Fantasy Baseball Advice

Brandon Morrow has changed his mind once again, deciding that his decision in the offseason to be a starter after relieving last year was a better idea than his decision in April to return to closing.  It’s already June and it’ll take him at least a month or so to stretch out his arm.  Could he put together a great 10 game stretch to finish the year?  Potentially, but maybe he’ll decide he wants to play shortstop instead.  We’re so tired of him changing his mind that we’re going to pretend like we’re monologue writers for The Tonight Show rather than debate his merits…. You know what Brandon Morrow likes for breakfast?  Waffles.  Why does Brandon Morrow like to play in public fountains?  They let him be both wishy and washy.  Why does Brandon Morrow love the words Aloha and Shalom?  Because he could use them to both start and close a conversation.   Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Quentin – Out until the All-Star Break with a torn tendon.  This news took a dump on my prediction that Quentin would come back strong in another week.  Story of my life.   I try to be optimistic and God farts in my general direction.  In fairness to me, everyone was claiming it was plantar something-or-itis and special shoes like young Forrest Gump wore would help him.  That wasn’t the case so I was dealing with inaccurate information.  A team lying to the media?  What else is new?

Jo-Jo Reyes – Hurt his hamstring covering first base.  Jose Reyes has a torn hamstring.  Anthony Reyes is out for the season with elbow surgery.  Watch out, Dennis Reyes!

Denard Span – Out for tests as he suffers from dizziness.  Votto, cover your mouth! Span might head to the Dizzabled List with Votto.

Francisco Liriano – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks.  You know that scene in When Harry Met Sally when Meg Ryan says, “I hate you, Harry.  I really hate you.”  Then they kiss.  That’s what a 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks is.  It’s the kind of start that gives you hope for a better tomorrow, but you kinda know that he was facing the A’s and tomorrow’s start isn’t going to be so great.

Jorge Cantu – Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, Cantu out of the game with a dizzy spell.  Maybe the pregame drill of spinning in circles with your head on top of the bat isn’t such a good idea.

Jose Lopez – 3 homers in the last three days.  Okay, so it seems like it took until June for him to start producing.  I’d lose your unproductive MI, if J. Lo’s out there.

Carl Pavano – 4 2/3 IP, 9 ER.  He sucked you in!  Yes, he did!  Well, he kinda sucked me in too.  I mean, I would never pick him up, but I kinda thought there was a corner turned.

Gil Meche – 7 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks.  Now has given up 3 runs in the last 20 innings.  I could’ve sworn I told everyone to get him about two or three weeks ago…. Let’s see…. Oh, here it is.

John Smoltz – Will make a start on Thursday for the Triple-A PawSawx, then could be ready as soon as next Tuesday vs. the Marlins.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  The Wandwagon rides again!

Geovany Soto – HR yesterday.  I would sell him immediately if anyone’s buying.

John Danks – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Solid bounce back game after a couple of wonky ones.

Chien-Ming Wang – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  If you can’t let go of Wang at this point, you might have some Freudian thing going on.

Jake Fox – After scorching AAA and fields of Iowa’s prized corn to the tune of .423/17 HR/50 RBIs, Jake Fox got sent back down in favor of Aaron Miles after a measly 12 ABs.  Why?  Because, supposedly, he can’t field.  Or in his words  “I’m short, fat and fighting against a little athleticism issues“.  If I lived in Chicago, I’d print shirts that said “Crazy Short, Fat, and Unathletic….Like a Fox!”  I’d also print “Milton Bradley – Unsafe for Ages 2+” (He’s fine with babies) and “I’ll Fight You Zambrano y Mano”.

Andrew McCutchen – He goes 0-for-5 the day we finally settle on a nickname –  The Dread Pirate.

Juan Pierre - Will be relegated to fourth outfielder status with the return of Manny in July.  Okay, who’s going to register FreeJuanPierre.com?

Clayton Kershaw – Managed to get through ony 2 2/3 innings at home against the Padres.  He was fortunate enough to only have 3 of the 9 baserunners score.  We predict that he has 3 more mixed years, then has 5 amazing years, retires with a sore elbow, and is idolized by a whole generation of Jewish boys.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 2-for-4, 1 RBI.  I mentioned this two days ago and will probably mention it again in the Buy/Sell tomorrow, but Kouz is picking up baserunners as Gonzalez gets pitched around.

