Crabs gon’ eat, whether you like it or not. The best advice I can give is move out of the way when they come through your town. If they request buckets of your finest chum, drop it on your porch and back away slowly. From east to west, from north to south, and every where in between, Crabs inhabit this fine land. They might be your UPS driver, insurance agent, or state senator. They’re your husbands, friends, and neighbors. They are a secret society of highly intelligent fantasy baseball masters, and Samurai’s of the comment section, prepared for battle at the drop of a hat. I am of course discussing the inhabitants of Razzball’s own 30 team dynasty league The Razz30. It’s been a month of elite level play, with several teams still in the hunt for the 4 playoff spots in the AL and NL. Our trade deadline came and went on Monday, and there was action galore up until the last bell. As we close in on the end of our first year of independence, I’m glad to report that the state of the league has never been stronger. To all my smooth gooch rocking, white monster drinking, thirsty villains, get out the spreadsheet. Claws Up!!!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Shades of Freddie Freeman… Pedro Strop might want to hire security for his home in San Cristobal, Dominican Republic because bitter Nationals fans are going to be hurling lots of huevos from Trea Turner‘s broken wrist. Nationals fans are an interesting lot to begin with. Many of the people who attend Nationals home games are transplanted fans of other teams who are only in DC temporarily for business or pleasure. I went to a Nationals game once where a woman was reading and knitting the entire time. I don’t think she witnessed a single out. Back on track! Trea! Of course his amazing stats are only told to you AFTER he is set to miss about two months. In June he had 22 stolen bases. 22. By himself. And yes, I did list Trea as a bust in the 2017 Razzball Writers Predictions. But here’s what I wrote to Jay as justification: “Turner has skills—no doubt. But he has less than 1,000 at bats since he entered professional baseball in 2014. He is going to be this year’s Carlos Correa—drafted in Round 1 or 2 and not earning back that cost.” Steals will be there. Runs too. Everything else? Ehhhhhh. Stash or Trash: Stash. Please. Fill In: So there is no replacing 22 stolen bases in a month. But you know that, right? Hell, over the last 30 days there are only 4 players with over 10 stolen bases. So I’m going to recommend one of them: Cameron Maybin (61.9%.) This is more of a shallow league add, but he’s one of the few players that can even give you part of Trea’s stats. Maybin is always a risk to find himself in an issue of Ambulance Chasers, but right now his 24 SB and 49 runs aren’t bad.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The last week of the spring always breeds injuries, demotions, and the occasional leap frogging. Or in some cases, Dusty is going to be simply be Dusty. But I will get to that little blurb in a few. So with the injury news to T.T., the Red Sox order is now Joe Kelly, Matt Barnes, and then maybe Bob Stanley. Joe Kelly is the interesting name here because I always thought he was at least in the conversation for the secondary chair behind Tyler. This is interesting because if, and only if, Kimbrel goes down, the man on the spot may very well be Joe freaking Kelly. The same guy that said that he could win a Cy Young last year. Adjusting to a newer role is always a tough spot, even though he appeared in 14 games as a RP last year. His K-rate spiked, his walk rate halved, and his ability to be touched for hits disappeared. Not unusual for former starting pitchers, but this was kind of a drastic change from what we saw as a starter. He is not the second coming of Luke Gregerson circa 2012, but is a fine enough arm with enough quality in it to garner the counting stats needed in Thorny’s stead. Let’s see what else is happening in the set-up facet of the game and update the final preseason Holds chart before the games actually mean something…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Before we jump right into this draft recap, let’s go over a little bit of background about the league and its details. This isn’t like the typical RCL 5×5 rotisserie league we often talk about in this space. LOEG is a 10×10 head-to-head keeper league, with 10 teams and four keepers per team from year to year. The league has been around for something like ten years and has been graced by the presence of yours truly for the past five.
Since the categories, scoring, and rules are a little different in this league I’ll break down all the details below. I think it’s important to break this down a bit first because not only do I want to bore you to death, but I want you to have all the information while you are going over the results and making fun of my team in the comments section. Anyway, here we go:
Razzball Commenter Leagues are open! Play against our contributors and your fellow readers for prizes. Join here!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye. Until then baby, are you going to let them hold you down and make you cry? Don’t you know? Don’t you know things can change, things’ll go your way, if you hold on for one more day.
That music of genius was brought on by a smooth impromptu karaoke session in a West Boston saloon. It was me and Ralph and a girl who was paid by the dollar to talk to us about her kid. It’s all a true story. Fun times were had, and at the time I didn’t realize how correlative the song was back then to this particular stat category and one that is by far my favorite to talk about. Funny, it only took a Wilson Phillips song on the drive home from work to reminisce about Boston, Ralph, and relief pitching. I love the stat, not everyone uses it, but I still love it nonetheless. If your leagues uses it, cool, well I will be your every other week destination for giving you the low-down on the hold situations going across the MLB. So get comfy, with a week to go until Spring Training starts, and the full extent of the 2017 season yet to play. You will get sick of me, in say… 30 weeks. So get comfy on your favorite porcelain fantasy reading chair and welcome to a brand new year!Please, blog, may I have some more?
