Now this is a position I am bearish on to a point for 2012. On the one hand, there aren’t many SS I really want to draft. I like Troy Tulowitzki, Jose Reyes and Starlin Castro and that’s really it. The thing is, after those three, I don’t feel like I have a leg up on the competition for 2012 if I draft any of them. What’s the difference between Elvis Andrus and Dee Gordon when we look at expectations for this year? How about comparing Asdrubal Cabrera to Erik Aybar? My perfect team has either Castro or Tulo on it, with the high likelihood that its Starlin on my team. I’d balance him out by going for power from my next SS, take J.J. Hardy in the 11th or 12th. But really, your team is not going to be strong or weak based upon what your SS does this year. If I miss out on those top 3, I’d even talk myself into waiting for the Escobars, Yunel and Alcides, while bulking up elsewhere. ‘Waiting for the Escobars’…sounds like a movie title.
I’ll Avoid:
Hanley Ramirez – I traded him away in 2011 for Tulo in a keeper league and have no regrets. I do think 2011 was an aberration for Hanley but the trendline is there. His power is in decline and you add to that a position change with a hurt shoulder, I don’t know if we can expect 20/25 from him this year. It’s his power that separates him from Jose Reyes in the rankings. If he hits .290 and goes 15/25, is he really worth more than Reyes’ .290 with 10/40? Unless your league scores extra points for lack of hustle, the answer is no.
Asdrubal Cabrera – It pains me to say this seeing as he’s a keeper for me this year but his 2011 was so far out of line with his career arc to date, the ADP has high expectations already baked into the cake. 15/15 with a .280 average is nice, but what’s wrong with Jimmy Rollins‘ .265 15/25 a round later? Of course, we know I’m not drafting either guy but you get the point. If Asdrubal repeats his 2011 and doesn’t tire down the stretch like he did last year – he hadn’t played a full season since 2009 – then you’re getting him at his market value. I’d just rather not find out if he can match his asking price.
I’ll Go For:
Zack Cozart - Bill James projects him for 13/16 and a .250-ish average in 130 games and he’s going after the 20th round. Tell me why I’m targeting middle-tier SS again that go before the 10th round? I’m still trying to figure that one out. I’ll take him as my secondary SS (sorry for that, lispers) and be fine with it.
Ruben Tejada - Now I almost went with Alcides Escobar because he should steal you 25 to 30 bags and hit .275. He seemed to really figure it out after June of last year, stealing 21 of his 26 bags. Hrm, two sentences in and I’ve already talked more about the guy I almost went with and maybe I should’ve. However, I want to highlight what Ruben Tejada did in 376 plate appearances last year: .284 average with a .360 OBP. ‘Yeah and what else did he do?’ you ask. Well, truth be told absolutely nothing. However, he’ll be dual eligible in yahoo leagues and is going virtually undrafted even in larger leagues with an ADP of 402. Plus, he’s only going to be 22 this year. Call this one more a shot in the dark over hard evidence but I like hitters who have a good batting eye and feel like the rest can sort itself out. Maybe he turns into Marco Scutaro. Maybe he turns into Yunel Escobar. Or maybe he turns into Kate Upton. Or maybe…mmmm…Kate Upton…
Situation to Monitor: New York Yankees
Let’s take a look at the age of that infield, shall we? Robinson Cano is 29 so he’s fine. Mark Teixiera is 32 in April so still, we’re in the range of youngish. Derek Jeter is 37…kids, he didn’t just decide to go with the bald look cuz it was cool. Then you’ve got Alex Rodriguez at 36, he of the 124.5 games played average since 2008. Even if these two manage to hold up over the course of the year, their backup Eduardo Nunez is going to be resting those gams quite a lot to make sure their playoff run doesn’t have to start with a visit to the retirement home for their lineup. There’s a good chance with the age of the Yankees we see either A-Rod or Jeter come close to full time DH duties or combine there enough to get Eduardo a large total of ABs this year. Considering he stole 22 bases in just over 300 ABs last year, you could hamstring strain yourself into 30 SBs from someone who might go largely undrafted. To quote Kiefer Sutherland in his Bank of America ads: nice, remarkably nice.