John Lackey – 5 IP, 8 ER.  At Tampa is a tough matchup (especially with The Zo).  I wouldn’t chuck him into a deal just to get rid of him after this start.  He gets the Giants next.  Now if he makes them look good, there might be a problem.

Cole Hamels – 5 IP, 11 hits, 1 K at Metco.  Just when you think he’s back to being a diamond, he gives you a lump of Cole.

Albert Pujols – The Cardinals put up 13 runs today and Pujols is 1-for-4 with 1 Run and no RBIs.  Now THAT’S a Ticker Tease.

Colby Rasmus - Kid Cardinal is now 14-for-31 in June with 5 doubles and 2 HRs.  If he’s swimming in your free agent pool, pick him up.  If that sounded homoerotic, wait to see how we genuflect when he starts stealing bases like the rest of the Cards (Pujols has 8 already?!)

Andrew Bailey – Brought in to a tie game in the top of the 9th and Kazaam!  1 IP and 3 ERs.  Way to lasso the moon, Bailey!  He’s not in danger of losing the closing job but don’t be afraid to move him as he’ll be hard-pressed to maintain his current 1996 Mariano Rivera-like 100 IP / 125 K pace.

Jay Bruce – HR yesterday.  I think he checks to see how many owners in Yahoo have him out their lineup.  When it’s under 40%, he hits a homer.  Just a theory.

Aaron Harang – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER.  Dusty wanted him to win this game so bad, he used his closer on both sides of an hour and a half rain delay.  When pressed after the game, Dusty explained, “Of course I didn’t want to put Cordero back in but the rules prohibited me from putting Harang back in.” Someone needs to write the book, “Dummyball.”

The Contestants and Producers of MTV’s ‘Real World/Road Rules The Duel 2′ - Bravo on a fantastic season.  If we could figure out a fantasy league around your competition, we would.

Here’s what I said last year about Mat Gamel and his comparison to Ryan Braun, “Ryan Braun, The Hebrew Hammer, hits for average, power and butchered plays at 3rd base.  Well, Gamel can slug with the best of them and plays 3rd like Jenny McCarthy in a celebrity softball game.  Not to mention, his name is almost Gimel, which is the third letter of the Hebrew alphabet.  The similarities are endless!”  And that’s me quoting me!  Wanna really blow your mind?  I wrote a Mat Gamel fantasy baseball outlook post back in December of last year.  Prescient ain’t just a word I can’t spell without Dictionary.com, it’s a state of mind!  So what can we expect of him, he’s better than Nolan Reimold.  Right now.  He can hit.  I could even see grabbing him in ten team leagues.  He could be The Difference Maker (which would be a great name for a professional wrestler).  The only thing holding Gamel back is he fields like he has two left feet — on the end of his arms.  If the Brewers dare to play him every day over their blahtoon of Hall and Counsell, you should play him too.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Ludwick – To the DL.  “Hello, Rasmus.”  “Hey, Duncan, you wanna play every day?” “Sure.”

Gerardo Parra – This one doesn’t walk people, he runs.  He replaced Krispie last night and might spell Byrnes on some occasions.  He’s a solid pickup for the speed deprived.  Parra’s upside is what Maybin should’ve done — 5 homers, 25 steals.  He shouldn’t be a liability on average.  Obviously, picking him up depends on your league, but he should be grabbed in all NL-Only leagues and mixed leagues deeper than 12 teams.

Nolan Reimold – Getting the call. Ceiling is 20 homers and a .280 average.  Let’s see, for right now:  Gamel, Reimold, Coghlan, Parra, LaPorta, in that order.  And all are better than Hochevar.

Bryan Augenstein – 6 IP, 5 ER, 3 K.  Augenstein reminds me a bit of Slowey because of how few walks he issues.  Just remember how Hochevar stole your innocence.

Carl Crawford – Left with a bruised shoulder.  Should be okay. Get well soon, Carl!

