Fantasy Baseball Advice

Achilles (Tennessee Mash – RCL 25) held on to the lead in the overall standings with 108 points, but things have tightened up. Big Magoo (Matthew Berry is a Tool) moved up a couple of spots to 2nd, just 1 point back. Trini (Psychic Friends Network – RCL 22) holds down 3rd with 105, while Playin’ The Field (Beef SAGNOF!) and Team Birdis (RCL 3) round out the top 5 with 104 points each. Got Heem (RCL 9) made the biggest move this week, gaining 17 points and jumping from 384th to 159th place in the standings. RCL 9 and the ECFBL have the top competitive index of 104.

There was mention this week in RCL 40 of Josh Hamilton or Adam Jones possibly being “steal of the draft.” Number 1 ranked Hamilton had an average draft position of 35.2 while Jones was at 71.8. Then there’s #2 Carlos Beltran (122.4) and #5 Edwin Encarnacion (207.4). How about Lance Lynn, who was drafted in just 6 leagues and is now ranked #7?  According to the Razzball Player Rater, Hamilton has gained over $44 in value, and is now worth $24 more than anyone else. Lynn has gained over $33, followed by Beltran ($32.4) and undrafted Fernando Rodney ($30.3). Since Lynn and Rodney were valued at $1 in the preseason, that probably makes them the top pick and pickup, respectively, so far.

Expert League: Mastersball Carey (Ryan Carey) bounced back and retook first place from RotoWire Del Don. Meanwhile Rudy and Grey went in opposite directions. Even Grey’s pitching let him down this week, finishing with just 1 win and ratios of 4.25 and 1.30. On the other hand, Rudy’s team moved up to 3rd place with 84 points and just missed earning top pitching honors, collecting 7 wins and 8 saves, with an ERA of 1.86 and 0.97 WHIP.

Trades: After last week’s 19 trades, the wheeler-dealers rested. Just 6 exchanges involving 18 players this week, highlighted by Uncle Robbies Daffiness Boys dumping the slumping Howie Kendrick in the ECFBL for the excitement of Eric Hosmer! In Ones are GOOD, right?, the Amazing Ocelots traded Felix Hernandez and Mike Adams to NYC Matthole for Brandon Morrow and Jake Peavy. Krispie Young and Yu Darvish were also among the players changing teams. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums. Look for the RCL under “Everything Else.”

Weekly Leaders

Fastballs At Ridgemont High (Schmohawk in Training) was the top hitting team this week. They hit .298 with 18 home runs and 59 RBI, 55 runs, and 14 steals. Jonathan Lucroy (.375/8 RBI/2 SB), Ryan Braun (.444/7 RBI/3 SB), Mike Trout (.444/2 HR/4 SB), and Ian Desmond (.344/2 HR/6 RBI/2 SB) all provided speed and power.

Average: .329 (Afghani Buzkashi – Fausto or Roberto?)
Runs: 61 (Thunder Muscle – Fantasy Master Lotharios)
HR: 18 (Fastballs At Ridgemont High, Big Magoo, Votto-erotic Asphyxiation, We’ve got the runs, Barking Basset Hounds, Coach McGuirk, Juicin Aint EZ- The A-Rod Story)
RBI: 59 (Sclerotic Whips – Yu Ain’t Goldschmidt, Fastballs At Ridgemont High)
SB: 20 (Super Tecmo Magic Rabbits – Myrtle’s Acres)

Urine  Sample (RCL 44) took pitching honors with an ERA of 3.39 and 1.17 WHIP with 80 Ks, 6 wins, and 13 saves. Jim Johnson (4 Saves/2.25/1.00), J.J. Putz (3 Saves/0.00/1.25), and Alfredo Aceves (2 Saves/0.00/1.07) led their relief corps, while Yovani Gallardo and Gio Gonzalez anchored the starting rotation.

Ks: 99 (Dueling Beaver Traps – RCL 44)
Wins: 9 (Rank Railheads – RCL #40)
Saves: 13 (Pliny the Elder – Myrtle’s Acres, NYC Matthole – Ones are GOOD right?, Urine  Sample – RCL 44)
ERA: 0.95 (Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?)
WHIP: 0.89 (Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?)