In the first real game of the season (it was real, right? I looked for highlights, but ESPN was showing a Red Sox split-squad game instead). From the box score, I heart Brandon McCarthy. His line was 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners and 3 Ks. Yeah, the Mariners aren’t very good at hitting, but a quality start is a quality start. Brandon McCarthy celebrated by taking out a Tokyo girl with red streaks in her hair who lives on the other side of the tracks. Sorry Peking Ducky! I tried to get Rudy to draft McCarthy in one of our leagues on Tuesday night, and was disappointed to see he went to someone else for $9. I have his projections down as 8-11/3.50/1.17/140. Last year, his home ERA and WHIP was 2.65 and 1.11. He may not strike out many hitters, but there’s not many pitchers late I’d trust to actually help my WHIP. Anyway, here’s what else we saw in spring training (and real baseball) for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Justin Smoak – 0-for-5. That two day pick up has worked out well so far! While he’s at it, maybe he can hit a line drive into Florida and injure Anibal Sanchez.
Ichiro Suzuki – 5 ABs, 4 singles, 2 balls out of the infield. That’s a .800 AVG in baseball and .400 AVG in sumo.
Dustin Ackley – Home run and steal for the first official slam & legs of the season. Back in November, I went over my Dustin Ackley fantasy. I wrote it while beating Steve Wiebe at Donkey Kong.
Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. With the week layoff between the second and third Mariners game, is he gonna start twice in the first four games of the Mariners season? Cause that would be kinda awesome…If I owned him anywhere…which I don’t… Sticking with the dot, dot, dot theme:
Michael Morse – His collagen injection paid wonders and was able to secure a sugar daddy may make it back for Opening Day. If not, he shouldn’t miss much time.
Drew Storen – Expected to start the year on the DL. Of course he is. He’s only thrown 2 innings this spring. As I mentioned in our fantasy baseball podcast, Henry Rodriguez is looking to me like one of those middle relievers that comes out of nowhere and Ks a shizzton and ends up being more valuable than your number three fantasy starter that you were crazy about in March and wanted to kill in May. Think Venters instead of Liriano last year. Actually, think of Venters instead of Liriano last year as long as you don’t have any sharp objects around. No, a comparison to Venters isn’t completely apt. Rodriguez’s WHIP might be more in line with a Marmol. But he gets Ks, should get innings and may get saves. Who’s standing in his way? Lidge? Oy. If I wanted straight saves, I’d go Lidge first. He will probably be the first guy to see ninth inning looks. It doesn’t mean he will be the last guy to see saves in Storen’s stead.
Justin Morneau – The 2nd best Canadian 1st baseman is starting to heat up as spring training comes to a close. He’s hit 3 HRs in the past couple days. Hopefully, he doesn’t rub it in to Brian Roberts at the next Concussion Anonymous meeting.
Brian Wilson – His beard must be itchy because the Giants scratched him from Wednesday’s game. If you drafted him, hope you enjoy wild rides. Follow his gimp’s lead and handcuff him with Sergio Romo and/or Santiago Casilla. (For saves, I’d go Casilla first.)
B.J. Upton – Headed to the DL to start the year as B.J.’s back is still Upton-o-good after colliding with Desmond Jennings in the OF. They are just too fast. The Rays have to regulate them like NASCAR to avoid this stuff in the future. Steals ain’t got no face, but they require a functioning back. Upton said he could miss only a few games (three), and doesn’t expect to miss more than a few weeks. Gulp. Hopefully it’s the former if former means the first one. Brandon Guyer should get some playing time in the mean’s while. Take note those of you in 30-team MLB leagues.
Jed Lowrie – Jammed his thumb. Thumb up the jam, thumb it up! Sorry, that always gets me. Lowrie said he should be back in a few days. Sounds like a stereotypical Sparky Anklebiter injury. So a player with too much can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness needs to put his finger on ice.
J.J. Hardy – Received a cortisone shot in his shoulder yesterday, which is a steroid (tomato-potato, I guess). I didn’t like Hardy going into the spring, but the one thing he offered was power. How you think the power’s gonna be with a sore shoulder? Yup.
Chris Carpenter – Having a bone spur removed, will be sidelined a couple of months. No, this is not the Cardinals’ Chris Carpenter, it’s the Red Sox’s Chris Carpenter. What a jinxed name. This is a warning to anyone underage getting a fake ID. Don’t go with Leo Nunez or Fausto Carmona. The authorities will be all over you.
