Fantasy Baseball Advice

J.J. Hardy wasn’t appreciated by the Brewers earlier this year — I made all the key outs!  I don’t see Ryan Braun doing that! — Well, Hardy will return to the Brewers on Tuesday to pick up where he left off.  Hope he remembers to bring his magic bats with him.  This one here, this one is my runners in scoring position batting .198 bat. Too bad Alcides couldn’t step up in the two plus weeks he had the gig to himself.  Guess he missed the day in If You Have Speed Steal A Damn Base class when they went over if you have speed steal a damn base.  In fact, there’s only one day of class.  That’s all you learn.  This shot of Hardyrenaline will nullify Alcides and Hardy’s value in mixed leagues, unless one gets hot and runs with it.  Runs being the key word, Alcides.  Hardy has pop and little else.  His best month of the last two years saw him hit 9 homers.  Conservatively, I’d say you’re looking at a guy that will give you a .250 average and 4 homers.  I will enjoy not owning you, Hardy.  Be well.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Penny – Signed on with the Giants and will be inserted into their rotation.  Bartleby’s Quote of the Day, “Everything old is new again, except Brad Penny.  He just kinda sucks.” That Bartleby, he’s quotatious!  I do like NL West pitchers and Penny suddenly is on my radar in deep mixed leagues (12+ teams).  In 12 team leagues, I’d grab him for match-ups, but would be cautious.

Jim Thome – Dodgers acquired the forebearer of country strong.  He’ll serve primarily as the guy on the bench that chews tobacco and scratches himself.  Occassionally, he may fill in for the power off the bench when Juan Pierre just won’t suffice.

Jon Garland – Dodgers decided August 31st is the new July 31st as they made a flurry of deals.  Don’t worry, Timmy.  It’s just a flurry of deals.  It’ll pass. If Garland were a Native American, his name would be Man Who Will Serve As Dodgers Long Relief Man In The Playoffs.  For now, he’ll have a slight uptick in value.  Which is to say he goes from negative value to just a smidge.  He’ll give you no Ks, not a great WHIP, but he’s been keeping his team in the game, which could become Wins with the Blue.  Unless your name is Randy Wolf.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  About a month ago, I pointed out to you that Washburn’s FIP was showing he was headed for a correction.  His owners and the Tigers obviously didn’t pay attention.

Carlos Guillen – 4-for-5, 2 homers.  Somebody’s been drinking their raw egg Hulk Hogan shakes.  I’m not a fan of Guillen usually, but at this time of the year, he’s hitting with power with 8 homers since his return.  Worth a flier to see if he keeps it up.

Daniel McCutchen – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks vs. Reds.  The Dread Pirate’s brother from a different mother had his major league debut yesterday.  It was a modest showing against a terrible team.  The Pirates really should be monitoring his innings, but they do what they do, so you can do what you do.  McCutchen has decent value in deep leagues — Think of a 7 K/9 and great control.  On the Pirates, good luck getting wins.

Drew Stubbs – 4-for-9, 2 HRs and a steal yesterday.  His home run balls are still in the left field bleachers since there were only about 2,000 people in attendance.  That’s including players and media.  If you need steals, Stubbs is worth owning.  But, with all of his strikeouts, he’s still a faux hawk away from being cool.

Johnny Cueto – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Great, terrific, welcome back!  It was still against the Pirates and it was still only 5 innings.  I’d risk Cueto in certain leagues, but not for the risk averse.

Chad Qualls – Done for the season.  See yesterday’s roundup for the rundown.  See what I did there?

Juan Gutierrez – Didn’t wanna scroll down, huh?  Gutierrez got the save yesterday.  SAGNOF!  If you need saves, grab him in every league.  He’s just as likely to get 7 saves in September as is Broxton.

Adam Lind – 2 HRs, 8 RBIs.  I fluffed him in a fluff piece just last week.

Rod Barajas – 2 HRs yesterday, but only 5 RBIs so last night he was Barbara Hershey to Lind’s Bette Midler.  But he has six homers in the last 10 games and he’s batting near .400 in the last week.