TEAM OF THE WEEK – May 14 – 20
Rank Railheads (RCL #40)
101/333 (.303) 50 R/17 HR/52 RBI/9 SB	108.2 IP 84 K/9 W/2.98/1.25/4 S
Andrew McCutchen and Martin Prado paced the Railheads’ offense this week. McCutchen hit 4 home runs and drove in 7, scored 6, and stole a base. Prado added a homer while hitting .519. Buster Posey (.381/5 RBI) and Carlos Ruiz (.476/6 Runs/1 HR/7 RBI/2 SB) made carrying 2 catchers seem like a good idea. Josh Reddick had only 4 hits, but 3 were dingers. 9 different pitchers picked up wins, with Ervin Santana putting up the best numbers: 15 strikeouts/1.32 ERA/1.10 WHIP. David Price (Win/13 K), Jason Motte (1 Win/1 Save), and Joel Hanrahan (3 Saves) were also key contributors.

Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them.  Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks.  Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess!  I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before.  I almost feel like adding an extra category below the Brain Freezes called, “The Legend of Gloom.”  Wha’ happened?  Did someone poison the bullpen water?  Has Mariano Rivera made it so when he retires there won’t be any more closers?  There will only be starters and “Those Other Guys.”  To recap this month in closing quickly:  Valverde has been less than stellar, Putz and Street just don’t close games, Motte hasn’t been good, Brian Wilson became Casilla who Bochy pulled after one batter during one game, Joel Hanrahananananan gave fantasy owners the question, “Who’s Juan Cruz?”, Sergio Santos may start throwing at some point in the next few weeks, the Red Sox gave the job to someone who has an over 10 ERA, Frank-Frank hasn’t had a blank-blank inning in forever, Kyle Farnsworth left stage right and Rodney, who couldn’t get saves last year, entered stage “I can’t believe Rodney’s closing games,” Guerra’s been about as bad as expected, Walden blew one save and lost the job, What the H. Santiago?, What the H. Bell?, Grant Balfour might get traded, Jim Johnson gave fantasy owners the question, “Juan Cruz or Pedro Strop?  Wait, who?”, the closers on terrible teams have looked good so they’ll probably be traded or just not save games, and Brad Lidge is afraid of heights and the mound is above the field so he went to the DL which is on sea level.  Got all of that?  Yeah, I’m not sure I did either.  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, Kris Medlen)
2. John Axford (Francisco Rodriguez)
3. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano)
4. Jonathon Papelbon (Antonio Bastardo, Chad Qualls)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

5. Huston Street (+3) (Luke Gregerson, Andrew Cashner)
6. Jim Johnson (+15) (Pedro Strop, Matt Lindstrom)
7. Joel Hanrahan (+4) (Juan Cruz, Jason Grilli)
8. J.J. Putz (-2) (David Hernandez, Bryan Shaw)
9. Jason Motte (-1) (Fernando Salas, Mitchell Boggs)
10. Jose Valverde (-6) (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel)
11. Rafael Betancourt (+7) (Rex Brothers)
12. Brandon League (+6) (Tom Wilhelmsen)
13. Fernando Rodney (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
14. Grant Balfour (+6) (Brian Fuentes, Ryan Cook)
15. Brett Myers (+8) (David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon)
16. Joe Nathan (+6) (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
17. Kenley Jansen/Javy Guerra (+2) (Matt Guerrier)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

18. Sean Marshall (+3) (Aroldis Chapman, Jose Arredondo)
19. Santiago Casilla (-10) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt)
20. Chris Perez (+4) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp)
21. Matt Capps (+6) (Glen Perkins, Jared Burton)
22. Jonathan Broxton (+6) (Aaron Crow)
23. Henry Rodriguez (+6) (Tyler Clippard, Brad Lidge)
24. Frank Francisco (-8) (Jon Rauch, Bobby Parnell, Ramon Ramirez)
25. Alfredo Aceves (-13) (Franklin Morales, Daniel Bard)
26. Carlos Marmol (-11) (Rafael Dolis, Kerry Wood)
27. Heath Bell (-19) (Steve Cishek, Edward Mujica)
28. Scott Downs (-11) (Jordan Walden, LaTroy Hawkins)
29. Matt Thornton/Hector Santiago (-1) (Addison Reed, Jesse Crain)
30. Francisco Cordero (-15) (Casey Janssen, Luis Perez, Sergio Santos, Lloyd Moseby)

Before going through the closer upheaval rigmarole, I thought it important to set some context on blown saves. From 2009-2011 (three seasons), of pitchers with at least 10 saves, 11 relievers blew 16 or more saves. Only three of those pitchers (Matt Capps, Carlos Marmol and Jim Johnson) are still closers. Leo Nunez and Brian Wilson aren’t closing for, mostly, non-baseball-related reasons. While the other half (Kevin Gregg, Francisco Cordero, Francisco Rodriguez, Chad Qualls, Brad Lidge and Kerry Wood) deservedly do not have full time closing duties. However, for these pitchers to lose their Rolaids relief roles, they had to blow, on average, 5 – 7 saves a season. That’s a lot when you think about it. And even when some of these gentlemen blew that many saves, about half were still given the ball with the game on the line.

