Washington Nationals: Another turn on the closerousel for the Nationals, as Henry Rodriguez is no longer taking the ball in the 9th. BiBi showed the world on Wednesday that Davey Johnson was wrong for demoting him by allowing a homerun and walking a batter without recording a K. Tyler Clippard locked the door Tuesday with a clean outing and a K, picking up the save. He’s in the pole position for the job and has the skills (13.2% career swinging strike rate, 2.97 career ERA) to keep it until Drew Storen or Brad Lidge return. Sean Burnett has had slight issues with right-handed bats in his career – a near even walk-to-strikeout rate and a FIP/xFIP a full run higher than against LHB – and may grab the odd save based on matchups or if Clippard is used on consecutive days. Craig Stammen has flourished in his transition to the bullpen, but hasn’t been used in many late-inning situations as of yet and is likely third in the pecking order.
Cincinnati Reds:Sean Marshall continues his 2+ years of dominance by putting up career bests in K (31.4%), BB (4.4%), and GB (59.1%)… oh, and his .476 BABIP led to several blown leads and Aroldis Chapman inheriting Marshall’s post in the Red regime. Viva La Revolution! Chapman has struck out 43 of 91 batters faced and owns a 0.42 FIP this season. Those are not typos. He struggled throwing strikes last season and still put up a 3.60 ERA with a 1.30 WHIP. He may well end this season with an ERA under 1.50 and a sub-1.00 WHIP. Word is that Chapman doesn’t like pitching in back-to-back games; Marshall will get a save opportunity in such a situation.
Chicago White Sox: Robin Ventura has officially named Addison Reed the closer for the Pale Hose. Reed’s lowest K% in the minors was 34.2% – he’s the best pitcher in the White Sox bullpen and will package his saves in a bundle of strikeouts. Expect his walk rate to drop a little as an added bonus. Jesse Crain looks to be the add if Reed falters.
New York Yankees: Joe Girardi indicated Wednesday that Rafael Soriano will be the closer even when David Robertson returns from the DL. Soriano is missing fewer bats and throwing fewer strikes than last season, so if you own Robertson, enjoy the Ks and wait until Soriano lights himself on fire.
Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim Orange County:Ernesto Frieri has struck out 37 of his 82 batters faced this season, and 19 of 32 since joining the Angels. Scott Downs has sat down 7 of 50 batters on strikes. I did the math, it says Frieri should be owned. He obviously won’t continue to strike out 3 of every 5 batters he faces, but he’s a better pitcher than Downs and as soon as Downs has a rough inning I think Frieri officially gets the nod.
Chicago Cubs:Rafael Dolis farted liquid from the mound again Wednesday, allowing 3 runs on 3 hits and 2 walks before getting pulled. Kazaam! He throws his fastball 90% of the time and sports a K/BB ratio of 10/13. I’m amazed he’s even in the big leagues. James Russell is next in line for saves for now, and he possesses a 15/10 K/BB mark in 21 innings. That counts as sparkling on the Cubs. I honestly think Carlos Marmol falls back into the job when he comes back from the DL, and would be the only Cub I’d own at gunpoint. The entire Cubs bullpen is an unmitigated disaster.
Arizona Diamondbacks:J.J. Putz was hosed on what should have been a called second strike and a thrown out runner at second base, but alas, he surrendered two walks and a double, blowing his third save of the season Tuesday night. His velocity was 90/91 MPH for the night, and he’s had trouble with first pitch strikes this season (51.5%, down from 65.9% last season). He’s throwing total strikes at near career rates, and batters are chasing more of his pitches out of the zone than ever before; Putz’s problem is that hitters are teeing off on pitches in the zone, making contact at a 92.2% clip (86.5% last season). Assuming his velocity drop was a one night issue, I think he’ll regain his command and be fine. His struggles seem like statistical noise at this juncture.
San Francisco Giants: Brandon Crawford cost Madison Bumgarner (and me) a win by booting a groundball, and Santiago Casilla (and my opponent) picked up the win in extra innings. No breaking news here, just wanted to reveal how petty I am. Sergio Romo is a better pitcher, but arm issues prevent him from handling an every day workload, thus Casilla is the man for the Giants.
Ernesto Frieri got the save yesterday in the 11th inning, but Downs came on in the 9th in a tie game. On one hand, teams hold back their closer in a tie game in away games, in case they get the lead. On the other hand, sometimes whoever pitches the ninth is the closer. On a third lesser known hand that is actually a mitten on a doorknob, maybe Downs just came in to face two lefties and stayed in for Gomes. On a fourth lesser known hand that is actually a hand spraypainted onto a dolphin, there is no fourth lesser known hand spraypainted onto a dolphin; c’mon, man, that’s just cruel. On a fifth lesser known hand that is actually a giant hand-shaped pinata, The Sciosciapath is managing all of this, so if he sees Frieri get the save, Frieri could be the man. If Frieri is out there, I’d grab him. I still think Downs is in the mix. Walden’s droppable outside of deep leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Marco Estrada – To the DL with a right hip flexor injury. Chubby Checker just shuddered.