Adam Jones – Left the game with a hamstring strain.  Might be headed to the DL.  Somebody totally harshed his buzz.

Jimmy Rollins – In Premiere’s “Spotted” section, it said that someone saw Rollins do something productive yesterday.

Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-3 yesterday.  Do this for another month and we’ll be even.

Ryan Zimmerman – Here comes the 0-for-30 game streak.  Kidding.  He’s going to be a top five 3rd baseman this year.  Recognize!

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks and the Win.  I’m done fighting it.  Doode turned a corner somewhere.  I’m not trading for him, but I can understand it.

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks.  More in line with what I expect from him, but still a few more strikeouts.

Jo-Jo Reyes – 3 IP, 5 ER.  Tommy Hanson begins to pack his Hypercolor t-shirts and Zubaz pants.

Scott Richmond – 1 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Told ya he wasn’t long for your team.  I wouldn’t start him again in any league.  As they say on shuffleboard courts, he’s kaput.

Ty Wigginton – Hit his 2nd homer of the year yesterday.  Shot in the dark here, but Wigginton gets real hot for a couple of weeks at a time.  This might be one of those times.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 3 ER.  He’ll be about a 3.25 ERA pitcher this year.  That’s very good.

Joel Pineiro – 6 IP, 5 ER.  See what I said about Richmond then multiply it by three.

Matt Palmer – Complete game, 4 ER to move to 4-0 on the year.  Before you get crazy with yourself, he’s a thirty-year-old rookie and he’s not Dennis Quaid.

Kip Wells – 2nd save and only one run allowed.  Kip walking into the clubhouse, “What can’t Kip Wells do?!  What!?”  Heckler, “Pitch effectively for any extended period of time.”  Kip lowers his head and sighs.

Ross Ohlendorf – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Talk to the Dorf!

Juan Pierre - I love guys who steal bases up six runs.  You go, Juan!  Get you some, gluttony!

Shairon Martis – 7 IP, 1 ER and his fifth win (the Nats only have 11!)  With a first name like an Israeli prime minister or an Osbourne, you want to write off Shairon Martis, but he’s not pitching above his head right now outside from Wins.  I’d grab him in mixed leagues as a 5th starter.

Ryan Theriot – 2 HRs to bring his total of what the effs to 5.  Guess hiring Jose Canseco as his new strength and conditioning coach wasn’t such a bad idea.

Geovany Soto – Finally.

Chris Young – 4 IP, 6 ER.  Trouble with fly ball pitchers if the wind’s blowing out.

Adrian Gonzalez – 2 HRs and one call to his agent, “Can you get me out of Petco?”

Rickie Weeks – Hit his 9th homer yesterday and is hitting .286.    At some point, he’ll chuck in 15 to 20 steals too.  This could be the year where owners finally see what he can do when he stays healthy.

Ricky Nolasco – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  At this point, he’s probably ending up on waivers in some leagues, but if he’s still owned, I’d fleece his owners as they struggle to sit down.

Chris Coghlan – Member that month long leash Maybin had to hang himself?  Yeah, Coghlan’s now getting it. Hopefully, he can make a Windsor knot from the noose and call it a tie.

Dontrelle Willis – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  There’s nothing that a big Miguel Olivo hug can’t fix.

Brandon Lyon – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  You think when Leyland sent him out there for the 3rd inning he just wanted the game to be over so he could go have a smoke?

Garrett Atkins – 0-for-4, batting .195 on the year.  Clint Barmes is out slugging him .415 to .319.   In case anyone’s confused, Barmes is not having a good season.

Troy Percival – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Wasn’t a save situation, but it was still a pounding.  I picked up Wheeler in a league, just in case.

Josh Hamilton – Two games from the DL.  Two homers.  As his street value rises.

Russell Branyan – HR yesterday.  I’ve owned him in one league all year.  17/7/31/.271 — Not bad, right?  Yeah, those are Prince Fielder’s numbers.  Branyan’s 20/8/16/.286/1 — And I didn’t draft Branyan in the 2nd round.  Cust kayin’.