Expanding the pool, 26 pitchers recorded at least 10 saves from 2009-2011 and blew 10 – 14 opportunities. Of the 26, roughly 15 (Bell, Papelbon, League, Soria, Hanrahan, Madson, Rivera, Francisco, Betancourt, Street, Perez, Farnsworth, Feliz, Putz and Walden) are/would be full time closers today. Of the remaining 11, two are current closers (Broxton and Rodney) and the rest have largely been middle relievers or flamed out (Ryan Franklin and Bobby Jenks). Consequently, it seems that blowing 3 – 5 saves in a season isn’t at all detrimental (in recent history at least) to maintaining a hold on the closer position.

This is by no means scientific (neither is the usage of bullpens) as many factors contribute to relief upheaval. I do think it puts in perspective how often a closer needs to fail before he’s removed from the position though. For instance, just last year Walden (10), Marmol (10), Capps (9) and Kimbrell (8) led closers in blown saves. After them, Soria blew seven leads and Farnsworth, Cordero, Feliz, Santos and Nunez blew six. Of those, only Cordero (and potentially Nunez) could not get a job closing because of ability in 2012.

Check the bottom of the column for the BS meter, which will track blown saves for relevant relievers all season long.

Chicago White Sox: Poor Robin Ventura waited until the 14^th inning to get his “best” reliever into the game. The White Sox had a two-run lead when Hector Santiago took the mound. He struck out the first guy he faced, but then surrendered a single to Eric Skarsgård Sogard who was followed by the mighty Cespedes who homered to left. Seth Smith and Kurt Suzuki singled back-to-back and Kila Ka’aihue brought home the winning run. At least Santiago was around the plate (15 of his 21 pitches were strikes)? Santiago is getting killed by the long ball (30% HR/FB rate), while posting a nasty K:BB rate (9.00). In addition, every single runner Santiago has allowed on base has scored. If Rolaids spells relief, that spells regression. Meanwhile Jesse Crain was unavailable because of an oblique injury, which isn’t supposed to be serious. I have faith in Santiago’s stuff, but not Ventura’s patience. I’d put my money on Addison Reed at this point, unless Crain is healthy.

Chicago Cubs: While Carlos Marmol has been horrendous (with as many walks as K’s this year), the rest of the Chicago Cubs bullpen has been even worse. There’s no silver lining to Marmol’s stats as his FIP and xFIP are right in line with his wretched ERA. That said, it is just 5.2 IPs and the Cubs are going to keep throwing him out there to extract value and because they have no choice. At the end of Tuesday’s game, Dale Sveum said, ”He’s been pitching good. To me, that’s just a case of a 2-2 slider that one of the strongest guys in baseball hit for a home run. Did he do anything wrong or whatever? No, it was just another guy on the other side of the fence making a lot of money who does that quite often.” Marmol is and will continue to be the closer. So, basically, there’s no reason to handcuff or speculate here.

Washington Nationals: Brad Lidge has two blown saves, a 5.14 ERA and a 2.00 WHIP. Meanwhile, Henry Rodriguez has been near perfect (0.84 WHIP). However, Rodriguez has been working around a pretty ridiculous walk rate (six batters in 8.1 IPs) and has a .059 BABIP. At a certain point, the fairy tale will end. In addition, Davey Johnson keeps saying he’s going to throw Lidge out there in the ninth, vertigo and all. I’d rather own Rodriguez, he’s just better, but there’s no reason to drop Lidge yet.