Jonathon Lucroy – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. If Lucroy’s a New Orleans name, I’m drinking the Bourbon! If Lucroy’s a French name, I’m kissing his momma cause I like cougars! If Lucroy is short for Lucuriousgeorge, then call me a monkey! Oh, and I like Lucroy.
Jarrod Parker – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, to lower his ERA to 3.38. Sure, he was facing a struggling offensive team in a hitter’s park… But other than the Rangers, that’s his entire division.
Jonathon Niese – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. On Tuesday, the Pirates were beat by Dickey, and the day before they beat Johan (though those seem reversed in more than one way). Yesterday, the Pirates lost by a nose. If you throw out The Nose’s two worst starts, he has a 2-something ERA. What’s that, you can’t throw out those starts? Tell your leaguemates fiddle faddle, I gave you permission. In the preseason, I liked Niese, and still do. Solid Ks, and looks like a number five to six fantasy starter. Then from the side, he looks like a 2. Get another nose job, man!
Troy Tulowitzki – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games. Better hang onto your hatwitzki, Tulo’s about to take his owners for a ride of about 15 homers in the next month, which will end in a 15-day DL stint.
Ricky Romero – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks in Tampa Bay. Hopefully, he does better when he returns on June 2nd.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, tying Ryan Zimmerman’s last two years combined. I will now take Morpheus’s blue pill.
Kevin Millwood – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks to lower his ERA to 3.72. On April 12th, I compared Millwood to Bartolo, saying, “You know Bartolo Colon with his sneaky 4-ish ERA in a pitchers’ park? That’s Millwood. I call them AL-Only guys that you don’t want to own, but someone’s got to. I never said it was pithy.” And that’s me quoting me! Going into yesterday’s game, Millwood had a 4.17 ERA; Colon had 4.09. Colon has 38 Ks, Millwood has 37. Colon’s WHIP 1.28; Millwood’s 1.29. For my next trick, I will pull Ryan Zimmerman’s head out of his ass.
Todd Frazier – 1-for-4 with his 4th homer. He hadn’t done anything since his 2 homer game, so I dropped Frazier and didn’t even say cheers, but I still like him as a corner man for power in deep leagues if you can handle the low average.
Daniel Bard – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 2 Ks. I wouldn’t own Bard outside of AL-Only leagues. Grey Albright: The Chancellor of the Enthusiasm Chequer.
Daniel Nava – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer. He’s worth picking up, but he’s nothing but a hot schmotato. Sorry, I’m a non-beNava’r. Ouch! Sorry, just hurt myself trying to squeeze that one in.
Alfredo Aceves – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, his 11th save while lowering his ERA to 4.15. Some of his owners who dropped him after his horrendous April are screaming, “‘Fredo, you betrayed me!”
Scott Podsednik – 2-for-3 with a homer. I know exactly how the Red Sox feel today. Last week I picked up Brian Dozier and that day he hit a home run. Yay! Then he went 0-for-a-week. Don’t revel in it, Red Sox, it wears off.
Nick Johnson – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. Or 3 homers by Scott Podsednick Johnson, if you play in a Sniglet league.
Xavier Avery – 2-for-5 with a steal. I’m guessing Xavery is gonna be in Friday’s Buy/Sell. We’ll have to wait to see what Pre-Holiday Weekend Grey’s got in store.
Matt Wieters – 0-for-1 as he sat out. His average is down to .238. Yikes, someone call The Roto Rooter Man, Wieters’s doodie has clogged up my roto teams.
Andy Pettitte – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. Andy’s having a much better time over the last few weeks than his former comroidre. I wonder if they video chat. “Roger?” “Please call me Rocket.” And they talk about needles and shizz. On a side note, I was talking to a friend yesterday and her roommate, who is a guy, was video chatting with another dude. Is that gay? There’s nothing wrong with it, if it is. But is it? I mean, I don’t need to see my guy friends even when they’re in the same room as me. Matter of fact, I prefer it that way. Talk to me while you watch TV; we are all good. And…tangent! So, Pettitte’s been better than I expected since his return. He’s also faced the Reds (terrible vs. lefties), the Royals and the M’s. The Royals aren’t hideous, but I still don’t trust him. His ballpark isn’t good, his division’s tough and he wasn’t even any good when he retired. Now he’s good? I ain’t buying in mixed leagues.
