A funny thing happened on my way to work today, I sat there in my favorite sitting place and did some research. I looked at the availability of information provided by the other experts in the world of fantasy baseball, and then correlated that to what I do best. That, my friends, is bullpens. We as a collective fantasy universe play in leagues with the illusive yet sultry stat category known as the Hold. In fact, in some further research that I have done, an estimated 30% of all fantasy players play in a league with some sort of Hold associated with the final outcome in the standings. I mean, 30% is basically like winning the popular vote. [Jay’s Note: I love you Smokey.] But I am standing here aghast at the amount of research poured into this fantasy industry by experts all around the world, yet here I sit. Giving you the most diverse, in-depth, informative (yet funny), and groundbreaking stat analysis that not even world-wide leaders give… for free might I add. I love me some bullpens, and if you don’t play in a league that adds diversity to the game to include them, then maybe you should down shift a bit and give it some thought and do a league that includes it. Don’t do it for me, do it for yourself. Because this way I gain, at least one reader from each person that does it. Go search the inter-webs for holds type information, you get a column sorted catastrophe written by some intern who doesn’t know the difference between good and well. So stay here my friends, I am the goods through and through. I dropped the Holds chart weeks ago and now you get just straight cheddar and some rankings.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye. Until then baby, are you going to let them hold you down and make you cry? Don’t you know? Don’t you know things can change, things’ll go your way, if you hold on for one more day.
That music of genius was brought on by a smooth impromptu karaoke session in a West Boston saloon. It was me and Ralph and a girl who was paid by the dollar to talk to us about her kid. It’s all a true story. Fun times were had, and at the time I didn’t realize how correlative the song was back then to this particular stat category and one that is by far my favorite to talk about. Funny, it only took a Wilson Phillips song on the drive home from work to reminisce about Boston, Ralph, and relief pitching. I love the stat, not everyone uses it, but I still love it nonetheless. If your leagues uses it, cool, well I will be your every other week destination for giving you the low-down on the hold situations going across the MLB. So get comfy, with a week to go until Spring Training starts, and the full extent of the 2017 season yet to play. You will get sick of me, in say… 30 weeks. So get comfy on your favorite porcelain fantasy reading chair and welcome to a brand new year!Please, blog, may I have some more?
As the season draws nigh, and it comes to the point in the season when we here at Razzball use words like nigh, verisimilitude, or even rancorous. Don’t ask me what the meaning is, because I could barely spell them without my handy speak and spell. The whole gist of this discussion is to basically look at our roster and think diversification. Look at the bullpen pieces that currently occupy one or several of your pitcher spots. I say this because we all want counting stats at all times, and in a manner… this is why come the end of the year, it is very sexy to have guys who have multiple pitching eligibility for the off chance your don’t have a starter going in a spot or on an innings limit. These fellas help out in K’s, rates, vulture wins, and since we are here for the holds, they do them too. Listen, this isn’t a new thing or a crazy theory that I concocted in my basement after painting too man model airplanes. Though, the thought process after that is kinda cloudy and sorta fun? So here is a rundown of the guys with some dual eligibility late in the fame to aide in your fantasy quest. Cheers!Please, blog, may I have some more?
As the season begins to wind down, and the grind of the first four months feeds into the stretch run of the final two months. The contenders begin to rise to the top in Razzball’s own dynasty league the Razznasty. We got a serious race going, with the top spot changing hands multiple times over the last few days. RCL Czar Matt Truss sits atop the mountain, for the next few hours at least. BTW Matt you are a Czar, watch out for Commies old friend. Look at that a Russian history lesson mixed with fantasy baseball. I’m gunning for a Smithsonian gig one day. In the meantime I’ll keep providing you with gushing articles about prospects, dynasty strategy, and PROSPECT PODCASTS!!! I hope everyone is ready for our first episode coming tomorrow!!! We’ll be talking the prospect side of the trade deadline, and some of the recent weeks callups. Benintendi anyone? Yes, I have to mention him twice a post.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day the Astros signed the coveted Cuban refugee, Yulieski Gourriel. One time! Yulieski is as apple pie as a Canadian tenor group making a political statement during the All-Star Game. He’s 32 years old. If he went by YuGo, that would make him the newest car in Cuba. “Bueno Model T, amigo! Now, tell me about this Ford Taurus I hear so much about.” You know who a 32-year-old Cuban immediately reminds me of? Hector Olivera and Alex Guerrero. Sloppy comparison maybe. Hey, that gives me an idea. Whenever doing a sloppy comparison between players who just happen to be Cuban, we should call them Sloppy Jose’s. We need a similar term for when making a sloppy comparison between Japanese players; please suggest in the comments. As for Gourriel, yeah, I don’t see much here. I watched video of him, and he looks like a 15 HR, 6 SB, .260 hitter, which is Hector Olivera. I’m sorry, but those Sloppy Joses make sense sometimes. This Gourriel signing obviously delays Bregman’s arrival, so boo, you mothereffer, boo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Craig Biggio. It’s a sloppy, imperfect comparison, but that’s who Alex Bregman looks like. I watched three minutes of video of him. So, that’s like saying there’s smoke