Hmm… Let’s see, where does the news that Josh Hamilton is headed to the DL go on the Hype Cycle?  Oh, wait!  I know!  “Falls Back to Earth, Hits the DL.” Call me, Greyvoyant!  Hamilton may be headed to the DL this Thursday if he’s still in pain.  This is obviously bad news for Hamilton owners.  As we learned from Dylan McKay’s battle with drugs on 90210, addicts can’t take pain killers.  So Hamilton is in “extreme pain” and needs to let it subside on its own.  I don’t think he’ll be out much longer than two weeks, but I’m no doctor (I am psychic though).  If Hamilton’s rib becomes a nagging type injury that bothers him for a few months, this could turn into a Def-Con 4 situation and his owners may have to jump into an Andromeda Strain decontamination shower.  For those out there with alligator blood, this may be your only opportunity to Buy Low on Hamilton.  Just remember his owners were crying in their soup last night, don’t blow on it for them.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edwin Encarnacion – Looks like his chip on his shoulder has moved to his wrist as he heads to the DL.  I liked Edwin going into the year, and was bummed to see him do nada, nada, not a damn thing this season.  At least the wrist injury explains what was going on with him.

Adam Rosales – NL-Only owners could take a flier on the Reds call-up, Rosales.  There’s no indication Baker will play him at all.  If he does, he has some pop.  He was batting .431 with 4 HRs through 17 games at Triple-A.  Not really mixed league material yet, unless your league is very deep.

Joel Hanrahan – Removed from the closer role.  Actually, he kinda removed himself.  As I said yesterday, Julian Taveras seems like the best option to me.  Kip Wells is said to be in the mix.  That mix is in the toilet bowl.  Joe Beimel is rumored to get a shot when he comes off the DL.  Might be, but if Taveras can hold the job, then Beimel will never see the chance.  Hmm… Now that I write that I must say it’s anyone’s job.  I would not carry more than one Nats reliever.  If you have an open DL spot, no harm no foul with Beimel.  I took a chance on Taveras in all of my leagues.  If it’s not him, I’m not losing sleep over it.  Just watch what you say about Taveras, he will karate kick you in the sternum.

Scott Richmond – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Not sure how long Richmond’s mastery continues because his stuff isn’t really that great, but I’ll admit it.  I started him last night in a mixed league.  Hey, lightning, you wanna get in a bottle for me?

Hideki Matsui – How many pop-ups can a lefty hit to the 2nd baseman?

Edwin Jackson – 6 IP, 0 ER. Hey, whaddya know?  He’s still looking good almost a month later.  I went over why I liked Edwin Jackson during the first week of the season.  If you weren’t here, go back and read it again.  If you were here, continue on, I start to pick up speed soon.

Phil Hughes – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks.  I told everyone to start him because we were going at this like ripping off a Band-Aid.  This was either gonna be the last time he was on anyone’s team, or he was going to be great.  Glad he climbed the latter.  His hook was complementing the speedball very nicely.  Like a well-trained gimp, his leash got longer.

Jose Valverde – To the DL.  Told you yesterday it seemed to be headed this way.  LaTroy Hawkins gets a few weeks to shake his Cuddle Boy label.

Cole Hamels – Left the game after 4 1/3 scoreless innings with an ankle injury.  Can’t a brother get a Win?  Hamels really seems cursed this year.

Jo-Jo Reyes – 7 IP, 1 ER.  I don’t mind Jo-Jo in deep mixed and NL-Only leagues.  Though in most leagues, he’s No-No.

Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Has an ERA of 1.97 on the season.  You don’t want to be there when it starts to climb up to 4.

Dave Bush - 5 IP, 4 ER. Almost threw a no-hitter last time out.  So it’s a no-brainer to start him against the Pirates, who batted Brandon Moss as their number three hitter, right?  Moss of a .220 average.  Nope, Bush took a no-brainer and made you look stupid.  (BTW, I always need spellcheck for “brain” and “genius.”  I’m a moron.)

Jorge Cantu – Took deep Livan and Sean Green (not the Jewish one) in yesterday’s game.  Cantu’s now batting .357 on the season with 5 homers.  Mmm… Me love some cheap power.

Chase Utley – Chase ordered up two homers yesterday and three strippers.

