Joakim Soria

Grey

Closer Look

| 2012 Fantasy Baseball Draft, 2012 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 72 Comments

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On the heels of the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball — or heals if you’re talking strictly about Huston Street and Andrew Bailey — comes every closer for 2012 fantasy baseball.  This is the post you’ve all been waiting for since earlier this morning!  Sorry to put you through that hour and a half of anguish/anticipation or anguishipation.  You were a melancholy soul.  But now you’re happy — yay.  It’s still Monday funday!  There were quite a few moves this offseason with closers relocating to greener pastures, or in some case, just different pastures.  Maybe that’s best expressed through the cliché mash-up — the grass isn’t always greener pastures.  Andrew Bailey moved, Mark Melancon moved, Ryan Madson moved, Huston Street moved, Heath Bell moved, Rafael Betancourt moved into the closer role, Sergio Santos moved and Joe Nathan moved.  A regular ol’ closerousel that we haven’t see the likes of since Tony La Russa retired (technically, that’s correct; though not exactly that long ago).  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Ben Revere Shouts “The SAGNOF is Coming”

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 91 Comments

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Twins aren’t winning.  Twins haven’t won all year, actually.  You can look it up.  They’re 0-for-2011.  But Ben Revere wants to steal bases for no reason.  I love that.  I’d prefer my fantasy players act selfishly and just try to inflate their own value.  Maybe that’s lame, but we’re talking about fantasy baseball.  We’re not talking about getting chicks with your IROC.  When a player tries to inflate his own value, it helps us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!).  With so many players shut down or resting for the playoffs, the best thing we can hope for right now is someone who just wants some stats.  Revere is the player.  In the last week, Revere is hitting .464 with 5 runs, 4 RBIs and 3 steals.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Land Of 10,000 Bad Breaks

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 128 Comments

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Joe Mauer is done for the year with pneumonia.  I’m almost 100% sure Morneau was the carrier of the virus.  On Friday, frequent commenter Mike said, “If you went to Joe Mauer’s house, went into his basement, jack-hammered through the concrete, and started digging, what would be the under/over on number of feet you’d have to go down before you found the first dessicated Native American corpse?  3 feet?  4 feet?  I mean, that Native American graveyard can’t be that far below the surface.”  I honestly never thought I’d say this this (stutterer!) early in his career, but I think Mauer’s going to be a bargain next year.  Assuming he falls into the 10th round or later, he’s worth the gamble at catcher for 2012, right?  I mean, even if he only gets 100 games and hits .300, it’s worth the ulcer, isn’t it?  I think so.  With that said (yeah, here comes opposite talk), I’m sure glad I haven’t drafted him the last two years in any league.  He hit 3 homers this year.  As in between 2 and 4.  Jesus Montero has that many in 10 games.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

A Tendon’s Down With Holliday

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 31 Comments

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Matt Holliday sat out yesterday with a hand-thinga-ma-injury — a tendon or a ligament.  Sounds like he’s going to miss the rest of the season, but for right now he’s only out for four (stutterer!) to five days.  I’ll tell you what I’m not gonna miss….  Matt Holliday.  A .295 average, 1 steal and 22 homers?  You know what that is?  A good season for Andre Ethier.  It’s not a good season for Matt Holliday.  Matt Holliday does more than that.  At least in my mind.  I’m not in your mind so that’s all I have to go on.  On the bright side, this injury didn’t cost a moth their life.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 104 Comments

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Friends, neighbors and Razzballians, this is the last Closer Look of the season.  Sure, I’ll talk about closers during the roundups in the last month, but no more rankings that become dated usually about an hour after I post them.  The sadness!  The grief!  The inconsequence of it all!  Since our last look at all the closers, the loss of Brian Wilson — not The Beach Boy, we lost him 25 years ago to the purple pills — is the biggest news from last month to now that isn’t weather related.  I’d say we also lost Jon Rauch, but I’m not sure he was ever the closer and he’s seven-three so you can’t really lose him.  Just look up.  Bobby Parnell finally took over for Izzy after his momentous 300th save that was reported all across the globe (in a small blurb under a classified ad for a used couch.)  Jason Motte got a vote of confidence from his manager then a vote of no confidence, which I’m sure will flip-slop at least five more times in September.  Jordan Walden fatigued, needs a nap.  Huston Street got hurt — shocker!  Leo Nunez did his usual late-season dive.  Finally, Gregg gaggs yet aggain, but he’s been like that for years and it’s never changed his job security.  He’s the Teflon Closer.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 75 Comments

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I was like, “Yo, Grey, you gotta do a Closer Look, like, last week so everyone knows what is the haps on closers!”  Then I was like, “After the trading deadline, which I went over in Toto, not a whole lot changes.”  Then I was like, “What is “the haps?”  The happenings?  Then say that.  And ‘in Toto?’  Are you talking in code for ‘in Total Douchebag?’”  It’s a constant struggle with myself to give you the best product, and, when I don’t give you the best product, it’s usually me blabbering about how it’s a constant struggle to give you the best product.  Incredibly, in the last month there’s only been three closer changes.  Capps to Nathan, Bastardo to Madson, which only happened because Madson was briefly injured last month when I did the last Closer Look, and D-ork to the Brewers, making Izzy the closer, which has been well documented on this site, and by ‘this site’ I mean the one you’re reading right now, not the porn window you have open underneath it.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 88 Comments

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Ryan Madson hit the DL and some Bastardo took over, Broxton is a bastardo and Guerra is getting saves since Kuo can’t watch Lifetime without crying — assuming there are Dodger saves, Rauch was named the closer and Frank2 started getting all the saves, Lyon is out for the season and Melancon looks terrible, La Russa changed closers three times since you started reading this run-on sentence, Jordan Walden has been taking pointers from Fernando Rodney and Kevin Gregg actually moved up the ranks.  Brain Freezes, your saves are cheap, but your headaches are senseless.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Shin-Soo Choo Suffers Thumb Boo-Boo

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 184 Comments

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The horrid season for Shin-Soo Choo continues.  He’s probably wishing he just went the Bob Feller-Inglorious Basterd route and did his required military time this year in his home country.  Kevin Correia said, “We could’ve used him.”  Now when Choo gets blotto he can’t even hitchhike home from one side of the road.  An optimistic timetable has him out for 6 weeks, but it sounds like Choo doesn’t think he can.  I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see him until September and, even then, what are you going to get?  The same you’d get off waivers.  If you don’t have DL room, I’d cut him, Mickey.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jose Tabata – Left the game on a cart with a quad injury after running out a bunt single.  Paula Deen would call that a bunt ache.  Or, as Cameron Frye would say, Tabata Tabata Tabata, stuh-rain, Tabata Tabata.  The Pirates immediately pulled Alex Presley from their Triple-A lineup.  It’s time for the really big shew with today’s guest, Alex Presley.  Girls in poodle skirts go crazy.  I just went over Presley the other day.  I said, “He sticks…longer…profiles…”  Hmm… Gotta work on what quotes I pull.  He’s a 12/20 guy over the course of a season.  In one league instead of Presley, I grabbed Xavier Paul, though Garrett Jones was who the Pirates called on yesterday to replace Tabata.  He would be my first choice too in some fantasy leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?