Geez, Roy Oswalt has sure come a far way since the whole “I will only sign with one or two teams” stance as he signed with the Rockies. They’re not necessarily a bad team, but what pitcher wants to come out of semi-retirement to pitch in Colorado? It’s like Smokey the Bear coming out of semi-retirement to work at a cigar shop. “Smokey, we really appreciate the job you’re doing, but could you stop throwing buckets of water on our customers?” That’s Smokey’s boss at the cigar shop. Better yet, a pitcher coming out of semi-retirement to pitch for the Rockies is like I.M. Pei coming out of retirement to work at Home Depot. Roy Rockie Oswalt must’ve really got sick of driving his kids to school and needed something to do. Oswalt is going to assassinate his career ERA. Maybe Oswalt plans to drive his tractor to Colorado and haul dirt until Coors is at sea level. When your third best starter is a toss-up between Tyler Chatwood and Jeff Francis, you’re pretty much guaranteed a starting job, so Oswalt should be with the major league club shortly, but you shouldn’t care. I liked El Roy with the Astros, but it’s all rut-roh in Colorado. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The week was going swimmingly, with inflatable swim muscles, I may add, then Kevin Gregg showed up and said “Oh, I thought everyone wore these glasses now.” I don’t trust Kevin for 2 reasons, closers come and closers go (Kyuji is coming back) so add that into your closer entree like a good splash of adobo. The second reason is he has two first names, I’m sorry, it’s a phobia of mine ever since I went to school with a kid named Ferris Ferris. No I didn’t stutter, that’s a true story. Next we move to Boston, where Joe-L is returning from the DL; John Farrell has said what is typical, we will see what happens. My 2 cents is that Bailey keeps it until he falters or Hanrahan whines enough to make a stink. If I could call Joel, this is how the convo would go. Sup Joel. Who is this? Then I would hang up and not answer when he star 69′s me. I do that cause I don’t like people messin’ around on my phone. Lastly this week, I have moved Jim Johnson, minus his cult following, into the top tier. He has shown me enough to warrant a bump up. The games he pitches in are showing the confidence that Buck has in him, like a great illegitimate dad would in his Maury Povich type son. The bump over Papelbon is based purely on stats and accumulation right now, Paps just isn’t seeing the chances that some other closers are seeing and that inevitably hurts my feelings and his stats/value. Enjoy the week as if you were listening to the soundtrack from Rocky 4, what could get better than that.? If you said that talking robot Pauly got, then we are on the same page my friend.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s the first week of the season and there is really only one question as we enter the first week of fantasy SAGNOF-ville. What in the name of Brian Boitano are the Tigers doing with the closer situation. Well I liken it to a drug cartel, 3 Latinos and some coke, with some equal distribution until someone gets too big for their britches and knocks everyone else off. I like a good even mix of Al-Al, Benoit, Dotel and Coke to all get some run based on the situation and it being too early for Leyland to cash in his Marlboro miles for that new kayak. So with the first post of my inauguration, I am starting from scratch and the rankings start with this post so no fancy pluses or minuses until the next post. I will also try and alternate between closers and Holds guys for my weekly posts.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Perez has been shut down for 3-4 weeks. The Indians are saying it’s due to a shoulder strain. Seems pretty coincidental that Chris Perez rocks a mullet and there’s a guy with a “business on top, party in the back” haircut on The Amazing Race this season. I’m calling BS. “Yeah, what’s up?” Sorry, didn’t mean to actually call BS. “Cool, now you’re wasting my time. I’m gonna call myself on you!” So with Perez out, a giant gaping hole opens in Cleveland, and I don’t mean when Drew Carey is eating. Vinnie Pestano should take over the closer role in the mean’s while. Unfortunately (depending on how you’re looking at it), Perez went down so early that he could return as soon as the first or second week of the season. That means you need to draft Perez and Pestano. My advice is to wait two seconds after someone drafts Perez then take Pestano. This will be real cute in auctions. They’ll either have to spend $15-ish to have both Indian closers or they’ll be stuck without one. If I could only draft one, I’d take a late flyer on Pestano. As with most things SAGNOF-related, there’s no sure thing in the bullpens and the cheaper way to get saves is always the most preferable. Anyway, here’s all the closers for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Unlike other 2013 fantasy baseball rankings posts, I’m just gonna rank all of the closers in the format of every Closer Look I’ve done in the past. Unlike other Closer Looks, I put projections in. The setup men are in order in parentheses, and the relevant ones have projections, as well. Once Brian Wilson and Jose Valverde sign, I’ll add them; neither are much more than end of the staff flyers. You should draft saves first and foremost in all but Holds leagues. Ratios for relievers are very fickle. Ratios for middle men are all over the map. Every year middle men come out of nowhere. Just because Venters is with a top reliever does not make him the number one middle man. David Robertson would be that. When I rank my top 400 on Friday, I’ll have everyone in there. Closers as of right now are listed first even if I think someone else will get more saves; as with the Tigers shituation. The other day Smokey did a top middle relievers for the NL post (AL will be up shortly); Rudy also has all of the Holds projected in the 2013 fantasy baseball projections. My biggest problem with ranking Holds is there’s no rhyme or reason from season to season with closers, then take that fickle fluidity (fickidity?) and multiple it by five when you start to go further into bullpens. Last year, the Holds leaders were Joel Peralta, Pestano, Mitchell Boggs and Dor-K (for our dyslexic readers). The year before, only Pestano made it in the top 20 and he ranked 16th overall. Tyler Clippard was the best in 2011, where was he in 2012? 