Jose Contreras – Rockies got Contreras from the White Sox.  This seems like a recipe for blech.

Alexei  Ramirez – 1-for-3 yesterday.  It’s a longshot at this point, but if he somehow gets to 20/20 this year (needs 6/7 respectively), he will be the most disappointing 20/20 middle infielder in the history of fantasy baseball.  He’s like the guy who has a 25 game hitting streak while only hitting .275.  Excite me, Alexei!  Do something!

Vladimir Guerrero – 2 HRs yesterday.  For a guy with 13 homers, he seems like he has ten two homer games this year.  Have to check with Elias or Jayson Stark.

Nick Blackburn – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks vs. the White Sox.  He’s still a risky play in mixed leagues.  I’m not even sure how Blackburn managed 7 Ks.  Guess when the White Sox throw in the towel, they really throw it in.

Cameron Maybin – Returns to the ‘lins, yes!  Has no place to play, no!

Kyle Blanks – Done for the year with a tear in his plantar fascia in his right foot.  He was seen limping out of the clubhouse using David Eckstein as a crutch.

Adrian Beltre – Expected to be activated for today’s game as he was able to take grounders again off his nuts.

In his last four games, J.J. Hardy has gone 8-for-17 with two homers.  You waited and waited.  Went for a dip in the ocean.  Washed ashore in Finland.  Smoked a bowl with some guy who wore only a potato sack.  Fell asleep on a raft.  Woke up in your kiddie pool wearing your water wings.  And finally Hardy got hot.  In July last year, Hardy hit .339 with 9 homers.  Followed that up with a .294 August and 5 homers.  I know Hardy’s sucked the life out of you with his April through June, but if he’s indeed hot now, and it seems that way, he’ll bat 2nd, he’ll hit some homers and a decent average for a month or so.  He’s currently batting .232.  That’ll come up.  He has 8 homers, he should finish with 25.  Will he always be as delightful as your Finnish friend wearing a potato sack?  No, probably not, but he’s better than he’s been.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Raul Ibanez – Won’t be returning this Friday when eligible.  No set backs; Phils are just taking precautions.  For those wanting to say something derogatory about him, I’d wait until he doesn’t have so much free time.

Casey McGehee – Grand slam yesterday.  Is there anything he can’t do?!  Yeah, keep this up.  But while he’s hot, you really should own him if you need MI help.

J.D. Drew – 3-for-5, batted leadoff.  Who put Ellsbury in the doghouse?  Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

Gordon Beckham – 7 for his 13 with a steal and he shares a first name with an alien life form.  Capable of double digit power and steals with a solid average, but this year he might be a bit underseasoned like your Mom’s cooking.  Though worth taking a flier to see if you can catch lightning in a bottle.

Gavin Floyd – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER.  If you own him, have a cigar, you crazy diamond.

Alexei Ramirez – Left the game after being plunked in the head by Chris Perez.  He’ll be fine.  Surprisingly, he did not swing at the pitch.

Ryan Theriot – HR yesterday.  Back on May 5th when Theriot had 3 homers, frequent commenter, IowaCubs said, “If Theriot hits 4 more homers this year, I’m going to tattoo “PUJOLS” in cyrillic across my forehead.”  Theriot now has 7 homers.  Cust kayin’.

Rich Harden – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Okay, so who was that other guy wearing Harden’s jersey for the first three months?  Piniella blamed Bradley.

Jake Fox – 2-for-3 as Jakie Foxx batted fourth and continued to play 3rd after interleague. Unathletic… like a fox!

Pat Burrell – HR yesterday.  He has three.  He always gets 30.  Do the math!

Carl Crawford – Stole his 40th base and hit his 7th homer yesterday.  I think he’ll be fine this year, but I’m betting he might be a wee bit overrated going into next year.  And that’s me anticipating me!

Roy Halladay – 6 IP, 2 ER as he returned from the DL.  Don’t worry about the short game (for him).  I’m sure he’ll be throwing 120 pitches and complete games by mid-July.