Top 20 catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and 3rd basemen are in the books. What a strange, glorious trip it’s been! Though not really. Today, the top 20 shortstops for 2011 fantasy baseball get to shine. Hmm… Actually, most of these won’t shine. They’re cloudy with a chance of crapballs. As I said in the 2nd baseball recap post, the shortstops are almost exactly as shallow as the shortstops and 3rd basemen. Now it’s time to be a bit more specific. The top ten shortstops were better than the 2nd basemen and 3rd basemen. Yes, that is scary. Though if you were in a deeper league or if you used an MI, the fall off from the 13th to 20th ranked shortstops is not pretty, whereas the 2nd basemen held their value as you dropped down the rankings. 3rd base was as big a mess in the lower half of the rankings as shortstops. Okay, enough of the hubbub on the tomfoolery. To recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Jose Reyes – I’m a huge Reyes fan and he didn’t disappoint this year. He missed almost forty games and still was the top ranked shortstop. If you filled him in halfway decently while he was injured, you had huge production from his spot. He cut his K-rate by a solid margin, had a bit of luck on average but should’ve had more homers. Six of one yadda3. I kinda want to see him end up in Boston this offseason, but I’m also afraid his value will be inflated a’la Crawford and his injuries could resurface. As for that whole sitting out to win the batting title thing, it doesn’t matter for fantasy. It’s about as relevant as Miggy filling his jock strap with airplane bottles of liquor. Turn down the treble and eliminate the noise. On a side note, why is Jose Reyes freakin’ naked on the cover of ESPN, The Magazine? I have girls back to my house and they don’t understand. My moms sees this magazine and she’s questioning things. Not that there’s anything wrong with the questions. Preseason Rank #3, 2011 Projections: 110/12/60/.290/40, Final Numbers: 101/7/44/.337/39
2. Troy Tulowitzki – Imagine if I jumped out of DeLorean in March and told you Tulo would miss September, would you still have drafted him? I’m guessing no. I’m Guessing, II: The Return of I’m Guessing; you would’ve regretted not drafting him. I’m Guessing, III: I Didn’t See The 2nd I’m Guessing But They’re Making Another One?; if you were in a H2H league, you probably would’ve regretted not drafting him less. Preseason Rank #2, 2011 Projections: 95/30/105/.280/15, Final Numbers: 81/30/105/.302/9
3. Starlin Castro – Was one of those players that I wasn’t excited about in January when I did the rankings, then ended up with him on multiple teams because Rudy liked him a lot. Sometimes Rudy’s smart. (Sometimes last March Rudy told me he didn’t want Kemp on every team. Sometimes I shouldn’t have listened.) Preseason Rank #12, 2011 Projections: 75/5/55/.305/12, Final Numbers: 91/10/66/.307/22
4. Asdrubal Cabrera – He was ranked low by me in the preseason, but I did put him in a group of players you should take a flyer on at the end of the draft. I’ve had much love for Asdrubal from the moment he burst on the scene with his easy-to-giggle-at first name. Still, his power output this year is ridonkiculous. 25 homers? Really? Did Hanley and him urinate into a fountain as they made a wish at the same time? (I ranked Asdrubal 22nd overall, but I said in the preseason blurb I’m only doing that to highlight him and he’s actually above Castro, so, ya know, don’t hate the ranker, hate the game.) Preseason Rank #11, 2011 Projections: 80/7/60/.295/20, Final Numbers: 87/25/92/.273/17
5. Elvis Andrus – Came pretty close to performing exactly as I thought he would, but, for full disclosure purposes (or porpoises if dolphins are reading), I wanted more from Andrus. He reminds me of Brian McCann. I expect them to break out in a huge way, then they perform well and I’m still slightly disappointed. I’m telling you, one of these years Andrus is gonna give us a Reyes in his prime year. Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections: 95/5/50/.270/45, Final Numbers: 96/5/60/.279/37
7. Jimmy Rollins – Gave a much better season than I expected from him. And it might’ve been better if it wasn’t for Utley’s injury. While filling in the three hole (not like that!), Rollins’s line was 17/1/5/.271/5. And you thought Utley only hurt you directly. He’s giving you indirect reasons to dislike him. Preseason Rank #5, 2011 Projections: 85/14/65/.260/20, Final Numbers: 87/16/63/.268/30