As the season draws nigh, and it comes to the point in the season when we here at Razzball use words like nigh, verisimilitude, or even rancorous. Don’t ask me what the meaning is, because I could barely spell them without my handy speak and spell. The whole gist of this discussion is to basically look at our roster and think diversification. Look at the bullpen pieces that currently occupy one or several of your pitcher spots. I say this because we all want counting stats at all times, and in a manner… this is why come the end of the year, it is very sexy to have guys who have multiple pitching eligibility for the off chance your don’t have a starter going in a spot or on an innings limit. These fellas help out in K’s, rates, vulture wins, and since we are here for the holds, they do them too. Listen, this isn’t a new thing or a crazy theory that I concocted in my basement after painting too man model airplanes. Though, the thought process after that is kinda cloudy and sorta fun? So here is a rundown of the guys with some dual eligibility late in the fame to aide in your fantasy quest. Cheers!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Felix Hernandez hit the DL with a calf strain. He could veal it during his last start. Sounds like a good injury to milk. Sorry, I was just shaking out the pockets of these jeans I wore last night and I had a bunch of unused cow puns. What’s a dad cow’s poop called? Pa-nure! Take it, Highlights, it’s yours! So, James Paxton was called up to replace F-Her, who is likely going to only miss a few weeks, but Paxton could continue to get starts if he’s good. So, can Paxton be good? Is there’s twelve posts in post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-hype sleeper? Paxton has shown flashes of brilliance with his 94 MPH fastball but the M’s have wanted Paxton to improve on a bunch of pitches and he’s already 27 years old, so is improvement coming? Well, he had a 3.97 ERA in Triple-A this year and Steamer projects him as a streamer, so I have no faith whatsoever. Speaking of faith, yesterday Paxton gave up runs like his character gave out marriage proposals. Looking at his line is like looking at Chloe Sevigny — 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 unearned runs. Paxton’s like when Picasso stood up from the toilet. He’d look down and say, “That’s a work in progress.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Sonny Gray hit the Disgraceful List with a combination of ineffectiveness and Grey calling him a preseason schmohawk. My schmohawks: Schwarber, Pollock, Gray, Tulo and Sano. If I were Sano, I’d move into the giant bubble that Tulo is apparently living in to still be healthy. Seriously, if you were placing odds in the preseason on which one of those would hit the DL, Tulo would be 10 to 1 odds as the first one; Pollock likely 2nd since he was nursing an elbow issue in the preseason; third would be Schwarber because he was playing a position he had no business playing and bound to run into a wall; finally, Gray because I put the kavorka on my namelganger, which is a magic spell so hideous that no amount of Creoles with an unlimited supply of chickens to sacrifice could reverse that hex. By the by, everything I know of Creole black magic I learned from Angel Heart. Gray has a 6+ ERA, so you can DL him if you have room, but I could see just dropping him if you don’t. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Hey, I’ll take two home runs from Khris Davis and be more than happy. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll take one homer. Gently farting in your direction, Prince Fielder. Three homers? Well that is too much for my little old heart.” So began the monologue I told myself in my mirror last night. I was wearing a fedora with a feather in it and no pants. That’s added color for you to understand the scene. Then, it was the ninth, the A’s in the lead and Davis’s night looked over with two homers until. Dot dot dot. Ian Desmond homered off Ryan Madson and sent the game into the bottom of the ninth inning. Khris Davis came up to the plate, bases loaded, already with two homers on his scoresheet, could he hit one more? Could my monologue presented to my reflection come to fruition? Could my neighbors stop screaming for me to put on pants? Yes on all three! Finished the night with 3-for-5, 6 RBIs and three homers (9, 10, 11). I had Davis ranked around eight rounds higher than anyone else because I thought he could easily hit 30 homers in an age when 30 homers doesn’t come that easily. Has anything changed since the preseason? Yeah, the date. Dur. I love Khris Davis and right now looks even better than his namelganger, Chris Davis. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matthew Wisler threw a gem yesterday — 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 Walks, 4 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.24. Or if you like portmanteaus and/or vomit — Matthrew up a gem. By the by, after anyone says their name is Matthew, do you always want to say, “Gesundheit?” “Name for the cup?” “Matthew.” “Wow, it’s allergy season, huh?” That’s me as a barista, a job I never had. I’ve actually held one real job in my entire life. I’m like Mark Cuban without the money. Since I own Wisler in more leagues than I care to admit, I watched the whole game. Prolly first time I watched one of my pitchers while listening to the opposing broadcast, but you cannot beat the Mets announcers for a broadcast booth or for stories about insane cocaine intake in the 80s. Wisler was dancing a 94 MPH fastball just at the knees, spinning a backdoor curve that had Neil Walker look more like Neil Statue. Duda? Go take a doodie, it’d be more productive than facing Wisler! Asdrubal? Well, he actually hit the ball hard. Quite a few Mets did. It was like, “Matthew! Damn, I think I caught something,” and the Braves would look up with a ball in their glove. So, Wisler’s performance last night was a gorgeous line, but I wouldn’t go near him outside of the deepest of leagues. In shallower leagues, Matthew? God bless you for last night, but I don’t need those tissues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?