66th overall after he took May thru August off to captain a ship in America’s Cup. If getting saves is about opportunity, getting Holds is about opportunity plus a coin toss. Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the trade deadline in the bag and closers moving, we have a lot to talk about. Some of it refreshing like a glass of ice cold lemonade on a summer’s day. Some of it less so like being asked to write something for Lainie Kazan, wondering who Lainie Kazan is and Googling her to find Playboy pics from the 1970′s juxtaposed with her present-day pics.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don’t you love when New Yorkers say the expression, “I got your _____ right here!” Coming out of the right taxi driver’s mouth, it’s like a cello being played by Yo-Yo Ma. Sometimes it can get confusing when you are actually trying to tell someone you’ve located something.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Shane Victorino has long been a benchmark for many other players’ production here at Razzball. Dexter Fowler is Feign Victorino; Alejandro De Aza is Should-Hit-The-Gym-And-Train Victorino; Ryan Zimmerman is Bane of my Existence-rino. I look at Victorino like a proud papa.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Madson has to have Tommy John surgery. Luckily, he signed with a Dusty Baker-managed team as the trainers have a lot of experience diagnosing busted arms. Sean Marshall will likely take over the closing gig, spurring indie comedy fans in Cincy to bring Sean Of The Red signs to games. Best case scenario: Marshall goes the whole season with the job, continues to rack up a 9+ K-rate and 40+ saves. Most realistic scenario: Dusty brings Marshall into the ninth inning of a tie game and, as the two teams battle scoreless inning after scoreless inning, Marshall stays in the game for another 16 innings and throws 450 pitches. 125 of those pitches he kicks over the plate Hacky Sack-style because his arm is too tired. Then Masset and Aroldis end up getting 5-7 saves each and Marshall ends the year with 30+ saves and an ERA around 3.50. Most likely scenario involving dolphins: Marshall falls asleep on a raft and wakes in Barbados. With the phone lines down due to a tropical storm, he befriends the local innkeeper, Teronimo, who teaches him how to surf. But Teronimo has a hidden secret — Marshall is really his nephew that his brother asked him to watch over. When Teronimo reveals his secret, there’s a giant rift between Marshall and Teronimo that is only assuaged by the sight of dolphins. No matter the scenario, grab Sean Marshall immediately. You might’ve just lucked into a top tier closer for free. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Drew Storen – Could start the year on the DL. Davey Johnson made that announcement minutes after he said Storen had no structural issues with his elbow, which came a day after he said Storen needed an MRI, which was minutes after Storen said he couldn’t throw, which can mere moments after he was diagnosed with strep throat. Following? Yeah, neither do I. I’m beginning to think some ball clubs need a new HMO. Johnson said Clippard would not see saves, but the team would turn to Henry Rodriguez or Brad Lidge. I’d pick them up in reverse order for saves. When in doubt, go with the guy with experience. And no one has experience blowing leads quite like Lidge. “Nats Fall Off the Lidge” is already written on a Post-It on some copy editor’s desk just waiting to go to press. In one league where our innings max is small and our needs for Ks is tall — she says she likes the ocean — we went with Rodriguez. He averages 98 MPH with his fastball and has a 9+ K-rate. If he can keep his walks in check, he could be this year’s huge middle reliever breakout.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Moustakas was called up! No, he wasn’t! Yeah, he was, random italicized voice, why are you giving me a hard time? Keeping you honest. Since nothing’s changed since last time I went over him but the date, here’s what I said in the offseason, “Last year, he spent time at Double and Triple-A. Not at the same time, that would be some Multiplicity shizz. In 484 ABs, he hit 36 homers and batted .322. As they say in Moustakas’ home country, “Wow.” (He’s from L.A.) Then they would throw a glass into the fireplace and spray some Windex. This past year saw Moustakas named the Texas League Player of the Year, which is more prestigious than the Koo Koo Roo Employee of the Year, but only barely. As his skipper said, “(Moustakas) missed the first 16 games of the season and by midseason he was leading the league in all the categories. And where’s Gilligan?!” And that’s me quoting me! This year, more of the same. In 55 games, 10 home runs. I’ll conservatively give him 40/15/50/.280 in 275 at-bats. He’s a pick up in every league for his eligibility alone. To get all Iliad on you, it’s Moustakas of Troy that launched a thousand homers. It’s also no accident that my iPhone wanted to autocorrect “Moustakas of Troy” into moistened trousers.Please, blog, may I have some more?