8. Erick Aybar – Back on January 18th (which is my birthday, mark it down!), I left Aybar off my top 20 preseason ranking and commenter, Fanthead, said, “Doesn’t Erick Aybar (who is not ranked) have the wherewithal to match (Alcides’s) numbers (70/3/40/.275/30)?” Well, la di da! Maybe Fanthead should do his own rankings! And use words like wherewithal throughout! I keed. It was a good call by Fanthead. Aybar did have the wherewithal. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 71/10/59/.279/30
9. Derek Jeter – Here’s what I said back in the preseason, “So I’ve been watching the first season of Friday Night Lights. Great show. I’d say SPOILER ALERT! but that season’s like seven years old. Anyway, when Riggins was stealing Minka from Street, I kept imagining Street yelling, ‘So, Jeter, it’s okay to steal a cripple’s girlfriend, but you won’t fight a cripple?!’” That has nothing to do with anything, but it made me laugh when I was reviewing what I had said. Now Jeter’s on to the next one and Minka’s remaking a terrible show with an even worse show. As for Jeter, what can be said about him that hasn’t been said before? His power’s all but evaporated and he gets runs and average. Yay or who cares? Yay or who cares? YAY OR WHO CARES?! That’s what I’m asking you! Sorry, lost my shizz there for a second. Preseason Rank #6, 2011 Projections: 105/12/65/.280/15, Final Numbers: 84/6/61/.297/16
11. J.J. Hardy – The real mystery with Hardy is why is he ranked so low. Maybe because he came so cheaply in drafts or off of waivers, but he seemed way more valuable than 11th overall. If I were ranking these guys, I’d put Hardy above Bonifacio. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 76/30/80/.269
12. Alexei Ramirez – In May and September, he hit around .300 and didn’t steal one base. Removing doubles, triples and homers, that’s fifty-eight times he was on first and just stood there like a cat stole his tongue… Well, that cliche doesn’t work, but you get my drift. Preseason Rank #7, 2011 Projections: 80/17/70/.280/14, Final Numbers: 81/15/70/.269/7
13. Yunel Escobar – I could be guaranteed Yunel’s final line in March and I wouldn’t draft him. I’d still prefer to draft someone who could actually be better with upside. Preseason Rank #18, 2011 Projections: 75/10/60/.290/7, Final Numbers: 77/11/48/.290/3
14. Ian Desmond – Was he all that and a bag of Funyuns? Nah, not exactly. But I think you could’ve done worse with your MI. And you put what I think in one of those 50′s supercomputers and it spits back at you, “So what?” Have I learned my lesson with Desmond for next year? He hit 8 homers and stole 25 bases, not sure what there is to learn. I’ll take it every day for my MI and twice on Muesday. Preseason Rank #10, 2011 Projections: 80/15/70/.280/20, Final Numbers: 65/8/49/.253/25
15. Alcides Escobar – If I may toot my own horn — though if I could actually toot my own horn, I’d never leave the house — I did really well with projections this year. January Grey was locked in. January Grey, “Funny you use that turn of a phrase cause I’m actually locked up in Guatemala. Look for me on Locked Up Abroad!” Preseason Rank #11, 2011 Projections: 70/3/40/.275/30, Final Numbers: 69/4/46/.254/26
16. Cliff Pennington – Now we’re at the point in this exercise where you really shouldn’t have owned any of these guys all year long. And, if you did, you’re not reading this anyway. You’re over in our fantasy football or fantasy hockey or fantasy basketball section talking about how Grey’s a dumbass. Preseason Rank #14, 2011 Projections: 60/5/40/.245/30, Final Numbers: 57/8/58/.264/14
17. Marco Scutaro – One good month and you too can get in the top 20 shortstops. 3 ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 shortstops! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 59/7/54/.299/4
18. Hanley Ramirez – On top of him taping heroin to your back and pushing you through a Turkish checkpoint, his name value made everything much worse. I’ll explain. If you have someone like Scutaro and he’s not performing, you drop him for someone else. You have Hanley and you hold out hope until the bitter end. Or worse, you trade for him thinking he’s gonna bounce back. Yeah, Hanley killed some teams this year. We may forgive, we will never forget. Preseason Rank #1, 2011 Projections: 100/26/100/.310/25, Final Numbers: 55/10/45/.243/20
In the first installment of the grading process, we’ll look at the gold stars, the players that exceeded expectations. As always, in the comments, feel free to beat your chest about who you were high on relative to the rest of fantasy baseball players!
Anibal Sanchez – I pegged Sanchez to be a sub-4.00 ERA guy with 170 Ks, and liked him over several guys (Happ, Holland, Niese, Hudson and Lackey) that were going well before him. I projected him to be the 52nd best starting pitcher, but with considerable upside. Well, Sanchez has eclipsed my K projection, has a 3.64 era and is the 49th SP. Not bad, eh?
