all about the Rockies pitchers.  Sweet, I always wanted to lose my fantasy baseball league!  What, no more Padres hitters? Cute, random italicized voice.  He has a 3.89 ERA Away from Coors and he strikes out more than one batter per inning.  If you’re in a daily league, he’s worth a spot for matchups.

Dexter Fowler – 4 steals in the last week.  SAGNOF!

Franklin Gutierrez – In a week that saw the actor that played The Big Ragoo wash ashore with a DUI, The Big FraGu hit 2 homers and batted .429.  He’ll hit for some power and run with some speed while singing & dancing.

Rafael Furcal – He’s been on fire lately.  If you’re hurting at SS (and who isn’t), you might see if you can get him for cheap.  Though at this point any Furcal owner is probably holding onto him for their dear life, praying they get some production for where they had to draft him.

Andruw Jones – Ah, he’s playing again with a smile.  Actually, he always played with a smile, which I think was part of the problem.  Too much, too soon and all of that.  He was kinda like a child actor for baseball players.  Hopefully he avoids the methadone clinic.  Then again, Hamilton’s done okay for himself.  Jones is worth a pickup in all leagues while he’s hitting to see how long it lasts.

Homer Bailey – Maybe, possibly, perhapsly Bailey’s finally, ultimately, in the endly showing the signs of his promising promise. (The preceding was written by a high school student who just discovered a thesaurus.)

Marc Rzepczynski – The consonant monger had a great K-rate in the minors and is worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Garrett Jones – I went over him in last week’s Buy/Sell.  I refuse to go over a Pirates prospect again.  I have me morals, argh!

David Price - You held him for so long and now you’re going to give up on him?  Do you remember why you were holding him?  Patience, grasshopper.

Ricky Romero – Why isn’t he owned in every league?  Just give me your password and I’ll pick him up for you.

Paul Maholm – Keeping with the theme of pitchers you never thought you’d want to own, Maholm’s ERA is 4.60 and his FIP is 3.52.  His career 2nd half ERA is 3.95.  He’s allergic to strikeouts and as exciting as corduroy pants, but he’s worth a flier if available.

Joel Pineiro – What would a post about pitchers who are valuable that you don’t want to own be without Pineiro?

Brandon Morrow – Don’t forget about domani!  He’s worth owning in every league, but I’d still play matchups for now.

SELL

Mark Buehrle – Objects on your fantasy baseball team are better than they appear.

Derrek Lee – Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite game, Fantasy Baseball, Fun With Numbers.  Ding, ding, ding… Bassoon… Triangle!  Triangle!  Triangle!  Cow bell!  More cow bell!  One last ding. Player A) 38/16/58/.304, Player B) 38/16/53/.279 Player C) 37/14/45/.283/1  Player A is Paul Konerko, B is Lee and C is Kendry Morales.  I’m not saying trade Derrek Lee for a cup of Beef Vegetable soup, but if you can get a worthwhile piece and can grab a Konerko or Morales-type off waivers, it’s worth exploring.  Remember, he’s Derrek Overbay to those in the know.

Russell Branyan – Wasn’t that long ago that I had him as a Buy.  Well, times change.  People, besides Joan Rivers, get older.  And Branyan’s hitting .161 in July.  Not saying to drop him, but you’re holding a 33-year-old who has a career .237 average in almost 2300 ABs.  His average will continue to slide.

Colby Rasmus – I’m a big fan.  He’ll probably be the Rookie of the Year.  But right now he’s on a week or two binge where everyone’s telling you to Buy him.  Let’s not lose sight of the big picture here.  He’s a 20 homer rookie who gets benched against lefties.  I told you to buy him in May because I knew he could do what he’s doing, but you don’t buy him now.  You sell him now.  As in trade him, don’t drop him.  You need alligator blood when the bettor check raises to you.

Jose Contreras – In May of last year, Contreras had a 2.09 ERA in over 43 innings.  In June, he had a 6.83 ERA.  In his last 43 and 2/3 innings, he has a 2.06 ERA.  Beware of a correction in the road.

Jair Jurrjens – On May 22nd, I said, “Jar-Jar’s a lot closer to a 3.75 ERA pitcher, instead of a 1.96 ERA.  His Ks are low and his luck is high.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Since that faithful day when my Sell post intersected with Jurrjens, he’s gone 2-5/3.86/1.42/43 in just over 53 innings.  That’s much closer to the pitcher he is.  Sorry, but at least I didn’t title this post, “Jar-Jar Sinks.”