emitting from every New York City manhole because underneath are old Filipino women making hot pretzels, who then transport them to the above ground vendors, because you found an old Filipino woman underneath one manhole cover making pretzels. Luke, small is your sample size, said Yoda. Now, if you buy into the Biggio comparison, which you should because Filipino women are making pretzels below New York City manholes, Biggio had three homers, six steals and hit .211 in his first 50 games. Ya know, Hall of Famer, Craig Biggio. Biggio was older then than (stutterer!) Bregman is now, if you were looking for an excuse. Rookies sure are fun, right? They mostly cause ulcers. They. Mostly. Cause. Ulcers. TMCU, for short. So, Bregman is crazy talented, he could be up soon, I would own him, but, for this year, I’d keep my expectations in Slovakia, or even Czech. For further reading, Prospector Ralph has him number one on the top 100 fantasy baseball prospects. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Matt Harvey met with the Mets’ front office and told them, “You ruined my shoulder! I was the Dark Knight! Now I’m 1960s Batman in hard-to-watch Technicolor unable to move my arms to do the Batusi!” Matt Harvey asked Bartolo if this ever happened to him and he said, “Nah, I am 90% jelly and custard. My nerves are coated in more sugar than a churro.” Harvey needs shoulder surgery due to thoracic outlet syndrome. Sandy Alderson said it’s inevitable. Pitchers who have had this surgery take at least a year to recover and sometimes never regain past form. It could not only be a season killer, it could be the end of Harvey as we know him. He could opt to rehab his shoulder without surgery, but rehabbing it won’t magically make his pitching better than he’s been all year, which is atrocious. If you don’t have DL room, I could see dropping him. Fun fact! You know who suffered from thoracic outlet syndrome? The Lispasaurus. Tiny arms, big body. Other dinosaurs pickin’ on ’em because of their lisp — why’d every dinosaur have to have an S sound in its name?! Total recipe for messed-up shoulders. “I hate Thoracic Park!” Spielberg can make a Thoracic Park movie where an injured pitcher tries to repair his relationship with his pre-teen son while genetically-modified dinosaurs chase after them. “I know I wasn’t there for you when you were growing up or for your keeper league team in 2014 or for that velociraptor attack 15 minutes ago, but I’m here for you now.” The boy looks up, “How did that velociraptor throw a Warthen slider?” The father responds, “He’s learning!” Seth Smith is working on the script. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sometimes you ask and you shall receive and in that vein, I begin this month’s Razznasty update. Now I know the two questions you’re asking, what did you ask for and receive? And which vein? First, it’s the main vein, you know the one in the middle…. Secondly, I asked our very own Hippo in the bush Matt Truss to make a push in the standings over the course of June so I could name the next update “Can’t Truss It”. Done and done. I told Mr. Truss-ah Truss that I’d dress as Flavor Flav from this video while I wrote it. Truss, that I held up my end of the bargain, picture me decked out in white tuxedo with top hat and Batman glasses. Unfortunately I can’t share with all of you due to a shortage on the correct cartridges for my vintage Polaroid Sun 600. Sorry boys, and whatever number of girls are reading this year. I believe we were up to five, but we might have lost a few after the Jose Canseco interview. There’s nothing that upsets the ladies more than invasive question about Madonna’s early 90’s sperm brokering. Enough of the bollocks, onto the Razznasty update for June. Dynasty League Baseball at it’s finest.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bryan Price, always one for colorful language, should go full Tony Montana about his relievers, “Look at that, I got a junkie bullpen, mang. My bullpen is so polluted! I can’t even have a save with that bullpen. It’s so polluted!” After his Montana rant, Price could clarify who will save games in his bullpen through a string of curse words and em-effers. Yesterday, Price said they’d go to a committee. Great, maybe they can make a camel. Hoover’s out, Jumbo’s gone because his physique reminded them too much of their ERA. Caleb Cotham could see some saves, and he’s been good vs. minor leaguers, but he’s been honing his craft in the minor leagues for a while. This isn’t like a potter who needs time to hone his ashtray-making skills before hitting the big-time flea markets. Being in the minors long just means you might never achieve success in the majors. Going for Cotham is that he throws righty and he hasn’t failed yet. Then there’s Tony Cingrani, who I grabbed on Tuesday. He has been decent enough in the bullpen this year, but he’s a lefty and he blew the save yesterday in the 8th inning. Oh, and there’s Blake Wood, who is reminiscent of Jeanmar Gomez, and we know how well that turned out. *intern whispers in my ear* Seems that so far Jeanmar has worked out okay. For now, I’d own Cingrani then Cotham, but this is nigh-thurr pretty nor set in stone. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Marcus Semien was so grateful to be the 2nd week’s Buy lede that Semien shot up, overcome, thanking people in spurts. First, Semien said he had to give a hand to Reddick. Then Semien said, as much as it hurts him, Burns challenges him to be better, more fluid in his follow through. Semien says that before he’d get stale like dried paste. I heard through the grapevine that the A’s are being cautious about moving Semien up in the lineup between Burns and Reddick for fear of being labeled NC-17. “I have no recollection of a conversation about Semien, but I would be against it.” That’s Tipper Gore consulting with MLB. Marcus Semien has four homers, hitting .276, and he has 12-steal speed. So, that’s roughly 65/18/65/.260/12 on the year. Yeah, that’s better than that other schmohawk you have in your MI slot. I would absolutely add Semien all over. Plus, it’s a great moisturizer! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?