Randy Choate – Recorded his 4th save yesterday because Howell pitched three days in a row and Maddon refuses to let a righty save a game.

Ricky Nolasco – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  Now has five straight solid starts with only five walks.  From the files of No Kidding, whatever was ailing him before is obviously no longer an issue.

Dan Meyer – Had the opportunity to save the game, but couldn’t close it out and gave way to Nunez.  Meyer’s a real lemon.

David Murphy – Hit a homer and batted third.  Hey, I own him in a league or two, so that’s nice, but third?  Really?

Julio Borbon – Was called up by the Rangers and started as their DH.  Ron Washington said, “We didn’t bring him up here to sit around and watch baseball.”  Grey Albright said, “Cool.  What can we expect from him?”  Ron Washington said, “SAGNOF!”  Grey said, “That works.  Does he stay up after Josh Hamilton returns?”  Washington said, “Quit your prying!”

Luke Hochevar – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners.  He’s suckering you in again, isn’t he?  Stay strong, young Razzball reader.

Miguel Olivo – 3-for-4, and hit his 12th homer.  Matt Wieters went 1-for-4 with an infield single.

Tim Lincecum – Two hitter with 8 Ks.  Still about two years away from his peak years.  Zoinks!

Rick Porcello – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  His time in mixed leagues is just about over.  Say your goodbyes and remember, you’ll always have May.

Roy Oswalt – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, four baserunners vs. the Padres.  Oswalt issued two walks.  Both to Adrian Gonzalez.  See how easy that is?

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners.  Wolf’s the king of the good winless start.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 2 ER.  Vin Scully said, “The Dodgers usually scramble his eggs.”  Last night, Ubaldo made omelettes.

Gary Sheffield/Ryan Church – Comatose Mets Fan, “Church and Sheff went a combined 7-for-10 and the Mets lost?!  Did Delgado, Reyes and Beltran do nothing?”  Oh, Comatose Mets Fan, you have a lot of catching up to do.

Fernando Nieve – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER. 12 baserunners.  I had to look at the play-by-play for this game because it seemed mathematically impossible to have that many baserunners in less than 4 innings and only give up three runs.  He got lucky.  Now if you press your luck and start him again, you may get a whammy.

Carlos Beltran – He’s exploring micro-fracture knee surgery.  Does he have a tiny knee?  C’mon, Mantle played on no knees for ten years!  Have a scotch and get in the lineup!

Surprise, surprise, Canada’s number one export after Stubby Clapp is hurt, eh?  Erik Bedard takes his inflammed shoulder to the DL.  The Mariners say he’ll be fine to return on June 23rd.  If you were to read between the lines, here’s what you would see, “Please, someone trade us something for this pitcher that cost us Adam Jones, Sherrill and Chris Tillman.  Please!”  Man, Bill Bavasi really shit the Mariners house.  On top of the three guys mentioned, he traded away Shin-Soo Choo, Asdrubal, Carlos Guillen, Rafael Soriano, Matt Thornton and Randy Winn.  The top player he received back was Joe Borchard, who’s currently playing for the Fresno Grizzlies, the Giants minor league affiliate.  Forbes Magazine rated him the worst general manager in all of baseball in 2007.  No idea why Forbes is rating GMs, but that sounds pretty right on.  I’d expect Bedard to come back about two weeks after he’s supposed to then to hiccup and end up back on the DL.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Pedro Martinez – Close to signing with either the Rays or the Cubs.  Pedro on the Rays seems most likely.  I wonder if Fred McGriff and Wade Boggs took him out for an early dinner to convince him Tampa was a great place to end a career.  He’s worth a shot in 12 team leagues and deeper to see if he can recapture some of the glory days of carrying around a midget and dissing Karim Garcia.

Scott Downs – Downs Goes… Okay, I won’t bring it out again.   Early estimates say Downs could be out for 6 weeks.  Frasor’s the guy to go with, hopefully he’s not too persnickety.

Roy Halladay – Heads to the DL with his groin injury.  He says he’ll be back in a week and a half when he’s eligible.  I actually believe him.  Weird!