Alex Rodriguez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. Now, A-Rod is definitely a guy-on-guy video chatter.
Brett Gardner – Had a setback with his elbow and won’t hit off a tee until Monday. How’d this go from a minor 15-day DL stint to we’re probably not seeing him for two months total? Jesus Monterochrist!
Eric Hosmer – 3-for-4 and a steal (which is actually impressive vs. Pettitte). This proves my theory. All some players need is me berating them. Now, get it, Hosmer. Get it!
Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks. We ended our month and a half torrid relationship yesterday. I might’ve been so annoyed with Big Z, that I dumped Lynn, but I don’t regret it. With 11 baserunners, he was lucky to only give up 3 earned. If you don’t have better options on waivers, I’d bench him for his next start.
Carlos Beltran – Hit his 14th homer yesterday. Ten more than Pujols. Cust crazy.
Drew Sutton – 2-for-4 with 2 RBIs as he hit cleanup. After the game, Maddon was asked what he’s thinking with the lineup card. He said, “When I think Drew Sutton, I think Don Sutton. When I think Don Sutton, I picture how his afro was so beautifully salt-and-pepper. When I think salt-and-pepper, I think about mashed potatoes. When I think about mashed potatoes, I think of the mess I make when I start mashing. When I think of that mess from mashing, I think of the cleanup. So when I think of Drew Sutton, I think of mashing at cleanup.” When asked why Carlos Pena at leadoff, he replied, “Good OBP.”
James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks. If Shields was in the NL, I’d be on him like white on the albino kid who was in my 10th grade homeroom. He seared his image on my retinas! Does my bias against Shields make any sense, i.e., is he terrible against his AL East opponents? Nah. But at least I admit when I’m sitting on a bias angle.
Will Venable – 3-for-5 and a triple short of a cycle. He was this week’s Creeper.
Carlos Zambrano – 5 IP, 7 ER. Was he due for a blow up or is it because I picked him up for this start? Probably the latter. FMFBBL.
Cole Hamels – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Nats. After the game, Hamels said he wanted to teach Bryce Harper basic math so he let him go 1-for-3. Figure out your batting average now, punk!
Chris Sale – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (2 hits), 6 Ks vs. the Twins. Luckily, that closer experiment only lasted 36 hours and his elbow problems only lasted 72 hours. I’m not joking when I say sometimes I think I know too much. Say you owned Sale and were in Fiji for the last three weeks. After you were done visiting Superfly’s birth home, you’d return to see Chris Sale threw another great start, just like you left him. Could’ve Magoo’d Sale the whole time and had no stress. Eh, what fun is that? Fantasy Baseball: When there’s not enough stress in my real life.
Addison Reed – Robin Ventura officially named Reed the closer. He said he read on the internet that Reed was the closer for the last two weeks, and it sounded like a good idea.
Alex Rios – Homered last night. If you’re wondering why, it’s cause I just dropped him. That’s why. No other reason.
Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. Guess what Wandy’s ERA is. Don’t Google it. Guess. Go ahead, I’ll wait. *scratches butt, taps finger, stirs coffee with different finger* His ERA is 2.14!
J.D. Martinez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs. He got ice cold for a while (hitting below .150 in May), but last night might be a sign he’s coming around. Definitely would watch him.
J.J. Putz – Gibson confirmed that Putz was still their closer. That means the over/under for him losing the job is at 4 days.
Krispie Young – Diamondbacks are saying they might’ve rushed him back, so they let him watch from the bench yesterday as they scored 11 runs. Holy sit!
Adrian Beltre – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, facing his old team, the Mariners. He obviously hit this homer just to say, “It’s not me, it’s you.”
Torii Hunter – Should return early next week. I bet he regrets teaching his kid the importance of dotting both I’s.
Brandon Phillips isn’t the shiniest tool in the toolbox, but he hit two homers off Beachy yesterday. He’s gone from a 30/30 2nd baseman to a 20/20 2nd baseman to now an 18/15 2nd baseman, but that doesn’t mean you’re completely screwed if you overpaid for him on draft day. As long as Dusty hits him between Votto and Bruce, good ol’ Brandon should deliver above average R/RBI at a solid average. He might not be as sexy as an Altuve or a Jemile, but he’ll probably be a better value the rest of the way. BTW, even if you didn’t own him last night, the best thing about BP wrecking another Beachy was we didn’t have to sit through a celebrity telethon and Sean Penn’s sourpuss. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the roundup, here’s the latest podcast. We talk about the Nats bullpen, Brandon Beachy and I read a poem I wrote for Gio Gonzalez. If that’s not enough for you, Rudy references Lil Jon and drops an F-bomb, which isn’t as deadly as an A-Bomb, but nearly as effective. Anyway II, here’s the roundup and podcast:
Zack Cozart – He homered again yesterday for his second in two days because he wants to make it up to me for his early season struggles. At least that’s what my ventriloquist dummy wearing a Cozart jersey told me.