Nick Swisher – HR yesterday.  Swisher has 5 HRs and is batting .300.  At some point the bottom will fall out of the average, but he’s good for 30 home runs.  You can put it on the boardddddd…  Oh, wait, he’s no longer on the White Sox.

John Danks – 4 IP, 5 ER.  Sure, Mike Sweeney’s batting third and A-drain Beltre is at cleanup with a .169 average.  Of course, you get hit hard in this game!  Makes perfect sense!  Danks!

Mike Fontenot – HRs in back-to-back games as he played 3rd for Aramis.  He’s still batting .238 and he seems destined to be a three to four games a week guy.

Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks.  I almost predicted him for AL Cy Young.  That’s how much I believe.  If he can stay healthy and get some Win Karma, he could do it.  Next start, F-Her ‘n the A’s. (<–provocative!)

Chone Figgins – 2-for-3.  I give Figgins a hard time and he’s still batting .246, but he stole two bases last night to give him 9 on the season.  That’s a healthy pace.  Then again, Fowler has 9 steals and he’s batting .310.  Cust kayin’.

Mark Ellis – Calf injury, headed to the DL.

Nomar Garciaparra – Sympathy pains, to the DL.

Ian Stewart – Lookie here, Miss Moneypenny, Ee-yon Shtew-art just played his 6th game at 2nd base and, with the Polish kid benched, 2nd base eligibility could happen verrrrry quickly.

Chad Gaudin – 5 IP, 0 ER.  I’m picking him up in all kinds of deep leagues.  Hey, he’s in Petco?  Why not?

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1ER, 1.69 ERA on the season.  Begged people to draft him this season, but, let’s be fo’ realz, even I didn’t think he’d start out the year this well.  He’s not necessarily a sell because I don’t think people are buying, but he’s not going to finish the year under a 3 ERA, so he will take some lumps at some point.  Hopefully, they’re not for a while.  I’m still on the Wandwagon, just tempering expectations.  (BTW, wouldn’t Tempura Expectations be a great Japanese restaurant name?  What?  You like yakitori?)

Brad Penny – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  And Penny’s usually a pre-All-Star Break pitcher.  Hmm… Looks like someone’s missing Alyssa Milano’s nooners.

Ben Zobrist – HR yesterday off the bench.  As Zobrist goes, so go the mohels.

Matt LaPorta – Ripping up Triple-A and could replace Ben Francisco, then Francisco goes and hits a HR yesterday.  LaPorta will be up soon, but soon’s relative.  Ask Stephen Hawking.

Francisco Liriano – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  He bounced back from that last mugging like Bernie Goetz.

Guess what time it is? No, not three o’clock. It’s time for this week’s fantasy baseball buy/sell thingiemajig. Dur! As we move closer to the end of the season, I wanted to take this opening section to point out some hard facts. Arod is sleeping with a fifty-year-old lady. Ew! No, wait, that wasn’t what I wanted to point out. I wanted to say it’s now or never. Okay, I said that before, but now it really is. Don’t leave anything on the table. Or put it all on the table. Or whatever that inspirational poster with the guy rappelling a mountain says. If you’re thirty steals out in front of your nearest competition, why are you still starting Brian Roberts? He sucks. He’s not hitting as many home runs as Ty Wiggington. (Okay, he doesn’t suck, because he is hitting for a high average right now. But if you need home runs — big whoop! Or not! Depends on your need.) If you can’t gain any points in saves, why are you carrying seven closers? So my nearest competition can’t get any saves. Oh, well, that actually makes sense. As weird as it is to drop some players (Kinsler!), if they’re not helping you right now, they’re not helping you. You have, like, no time, people! P.O.Y.M.G.S.S. (Put On Your Make Grey Smile Shoes) Anyway, here’s some fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

BUY

Adam Wainwright – If he stays healthy, he might be the September Cy Young. Unfortunately, it’s a Zelda Rubinstein-sized if. (Which is about a 4′ 11″-sized if.)

Jo-Jo Reyes – Member that Campillo dude. Yeah, Reyes is him minus the innings.