Ryan Braun – Left the game with back spasms.  Sounds like his usual shizz that sidelines him for a couple of days.

J.J. Hardy – HR yesterday.  Streaky like old lady hair.  Could be hot now.  (Welcome, Googlers, of “streaky” + hot old lady)

Trevor Hoffman – First blown save yesterday and has now given up runs in two of his last three appearances.  Not saying his goose is cooked, but he is old as dirt.  That’s old dirt.  None of that fresh peat stuff.

Javier Vazquez - 8 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks, 6 baserunners and the loss.  I know, who doesn’t like to win?  But if I could every one of my starters throw that exact line all year, I’d take it and like it.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs in 3 days.  May sours, June swoon.

Andrew McCutchen – Aargh, thar she goes as The Dread Pirate went deep for his first homer.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 4 ER vs. the Pirates?  Not sure if you’re going to see the Nats this year, Liriano.  Need to make something work, no?

Jacoby Ellsbury – Hit his third homer yesterday.  Who has more homers, Ellsbury or Pedroia?  I took him in the 2nd round for his position eligibility! No need to explain, random italicized voice.

Jorge Cantu – 2 HRs since the end of April.  Tailspin is not just a great song by The Jayhawks.

Curtis Granderson – 2 HRs yesterday, now has 16 on the year with 11 steals.  You better make it happen, Grandy.  Leyland really wants to work Don Kelly in the lineup.

Jose Lopez - 5 HRs in June.  Glad I gave up on him in May. /sarcasm

David Price – 7 IP, 5 ER.  Okay, but you shouldn’t have started him anyway, but at least there were no walks.  <–Bright side

Troy Tulowitzki – Another homer.  Member when I was telling you to buy Tulo in April?  Yeah, I was about a month early, but he’s here again.  Finalwitzki.

Aubrey Huff – HR yesterday.  If his first name were Jack or Kyle, you’d be excited.  Just hard to get excited about an Aubrey, I know.

Matt Wieters – Hit his first homer.  And you only had to hold him for 65 games.

Nick Markakis – 4-for-4 with his 2nd steal of the season.  I haven’t read this anywhere, but the Orioles must’ve put the child safety locks down on his running game.

John Lannan – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Not a huge endorsement, but definitely serviceable in 12 team leagues.

Mike MacDougal – Got the save yesterday.  *pulling cord to release streamers and balloons on your head*  Woo-hoo!

Jay Bruce – Obviously he must’ve saw that he was out of a lot of fantasy lineups yesterday so he homered.

Chris Young – Now he’s avoiding the DL.  With the way he’s pitched this year, not sure if that’s good or bad news.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - 3 HRs in the last 5 games.  Will anyone pitch to Adrian?  Maybe not, but you can benefit from that with Kouz.

Denard Span – Heads to the Dizzabled List.  Member about twenty years ago when there was a crazy amount of no-hitters?  Everyone was throwing one, even Bob Milacki got in on the action.  Okay, so in twenty years from now there’s going to be something weird, like all outfielders’ jetpacks are malfunctioning and I’m going to say, “This is weird like twenty years ago when everyone was dizzy.”

Mark Reynolds/Adam Dunn – Both hit their 18th homers yesterday.  Donkey see, donkey do.

Scott Richmond – 8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks.  You can mitch and boan about missing this start, but you shouldn’t have started him in Philly anyway.

Scott Rolen – Hit his 4th homer and stole his 3rd base yesterday.  Putting him on pace for a 9/7 year.  Yunel Escobar just laughed derisively at his projections.

Jayson Werth – Hit his tenth homer on Tuesday and yesterday he hit… 11.  C’mon, that wasn’t hard.

John Danks – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  71 strikes out of 99 pitches.  Sweet mother of pearl, take a pitch, Cubbies.  Since the Sox are terrible against righties and the Cubs are equally belchy vs. lefties, I thought this might’ve been a stalemate, but the Cubs’ belchiness won out.

Andres Torres – Please explain to me how he’s a leadoff hitter.  He’s a .270 hitter in 1000+ minor league games.  For those not in the know, 1000 minor league games is about 10 seasons.  Tenacity is not just a city in Jersey!