Mat Latos – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. I want everyone to promise me one thing. If you don’t want to own Latos right now because of his ERA roller coaster ride, write it down somewhere that you won’t read until next March. So when you see his 3.50 ERA from 2012, you don’t draft him and then want to drop him for the first 6 weeks of next season too.
R.A. Dickey – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks. When asked in the clubhouse where’d these strikeouts come from, Dickey said he pictured all the batters were his childhood bullies who used to pick on him. Must’ve been hard for a guy named Dickey who was a knuckleballer.
Frank Francisco – Pitched a perfect inning for his 11th save. Only during the Closepocalypse could a guy with 11 saves and a 7.13 ERA appear good.
James McDonald – Had another great start (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks). E I E I Own!
Kevin Youkilis – The Greek God of Limps has returned, and homered. Opa!
Adrian Gonzalez – Comatose Red Sox Fan, “A-Gon is in the outfield? So Ortiz is playing first and it’s interleague play?” Nope. “Our pitching is doing well, but we’re trying to squeeze in more offense?” Nuh-uh. “Please, tell me we’re at least in first for the Wild Card.” You might want to sit down for this. The A-Gonz outfield experiment is lasting beyond interleague as the Sawx are stuck with Middlebrooks and Youuuuuuuk at the corners. Maybe while in the outfield, A-Gonz can reacquaint himself with the area behind the fences. Not sure if he’ll play there enough to gain OF-eligibility outside 5 game leagues, but it can’t hurt his value. Hopefully he can avoid the injury curse that is befalling all the Sawx OFs (Crawford, Ellsbury, McDonald, Ross, Kalish….)
Scott Podsednik – I’m gonna go out on a limb and say if you played any post-collegiate outfield, you could receive a call from the Red Sox. This includes Matt Stairs’ Steak and Keggers Softball League.
Gavin Floyd – 3 2/3 IP, 9 ER pitching at home against the Twins. Yowza! Floyd is generally a safe 5th/6th SP in shallow leagues, but you just ask that he does this against a good opponent so you have a proper heads-up. Party foul, Gavin.
Gordon Beckham – 3rd HR in 4 games (and Vernon Wells robbed him of a HR the game before that). Not bad for the most British-sounding 2B since William Randolph.
Travis Wood – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he was recalled by the Cubs to take Volstad’s spot in the rotation. Wood had a 4.57 ERA in Triple-A this year. That’s depressing, until you think about how fortunate you are that you’re not the Red Sox outfield.
Bryan LaHair – Sat out yesterday because he’s in a 1-for-20 skid. And here I thought he’d hit .400 this year. I’m glad I didn’t request MLB to defrost Ted Williams’ head. On May 11th, when I told you to sell him, he had a .384 average with 8 homers. He now has 10 homers with a .315 average. He could be a platoon player by June 15th.
Alfonso Soriano – 1-for-4 with his 4th homer. At least he’s having the decency to hit so it’s not completely laughable that the Cubs will find someone to take him off their hands. Kinda laughable, just not completely.
Jeff Francoeur – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer in… Let’s see how many times have I told you to own him in the last week?
Matt Carpenter – Left yesterday’s game with an injury to his side. Just when you thought the oblique couldn’t get any vaguer, teams are now just calling it an injured side.
Michael Bourn – 2 homers yesterday. That’s typically a season for him. Did his 3rd round drafter Matthew Berry erase his memory and Bourn suddenly assumed a power-hitting identity?
Vance Worley – Hopes to pitch again even after visiting Dr. Freeze. Here’s what frequent commenter, Cahhhhh-stanza, said, “Jo Anne’s son, Vance, went to see Dr. Freeze Monday for a 2nd opinion. His first opinion? Your mom’s best acting was on Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In. His second opinion? I think a 12-18 month vacation may be in your future.”
Roy Halladay – 6 IP, 5 ER. I’m officially concerned. Is this the beginning of the end for him being a number one? Citizens Flank is obviously not the friendliest of ballparks for pitchers, but that hasn’t changed from the last two years. Luckily, you didn’t draft him and just went with Anibal and Gio to anchor your staff like I told you.
P.J. Walters – The ex-Cardinal had a complete game victory vs. the White Sox – giving up 2 ER and 8 Ks. That’s 3-for-3 in quality starts so far. His minor league stats don’t hint at this being his breakout season, but maybe PJ’s turning into a sleeper.