Tom Gorzelanny – Easily could be in the Sell list, because, earlier in the year, he added the third suck in sucky-suck-suck. Since July, he’s been T to the -orrid in the minors at a 2.06 ERA and .91 WHIP. To misquote Wyclef, he’ll be back in September.

Pablo Sandoval – A lot has been made of his weight. Well, there’s a lot there to make of it. Oofa! Let’s just say, if Pablo Sandoval gets a single against the Brewers, leaving him and Prince Fielder both at first, everyone else on the field should shift their weight towards third to avoid a landslide. Might get some starts in front of Benji. He’s got some pizz-op.

Travis Metcalf – Three homers in three starts this week. Could be something, might be nothing. If you’re struggling at corner, you take a flier. He might lose all playing time with Blalock’s return, but as we know from knowing what we know, Blalock will get hurt as soon as he returns.

Juan Salas – Just called up from the minors. Middle relief numbers to make you feel alive with pleasure like a Newport.

Mark Reynolds – The other day I mentioned Reynolds could move to 2nd base when Justin Upton returns. Look at Reynolds’s numbers (77/24/85/.245/8). Now imagine them from a 2nd basemen. That’s almost a top five 2nd basemen and he’s better than Uggla. In keeper leagues, this could be huge.

Alexei Ramirez – As I mentioned in yesterday’s fantasy baseball keeper post, I fell in love with Alexei and I liked it! I hope my girlfriend don’t mind it! (Sorry, that stupid song is still stuck in my head.)

Jeff Kent – Yeah, he’s a douchebag, but he’s been hot since Manny’s come to town. Get involved!

SELL

Clayton Kershaw/Johnny Cueto/Edinson Volquez/Zach Greinke/Jair Jurrjens/Jorge Campillo/Ricky Nolasco/Justin Duchscherer/Mike Pelfrey/Any pitcher that is pitching far too many innings for their arm – I’m not saying you need to drop these guys outright (though I have started dropping a few them. I’m looking at you, Greinke, Campillo and Jurrjens. Also, if I had Dook-sheer, I wouldn’t be expecting anything from him.). You just need to make sure you’re not too reliant on any of them. They might go from usable to having starts skipped in the matter of seconds.

David Price – Could be here by September 1st, might be worth the flier in ‘09, he’s not ready yet.

Ian Kinsler – I know this injury hurt you, but there’s not much time left. You can’t be waiting around for him to return.

Chris Carpenter – You might get more from Tim Redding this year. Okay, bad example. But there still has to be more valuable guys on your waiver wire.

Brandon McCarthy – He’s on his way back to claim a Rangers’ rotation spot. In deep leagues, I could see the flier, but I’m not expecting anything from him. That’s not true. I’m expecting him to suck.

Ken Griffey Jr. – He’s looked like Ken Griffey Sr. all year.

Chris Davis – He’s hitting .211 in August with 2 HRs. Could he have a good September? Perhaps, but he’s a K machine. When I told you to pickup Chris Davis in June, I said, “Adam Dunn struckout 101 times in his last full year of the minors. Chris Davis struckout 150 times.” And that’s me cutting and pasting me! Now if Metcalf keeps hitting and Blalock returns and stays healthy, Davis may sit a few games a week. Sorry, but don’t shoot the messenger.

Huston Street – He’s owned in 83% of ESPN leagues. As usual, I assume 97% of ESPN’ers abandon their team so this ownership number means very little, but let’s assume just 7 people actually play ESPN fantasy baseball and out of those 7, 1 person still has Street on their team. That’s one person too many.

Aaron Harang is not a bad pitcher. Actually, he hasn’t even been bad this year. (Okay, he hasn’t been good either.) If I may turn my hat crooked, Harang just had some straight-up bad luck, yo. You want numbers? How about these? His BABIP .335, that’s bad luck. His K/9 is around 8. That’s very solid. Three year ERA, 3.77. He’s at 4.33. So that should come down. He’s a workhorse, so that’s a lot of IP with good numbers. Going forward, Harang should have good numbers across the board minus wins; those I can’t guarantee. But chasing wins is a losing man’s game. (Hey, that was a pretty clever turn of a phrase. If I had an internet page of quotes like Oscar Wilde or Mitch Hedberg, that would be 17th. 16th would be, “Can I get an Amen, Sherman Hemsley?” and 18th would be “Dance With Me here, Orleans.” But I digress.) So what do you do with this Harang-a-tang of info? You go trade for him, that’s what you do. Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball players to buy or sell:

BUY

Robinson Cano – On my gravestone it will say, “I told you I was ill” and my legacy will be pimping Cano for two months straight.