Carlos Zambrano in his own special way welcomed the Cubs new arrival, Jake Fox, with a shizzfit of epic proportions.  Zambrano was ejected for bumping an ump,  I especially enjoyed when the ump ejected him and he then ejected the ump.  I’m out of order? No, YOU’RE out of order!  Somewhere Michael Barrett flinched.  Jake Fox can do it all. And, like Tyra Banks would say, he can do it fiercely.  His Triple-A numbers are 40/17/50/.423 in 40 games with a .503 OBP.  Pretty sick… And that’s sick as in healthy, not sick as in Conor Jackson, Carlos Quentin or Votto.  But will Fox get time to do any of it, you ask.  Let’s see, Soriano, Hoffpauir, Fuku, FU (Bradley), Derrek Lee and Reed Johnson in four spots.  Fox’s only shot for regular playing time is at 3B and there he’d be a butcher.  At 1B/OF, maybe he gets 3 starts a week unless D-Lee gets hurt.  Though you can call D-Lee “DL” at this point, because he’s been about as reliable as a parachute made of bloomers.  As with other rookies, if Fox gets the chance, he could prove successful, so you want to be the one that owns him.  If he fails, then you drop him and take a bat to the Gatorade cooler.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Manny Parra – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners and 5 walks with 6 Ks.  Unfortunately, this is what Parra do.  Until he can get his walks in order, he’s not worth the psoriasis-inducing head scratching.

J.J. Hardy – 3-for-5.  Hey, look who decided to make an appearance.  He’ll hit .250 and get 20+ homers.  If that’s what you need, that’s what he does.

Matt Capps – Said to be returning soon.  Be nice to get one save for all the effort I put in to pick up Grabow in every league.  Throw Grey a bone here, would ya?

Mat Gamel – 0-for-3.  Sticking with the Mat theme, but dropping one T like a bad geisha.  Gamel’s 3rd base eligibility made him especially enticing to me as a cornerman.  But he’s now making me long for Mark Teahen.

Luke Scott – Returned from the DL and hit a HR.  He’ll steal time from Wigginton, which is ironic because they’re basically the same player.  It would be like Mark Reynolds losing time to Chris Davis.  Tomato-tomahto, Orioles.  Find a blahtoon that makes sense to me then we’ll talk.

Nolan Reimold – Game winning homer yesterday.  See, Gamel, that’s how you turn lemons into Country Time.

Brett Myers – Left the game with his hip to be flared.  Again, he really shouldn’t even be on your team.  To avoid future flare-ups, he promises to wear the proper gear when disagreeing with his wife.

Jay Bruce – 2 HRs.  Now has 14 homers and only 29 RBIs.  Sure would be nice if the Reds put some runners on for him.  Maybe Dizzy Votto and his maritime compatriots can get aboard.

B.J. Ryan – For those holding out hope he’s taking over for Downs any moment, he’s given up 4 runs in the last 2 innings.  The Blue Jays are paying him a lot of money so they feel compelled to play him.  You shouldn’t.

Rick Porcello – 6 IP, 2 ER.  His lack of Ks leaves me wanting more, but he’s obviously been decent.  And his last name sounds like a delicious pasta sauce!

Josh Anderson – 4-for-5 while batting lead-off and stealing his 10th base.  SAGNOF!

Oliver Perez – Jerry Manuel said, Perez will need to be in the minors for at least another start because of “knee problems.” Jerry Manuel needs a bar of soap for some “lying problems.”

Adam Dunn – Hit another HR.  Since I traded him for Jose Reyes, he’s hit about five dozen home runs.  Kill me now.  Thank you.

Derek Holland – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Was a terrible matchup, and he gets the Yankees again next time out.

Chien-Ming Wang – Well, lookie-lookie.  2 IP, 2 Ks and zero baserunners.   Now let’s see you do it when you don’t have a seven run lead.

Elvis Andrus – I feel like I haven’t mentioned this enough, but where’s the effin’ steals, doode?  6 steals so far is not enough.  Let’s go, Elvis, boogie.