Robinson Cano – 1-for-3 with his 5th homer. Still off the 8 homer, Ian Desmond pace car.
Josh Bell – 1-for-4 with a homer. He was hitting the feathers out of the chicken (that’s a saying) in Triple-A. He was also striking out more than a beagle in heat (also, a saying). I wouldn’t want him for the long term, but he has everyday playing time and might stay hotter than a camel riding a furnace (not a saying).
J.J. Putz – 3rd blown save last night with 1 IP, 2 ER. Dickey and Putz’s fortunes seem to be going in opposite directions like Siamese twins connected at the back. After Putz lived up to his name last night, it might be wise for his owners to handcuff themselves to David Hernandez.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners (6 BBs), 2 Ks. Six walks and two Ks? Did Francisco Liriano’s doctor do some ‘minor’ surgery on Ubaldo?
Tyler Clippard – Davey Johnson reached into his bag of relievers and pulled out Clippard to save the game against the Phillies. Nice 1-2-3 inning. Now get back in the bag, Tyler, before Davey Boy goes all bulldog on ya. BB-Rod is safe to drop for Craig “The Pistol” Stammen, Sean Burnett or Tyler Clippard. If I were picking them up, I’d do it in reverse order. Unless you’re reading this in a mirror. .tops dlab eht eciton neve t’nac ,doog skool riah ruoY
Ryan Zimmerman – Sat out yesterday with shoulder soreness. I’m hoping it’s a coverup because Jordan Zimmermann pitched and they only have one jersey.
Alex Avila – Hit his 5th homer yesterday. If someone grew bored of the .220-ish hitting Avila, he’s a decent guy to grab off waivers. No reason to think he can’t get back to respectable. That sounds like a title of an R&B album, Get Back To Respectable. A soulful journey as one woman gets back on her feet after a terrible breakup, as sung by Grey Albright.
C.J. Wilson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks. Of course, if you read any other site, the lead story is Pujols hit a home run. Then twenty minutes of Bruce Harper, then what does Pujols think of Bryce Harper.
Elliot Johnson – 3-for-4 with his 8th steal. Kinda annoyed I missed out on him in the RCL, but I got Cozart homering now. Small booya.
Carlos Pena – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer as he hit leadoff. …HA! Sorry, tried to keep a straight face there. The Rays are so good, Maddon can’t even Mr. Bungle them. Luke Scott also homered. As we know from past experiences, Scott and Pena only homer 5 times in a ten day span, never once.
Hanley Ramirez – 3-for-5 with 2 steals. Now him and Reyes are red hot. Or is that red-orange?
Brian Matusz – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks against the Sawx. Tip of the hat for the huge nutsacked owners who started him in this matchup. That includes those whose nutsacks are enlarged due to a medical condition and who happened to have Matusz in their starting rotation before going to the hospital.
Wilson Betemit – 1-for-3 with his 7th homer. Sure, I should’ve went with Betemit over Ryan Zimmerman, but a lot of good that’s doing me now!
Adam Wainwright – 4 hit shutout against the Padres with 9 Ks. We told everyone who listened to last week’s podcast to buy him as it only seemed like a matter of time before he Wainwrighted the ship. We have one word for how that must’ve tasted…
Yan Gomes – The Brazilian whacks another one! Just an FYI to those of you who are getting sick of LaHair in that slot.
Achilles (Tennessee Mash – RCL 25) held on to the lead in the overall standings with 108 points, but things have tightened up. Big Magoo (Matthew Berry is a Tool) moved up a couple of spots to 2nd, just 1 point back. Trini (Psychic Friends Network – RCL 22) holds down 3rd with 105, while Playin’ The Field (Beef SAGNOF!) and Team Birdis (RCL 3) round out the top 5 with 104 points each. Got Heem (RCL 9) made the biggest move this week, gaining 17 points and jumping from 384th to 159th place in the standings. RCL 9 and the ECFBL have the top competitive index of 104.
There was mention this week in RCL 40 of Josh Hamilton or Adam Jones possibly being “steal of the draft.” Number 1 ranked Hamilton had an average draft position of 35.2 while Jones was at 71.8. Then there’s #2 Carlos Beltran (122.4) and #5 Edwin Encarnacion (207.4). How about Lance Lynn, who was drafted in just 6 leagues and is now ranked #7? According to the Razzball Player Rater, Hamilton has gained over $44 in value, and is now worth $24 more than anyone else. Lynn has gained over $33, followed by Beltran ($32.4) and undrafted Fernando Rodney ($30.3). Since Lynn and Rodney were valued at $1 in the preseason, that probably makes them the top pick and pickup, respectively, so far.