Cleveland Indians: Chris Perez is awful, that is what is known as a baseball fact. Another baseball fact? Perez is the anointed closer. He has seven saves and as long as he keeps his blown saves down there’s no reason for the Indians to do anything. He’ll likely have to blow a few saves in a row or somehow get to 5-6 blown saves before the All Star Break to be in danger of losing the job. Meanwhile Vinnie Pestano is straight dirty and own-able just based on his nastiness (11 K:BB rate). However, it’s unlikely Pestano finishes with double digit saves, barring a Perez injury. If you desperately need saves, you might have to look elsewhere (Houston [Wilton Lopez], Oakland [Fautino de los Santos, Brian Fuentes]).

Baltimore Orioles: Orioles fans can breathe a sigh of relief as it appears Buck Showalter realized Pedro Strop is the second best reliever on the squad. If you own Jim Johnson and are a hand-cuffer, Strop is your man. Strop has paired impressive K-rates with high walk rates throughout his career but also gets a good bit of ground balls (a double play can mitigate a walk pretty quickly). He’s capable of a 3.85 ERA with 65+ K’s this year. Strop is, at the moment, just a handcuff as he’ll only get save chances when Johnson has the flu. Although, apparently, Johnson is still at the hospital having tests on what might be a bacterial issue, so Strop could have a few days as closer.

Boston Red Sox: While his return to the bullpen was momentary (for the time being), Daniel Bard reminded folks of how dominant he can be as a reliever (he entered the game with one out and a runner on third and didn’t allow the runner to score). Meanwhile, Alfredo Aceves is 3/5 in save opportunities and sports an astronomical 18.00 ERA and 2.75 WHIP. Andrew Bailey is on the 60-day DL and out until July. Aceves has some rope here given the rest of the bullpen is really bad. However, a couple of poor starts from Bard and an implosion or two from Aceves could get Bard in the closer seat. If you’re speculating here, grab Bard. He’s the only arm I’d be happy owning in the situation and, apparently, he was available in relief Wednesday night.

St. Louis Cardinals: From 2009-2011, Jason Motte had eight blown saves with just 11 conversions. Of course, for the majority of that time, he wasn’t actually a closer. Still, it does demonstrate the short amount of time Motte has actually been holding the role (heck, he hasn’t even been pitching that long, as he’s a converted catcher). Motte suffered his first blown save on Monday and sports an ugly 4.05 ERA. He is walking a few too many batters, but has a great K-rate and is really suffering from allowing all his HRs early in the season. There’s likely little to be worried about here even though Marc Rzepczynski started the ninth against the Chicago Cubs (he was facing a lefty) Tuesday. Rzepczynski promptly gave up a tying HR any way.

Toronto Blue Jays: With Sergio Santos on the DL, Francisco Cordero assumes a role he’s familiar with. From 2009-2011, Cordero recorded 116 saves and only blew 17. That’s the third best differential during that time frame (behind Heath Bell and Mariano Rivera). Of course, that was in the National League and Cordero has been anything but automatic this season. Cordero had a 1.91 K:BB rate last year and is sporting a 2.00 K:BB rate this year. He is being hit hard in the early going (20.8% LD rate, .360 BABIP) and will experience some bumps in the unforgiving AL East. Even if Cordero somehow turns into a lights out reliever (something he hasn’t been since 2007), Santos will get the job back once he’s healthy. The Blue Jays brought Santos in because he has the stuff to compete in the division. He’s their future at closer and they need to make it work now when the stakes aren’t very high. Cordero is a fine short-term speculation, but he’ll go back to trying to get holds when Santos is healthy. Santos will be out for about a month, even though an MRI showed no structural damage.

New York Mets: Frank Francisco has put up one ugly superficial stat line so far: 7.36 ERA, 1.77 WHIP. He has been walk happy so far (issuing 4 free passes in 7.1 IPs), but has, at least, maintained a solid K-rate. In addition, his strand rate (46.2%) and BABIP (.375) have done him no favors. Still, when healthy, Francisco is a solid reliever. He’ll rebound to put up a 3.30 ERA, 1.25 WHIP and 60 K line at the end of the year. The only reason to own Jon Rauch is for potential Francisco injuries.

Kansas City Royals: Unlike Grey, I’ve been on the Jonathan Broxton bandwagon for awhile now, believing the Royals would want to do all they could to turn Broxton into a trade-able commodity. So far, Broxton has a 2.50 K:BB rate and is averaging 95.7 MPH on his fastball, a similar rate to 2010, which saw him post a 4.01 ERA, 3.01 FIP and 3.20 xFIP. Broxton’s current ratios will mirror his end of the year line. He’ll probably even strike out 60+.