Kevin Slowey – I don’t own him in any league, but I gladly would.  I like Slowey a lot.  But because I don’t own him, I had no idea of something… He’s got 7 Wins?!  When did this happen?  Some of my teams don’t have 7 Wins.  Why am I fielding questions about whether to start this guy or not (when I invariably say start him)?  He’s 7-1 with a near-4 ERA.   Yeah, I’d start him.

Jered Weaver – Here’s another guy I feel like I keep answering questions about.  He has a 2.36 ERA.  For criminy sakes, start him.

Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 18th homer yesterday.  Could this be the year we see a 40 homer guy call Petco home? (<–Sounds like something Tim Kurkjian would say while his voice squeaked.)

Bronson Arroyo – Now leads the NL with seven wins.  After the game he played on his guitar his new tune, “I May Suck, But My Wins Say It Ain’t True.”  Actually, pretty catchy.

Randy Johnson – Goes for win number 300 next week against the Nationals.  After he wins that game, I imagine he’ll say something like, “I could’ve won 500 games if they were all this easy.”

Jesse Chavez – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Somebody got burned yesterday chasing Saves.  A’la Nelson Muntz, ha ha!

Joe Nelson – 2 IP, 4 ER.  See 1/8 of an inch above.

Ben Zobrist – 2-for-3, and a steal.  Even if you just own him while Reyes gets better, it’s something, no?

Ben Francisco – 3-for-5 with a homer.  He’s 8-for-9 with 5 homers against Andy Sonnanstine.  Maybe he can get glasses made that superimpose Sonnanstine’s jersey on every pitcher.

Russell Branyan – Hit his 11th homer yesterday.  In the offseason of 2010, you’ll be looking at first basemen and you’ll think you should draft Branyan because he had 30 homers in 2009.  No, you shouldn’t.  But you can own him this year.

Adam Kennedy – 0-for-8 in the last two days.  He was hot for about a week, then he remembered who he was.  So my question is, who told my Reyes fill-in that he’s just Adam Kennedy?  I had a good thing going, man!

Emilio Bonifacio – 0-for-5, Just doing a friendly check-in on our favorite April 7th pickup.

Dan Uggla – HR yesterday and 5 homers in the last 10 games.  Not hitting for much average, but you didn’t expect him to do that anyway.

David Ortiz – Hit sixth again.  You know what’s been under reported in all of this?  Who’s now hitting third… J.D. Drew.  Zoinks!

Khalil Greene – It’s been a bad year for the Silent H’s as Khalil heads to the DL with anxiety disorder.  If there’s a bright side to this sad, sad story, maybe the anxiety will cause his ugly-ass hair to fall out.

When I went over the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball, I mentioned that it was really shallow, but actually a bit deeper than the list of the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball.  Well, proof is in the pudding, so here’s the pudding.  We’ve already gone over quite a few top 20 lists already and they can be found in the 2009 fantasy baseball rankings.  Also, here’s a list of every player who has multiple position eligibility and our 2009 fantasy baseball player rater.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball:

1.  Hanley Ramirez – Already covered him in our top 10 for 2009 fantasy baseball post.

2.  Jose Reyes – Already covered him in our top 10 for 2009 fantasy baseball post.

3.  Jimmy Rollins – Already covered him in our top 20 for 2009 fantasy baseball post.

4. Alexei Ramirez -  This is the next tier and it goes down to Furcal.  I call this tier, “Really? These are the top shortstops?”  Alexei may not be eligible in all leagues because of less than 20 games at shortstop.  Either way, I already covered him in our top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.