Expert League: Mastersball Carey (Ryan Carey) bounced back and retook first place from RotoWire Del Don. Meanwhile Rudy and Grey went in opposite directions. Even Grey’s pitching let him down this week, finishing with just 1 win and ratios of 4.25 and 1.30. On the other hand, Rudy’s team moved up to 3rd place with 84 points and just missed earning top pitching honors, collecting 7 wins and 8 saves, with an ERA of 1.86 and 0.97 WHIP.
Trades: After last week’s 19 trades, the wheeler-dealers rested. Just 6 exchanges involving 18 players this week, highlighted by Uncle Robbies Daffiness Boys dumping the slumping Howie Kendrick in the ECFBL for the excitement of Eric Hosmer! In Ones are GOOD, right?, the Amazing Ocelots traded Felix Hernandez and Mike Adams to NYC Matthole for Brandon Morrow and Jake Peavy. Krispie Young and Yu Darvish were also among the players changing teams. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums. Look for the RCL under “Everything Else.”
Weekly Leaders
Fastballs At Ridgemont High (Schmohawk in Training) was the top hitting team this week. They hit .298 with 18 home runs and 59 RBI, 55 runs, and 14 steals.JonathanLucroy (.375/8 RBI/2 SB), Ryan Braun (.444/7 RBI/3 SB), Mike Trout (.444/2 HR/4 SB), and Ian Desmond (.344/2 HR/6 RBI/2 SB) all provided speed and power.
Average: .329 (Afghani Buzkashi – Fausto or Roberto?) Runs: 61 (Thunder Muscle – Fantasy Master Lotharios) HR: 18 (Fastballs At Ridgemont High, Big Magoo, Votto-erotic Asphyxiation, We’ve got the runs, Barking Basset Hounds, Coach McGuirk, Juicin Aint EZ- The A-Rod Story) RBI: 59 (Sclerotic Whips – Yu Ain’t Goldschmidt, Fastballs At Ridgemont High) SB: 20 (Super Tecmo Magic Rabbits – Myrtle’s Acres)
Urine Sample (RCL 44) took pitching honors with an ERA of 3.39 and 1.17 WHIP with 80 Ks, 6 wins, and 13 saves. Jim Johnson (4 Saves/2.25/1.00), J.J. Putz (3 Saves/0.00/1.25), and Alfredo Aceves (2 Saves/0.00/1.07) led their relief corps, while Yovani Gallardo and Gio Gonzalez anchored the starting rotation.
Ks: 99 (Dueling Beaver Traps – RCL 44) Wins: 9 (Rank Railheads – RCL #40) Saves: 13 (Pliny the Elder – Myrtle’s Acres, NYC Matthole – Ones are GOOD right?, Urine Sample – RCL 44) ERA: 0.95 (Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?) WHIP: 0.89 (Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?)
TEAM OF THE WEEK – May 14 – 20
Rank Railheads (RCL #40)
101/333 (.303)
50 R/17 HR/52 RBI/9 SB
108.2 IP
84 K/9 W/2.98/1.25/4 S
Andrew McCutchen and Martin Prado paced the Railheads’ offense this week. McCutchen hit 4 home runs and drove in 7, scored 6, and stole a base. Prado added a homer while hitting .519. Buster Posey (.381/5 RBI) and Carlos Ruiz (.476/6 Runs/1 HR/7 RBI/2 SB) made carrying 2 catchers seem like a good idea. Josh Reddick had only 4 hits, but 3 were dingers. 9 different pitchers picked up wins, with Ervin Santana putting up the best numbers: 15 strikeouts/1.32 ERA/1.10 WHIP. David Price (Win/13 K), Jason Motte (1 Win/1 Save), and Joel Hanrahan (3 Saves) were also key contributors.
I had high apple pie in the sky hopes for David Robertson, but no one is safe. “There’s a storm a comin’! Jebediah, should I bring the cows into the barn?” “No, Gissley! It wants our closers!” “But I only have Juan Cruz! And I’s not even sure he’s the set-up man” “It doughs’cent matter!” Really, really shocked by Robertson performance yesterday (2/3 IP, 4 ER), but I guess I shouldn’t be. I’ve officially ‘learned’ Closepocalypse on my computer spellchecker. If Soriano is out there in your league, I’d grab him. The Yankees could flip-flop right back to him since he has ‘closer experience.’ You know, pulling the ol’ Robertson is just more comfortable in the 8th inning shtick. At this rate, Fernando Rodney’s going to be the only $12 Salad next month. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Sale – This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast Network. If you are a closer, just go for an MRI now. You’re pitching with a torn tendon. I repeat, you have a torn tendon. So, Addison Reed might now be the closer on the White Sox, as Sale goes to get an MRI today. Robin Ventura thought a good way to preserve an injured pitcher’s arm was to throw him into high-leverage situations. I say that’s crummy with crackers, but what do I know? I’m just a guy who has a hard time pronouncing the word ‘peculiar.’ If Reed is out there, I’d grab him immediately. If Reed gets the closer job, he has a chance to be a strong Donkeycorn with $12 Salad upside. To all of those who are reading Razzball for the first time, that last sentence wasn’t gibberish. It only sounded like it.