The Yankees got bested by the team that gave Adam Jones away in a chump trade.  I mean, yikes with a side of damn.  I could even see adding seven a’s into that damn for good measure.  Michael Pineda is done for the year with a torn labrum, which only sounds like an injury that a female gymnast would get.  Mariners threw him for 340 innings in 2011 and then traded him to the Yankees for their best prospect.  Hey, Yankees, say hello to your mother for me!  Pineda sounds like he’s done for the year.  This is good for teams that drafted him, but had an “Only one Pineda per team” clause.  For all other teams that drafted him this isn’t good news.  Drop him like a hot Pineda.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Zimmerman – He’s gonna try to hit on Thursday.  I kinda hope it goes badly, and I own him.  Here’s the scenario I see happening if it goes well:  He returns on Friday, reinjures himself and then really needs 15 days from Saturday.  At least if his hitting session goes poorly, the Nats can backdate his DL stint.  Yes, I’m hopeful for a DL stint.  Yes, I’m Googling his address so I can have a “word” with him.

Jim Johnson – Headed for more tests as the doctors try to figure out what’s wrong with him.  “His peripherals look terrible, but he has so many saves.  Hey, why are we looking at box scores on an X-ray light box?”  That was the doctors after the first round of tests.  Pedro Strop is the pick up for the time being.  Hopefully, Strop isn’t short for closetastrophe.

Shin-Soo Choo – Sat on the bench last night as Shin-Soo Healthy, Hamstring-Soo Not.

Ike Davis – Dropped to 7th in the order, which is terrible for his value.  This was only surprising to me because, no matter how bad Davis has been, for the life of me I couldn’t think of six hitters better than Davis in the Mets lineup.  Hairston?  Tejada?  Really, Seth Myers?

Lorenzo Cain – Had a setback with his groin.  Pain…Sugar!  Sounds like he’s not coming back for at least another week.

Sergio Santos – Out for at least 4 weeks.  Could easily lose Santos until July.  That’s just me being real with you.  See, the truth is, everyone wants to know how many saves Cordero is gonna get or what closers I’m still cool with.  Cordero could get more saves than Santos this year.  If Cordero’s unowned in your league, then your league’s abandoned.  Makes me wonder why you’re reading this, but love your dedication.

Carl Crawford – Headed to Dr. Freeze with a sore elbow.  Looks like Crawford found a new joint to stink up.  Anyone know if Carl has to be with me if I go to City Hall and have his last name changed to Crawful?  No word on how long he’s going to be out, but I’m sure Dr. Freeze will find something to sideline him at least two months.  We shall see.  Or not.  Your choice.

Pedro Alvarez – 3-for-8, 2 RBIs, 2 runs as he hit two homers and a double in the doubleheader.  I told you 18 months ago that he was gonna break out!  Excuse me if I’m just too cutting edge for you.

Aubrey Huff – To the DL with an anxiety disorder.  At least someone is feeling guilty about taking Brandon Belt’s playing time.  Aubrey just needs some good male bonding time with his old college teammate, Pat Burrell.  “Anxiety’s just another name for you need to get laid more.”  That’s Pat Burrell’s motto.

Juan Nicasio – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks as he battled James McDonald, who threw seven innings of 1 hit ball with 8 Ks and 3 walks.  Even though this game and their seasons so far tell the opposite story, I like Nicasio better than McDonald.  As a commenter said the other day, maybe it’s because Juan’s last name makes me think of my grade school watch calculator.  In the end, I wouldn’t say either are necessarily must-starts in shallower mixed leagues.

Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 5 ER vs. the Pirates.  Still holding him after I told you to drop him the first week of the season?  How’s that working out for you?

Corey Hart – 2-for-3 with his sixth homer.  SIX HOMERS, WHO KNEW?  Well, Al Caps, Corey Hart owners maybe.  His family–  I WAS BEING RHETORICAL.

Carlos Gomez – 2-for-5, batting .371.  I’d say he’s a hot schmotato, but the Brewers aren’t playing him anywhere close to every day.

Jose Altuve – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI.  Rudy’s poster child is having a nice breakout as he bats .377 on the year.  Oh, and I was using the alternate definition of “poster child.”  Rudy literally dresses his child in Altuve posters. Rudy also talked about him in this week’s podcast (you know, the one where Corbin Bernsen was a guest).

