Actually, the title’s completely inaccurate. I don’t rock rough or anything with Aubrey Huff. I think he’s one of the few players in the major leagues that I’ve never owned anywhere. Sometime you gotta give me a call and let me know what it’s like to own him, loyal Razzball reader. Um, yeah, my number’s listed. Under mustache. Speaking of which, is there anything sadder than the people who call you to see if you got a Yellow Pages? Not only am I not sure why they still make Yellow Pages, but calling to find out if I got it? Really? Are they calling from 1987? Hey, go see the movie Wall Street, it’s great! So, Aubrey Huff hit three homers and drove in 6. In the last two games, four homers.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Corey Hart with 3 homers, 7 RBIs and a pair of sunglasses. Never surrender, Corey Hart! In short, you should grab him if he’s on waivers (80% owned in Yahoo). In shorter, grab him. In shortest, grab. He’s streaky like Bret Boone’s hair in the 90′s and this is obviously the start of a good one. If he’s not on waivers and someone else owns him, you bid him adieu, assuming you’re French. (I know how much the French are into fantasy baseball.) Just as I felt in the beginning of the year, I don’t think Hart comes anywhere near his 2010 stats. Très bummer! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Stephen Strasburg – Threw off the mound for the first time. His fan club, the House of Strasburg, has time to launder their early-1900s, Austrian officer uniforms as their ordainment of St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Smoak has back-to-back days with home runs and back-to-back-to-back games with a home run. Say that fast 117 times! Where there’s Smoak, there’s fire! See what I did there?! Did you see?! Yeah, of course you did, it was pretty obvious. Smoak seems to be the hot schmotato of the moment. (Hot schmotato hasn’t made its official way yet into the glossary. Just taking it out for a test drive, seeing how it feels. It does have that new Razzball glossary word smell.) If you’re currently rocking a corner infidel that doesn’t excite you or your nipples, grab Smoak. Kid’s got talent and might just be coming into his own. The lost Smoak monster is found! (BTW, he was a preseason sleeper. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, bassoon.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Erik Bedard – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. When he’s healthy, he’s usually pretty a’ight, so, sure, I’d grab him. As Fonzie’s horse would say, what the hey!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I wanna just throw away this first start by Yunesky Maya. Just ignore it. The reason why I’m having a hard time throwing it away, young Razzball reader, is because I watched him pitch. I’m no scout with fancy scouting degrees from fancy scouting schools where people chew toothpicks and spit chew. I just know what I see. And what I saw yesterday was a guy who throws junk. His stuff didn’t look very overpowering. Reminded me a bit of El Duque without the Funky Cold Delivery. Maybe Maya’s start yesterday was due to nerves. It’s not easy to live up to some recent Cuban raftees. Maya’s Cuban league numbers tell us he’s a guy who should be owned in keepers and dynasty leagues. He did, after all, win The Luis Tiant, the Cuban Cy Young award. And potentially even more enticing with Maya is he’s already 29-years-old, which means he should be in the prime of his career. In redraft leagues, losing to Dillon Gee, who sounds like a bank robber from the 1890s, isn’t a great confidence boost to recommend him for 2010. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Hamilton – With me away on vacation for Labor Day, obviously no one took up the slack to pray every 2 hours towards Mecca that Hamilton wouldn’t get injured. Thanks, guys (and 3 girls)! (How was my vacation? Thanks for asking! It was all right. You know how when you don’t look at something for a while you come back to it with fresh eyes and see things differently? It’s the Jigsaw Puzzle Theorem as demonstrated by your 12-year-old nephew who can’t figure out how to complete the 101 Dalmatians jigsaw then, when he revisits it the next day, it all fits into place. That’s what happened with me. I had this stain dead center on my monitor for the better part of 3 months then, when I returned yesterday, I realized it was just dried tomato sauce and scratched it off with a fingernail. Puttanesca, you dirty sauce!)
Elvis Andrus – Will be out until Friday with hammy woes. I still like Elvis and his bedazzled upside for next year, but you need to find someone who’s producing this year in redraft leagues. (BTW, I have a fat Elvis picture across from my refrigerator in a room I call my kitsch’n.)
David Murphy – 3-for-4 and hitting .400 over the last week. Also hitting third with Hamilton out. He gets a lefty today (bleh) but then some righties.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Stanton snapped out of a 5 for 58 slump with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs in a doubleheader against the Phillies. Was retired lefty reliever Mike Stanton hitting for him? I realize they look a little different (the hitter is 22 years younger, 15 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, a tad darker) but even a young K-prone hitter should avoid that bad of slumps, right?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL. My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup. Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing? Is this something I need to tell people? While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too. Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested. Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia. Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me. The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night. [dur] Get them all in your lineup.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, the Oakland A’s hit Kevin Slowey about as well as Elmer Fudd can pronounce his name. After missing last week’s start with a sore elbow, it was a great sign that he took a no-hitter into the 8th inning, only to be lifted for precautionary reasons. After the game, Precautionary Reasons said, “Don’t blame me, blame Gardenhire.” Well, whoever you believe, Slowey still had his best start of the season, which came only one start removed from his 2nd best start of the season, which came after a quality start. I guess what I’m confusingly trying to say is he’s been good over the last month aside from his last start vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Someone’s getting comped at the Tampa Airport Hooters! Matt Garza threw the Rays first no-hitter yesterday. He hypnotized the Tigers with the Garza Strip on his chin. With all due respect to Ernie Harwell, the EH on the Tigers uniform could easily refer to the lineup without Ordonez and Guillen. If there’s one guy you want to face with a no-hitter on the line, it’s Don Kelly… And Gerald Laird… And Ramon Santiago.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Rangers bullpen costing C.J. Wilson the win is like ten thousand spoons and all you need is a knife. Maybe Frank-Frank didn’t like Wilson cutting into his save chances last year. I was skeptical of Wilson moving into the rotation. I said to myself, “Grey, you’re handsome.” Wait, wrong conversation. I remember it now. “Grey, why not start Neftali Feliz? Why they fussing with C.J.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m beginning to think with Billy Beane that the emperor’s wearing no clothes. Moneyball is still a great book, Joe Morgan is still a moron and Chad Bradford is still an underhander. Those things are true. But the A’s were 4th in the Majors last year in steals — what happened to steals cost outs? Not to mention, Beane’s team hasn’t been competitive in three seasons. Was Moneyball just a symptom of the era? Was it simply fortuitous that Beane’s coronation came during the era of the three run homer? Was Moneyball a by-product of steroids? Would Moneyball be written today? Hard to imagine Michael Lewis sitting down with a GM of a sub-.500 club and polishing his pedestal, right? And none of this has to do with fantasy baseball or Ben Sheets. (I wrote the preceding the other day, then right before I posted this I saw Sky Andrecheck wrote an SI piece in the similar ballpark. Literally.)
If Sheets can stay healthy, he’s liable to return more than his ADP. That “if” is ginormous. That “if” sits next to you on a plane and you can’t put down the armrest. You show up at a party of 500 Tongans and that “if” is the second biggest thing in the room after the buffet table. You hook up with that “if” at a bar and people will think you’re beer goggling. Okay, I think I made my point. The other issue with Sheets is his falling K-rate. Back in 2005, if Sheets was healthy, he was a Cy Young-type performer. Regularly posting 200+ Ks and next to no walks.Please, blog, may I have some more?