Ian Kennedy – There isn’t anything more enjoyable than an ex-Yankee doing dirty things for another team…other than maybe a game winning bloop single off the best closer ever in game 7 of the World Series. I ranked Kennedy as the 43rd best starting pitcher, roughly 20 spots higher than most projections. I had him posting an ERA around 3.70 with 175+ Ks and liked him over: Niese, Garcia, Jurrjens, Jorge de la Rosa, Phil Hughes, and Brian Matusz. Well, Kennedy is currently the 10th best pitcher in fantasy with a dazzling 2.99 ERA and 182 Ks. For all kinds of reasons this one makes me happy.
Hunter Pence – I was all over Hunter Pence, touting him as the #11 outfielder going into the year with a .280+ average, 25 HRs and 15-20 SBs. While Pence has the under on homers and SBs, he has batted quite well: .312. Even though my projections were slightly off, he is the 11th best outfielder in the game, 10 spots better than where most had him.
Justin Upton – Obviously JUp’s talent makes it difficult to label him a “sleeper.” However I ranked him about 20 spots higher than consensus. I thought 2009 would be his floor for the next decade and that he would hit .285+ with 25 HRs and 18 steals. Well Upton, who I had at 20, is a top 12 player, and has put up a .294 average with 31 homers and 21 steals. I got him in a lot of leagues and I’m winning a lot of leagues.
JJ Hardy – I said Hardy would push 20 HRs and bat .270. Well, Hardy is pushing 30 HRs and batting .265. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
Joe Mauer – I ranked Mauer as the top catcher, but had him 2+ rounds after most preseason analysts. I continue to think 2009 was the outlier of his career, given his BABIP and HR/FB rate that season. I said “Mauer is not a .360 hitter with 20 HRs. He is a .330-.340 hitter with 10 – 15 HRs – and that might be generous. Furthermore, it’s incredibly unlikely that he’ll be more than an 85 run scored or producer given he’ll play at least 20 games less than regulars.” I suggested waiting and drafting Mike Napoli over Mauer – Napoli has outpaced Mauer in every 5×5 category.
Trevor Cahill – Calling Cahill a potential bust was like looking outside the window, noticing it’s raining, and saying the ground will likely be wet later. I had him as the 111th pitcher when he was comfortably going among the top 100 players in drafts. Well, Cahill is currently the 936th ranked player. In fact, he has performed so badly, that players who didn’t pitch at all this year are ranked ahead of him. I had Cahill at 130 Ks and a 3.67 ERA. Well, he has 140 Ks and a 4.31 ERA. I wasn’t pessimistic enough!
Mark Teixeira – The preseason Teixeira hate was obviously based on nuances. I ranked him as the 27th best player while most people had him in the top 15 or so. I thought Teixeira would be a .280 hitter with 35 HRs, 100 runs and 120 RBIs. Well, Tex is the 48th ranked hitter, has 87 runs, 37 HRs, 104 RBIs and has continued his downward average trend. He sits at .245 now. I told you not to spend a top 15 pick on him!
Drew Stubbs – I have been a huge fan of Stubbs for an incredibly long time now. I thought a 20-50 season was possible, with the floor being 20-30. Well, Stubbs is the 80th ranked player to date with 15 HRs and 37 steals. Looks like I was a little high on the HRs but otherwise, I’m pretty comfortable calling this a success. Stubbs is going to come in around the 25th best outfielder. I had him 17th; general consensus had him at 42. I’m closer!
Bud Norris – I’ve always liked Bud Norris because he brings it. I had him as the 114th ranked pitcher compared to consensus around 317. I own Norris and clearly undersold him, projecting 180 Ks, a 4.30 ERA and a 1.45 WHIP. Well, he sits at 176 Ks with a tasty 3.77 ERA and 1.33 WHIP. There have been some ups and downs along the way, but no one is arguing with his results to date.
Jhoulys Chacin – At the beginning of the year, I said I wanted Chacin over Derek Holland, Kevin Slowey, Jonathan Niese, Jaime Garcia, Jair Jurrjens and Tim Hudson. I said he was a lock for 160 Ks, a 3.75 ERA and 1.30 WHIP. He has a 3.64 ERA, 1.28 WHIP and 142 Ks. I was right to tout him over Holland, Slowey (obviously), Niese, and Garcia, but not the hurlers from Atlanta. I’m very happy with Chacin though!