David Freese – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer.  You know how someone punts 3rd base in your league and gets lucky with one of their flyers?  Whoever drafted Freese looks like that guy this year.

Lance Lynn – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Now has an ERA of 1.33.  Yeah, I told you to pick him up before the season even started, but I don’t need another notch in my belt; I’m skinny.

Bryan LaHair – 1-for-4 with a solo homer.  Did you know I have French ancestry and my family name was once LaBright?  Totally not a true story.  I own LaHair (above my LaLip) in an NL-Only league and he’s fighting it out with my cougar for my love.  The LaHairness is racing for mixed league value, and I’d want to be the one to own him.

Trevor Cahill – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER which comes after a 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER effort.  Can’t wait for his next 5 IP, 4 ER start.  I keed with your fantasy feelings.  In most leagues, I’d try to hold onto Cahill; I think he’ll be better and he only has a 3.70 ERA; it’s not like he’s Scherzer’ing all over your team.

Jarrod Parker – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  How was that debut?  How about sparkerling?  Yes, I’d pick him up.  Yes, in your league too.  I just went over my Jarrod Parker fantasy the other day.  I wrote it while sitting on top of a crescent moon with an umbrella drink.

Alex Liddi – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Being the one major leaguer that was born in Italy has its drawbacks for Liddi, after a base hit in the sixth, he peered across the diamond to his third base coach giving signs and thought he was flipping him off.

Jason Hammel – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Has close to a K/IP, a 1.00 WHIP and a 1.73 ERA.  I’m officially on board, but there’s one problem.  Or caveat if you’re Latin.  His next start is in the House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built.  I want no part of that start.  So if your league is a bunch of vultures, grab Hammel now and bench him.  If you think you can get Hammel even if he pitches well at New York, then let him sit on waivers for a week.

Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I’ve said to pick him up for, like, three straight weeks.  I’m moving on now.  You do what you do, I’ll do what I do and we’ll let our probation officers figure out the rest.

Chris Sale – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I like Parker this much, but I like Sale this much.  I was holding my arms further apart for Sale.

Hector Santiago – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, giving up a homer to the Cuban raftee, Yoenis.  What the H. Santiago?  About two weeks ago, I said Santiago wouldn’t make it out of April with the closer job.  Well, his ERA is 8.53 and literally everyone in their bullpen is better.  I mean, no shizz here, everyone.  I think Reed will end up getting saves at some point, but Thornton’s been solid and he has that ever elusive closer experience gene that MIT is currently trying to grow in a Petri dish for the Red Sox.  If I had to guess, and that’s what I’m doing at this point, I’d pick up Thornton first.  If he’s gone, I’d speculate on Reed.  If Reed’s gone, make me a Denver omelet.  Oh, well.  I tried.

Omar Infante – 2-for-4 with his 5th home run.  Infante has as many homers as Stanton has RBIs.  FMFBBL!

Billy Butler – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  This was the first time he heard “what a pair” and didn’t blush.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Ubaldo won the award yesterday for the most fantasy owners looking to drop him.  I think it might be the right move too.  I’m tilting in that direction.  I would put him on my bench in most leagues and see what he does next time out.

Angel Pagan – 1-for-5 with a home run.  He has 17 hits in 17 games played.  Mr. Obvious, “He’s averaging one hit every game.”  He also has two homers in the last 5 games.  I’m not saying he’s a hot schmotato yet, but he’s on the brink of it.  Right now, he’s been in the microwave for eight minutes and he’s still a bit too solid when you stick a fork in him.

Brennan Boesch – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games.  Pick him up immediately!  Seriously, don’t make me explain it to you.  If he was dropped, grab him.  Now.

C.J. Wilson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks.  I think I got some funny looks by ranking Wilson as high as I did in the preseason, but I’d take him over Haren at this point.  Yeah, I said it.

Vernon Wells – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer as he bats .239.  If he hits two more homers by next week and raises his average to .260 (which would only really take, like, two 3-for-4 games), I’m gonna mention how I told you to draft him in the preseason.  If he doesn’t do one of those two things, we’ll once again go back to never mentioning that I ever suggested you draft him.  Hey, at least I’m honest with you about my hedging.  Bee tee dubya, he has 4 more homers than Stanton.  I’m crying right now, please look away.  Hey, my tears are wiping Stanton’s name off my Trapper Keeper.  What does that mean?  I wish I had a pint of ice cream and… Why isn’t Lifetime playing Bride Wars!?