Jo-Jo Reyes – Someone mentioned in the comments yesterday that they haven’t heard anything about him. Reyes has really gone under the radar for me. I only mentioned to pick him up here, here, here, here, here. The first mention was a day after his first start of ‘08. If you guys (and possibly one or two girls, but highly doubtful) want, change your fantasy baseball password to what I use, “GreyIsFortified” and I’ll do your drops and adds.

Chase Headley – Kouzmanoff has done a lot of nothing since last year. Now he’s supposedly suffering from a sore back.

Jeff Francis – Very serviceable coming into this year until he was completely derailed in his quest to match Snell in a game of onedownmanship. His next game is against the Royals. If he pitches well, he’ll be a hot add. You’ve been warned. Or as they say in knitting circles, you’ve been yarned.

Jeff Baker – Rudy liked him coming into the year, then he fell out of favor (Baker, not Rudy). Rudy’s adding him all over the place again.

Kory Casto – On most days, he’s starting in place of Wily Mo Pena; I like Casto in NL-Only leagues. But remember, “Person who dance with Nats is easily bored.”

Jeff Keppinger – I wait with bated breath to start him in a NL-Only league. (BTW, it is bated, not baited. Check yo’self, fool.) Keppy’s about a week away from coming back.

Mike Aviles – Seems like people are falling over themselves to add this dude. I can understand it. As I’ve said many times before, when you’re dealing with MI, CI, UT or fifth starters, you want to take a gamble. There’s no point in fielding a boring, safe guy. (That’s not to say there’s no point in fielding a productive, safe guy. There is a difference. Figuring out the difference was my minor at The Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.)

Eric Byrnes – Nope, I don’t like him, but I feel like no one likes him at this point. If everyone’s zigging, why aren’t you zagging? Would be worth seeing how cheaply you can grab Byrnes. I’d think you can get him for next to nothing and he could prove a valuable fifth outfielder in the 2nd half of the year.

Josh Willingham – It says he’s owned in 93% of all ESPN leagues. Now I’m assuming 99% of ESPN leagues are drafted in March then the owners never look at their team again. If this is not the case and people have been holding onto Willingham and wasting a lineup spot all of this time, you are going to make me blow a blood vessel. Now everyone who dropped Willingham, you can go get him again.

SELL

Jake Peavy – I love Peavy, but as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I’m selling. Call me conservative, but I can’t wrap my mind around pitchers with recent arm troubles.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – See Headley, Chase or about three and two-thirds of an inch above.

Hiroki Kuroda – He wasn’t that bad when he was in there, but now he has shoulder tendinitis. Punt.

J.D. Drew – With my hands in my pockets, I stood next to J.D. Drew as he talked to Manny. I waited for an introduction. They laughed about Youkilis’s party out on The Cape. Apparently, Manny read from his journal of poems that he wrote while in left field. They laughed and I punched Drew in the mouth.

Joe Saunders – I think he’s already been on a Sell List. Hmm… Well, here he is again, because he’s keeping up this unsustainable start!

Aaron Cook – Full disclosure, I’ve had him in a mixed ten team league for two months and have reaped a lot of his benefits. I know he’s not really this good; everyone knows this. This isn’t a “sell” as much as a “be glad for what you got and be ready to drop.”

Joe Nathan – I could’ve put Mariano Rivera here instead of Taipei Slinklo or any other top closer. (I could’ve even put Beanie McDougalston, but that’s a made up name.) Because at the end of the year, when everything’s said and done, do you ever look in the mirror and say, “I am so glad I had Taipei Slinklo. And damn my hair looks good,” or do you say, “I’m glad I traded Joe Nathan for Harang. And damn my hair looks good?” You tell me. Tell me!