Seth Smith – I thought Smith would be a .280 hitter with 15-20 homers. In 2011, Smith has batted .282 with 15 HRs – not bad, remember always bet on black…jerseyed Rockies…or something to that effect.
Pedro Alvarez – While Alvarez was a consensus top 100 player and top 7 guy at 3b, I had him as the 21st 3b. Alvarez has been nothing short of a total bust. He is batting well below .200 and has just three HRs to his name. My advocacy for Aramis Ramirez over him makes me smile…and the whole world stops and stares for awhile.
Erick Aybar – I thought Aybar would be a very serviceable SB option, capable of stealing 20+ bags easy. Well, Aybar has batted .281 with 29 steals – not bad for a late round flier.
Danny Espinosa – In a perfect world, Espinosa was a 20+ HR guy with a .250 average and some steals. While the average hasn’t quite been there (he is hitting .236), he does have 21 HRs and 14 SBs. I’d be wary of him in the future – he just can’t seem to grasp what a strike is, but for now, 2011 was pretty nice.
Clay Buchholz – I didn’t predict doom and gloom for Buchholz, but I did say he had no business being in the draft day neighborhood of guys like Greinke, Scherzer, Haren, Billingsley and Marcum. I saw Buchholz landing squarely in the mid-3.00s for ERA with an unimpressive K-rate (maybe 7 per nine). While he has been injured, Buchholz has an ERA in the mid-3.00 (3.48), and he has 6.53 K/9.
Aaron Harang – I can’t go a year without promoting Harang. Entering 2011, I saw him as a low 4.00 – 4.25 ERA candidate with 150 Ks or so. He is going to fall short in the K category (he has just 124), but his ERA (3.64) has been tasty.
Derek Holland – I called Holland a sneaky strike-out source who could have an ERA under 4.00. Well, he has a 3.92 ERA and 155 Ks. The Ks fall a little short of expectations, but otherwise, he was a damn good value pick!
Brandon McCarthy – I thought McCarthy could easily log 150 innings as the A’s fifth starter and post a sub-4.00 ERA. I didn’t think he’d wow you with the Ks, but as a late choice, he would pay big dividends. Well, McCarthy has a 3.26 ERA, 117 Ks and a 1.14 WHIP – I’d say he was well worth the price of admission.
Jordan Zimmerman – Before the season began, I wrote: I think you can expect a sub-4.00 ERA about 130 Ks and a WHIP in the 1.20 – 1.35 range for Zimmerman. Well Zimmerman has a 3.18 ERA, 124 Ks and a 1.15 WHIP.
Mike Carp is hitting .350 since July 1st. (Thereabouts, I did the math in my head. At least I think it was my head. Hmm…) Carp only has 4 homers, but now has two homers in the last 4 games. He’s also hit in 11 straight games. Finally… There’s no finally, isn’t the first three positives enough? Mama mia, I don’t love Mariner hitters in Safeco. It’s smothering! In the minor leagues, he was great but it was in the PCL so divide his power by three and add a negative two. But while Carp’s hitting, he’s worth an add across most leagues, and not just for pescetarians. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Salvador Perez – Royals catcher prospect was called up. He has the most surreal pitch signals. ”Is that a melted clock — oh, a changeup!”
Melky Cabrera – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 14th homer. Playing centerfield, but his season is totally out of left field.
Johnny Giavotella – 2-for-4, hitting .318 in his short time in the majors. Now we just need his cheering section to skip the wave and do the Fist Pump.
Arodys Vizcaino - On Tuesday, the lead was Hommy Tanson, yesterday it was Jason Heyward, so I just couldn’t highlight Vizcaino. I like sweet tea and talking garbled as much as the next guy, but Northerners would’ve started wondering where my allegiances lie. While Arodys looks like an IM acronym for Red Sox fans, “A-Rod, You Sahck,” he’s a big-time pitching prospect for the Braves. He breezed through the minor leagues pushing a K-rate over 9, and can be an Aroldis Chapman-type out of the bullpen, but he is crazy young. With Vizcaino, the Braves now have two minors on the pitching staff. In all non-keepers, I’d ignore Arodys for now. His innings are a bit high and the Braves will probably limit him this year. In dynasty and deep keeper leagues, grab him; he could be special.