Jeff Niemann – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Yankees in the House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built. You got co-jo’s (I’m gonna start saying co-jo’s for cojones; hopefully, it works better than twelve after twenty). I mean, big giant co-jo’s if you went with Niemann in this start, and your co-jo’s were rewarded. Good co-jo’s.
Matt Joyce – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer. His first halves are so obviously hot every year, I’m sorta kicking myself for not owning Joyce. (We should’ve got Beltran in at least one league, too. That one hurts worse. Eh, it’s Monday morning quarterbacking. Beltran could be doing a Torii and vice versa.)
Casey Janssen – Got the save yesterday and will for the immediate future. Doesn’t his last name look like a loveseat at Ikea? Why do you have such crazy spellings and such comfortable furniture? “If you want, I’ll sleep on the Janssen, and you can crash on the Wilhelmsen or Sogard.” Eh, maybe it’s me. Any the hoo! Janssen is now the Blue Jays closer. I doubt this will stick very long, but it wasn’t like Santos is on the DL with a chipped tooth. WAPU! (Where Available Pick Up — Note to self: Acronyms aren’t that handy when I have to spell out what they mean.)
Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 10 Ks. Hey, I heard you were a wild one… Does Flo Rida rhyme Cus D’AMato in that song? So Morrow is back to the crazy K/walk guy that I once loved? I don’t get it, but I offered Rudy a bet that Morrow will have at least a 3.75 ERA the rest of the way, and Rudy didn’t jump at the wager, offering me back 3.50. Whatever the case, he’s not staying at 2.27 ERA, where he’s currently at.
J.P. Arencibia – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer. He has 2 homers in the last week and is hitting over .400. What’s your craptcher doing?
Ike Davis – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. I wouldn’t say he’s alive yet (still hitting .179), but he definitely hit a homer yesterday (maybe while sleepwalking). It seems pretty implausible that he has an average under .250 this year, so it’ll take a whole lot of tryin’ (and some hits) just to get up that hill.
Jeanmar Gomez – 7 IP, 8 ER, 13 baserunners, 2 Ks. Hopefully not too many of you went for this Cleveland Streamer.
Zack Greinke – 8 IP, 2 H, 11 Ks. He’s turned into the ultimate homeschooler since he’s become a Brewer. Last year, his Home/Away ERA was 3.13/4.70. This year, it’s 1.80/7.20. Maybe someone can start packing Greinke’s blankie with him on road trips.
Ryan Braun – 2-for-4 with his 10th homer to raise his average to .313. Let’s do a first tier of the top ten check (which is kinda like a cup check but less stressful): 1. Braun — Fine. 2. Miggy — Fine. 3. Pujols — Maybe it’s not less stressful. 4. Votto — Maybe you hit for power. 5. Bautista — Well, Braun and Miggy are good.
Aroldis Chapman – Moved his record to 3-0 and his ratios to 0.00 ERA and 0.57 WHIP with 27 Ks in 15 2/3 IP. Is there any other rotation Aroldis wouldn’t be a part of in the history of baseball? The 1971 O’s? The 1920 White Sox? The 1889 Spiders?
Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks to lower his ERA to 1.12. He’s in such a zone, right now every batter he sees he pictures Jason LaRue.
Drew Stubbs – 2-for-4, as he stole 3rd base with two outs in a 0-0 game. Later, Brandon Phillips stole 2nd with two outs in the 9th inning with Bruce at bat and the pitcher’s slot up next, which meant the other team would walk Bruce to get to the Reds’ best pinch hitter, Miguel Cairo. Dusty Baker may be a lot of things, but he’s definitely a SAGNOF loyalist. Who steals with Bruce up in the 9th inning with two outs knowing they’ll walk him? So bonkers. Why isn’t Buzz Bissinger following around Dusty Baker for one season to record his moves? “Today, Dusty Baker had the infield play on the grass for five innings accidentally when he moved his toothpick to the left side of his mouth.”
Sean Marshall – Why do I feel like we should start calling the site Razzball: All Saves, All the Time. Marshall tried to blow yesterday’s game, but instead gave up a solo homer to Braun and Dusty pulled him, so Logan Ondrusek picked up the save. Marshall’s been pretty bad (almost 5 ERA, 1.55 WHIP), so I wouldn’t be surprised if Dusty does go to Chapman or Logan. You can’t speculate on Chapman in any competitive leagues, because he’s owned, but there’s always Ondrusek — it’s the age of Ikea furniture!