Went over our NL-Only team already that was also hosted by Scott White of CBS.  To refresh your memory, it was the post that you didn’t read and skipped to the comments to ask questions.  No, not that one.  The other one… Yeah, that one!  If I had my druthers, and if I were using the word druthers correctly, I’d do an NL-Only league instead of an AL-Only league.  You think NL-Only was shallow?  NL-Only makes AL-Only look downright vapid, by comparison.  To give you an idea, the best starter available on waivers right now is Vicente Padilla.  That would be great if Ugly were a category.  The best 3rd baseman available is Jayson Nix.  I’m not sure if his mom, Jayne, would even draft him.  The top five best shortstops had 5 homers combined last year.  Democratically, divvying them up one each.  If you lose a player, you’re basically done.  With that said, I wrote this post right after I drafted the team and now we’re in first place (it’s still early; I know).  Anyway, here’s our 2012 fantasy baseball team with thoughts on different draft picks:

For sake of clarity:  12 teams, AL-Only, Roto, 5 x 5 — C, C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, CI, MI, OF, OF, OF, OF, OF, Util, BN, BN, BN — P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, BN, BN, BN, BN, DL, DL

C – Jose Molina $3
C – Chris Iannetta $9
1B – Justin Morneau $7
2B – Alexi Casilla $9
3B – Evan Longoria $33
SS – Alexei Ramirez $21
MI – Brendan Ryan $7
CI – Mark Reynolds $19
OF – Nick Swisher $20
OF – Michael Brantley $13
OF – Eric Thames $8
OF – Nick Markakis $19
OF – Yoenis Cespedes $7 (guessing on $ amount, he wasn’t in CBS when we drafted)
U – Alberto Callaspo $4
Bench – Ryan Kalish $0 (free round)
Bench – Jarrod Dyson $0 (free round)
Bench – Jermaine Mitchell $0 (free round)

P – Justin Masterson $13
P – Brad Peacock $4
P – Aaron Crow $3
P – David Robertson $5
P – Jim Johnson $12
P – Ivan Nova  $8
P – Chris Sale $12
P – Jake Peavy $8
P – Brian Fuentes $6
Bench – Kevin Gregg $0 (free round)
Bench – Matt Lindstrom $0 (free round)
Bench – Tyson Ross $0 (free round)
Bench – Dylan Axelford $0 (free round)

ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, OUR PITCHING’S TERRIBLE

By everyone, I mean Rudy and myself too.  Our pitching staff has one ace… If the league only used Cleveland Indian players.  Yeah, not so good.  If Peavy surprises and Sale does what I think he’s capable of, then the staff won’t be the worst in the league.  Maybe only 11th worst.  Our saving grace is our hitting isn’t terrible… Only slightly bad.  (BTW, to give you an idea of how early it is in the season.  We’re in first place because of this pitching staff… HA!)

ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, OUR HITTING IS SLIGHTLY BAD

I don’t mind our outfield.  Though I think it says a lot when Nick Swisher is your most expensive outfielder.  I think, in fact, it says, “What the hell were you doing?”  Our 2nd highest get on the whole team was Alexei Ramirez.  Huh?  That’s egregious with a side of vomit.  We need about ten players to play over their head and then some luck on top of that.

IS THERE ANYTHING TO LIKE ON THIS TEAM?

After a few drafts, we decided to go all in on Oakland A’s raftee, Yoenis Cespedes.  He went for half the price he should because people were worried he wasn’t A) Starting the year in the majors.  B) Worth the hype.  C) There’s no C.  As for A), I knew Beane wouldn’t spend that kind of money to send him to the minors.  Makes no sense.  As for B), there was surprisingly no hype in drafts.  He was falling all over the place.  As for C), well, that’s self-explanatory.

MORNEAU? REALLY, GREY?  I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE INTO MASOCHISM?

No, Rudy’s into sado-masochism, because he drafted Morneau.  If you heard our first podcast, you already know this story.  I was on IM with Rudy and I asked him to take the controls for three minutes while I went to pee.  It takes seventeen steps from my office to the bathroom.  I counted.  I don’t draft with pants on, so I didn’t need to unbuckle anything.  I live in my own place so I didn’t need to lift the toilet seat.  I don’t even wash my hands after I pee!  In approximately three and a half minutes, I returned to see Morneau on our team.  Next time, I’m peeing out my office window.