4 1/2.  Stephen Drew -  Okay, when you see Stephen Drew at number four and a half overall for shortstops, you’re asking yourself if this is a vote for Drew or an indictment of the 2009 shortstops.  That’s a fair question and I’m glad you posed it.  What do you think?  A bit of both?  Wow, we are totally in sync.  Okay, what did I eat for lunch?  Nope, chicken burrito.  In 2009, Drew takes a step forward.  2009 Projections:  85/24/80/.280/7

5.  J.J. Hardy – Personally, I’d like to see Alcides Escobar get called up and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens by the trade deadline in July with Hardy going to a contender.  Maybe to the Dodgers to replace an injured Furcal.  2009 Projections:  85/25/80/.275/3

6.  Jhonny Peralta – This Silent H comes in at sixth with the other Silent H coming at 18th.  The scary thing is there’s been years where they’ve flip-flopped in the rankings.  Peralta doesn’t come without some risk.  Be forewarned, fantasy baseballers!  2009 Projections:  85/25/90/.270/3

7.  Troy Tulowitzki – Let’s put Tulo’s 2008 season into a strait jacket and then submerge it into Houdini’s Milk Can.  2009 Projections:  65/20/85/.285/5

8.  Derek Jeter - After you choose Jeter in your 2009 draft, make sure you tell your wife so she can pat you on the head.  2009 Projections:  110/12/70/.305/12

9. Rafael Furcal – I already went over Furcal for 2009 when he returned to the Braves for a minute (not an Urbandictionary “minute,” which is actually a long time.) He’s going to be a steal for his draft position or he’s going to go kaboom like peanuts in abnormal lemonade.  2009 Projections:  95/15/65/.285/35 or 25/6/40/.390/7 and a seat next to Nomar on the DL.

10.  Michael Young – Here’s a new tier that goes from Young to Renteria.  I call this tier, “Boring.”  I say boring because their best years are behind them and, for a few of them, their best years weren’t even that good.   As for Michael Young, when I say empty, you say average.  “Empty…”  “Average…” I will say this in Young’s defense.  Look at his projections compared to Jeter.  Not that different, huh?  2009 Projections:  100/10/85/.310/10

11. Miguel Tejada – I want a new drug.  One that won’t spill… One that won’t let me hit .280 with 13 home runs and 66 RBIs… Or that comes in a pill… 2009 Projections:  90/15/75/.285/7

12. Orlando Cabrera -  Him and Renteria have similar power, speed, average and they want to kill each other.  2009 Projections:  90/7/65/.280/20

13. Edgar Renteria – Two enemies forever entwined in the 2009 fantasy baseball rankings.  2009 Projections:  80/9/70/.285/12

14. Yunel Escobar – This next tier is called, “What do you get when you mix nothing with the slightest bit of upside?”  This tier goes from here to the end of the list.  If you’re digging through the middle infielder bin at Filene’s Basement, you’re much better taking one of these schmohawks than one in the last tier.  These guys may not outperform them, but at least there’s a chance.  2009 Projections:  90/13/65/.300/3

15. Mike Aviles – Already covered him in our top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.

16. Ryan Theriot – The Riot is actually not a bad late draft sleeper.  It’s nice to get 25 steals out of your MI spot and The Riot can potentially give you that.   2009 Projections:  90/2/40/.295/25

17. Yuniesky Betancourt – How does an outside chance at a 10/10 season sound to you?  Yawnstipating?  Yeah, me too.  2009 Projections:  65/10/65/.280/10

18. Khalil Greene – This H is silent, but deadly to your average.   2009 Projections:  65/20/80/.235/5

19. Emmanuel Burriss/Asdrubal Cabrera – Already covered them in our top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.

20. Clint Barmes – Honestly, I could’ve put about ten different names here and they would have all been as uninspiring.  2009 Projections:  75/12/55/.270/12 (<–real optimistic)

After the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball, there’s a lot of names but two stand out:

Elvis Andrus – Some would even call him a 2009 fantasy baseball sleeper.  Hey, wait a sec, I called him that!  If the Rangers get Vizquel, it hurts Andrus’s value, but, as I already said, Andrus probably wouldn’t be up for opening day anyway.  2009 Projections:  55/3/35/.250/20 in 50 games.

Jed Lowrie – “Hey, what’s that you just put into your back pocket?”  “Jed Lowrie.”  “Why?”  “I want an outside chance at a 10/5 season.”  Long pause.  “Oh.”  2009 Projections:  75/10/80/.260/5