Tommy Hanson - Tests show his shoulder is healthy enough for his next start. His last month of starts show the tests are wrong.
Dan Uggla - 3-for-5, 2 RBIs as he pushed his hitting streak to 31 games. Or the same number of double takes someone who just woke from a coma would have if they saw he was hitting .224 with a 31 game hitting streak.
Jason Heyward – 0-for-5 with the start as Jose Constanza went 3-for-4 with a steal. That’ll make things better.
Curtis Granderson – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 30th and 31st homer. A Curtis hasn’t hit such high notes since Booger Presley played the mean guitar.
Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks. Solid start, but how do you not strike out anyone? That’s like a champale supernova.
J.J. Hardy – 4-for-5 with his 21st homer. Sweet King Martin, Sweet Queen Coretta, Sweet Brother Hardy… Sweet Baby Jesus…
Adam Jones – 3-for-5 with his 21st homer. Imma let you finish, but J.J. Hardy’s having the best Orioles season this year.
Adam Dunn – 0-for-4 with 3 Ks. His average is down to .163. He’s hitting half his weight!
Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. After his less than adequate first start for the Indians, he’s lucky he turned things around or he would’ve been Uscalpedo.
Jason Kipnis – 5-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Here’s a good rule of thumb, if I mention a guy in a positive way more than twice in a week, add him. Kipnis has been mentioned about five times in the last week.
Brett Lawrie – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer in his last three games. Definitely earning his Twitter hashtags.
Josh Willingham – 2-for-5 and his 3rd homer in 3 games. Ended up on the A’s just because Jonah Hill likes pork, but it’s turning out okay. While he’s hot, Willingham should be owned everywhere.
Jonathan Sanchez – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Filthy Sanchez is looking a lot more like Port-A-Jon Sanchez.
Anibal Sanchez - 1 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Should I Put A Diaper On My Fantasy Team Or Are You Done Defecating Sanchez?
Hanley Ramirez – Placed on the DL. I’m sure he’ll do everything in his power to hurry back. /sarcasm
Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-1, 4 runs and the delicious slam & legs. Rudy hit me up on IM surprised to see The Dread Pirate only had 19 steals on the year. I hit him back that I was surprised A-Gon only had 18 homers. See, everything said in our IM chats isn’t really that interesting.
Jeff Karstens – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks. His last start (3 1/3 IP, 9 ER) left the cow pie on the window sill too long so the stench probably scared most off from this start.
Derrek Lee – Scratched with a sore hand. Well, stop scratching with it!
Vance Worley- 4 IP, 6 ER. A Worley hasn’t been hit so hard since his grandmother Jo Anne got smacked in the face by an errant window on the set of Laugh-In.
Brennan Boesch – Left yesterday’s game with a thumb injury. So where is thumbkin? At the hospital getting an MRI.
Alex Cobb – Having season-ending surgery to clear blockage by his rib cage. Operating on him is a specialist by the name of Eve.
Brandon Phillips – Will miss at least five days as he tweeted yesterday that his elbow looked like a balloon. Then some clown turned his elbow into a giraffe.
Jay Bruce – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer in three games. Prediction: His end of the year stats will look solid and everyone will forgot that he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn for two months.
Kevin Millwood – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. Less than average starter who will pitch his home games in Coors. Burp.
Jesus Guzman – 2-for-4, 2 steals. So what’s your excuse for not picking him up? You a non-believer?
Chad Billingsley – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners and three unearned runs for the always agita inducing ticker shock.
Dee Gordon – To the DL with a bruised shoulder, which isn’t nearly as tasty as a braised shoulder.
Juan Rivera – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer on the Dodgers. That makes him Dos Rivera.
Matt Kemp – 4-for-5 and his 30th steal. He could be at 30/30 by the end of August. He makes me feel like the only girl (in the world). I’m pretty sure I grasp the use of parentheses as a way to modify, so what’s Only Girl (In the World) without the parentheses? Only Girl? ”I wanna hear Only Girl!” No, that makes no sense. It should stand alone without the parentheses. You can Bang a Gong or you can Bang a Gong (Get It On). You’re forwarding your gong banging. You are upping your excitement on the gong. The Reaper is good, (Don’t Fear) The Reaper is adding something. ”Hey, (Don’t Fear) The Reaper.” Now I’m at ease. Only Girl means nothing! You come for fantasy baseball advice, you stay for Rihanna rants.