Jonathan Sanchez – To the Disgraceful List. We may never see him again in the under four epoch. Or ERA, if you don’t have a grade schooler’s tendency to overuse a thesaurus.
Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. When the FIP meets the pavement, Johnson takes off. I’m not totally convinced he’s fully around the corner, but he’s obviously no longer doing donuts in Garbageville.
Steve Cishek – Do you even have to ask what the new closer for the Marlins did? Do you really need to ask? Of course you don’t, but I’ll tell ya. He blew the save. It wasn’t totally his fault, but Mujica still may steal more glances from Ozzie’s Neck Towel.
Christian Friedrich – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. As previously mentioned the other day aforementionedly, I like Friedrich in NL-Only leagues. His K/BB rate was very solid in the minors and now that he’s done what he did vs. the Padres, he’ll get the Giants next. Yes, please and thank you.
Josh Willingham – 2-for-4 with his 6th homer. Back from his cold sores, he’s got a hot bat. Googler of “cold sores” + “hot bat,” we won’t judge you here.
Danny Valencia – Twins optioned him to Triple-A. Twins are hoping to get Valencia going against lesser competition and split squad games are so Spring Training.
Francisco Liriano – Demoted to the bullpen because the Twins didn’t want their Triple-A team to get any worse.
Erik Bedard – Left the 2nd inning with back spasms. Doesn’t sound too bad, so he’ll probably miss a month.
Andrew McCutchen – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in as many games. Giancarlo’s plus one for the 2nd Rounders Who Were Disappointing Party finally showed up. Someone should ring up Hanley and Reyes so these flat breads don’t go to waste.
Joel Hanrahan – Got the save yesterday, but Hanrahanananananananan’s nananananananananana passed away and he will be out on bereavement this Friday. Grilli or Juan Cruz could see saves this weekend. In one league, I threw another closer on the Grilli.
Allen Craig – Hit his 3rd homer. All he’s done is hit since his return from the DL. Speaking of DL stints, Berkman’s due back Friday. Playing time is a concern for Craig, but I’m thinking the Cards have to play him. Your deity of choice knows their blahtoon at 2nd base isn’t working, so Craig could move there.
J.J. Putz – 2/3 IP, 4 ER to raise his ERA to 9.00. It was a non-save situation, but I’m beginning to think by July there’s gonna be teams dialing up Alfonseca to close games. Maybe they can get a six-finger discount.
Adam Dunn – Hit his 10th homer yesterday. I was obviously wrong that Dunn was done. Bunyan’s still got some lumber. Big Donkey’s still deserves the brays. Adam’s the apple of every fantasy baseballer (<–my mom’s term!) who wants 30+ homers and a lousy average. It was mocked when Ventura put Dunn in the three hole, but I’m not sure it was a stroke of genius or every move Ventura’s done so far is dopey, but if you throw enough shizz against the wall, something will stick. And something will stink.
Tim Lincecum – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks. On the bright side, there was only two walks and 8 Ks. On the less bright side, it was two walks in only five innings and he gave up 8 hits and 4 runs.
Jake Peavy – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks to lower his ERA to 1.89. It’s silly early to be saying this, but it wouldn’t shock me to see him in the Cy Young running, if he stays healthy. Then next year, I’ll like him a lot and he’ll get hurt in April.
Drew Storen – Might throw this week putting him on schedule to return in early June. I hope he has a setback because I have HanK-Rod in a few leagues, but that’s just me.
Chris Johnson – 1-for-3 with his 4th homer. Or 4 homers in the last week. Maybe I should’ve dropped Zimmerman when he returned from the DL. Things that make you go hmm…
Yoenis Cespedes – Has a strained muscle in his left hand. The A’s are saying he can avoid the DL and could be in the lineup as early as today. Michael Moore offered to take Yoenis back to Cuba for tests, but he declined.
Will Middlebrooks – Bobby Valentine said Middlebrooks won’t play the outfield, but will send him back to the minors when Youuuuuuuuuk returns. Unless they can make Youuuuuuuuuk into gluuuuuuuuue.
Jason Vargas – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Marginer!
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K. I’d put him in the same class as Big Z, Capuano, Dempster (a tad better) and Ted Lilly, i.e., more valuable on your team than what you can get for them in a trade.
Rafael Dolis – A 1-2-3 inning to get the save. It was a pleasant alternative to Marmol save opps. Those usually sound like “SuperCarlosfrigginMarmolpissshitjustbringinRafaelDolis…”
